The only thing that can make the hardware store fun is giving everything a cooler name.

(via Obvious Plant)

Are you getting ready to paint a nursery? Want to spruce up your bedroom by painting an accent wall? You'd be more likely to finally get that job done if the names of the paint you bought were more exciting. That's why Jeff Wysaski went to his local hardware store and changed a few of the boring old names for these colors. Take a look:

(via Obvious Plant)

(via Obvious Plant)

(via Obvious Plant)

(via Obvious Plant)

(via Obvious Plant)

(via Obvious Plant)

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen hosted the "Olsen Olympics."

Team MK or Team Ashley? #TeamMK #TeamAshley #OlsenOlympics #MaryKateOlsen #AshleyOlsen #JaredSeligman #YaleBreslin
A photo posted by Elizabeth Olsen (@lizzieolsenn) on Jun 14, 2015 at 4:13pm PDT

I have done this before! Team Mary-Kate for life!

The top two twins turned 29 over the weekend, so of course they had an Olympic-style challenge with participants wearing t-shirts declaring which one they affiliate with. Which is exactly what the twin characters in their movies would do. The event was obviously in the Hamptons.

The most surprising thing about this is that it was called the "Olsen Olympics" (according to little sister Lizzie Olsen's Instagram hashtag). These days, you usually hear them called Mary-Kate and Ashley, like the two individual people that they are.

I wonder what the events in the competition were. Probably switching lives to get their parents to fall in love, recovering stolen artifacts from a boat, and wearing amazing coordinated-yet-somehow-completely-unique outfits.

Happy Birthday Mary-Kate & Ashley!! # #MaryKateOlsen #AshleyOlsen #happybirthday
A photo posted by Elizabeth Olsen (@lizzieolsenn) on Jun 13, 2015 at 10:46am PDT

#OlsenOlympics

A photo posted by Yale Breslin (@yalebreslin) on Jun 13, 2015 at 1:56pm PDT

A poorly designed bathroom led to some serious embarrassment for Gordie Wallace.

Gordie Wallace, making a face that says "I was covered in pee."
(via Facebook)

As a man, my greatest fear when I enter any bathroom is that I'm somehow going to walk out covered in my own urine. It hasn't been an issue since I was a small child, but only because I'm vigilant. The idea of it happening beyond my control is simply terrifying.

However, that's exactly what happened to Gordie Wallace of Aberdeen, Scotland. Wallace was eating with his girlfriend at a Handmade Burger Company location in Aberdeen's Union Square when he felt the need to, as the Scottish say, "drain Loch Ness." Unfortunately, there was a hand dryer next to the toilet for some inexplicable reason. It activated unexpectedly, blowing his own stream back onto him. His pants and left shoe were instantly soaked in his own urine. Then he had to walk out of the bathroom smelling like an old dog who doesn't have the strength to lift his leg anymore. Nor did he get any understanding back at the table. He told STV:

"I was absolutely soaked in pee and it was really embarrassing. I didn't get any sympathy - my girlfriend was nearly wetting herself with laughter… I guess it happens to most guys at some stage in their lives. But this was the real thing. And my sock and trainer are both ruined."

Frustrated and stinky, Wallace posted this photo to the restaurant's Facebook page:

This is just asking for trouble.(via Facebook)

Along with the photo, he related his story:

"Hello, could I possibly share my traumatic experience at your Aberdeen branch in union square? After enjoying a meal with the misses I took a trip to the little boys room to empty my rather full bladder due to the fantastic refill option you have on your menu. Due to the poor design of your bathrooms and unfortunate placing of the automatic hand dryer, half way during my urination the hand dryer decided to go on full pelt thus blowing my pish stream all over the place, nearly all over my trousers and sadly leaving me with a soggy trainer on my left foot. I'm now going to be forced to throw out my sodden sock, walk about with a pishy foot and now believe I have developed a phobia of hand dryers. Food was ace tho"

What happened next is what makes this story great. The restaurant responded immediately with a photo comment on Wallace's post. A Handmade Burger Co. spokesman wrote:

"Hi Gordie, we're really sorry to hear about your experience in our Union Square restaurant. This is the first time that this has happened in the five years that we have been open. We'd like to send you a pair of trainers and a supply of socks every month for a year to compensate. Also, as you can see from the picture attached, we have asked all of our restaurant teams to perform rigorous tests in their toilets to ensure that this is a one-off experience as a result of this. If you'd like to direct message us your home address we will be able to arrange your trainers and sock subscription."

And here's the image that was included:

Now that's customer service!(via Facebook)

I love a happy ending. Gordie Wallace must be feeling a lot better, especially because his girlfriend came through for him too. He told The Mirror: "My girlfriend tried to console me afterwards by taking me to Ben and Jerry's which, I must admit, did help."

Free socks, sneakers, and ice cream to boot! Who's being peed on now, world?

Resolution #16: Screw This Guy

Where did he take it, and why did he not return it until now?

