There are some people who say women aren't funny.
Of course there are also some people who say Scientology seems like a solid religious experience they're eager to join, but you know better (at least if you have HBO). And because women are funny, there are lots of “funniest women on Twitter" lists. Problem is, they're usually just one person pointing out friends and favorites.
Which got us thinking – what if we crowdsourced things with funny ladies and let THEM decide?
Our methodology was pretty simple:
- We asked a few dozen popular funny female tweeters (“popular" in this instance meaning “more than 15,000 followers" because we had to draw an arbitrary line somewhere) to tell us who their favorite funny female tweeters are.
- We asked everyone to include at least one account with fewer than 5,000 followers.
- No one knew who else was voting.
- No one was allowed to vote for themselves.
- No one was allowed to vote for either of us. (Some tried anyway; they get ponies for Christmas.)
This was the fairest way we could think of to ensure honesty and diversity. In the end, 124 ladies received votes (which surprised even us). Then, in a nod to the Seneca Falls Convention of 1848, we pulled the top 48 vote-getters, wrote short descriptions and chose reasonably recent tweets of theirs we loved.
The final list is in random order and NOT ranked (this is about celebrating women, not pitting them against each other, yo).
Doing all this was a herculean labor of love, but it was so worth it. Please click the "follow" button liberally as you read. We promise you won't be disappointed.
Love,
@goldengateblond and @behindyourback
@audipenny
We're going to go ahead and christen Audrey the Queen of Awkward Moments. Her wonderfully socially confused tweets will make you cringe, relate and laugh all at once. She's imperfectly perfect -- and we love her.
@ElizaBayne
Eliza's jokes are often featured in major publications and that makes sense because this lady has nailed the art of skewering pop culture. If only we could turn on an Eliza Bayne commentary track while watching reality shows. (Maybe then we'd actually enjoy them.)
@tarashoe
Reading one of Tara's tweets is a little like trying to catch a wild bunny you see sitting in the grass -- it seems soft and calm at first, but when you chase it, it inevitably jumps a totally different way than you expected. (Shut up, this metaphor is perfect.)
@LizHackett
Pretty sure Liz is often rolling her eyes, but she's so sweet that if you caught her doing it, she'd just probably blush and smile. Imagine the big sister everyone wants who gives thoughtful advice while slyly making you laugh. That's Liz.
@AmberTozer
Maybe it's her calmly conversational tone, or the breezy way she always seems to be your best friend. Or maybe it's that YouTube video of her dancing to Justin Bieber outside a hot dog stand in LA. Regardless, Amber deserves all the love she gets -- and then some.
@Molly_Kats
What if all your neuroses came to life and started making snarky jokes? What if they very publicly hated their upstairs neighbor but never met a dog they didn't adore? Welcome to Molly's snidely entertaining world.
@Manda_like_wine
Amanda is the professor you had that dropped references you didn't always get and still made you feel smart regardless. Her tweets are just like her: beautifully elegant, wry, twinkly and satirical.
@mrsjongoodman
Is it too much to say that every tweet of Sara's is like a perfectly articulated, hilarious thought barrage from the heavens? No, of course it's not too much because too much is gauche and we are never gauche and Sara is simply wonderful.
@KarenKilgariff
Karen has an enviable resume that includes stints as the head writer for both The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Pete Holmes Show, and on-screen work as a sketch actress. No wonder, then, that her tweets are acerbic, wildly intelligent -- and beloved by our voters.
@BoobsRadley
Though Julieanne Smolinski writes for television, reading her tweets is a little like becoming part of a funny rom-com movie -- as long as the lead is cynical and cool and someone you'd actually want to be friends with.
@PeachCoffin
Paige's Twitter feed is smart, punny and full of pop culture references. We love her "in the theatre" emoji movie recreations, sudden bouts of absurdity and, most of all, her strong pro-women voice. She's our hero.
@SCbchbum
While you're busy observing the beautiful waves in her background pic or the gorgeous waves in her hair, Erica's busy observing everything that's happening around her and perfectly summarizing what she sees in her beautifully sharp, hilarious tweets.
