Want a bikini body?

"Put a bikini on your body."

It's that simple, according to this video from Tess Holliday, who in January became the first size-22 model to sign with a major modeling agency.

Holliday is partnering with Simply Be, a UK clothing brand that sells extended sizes, to promote the #SimplyBekini movement, which as Tess puts it, encourages women "to love themselves and their wobbly bits." She says:

“There is no such thing as a perfect body and the hardest barrier for women to overcome is themselves. And no wonder, considering the skinny body ideals that are portrayed widely across the media today.”

Holliday—who told The Guardian she doesn't mind being called "fat" ("I am fat, so it's kind of silly to get mad about it")—recognizes the inherent irony in being an advocate for women loving their bodies while working in an industry that judges women by how they look. But the way she sees it, "isn't it better to have a voice within the industry that's speaking against all that stuff, instead of nobody doing anything at all?"

Maybe someday our standards of beauty will expand so much that we won't make the plus-size model we're all celebrating stand behind a sign while the camera cuts off most of her body. Until that day...

She probably just chose this so she would be able to wear it to other events. (via)

Weddings are a special time to gather your friends and family together so they can make fun of the ugly dress you picked. Everyone holds their breath as the bride enters and parades down the aisle in her—what the f*ck fabric is that? Plastic garbage bag?—dress. You'll never forget this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to criticize someone you love and her excessive cleavage while she's too distracted to notice it. If you just can't wait for your next wedding invitation, check out these fantastically awful dresses to tide yourself over.

This dress is sold at your local bodega, because it's made out of toilet paper. (via)

The baby might have preferred to be a flower girl or something. (via)

The artist who designed this dress is known for his work on the Cheetos bag. (via)

She didn't feel comfortable showing her calves. (via)

They both look upset. (via)

Previous entries from 5/27/15:

I never want to see what the bridesmaids were wearing. (via)

Yeah we get it. Hearts. Love. You love him. (via)

All that extra fabric can get very expensive. (via)

In case you forgot why we're all gathered here today... (via)

He was a baker. She was a cream puff. The rest is history. (via)

You know when you go to a wedding and the bride is just trying to break a record? (via)

The arrow points to her shoes. What is she trying to tell us? (via)

This is clearly the expert tailoring of a party clown. (via)

Who needs a tent? (via)

Part wedding dress, part guide to a successful wedding night. (via)

The first dance was a bit awkward. (via)

We can still see you, Mama June. (via)

That divorce probably still cost less than the original dress.(via)

This is actually how they always dress. (via)

Introducing the wedding snuggie. (via)

She had to eat a lot of cake to fit into this dress. (via)

Or don't even wear a dress, because we'll just make fun of you anyway. (via)

The man who did the Napoleon Dynamite dance 100 times is back, and this time he's decided to leave his room.

Just ignore me, this won't turn into a viral video or anything.(via YouTube)

It's safe to say that Matt Bray's favorite number is 100, and his favorite thing to do is DANCE. That's right, he loves DANCE in ALL CAPS. He loves to DANCE in his room with a stained carpet. And next to outdoor sculptures. And in the restroom while a guy pees. And on a narrow highway median. And high above the city of Chicago. And, most definitely, he loves to DANCE in a variety of t-shirts.

There's a built-in audience if you perform in front of a mural full of people.(via YouTube)

Although his movement skills rank slightly higher than the average bro, it's his choice of music, editing, and location that make this video such a delight. It'll inspire you take a break from catching up on Veep (or Entourage, or M*A*S*H*) and go outside, even if you don't end up busting a move while you wait to order your $5 footlong.

Don't miss 1:21, when there's another guy dancing in the background, and 2:04, when he really wows with a subtle yet intriguing hand-dance. Here it is, enjoy!

Please read this post in the voice of Werner Herzog.

Ah, the corgi. What god would design an animal with the passion of the wolf, but the stubby legs of a much smaller beast? His heart is that of the predator: he believes in the power of his futile movements, grasping and clawing at the yellow tennis ball, always just out of reach.

What does the corgi want? Only to be reunited with his love, the yellow tennis ball, and then to be separated from it again in an eternal dance of loss. Yet he persists. What madness could drive him to these extremes? Is it the primal impulse for annihilation of the self, the self which is equipped with tiny legs that have no hope of stretching towards their goal? He will reach over and over, forever unfulfilled until the end of time, when we are engulfed by the black emptiness of space, in a cruel and senseless universe.