In a stunning defeat for email-forwarding idiot relatives everywhere, the American Medical Association made an unusual move this week at their annual conference in Chicago: they actually took a stand against people who are technically doctors, but mostly just play one on TV. This comes on the heels of criticism of the AMA for sitting on the sidelines during growing controversy over questionable and profit-driven cure-alls hawked by doctors on television. So, the AMA resolved to create new ethical guidelines for physicians in the media. And by "physicians," literally everyone knows they really mean one snake-oil peddler in particular, Dr. Mehmet Oz, TV-MD.

By AMA standards, this paragraph is like a scene from Mad Max: Fury Road.

For over a year now, Dr. Oz has been at the center of a firestorm around his dubious claims made to a daily audience of millions. Various studies have found that half of all his recommendations have either zero basis in fact, or worse, directly contradict the best available research.

For Oz's part, he says this is about the "fundamental right of free speech." Which, like most people who use the term "free speech" to defend themselves from criticism, ignores the fact that "free speech" just means the government can't go after you for your opinions. The AMA, however, is just as free to call out Oz for telling credulous morons watching daytime TV that dried pepper dust in capsule form is a miracle "belly blaster." Just one of the many claims that landed him in front of an angry Senate subcommittee hearing. Spoiler alert: if dried plant dust was a miracle cure, we would have known that thousands of years ago when dried plant dust made up 100% of all medicine. Except for powdered animal dicks, of course.

On tomorrow's show, we address my critics and set the record straight. We will not be silenced. https://t.co/7UMGqbG7ku
— Dr. Mehmet Oz (@DrOz) April 22, 2015

And even though their recommendations do not have the force of law, the AMA also has the right to urge state medical boards to revoke a doctor's license for their behavior in the media. And, because the AMA has never gone on TV to tout whatever holistic sponsor paid them the most that week, doctors actually listen to them.

Of course, being a bureaucratic organization made up of people with demanding day jobs, it will take the AMA some time to make actual guidelines. This should give Dr. Oz a pretty big window to quickly endorse enough diet pills to kill off a major league baseball pitching lineup (and retire in the process).

Today @seabrinkley stops by & shares her natural anti-aging secrets. See a preview here: http://t.co/WTLKaib0WVpic.twitter.com/r1mfJiphDx
— Dr. Mehmet Oz (@DrOz) March 4, 2015

Of course, I'm sure in Dr. Oz's book, an honorary doctorate from Powdered Homeopathic Bullshit State University is just as effective an AMA-endorsed doctorate. Even better, this miracle diploma only takes seconds to make you go from a normal person to calling yourself a doctor. Traditional methods can take 7 years and cost thousands of dollars. Can you afford to listen to a non-tanned, non-suit-wearing, non-TV doctor? I didn't think so.

I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm just saying this is the stupidest thing I've ever read.

An advertising company came up with this ingenious interactive billboard for a cafe in São Paulo, Brazil.

This is pretty clever. Everyone knows yawns are contagious, but until now, nobody had harnessed that power to sell coffee. The clever folks at Lew'Lara/TBWA, a Brazilian ad agency, have changed all that.

This high-tech, ingenious billboard they placed in the São Paulo subway senses when people walk by it. Then it displays a video of someone yawning, and points out that they should be drinking coffee – coffee from the advertiser, Café Pélé. It's kind of manipulative, sure. But very neat.

My biggest question is: why does a place called Café Pélé have to advertise in Brazil? Isn't it the law that you have to buy everything that says Pélé on it there? I'm just assuming.

The energy required to tell the world about your baby fades shortly after sending out the announcement for your firstborn child. It's all downhill from there.

No matter where you are in the pecking order, you probably figured out pretty early in life that your parents cut corners after their first child. That's why your older brother has a meticulously filled-out baby book, and all you got was his hand-me-down clothes. And you're a girl. Parents get more and more exhausted with every child, and it's evident as early as day one of baby number two.

Here's what birth announcements look like according to the order in which you sprung forth from your mother's exhausted body.

First child:

Second child:

Third child:

Fouth-Ninth child:

Ten or more:

My nightmares, meet the earthworm herd. Earthworm herd, meet my nightmares.

The squirming, pink-pasta lumps of horror you see above are called earthworm herds. You know, like a herd of cattle, except that cattle don't intermingle all of their limbs into a terrifying, eyeless pile that looks like a zombie brain crawling towards a human host. After recent flooding, some rangers at Eisenhower State Park in Texas found the earthworm herds you see above, in all of their Cronenbergian glory. I hope that these park rangers are being provided with therapy.

Earthworm herds often occur when the worms are in danger. According to ABC News, there are two theories as to why the worms decided to bring their new vision of hell to our human roads this time:

...the first is the heavy rains saturated the ground so much that the water forced the worms onto the dryer parts of the pavement. The second theory is rain may sound like predators beating down on the ground to the worms, so they move and clump together to avoid them.

They failed to mention a third theory, which is that worms are assholes who want to terrify us. Speaking of, allow me to point you to 28 seconds into this video, which is like that moment in a sci-fi movie where it seems like everything is maybe OK, and then the camera pans up and you realize that everything is more horrifying than you could've imagined, because there are EARTHWORM HERDS LINED UP FAR INTO THE DISTANCE.