@MindyFurano
Mindy's that witty, self-deprecating pal you know you'll eventually see on SNL. Her tweets are great, but maybe even better are her incredible Vines (we can't stop laughing at the first date vids).
@solikebasically
Helena Bottom-Farter's one of the strongest, funniest stand-up and Twitter comedians out there. If you don't already adore her, check out her fuck-yeah body-positive Tumblr post in celebration of her (non-pregnant) adorable weight gain.
@NicCageMatch
Okay, look, Jessie's Twitter handle is "Nic Cage Match" so already you know that she's one of the best people in the world. She also seems to be effortlessly hilarious and genuine and, let's just say it, a damned delight.
@googleymoogley
Googleymoogley is in her own silly, wonderful world, and reading her tweets is like getting to hang out with your slightly nutty, super funny friend -- but without having to spend money on drinks at the bar.
@craydrienne
Adrienne is a busy, very funny stand-up and a proud, self-avowed pothead. We're not sure if the latter feeds the former or the other way around -- we just know it all works together magnificently.
@aardvarsk
Even though Moby called her "flawless," Ariana is still a Twitter secret. A glorious, sharp, crazy-clever Twitter secret. But our voters are blabbermouths, so now you know.
@rachelaxler
Do you like The Daily Show, New Girl or, you know, any good comedy on TV the past several years? If so, you already like Rachel's writing. Her tweets might even be better because there are no commercials.
@karentozzi
Karen has a slew of puppet friends, most notably a fruit bat named Francis who's so popular he has his own Twitter account. She revels in the offbeat and slightly insane, and it's glorious. Honestly, we should all join her there.
@Smethanie
If your Facebook feed is filled with the annoying kind of mom-friends, Stephanie is the antidote. She'll remind you that you can be a mom and smart and cool -- and funny about ALL of it.
@vornietom
She's sharp, feminist and clever, and you have to imagine hearing all of her tweets with her British accent because British accents are the best -- and so is Siobhan (even if we can't always quite pronounce her name).
@GloriaFallon123
Gloria's the type who'd go home with you for the holidays and quietly mumble the most hilarious observations about everything around her, thus saving you from drinking two bottles of wine by yourself again. (Oh, and her tweets are great.)
@janinebrito
Janine first made a name for herself in the San Francisco area comedy scene, becoming a beloved stand-up, writer and (sometime) TV correspondent in the process. Her tweets are rooted in reality, brilliantly worded and always razor-sharp.
@AnnaKendrick47
This is probably the most plagiarized tweet on our list -- partly because it's a perfect gem, and partly because its author is the cute, funny and very famous Anna Kendrick. Her Twitter account is just -- go ahead, say it with us -- pitch perfect. (SORRY NOT SORRY.)
@hopiecan
Pretty sure Hope was so popular among our voters because of her almost Seinfeldian powers of observation. Another reason? This is her bio: behind everyman is an author who wanted a relatable character. (Here's where we drop the mic and walk off stage.)
@KendraGarden
Your favorite curly-haired, vodka-drinking, puppy-loving, 80s pop-culture-referencing Star Wars fan. Not only does she have a super fun Twitter account, Kendra also writes regularly for sites like Cosmo, xoJane and HuffPo, so you never have to go too long without her.
@aparnapkin
Aparna Nancherla is a stand-up comedian and improv performer who also happens to write wonderfully hilarious tweets, with more than the occasionally perfect pun and an exceptional ability to walk a zig-zagging line between dead-on observation and over-the-top absurdity.
@tobyherman27
Toby writes for a popular daytime chat show, has a doting Jewish mother and an encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture. Tweet something with an obscure song lyric you think no one else will recognize and Toby's the girl who'll know the next line.
@Stellacopter
Denise is adorable and foul-mouthed all at once, with a hilariously vivid imagination that will have you wondering exactly what sacrifices you have to make to the gods for her to be your bestie. Our only complaint? We wish she'd tweet more often.