Pretty cute, though.

This list compiles data on how long marriages last in ten world cities.

A pair of traditional divorce rings.(stock photo)

It's no secret that divorce rates around the world are much higher than they used to be. Even if you didn't know that, it's not a secret. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you.

Now that you've recovered, there's more. Divorce rates actually vary widely by country, and so does the average length of a marriage before the partners call it quits. The savvy folks over at Hopes & Fears compiled this data for ten different cities all over the world. The results are surprising.

10. Rome, Italy
Average marriage length: 18 years
National divorce rate: 30.7%

9. Ottawa, Canada
Average marriage length: 13.8 years
National divorce rate: 48%

8. Paris, France
Average marriage length: 13 years
National divorce rate: 55%

7. New York City, USA
Average marriage length: 12.2 years
National divorce rate: 41%

6. Sydney, Australia
Average marriage length: 12 years
National divorce rate: 43%

5. Mexico City, Mexico
Average marriage length: 12 years
National divorce rate: 15%

4. Tokyo, Japan
Average marriage length: 11 years
National divorce rate: 36%

3. London, England
Average marriage length: 11 years
National divorce rate: 42%

2. Cape Town, South Africa
Average marriage length: 11 years
National divorce rate: 31.2%

1. Doha, Qatar
Average marriage length: 5.5 years
National divorce rate: 38%

That's too bad for Qatar. I guess their reputation as born romantics is undeserved. Head on over to Hopes & Fears to read the full report. And remember, these results won't doom your marriage to fail, no matter where you live. Only you can do that. So do this dishes already.

Finally, someone acknowledges what I've felt my whole life.

.@m_abs All these people saying they never got their Hogwarts letter: you got the letter. You went to Hogwarts. We were all there together.

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) June 7, 2015

Apparently, a lot of people tweet at J.K. Rowling asking where their Hogwarts admission letter is. Over the weekend, she tweeted that we all did get the letter and attended Hogwarts together. Thank you! I knew I wasn't meant to be living among all these sad little muggles with their boring problems and constant complaining about online dating. Remind me, what house did the Sorting Hat put me in again?

Immediately after the tweet, Rowling backtracked a little bit and made it seem like she was talking tweeting in a metaphorical sense. Like, that by reading the books, we "went to Hogwarts." You know, in our imaginations.

.@m_abs Of course it happened inside your head, but why on earth should that mean it wasn't real?

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) June 7, 2015

I don't know, Rowling. I feel like I was really there. My Patronus was a baby goat on a trampoline.

A house in Kalamazoo County, Michigan, was hit by a car for the seventh time, just before an open house.

On Sunday morning around 3:00 am, a Kalamazoo man was fleeing police after failing to yield at a routine traffic stop. The speeding driver lost control of his vehicle, hopped the curb, and went airborne before crashing into a home. Inside was a family of 5 who were unhurt in the accident.

It's surprising, yet not surprising. This home is for sale after already being previously hit by cars six times since 2005. In fact, the family had gone so far as to put boulders and big rocks in their front lawn to safeguard against further accidents. The car involved in Sunday's accident sailed over them. Sgt. Scott Jackson of Kalamazoo Township Police told WOOD TV:

"The rocks that are currently there in front of the home from my understanding are actually the second set from a series of rocks that have been placed there because the first ones weren't big enough, so the third accident when it occurred and the rocks weren't big enough, they stepped it up to what they thought would be appropriate."

The family has been trying to sell this Bermuda Triangle of a house since the last accident in September. The homeowner was preparing for an open house the next morning. This poor family seems like they are living in a third draft of a Stephen King novel. What has turned this ordinary home into a bug zapper for Buicks? What has hexed or vexed this house to become a siren, luring vehicles into crashing upon the lawn rocks? According to Sgt. Jackson, it's the sweet, sweet booze.

“In the past, the charges we've sought for people who collided with the home have also been related to operating while intoxicated.”

Sally Triemstra, a resident of the neighborhood for 37 years, thinks little can be done, telling WOOD TV:

“Signs and everything don't seem to stop people. They've come short of maybe putting a flashing light there, but I don't know if that would stop anyone either."

Doing stuff is the very worst.

Do we have to be in this post? (via Thinkstock)

Making an effort takes so much effort. Sometimes, it's just so much easier to sit down and let the world roll over you. Better yet, lie down and let the world do whatever because who really cares? All of the pets in this video understand that like is too short for doing stuff. Not doing stuff is so much nicer.

1. This dog who will probably pull his head out of the automatic doggie door eventually.

2. This angry cat who wants to attack you, but you're all the way over there.

3. This tolerant dog who's willing to play fetch, but with some conditions.

4. This inventive cat who discovered a new, easier way to drink minuscule amounts of water.

5. This lucky dog who is living the good life on a floor full of spilled food.

6. This exercise-averse cat who doesn't want to get on the treadmill any more than you do.

7. This patient dog who knows the Roomba will eventually go away and leave him alone.

8. This playful cat who doesn't believe that fun has to burn any calories.

9. This chubby corgi who can't quite reach his favorite tennis ball.

10. This receptive cat who will indulge your artistic experiments.

11. The weary dog who is not in the mood to go for a drag.

12. This lackadaisical cat who appreciates the marvels of gravity.

You can't fire me, because I quit. Hit it!

This 60-year-old dance teacher, Shirley Clements, celebrated her retirement by performing a routine to "Uptown Funk" alongside her students. And no offense to her students or Kelly Rowland, but Clements is the clear Beyoncé of this Destiny's Child. This lady is nailing her dance moves and having an awesome time.

The video has been going viral since it was featured on Ellen DeGeneres' site. It was filmed in British Columbia, where I guess when you leave a job it's customary to give two weeks notice and break out into an elaborate choreographed hip-hop dance.

"Hey, I've got a good idea for a prank." — some asshole

Here's a story you won't be able to get unstuck from your head.(via Thinkstock)

Are you guys familiar with that hilarious "prank" in which you go up to someone's house and put superglue on their front door handle so that when they grab it to go inside, they get stuck and then the emergency services have to come and saw off the handle so that the person can get taken to the hospital and have it surgically removed from their hand?

Yeah, you know that one! It's the coolest! It's usually either called the Old Superglue Door Handle Prank or the Let's Increase The Quantity Of Misery In This Disgusting World Prank. It depends on what region you're from.

Anyway, a 28-year-old British woman fell for this old gem recently, and, to hear her tell the story, it sounds like a real hoot!

"I got home after spending the evening with my friend who lives nearby and was confused when I realized the door handle was sticky. I did manage to get the door open and woke up my partner Tony, but I just couldn't free myself," Fiona Crabb later told the Telegraph. "I was really worried, as it was quite painful... When the paramedics arrived, they tried so many things to get me free. They used Coca Cola, WD-40, Fairy Liquid, hot water and vegetable oil but nothing was working. I started to get really scared, the longer I was glued on."

Oh, man! The two teenage boys whom she saw running away from her house sure got her good! Classic pranksters!

I sure hope these two comedy geniuses don't end up falling for the Getting Sent To Jail For Assault Prank. If they do, though, they'll probably learn all kinds of new hilarious pranks from their fellow inmates.

They're okay. Everyone is going to be okay.

Service dog Bigo jumps between blind owner and bus. Both hurt but OK. His fur on bus bumper. http://t.co/UcDm47PCk9pic.twitter.com/uwX4j53kX2

— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) June 9, 2015

Audrey Stone, 62, and her service dog, Figo* (age unknown), were crossing a street near their home in Brewster, N.Y., when a bus transporting kindergarteners turned toward them. Stone is blind and couldn't see the bus coming. The driver later said he was watching for oncoming traffic and missed the woman and dog at the crosswalk. The only one who knew what was coming was the sweet, faithful golden retriever above. Figo threw himself between the bus and his mistress.

Very good boy.(via USA Today)

The dog took most of the impact, leaving hair in the fender and suffering a cut on his leg that went down to the bone. Stone was also knocked to her feet and received a gash on the head. Even though both the dog and his owner are reportedly going to be fine, the scene sounds harrowing and heartbreaking. Paul Schwartz, who manages the Xtra Mart gas station at the intersection where the accident took place, describes it here:

"There were 15 EMTs and people all around her and the dog didn't want to leave her side. He was flopping over to her and she didn't want him to get away from her, either. She kept screaming, 'Where's Figo? Where's Figo? Where's Figo?' We kept telling her he was fine. The dog was being a good sport, really calm. He sat with me the whole time. He was limping as we put him on a big blanket on the sidewalk and it started to rain. He let us wrap up his leg without any problem. He wasn't barking or crying or yelping. But he kept pulling toward her. After she was put on a gurney and taken away, he stopped doing that. He seemed a little lost after she left."