@DancesWithTamis
Tamara has a wicked wit that fluctuates between clever observations and what your mom might call "potty humor." Call it whatever you want. It's all marvelous.
@IamEnidColeslaw
Mary Charlene is a little bit like if Tina from Bob's Burgers were a grown-up cat lady with a funny, slightly crazy Twitter account. Except even better.
@katefeetie
Katie's a cute 20-something with the intelligence of a scholar and the wit of a grizzled stand-up, both of which make her the perfect foil for mansplainers and anyone else who dares underestimate her.
@meganamram
Megan is a TV writer, author of the very popular book Science... for Her and on pretty much every "funniest Twitter feed" list around, so it's no surprise our voters put her on our list, too.
@OhNoSheTwitnt
Mix equal parts cubical dwellers, liberal politics, Frozen and Game of Thrones. Garnish with an episode of SVU and some serious ginger pride. If you aren't laughing yet, don't worry -- you will be.
@shariv67
A writer, stand-up and consistently funny Twitter voice, Shari is a comedy machine. In fact, she might be a robot. We haven't verified, but we're not worried. Worst-case scenario, she'll kill you with laughter.
@sbellelauren
Go to Lauren's page. Go now, read for maybe 30 seconds. Got it? NOW SPEND THE NEXT WEEK TRYING TO GET HER TWEETS OUT OF YOUR HEAD. You can't do it. She's too relatable and too funny. Kinda like the comedy version of your favorite song.
@kingrainhead
If a mystical creature wanted to just wander the earth and live among us and then for some reason thought, "oh, hey, think I'll join Twitter," it would probably be this lady. She's possibly a million years old and made of pieces of clouds -- but she uses all her magic to keep us amused.
@msdanifernandez
Dani's perfectly-lit profile pic depicts her beautiful face and gorgeous heavy lashes and ... her finger up her nose. And wow, does it piss off the misogynist trolls (and wow, do we love her for it). Comedy is true beauty and this girl is full of it.
@randilawson
You know that girl you hated in high school because she was impossibly chic and stylish? Okay, now make her clever and hilarious and incredibly cool, too -- and as it turns out, she's actually the girl you'd love to have as your best friend.
@aliciahawkes
Alicia's that smart, cynical chick sitting next to you in the back of class making smart-ass remarks while you choke down your laughter. Except the "class" is just "life," and you wish there were one of her in every seat.
@BBW_BFF
In addition to writing legit laugh-out-loud tweets, Priscilla has a unique niche: She finds bizarre photos and artwork and tweets them along with the absolute perfect caption. It's almost enough to make you feel cultured.
@djrotaryrachel
The biggest problem with Rachel is that she doesn't tweet nearly enough, but every time she does, you're struck with how impossibly awesome this woman is. (Little-known fact: You actually get 18% hipper with each tweet of hers you read.)
@1followernodad
Sophia's tweets are kind of like watching a really great sitcom about a funny 20-something living in the city with a bunch of roommates and trying to figure out life while being far more snidely clever than anyone in their 20s has any right to be.
@bethstelling
Beth's a stand-up who's made such a name for herself that Patton Oswalt once listed her as one of his favorite up-and-coming comics. Our voters loved her too, so keep an eye on her -- when she's a household name someday, you can coolly say, "Oh, Beth? I've known about her forever."
@jennypentland
Jenny's called herself "Twitter's mom," and she is -- assuming you think moms are young, cute, self-deprecating and funny. You'll want her to adopt you, or at least invite you to hang out on her farm with her actual family and their goats (seriously).
@mdob11
Picture a dentist you want to visit because she's lovely, hilarious and has an extremely hot Australian accent. Her tweets are full of all the things you'd like to say -- but way funnier than you probably ever thought to say them. Just don't forget to floss.
@ariscott
Ari's that super ladylike woman you'd think keeps lavender-scented sachets in her sock drawer and who'd never sully her mind with snark. Then you see her Twitter feed, realize you've been dreadfully wrong and are ohhhhhh so grateful.