There are strict rules about animals traveling in ambulances, so the two companions were separated. Figo is under the care of friends as both recover. Honestly, I'm too touched and impressed to make any jokes about this. You're a real hero dog, Figo, just like Air Bud!

Look at that face! (via USA Today)

*The dog's name was originally posted as Bigo, but USA Today retracted that. If you save someone's life you deserve to have your name go down in history.

Hunter Gandee carried his brother Braden for 57 miles to raise awareness of cerebral palsy.

Cerebral palsy, like many neurological disorders, is poorly understood by most of the public. It affects every muscle in the body, and can make everyday tasks incredibly difficult for sufferers. It's impossible for most people to understand what it feels like to live with CP, which frustrated 15-year-old Hunter Gandee. His 8-year-old brother Braden has it, and can't even walk without assistance. So to get a chance to feel how challenging life is for his brother, and to raise awareness for others, Hunter decided to walk with Braden on his back… for 57 miles.

The event, which they dubbed the Cerebral Palsy Swagger, wasn't a fundraiser. Hunter and his family only wanted to bring attention to cerebral palsy among the public and the medical community. Here's the description from their Facebook page:

"Our goal is to get the attention of our up and coming leaders, doctors,engineers, and entrepreneurs and show them the face of Cerebral Palsy and the need for innovative ideas in mobility aids and medical procedures… The walk demonstrates the physical and mental challenges faced everyday by those affected by Cerebral Palsy, but with support, assistance, and a good attitude, all goals are within reach."

The walk was certainly ambitious, but not unrealistic. For one thing, Hunter is the captain of his school's wrestling team. Also, he's done it before – this is actually the second Cerebral Palsy Swagger. Last year, Hunter walked with Braden on his back for 40 miles. This year, he decided to up the ante significantly.

Their trek started on Friday in Lambertville, Michigan, and lasted three days. Thankfully, they didn't have to go it alone. They had the entire community on their side, even walking alongside them for part of the journey.

On Sunday, Hunter and Braden arrived at their destination: the University of Michigan's Pediatric Rehabilitation Center in Ann Arbor. Here's the emotional video of the moment they crossed the finish line:

The mood of the day was perfectly summed up by what Hunter tweeted when it was all done:

Hunter and Braden's parents should be very proud of both of their sons.

Everyone on Twitter today has been sharing their best, brief marriage advice.

Who better to turn to for advice on the most important relationship in your life than a bunch of strangers on Twitter? Using the hashtag #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words, people have been delivering little nuggets of wisdom, which are about as helpful as the advice anyone who is not married to you can give you for making your marriage better.

Here's the best marriage advice on Twitter today:

I need a drink #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words
— Ninj (@NinjaDrummer_) June 9, 2015

Invest in childproof cages. #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Wordspic.twitter.com/TUVtHS1oOb

— Ethan Fixell (@EthanFixell) June 9, 2015

Live separately visit often #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words

— Ursula Maria (@ursula_maria_) June 9, 2015

Always delete browser history #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words

— Teddy Misog (@TeddyMisog) June 9, 2015

"Want to get tacos?" #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words

— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) June 9, 2015

Correct toilet paper installation #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Wordspic.twitter.com/PwqFQceN1J

— Ashley (@ItsMeAshleyWee) June 9, 2015

Send inlaws to island #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words

— Tommy Campbell (@MrTommyCampbell) June 9, 2015

#MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words honey, we're vaping tonight

— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) June 9, 2015

Some people had advice that wasn't really advice, just a statement of a person they'd like to marry:

#MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words World's Most Beautiful Woman
— Mike Shaub (@mikeshaub) June 9, 2015

A lot of people wanted to talk about gay marriage:

Equal Rights for Everyone #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Wordspic.twitter.com/AdLHNfzfHp

— Graham (Gruhamed) (@gruhamed) June 9, 2015

#MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words Don't elect homophobic Republicans pic.twitter.com/FKPASUUeU9

— cassandracarolina (@cassandra17lina) June 9, 2015

And some people didn't understand the assignment at all:

#MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words Support each other through good times in bad, listen, be patient, encourage your partner to pursue their dreams.
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) June 9, 2015

And then there was George R.R. Martin, the king of horrible marriages, who had this to say:

Don't send your regards #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words

— George RR Martin (@GeorgeRRMartin_) June 9, 2015

A good reminder that if you marriage doesn't end with a blade across your throat, you're in pretty good shape.

Two women did an "experiment" to document the human male reaction to street harassment.

But you can't even see his ass! (via YouTube)

NYC comedians Ginny Leise and SJ Son made this video to show the world how men react to drive-by street harassment (surprise-whispering a crude comment into someone's ear and taking off). The first half of this video depicts SJ Son whispering a bevy of PG-13- to XXX-rated comments into the ear canals of unsuspecting men in Bryant Park, and quickly leaving the scene.

In the second half of the video, the comedy-scientists report the findings of their experiment: that the men "LOVED IT."

A pretty lady likes my bum! (via YouTube)

These two women definitely achieved their goal of turning the tables on street harassment, and of making a funny video about it. I specifically like the part where Son tells a table, "I'm gonna suck your dick, table."

However, I think a good goal for social interaction between strangers is that nobody says disgusting things into anybody's ears, regardless of gender. Right? Some of the men were probably so glad the comments originated from a the larynx of a bright young woman that they smiled out of relief. Let's all be constructive! And not gross! And make everyone happy all the time and live on Sesame Street!

Here's the full video:

Miley Cyrus talked to PAPER Magazine about her Happy Hippie Foundation, which raises awareness and funds for homeless youth and at-risk LGBTQ teens. It just took me a while to actually get the words into my brain.

This is the only SFW picture in the article. And that's assuming a pretty cool workplace.
(via PAPER Magazine)

PAPER Magazine is fast becoming the place to see celebrities completely naked without being complicit in a massive privacy crime. In the case of Kim Kardashian, it was an explicit attempt to "Break The Internet." Miley Cryus, however, was being interviewed for the magazine's "Use Your Voice" edition (she is also on the cover) about her work with the Happy Hippie Foundation, which we've written about before. So, while there was no real need for Cyrus to be stark naked, save for some streaks of bright paint, in front of sets that look like Jaden Smith directed a Robert Palmer video, there's also not a reason for her not to be. It is, after all, kind of her thing.

I used the Happy Hippie Foundation logo to make sure you didn't forget what's important.
(via Twitter)

At first, I was going to criticize Cyrus for drowning out her message with her photos. Not to body-shame or slut-shame, but to say "hey, this is going to make it harder to get the message out." Then, after I acclimated to the fact that Miley was naked, I realized the photos, as much as they really do look like a Jaden Smith/Robert Palmer collaboration, were pretty cool. Yes, beyond the obvious parts. It was hard for me to actually see on the page that she was discussing the Happy Hippie Foundation...for five minutes. Then, I read about her contempt for politicians and preachers who reassure the comfortable that we don't need to help homeless people living the worst lives in our society because they did it to themselves through bad choices.

Eventually, she says, the problem of homelessness became impossible for her to ignore. "I can't drive by in my fucking Porsche and not fucking do something," she says. "I see it all day: people in their Bentleys and their Rolls and their Ubers, driving past these vets who have fought for our country, or these young women who have been raped."

Once the conspiracy theorists stop staring at her boobs, this will really drive them wild.
(via PAPER)

And I was like, "right on, bud. I'm glad I worked through my awkwardness at having your boobs in my face to read that." She also discussed her upbringing, her sexuality, how her musical process has changed, and how she doesn't need producers or writers. I'll be honest, it wasn't the most riveting thing in the world. But, it was pretty good. And the photos were even better, once I was able to see them as whole images.

.@MileyCyrus on her sexuality:"I'm down with any adult - anyone over 18 who's down to love me" http://t.co/x8gVhp3L8Kpic.twitter.com/h4BVukgXSE
— PAPER Magazine (@papermagazine) June 9, 2015

Maybe, as a society, this is where we are: our first time visiting one of those "sophisticated" countries where everyone goes to the beach topless. We're there with people we know, so when it's time to actually go sunbathing, there's a solid 20 minutes of staring straight out to sea to avoid looking. Then, because we're grownups now, we start talking about something else.