Actually, that movie has to already be in development, right? I hope it's called The Herd and stars Dwayne Johnson.

Opisthoteuthis Adorabilis, because "adorbs" doesn't sound Latin enough.

Ok, by "brand new," I mean "first spotted in 1990," but our up-close knowledge of this cartoon-like cephalopod is very recent indeed. You may have seen a few pictures of it in the past few years being called the "Dumbo" octopus, for the way it uses its cute little ears to steer itself as it plops around on its webbed mini-legs, but this is the first extensive body of video I've seen of this bizarrely heartwarming boneless wonder. Maybe it's the huge eyes, maybe it's the bulbous shape, maybe it's the pink color. Maybe it's that the eggs take years to fully develop all the cuteness they need to survive. In any case, I'd love to hold it and love it and squeeze it and give it a name, except that I'm pretty sure all of those things (except giving it a name) would cause it to turn to mush. SQUEE!

OK, fine, the International Body Of Naming Stuff (official name) hasn't officially named it, but Stephanie Bush, the researcher in this video, picked "Adorabilis" and by Science Rules, she has dibs. Good enough for me.

Some pranksters in Poland scared the prehistoric pants off of 'Jurassic World' star Chris Pratt, and Pratt was still The Nicest Dude.

I startle easily. When there's a loud noise, I'll suddenly shout in response. If someone purposefully tries to frighten me, there's a good chance I'll start crying — not because I'm upset, but because that's my body's automatic response. One of my ex-boyfriends even thought that, thanks to my partial French-Canadian heritage, I might be a descendent of the Jumping Frenchmen of Maine, a group of French-Canadian lumberjacks with overactive startle mechanisms.

All this is to say that I am very impressed when someone can get pranked and be a cool guy afterwards. So when Jurassic World star Chris Pratt was surprised by terrifying dinosaurs thanks to Polish prankster SA Wardega, I delighted to see that he was still a chill, nice dude. Sure, a nice dude who said "fuck" several times, but still a nice dude.

Also, I haven't seen Jurassic World yet, but this prank video is the film distilled into its most basic form, right? Chris Pratt is scared by dinosaurs, then Chris Pratt is OK? Thanks for saving me the $11 movie ticket price, SA Wardega.

Is your state filled with a bunch of lazy, couch-bound French-fry eaters? That might not be a bad thing.

Real estate app Estately just released a map of "States with the most couch potatoes per capita." The criteria that Estately looked at is a total stereotype party, as these bullshit studies often are:

1. Average time spent watching TV each day
2. Laz-E-Boy retailers per capita
3. Fast food restaurants per capita
4. Frequency of exercise
5. Average hours worked per day by employees
6. Obesity rate
7. Expressed interest in soap operas on Facebook
8. Frequency of Google searches for video game rental companies

I know that Estately wants being a couch potato to be a negative thing, but half of the things on this list of criteria sound awesome. I mean, isn't the whole American dream that we all earn enough money and have enough security that we can work less, enjoy our leisure time, and buy name-brand furniture? If you cross-reference this map with the map of how much you have to earn in every state to afford a two-bedroom home or apartment, many of the couch potato states are also the most affordable states to live in (except for Delaware, which is and will always be an anomaly). Couldn't it be that these people are working less, playing video games, and watching soap operas because they can be, and because those things are fun?

I know, that's an oversimplification of a silly study, and I'm not going to tell you that obesity, fast food, and lack of exercise are good things (unless it's OPPOSITE DAY! It isn't? OK). But it's also not a great thing to be like, "Hey, look at these fat people who watch soap operas all day! Aren't we better than them? Let's laugh at them via a map!" If you think I'm reading into this too much, here's a direct quote from Estately's post about America's couch potatoes:

Some play video games in homes littered with pizza crusts and empty Mountain Dew cans. Others watch daytime soap operas while digging around at the bottom of a cardboard bucket for the last, cold piece of fried chicken.

Classy. Anyway, in case you're too busy watching your stories to examine the map, here's a list of the top 10 couch potato states:

1. Ohio

2. Alabama

3. West Virginia

4. Arkansas

5. Louisiana

6. Kentucky

7. Oklahoma

8. Tennessee

9. Missouri

10. Delaware

You can also see breakdown maps of responses to each individual question on Estately's blog.

Conner Kendall was breastfeeding her baby in a TGI Friday's when a man took her picture without her permission and posted it on social media.

Why don't you cover your mouth up, sir.(via Facebook)

His post read:

Ok moms out there.. I know when a baby is Hungry they need fed. I went to know if this is appropriate or inappropriate as I'm trying to eat my Fridays, there are little kids around.. I understand feeding in public but could you at least cover your boob up?! Your input is needed!

Not really sure who he was talking to when he said, "Your input is needed!" I'll assume he was asking me and say, "No, she doesn't need to cover her boob up."

There, glad to set your mind at ease, Guy Who Has a Problem With Small Children Seeing Breasts Even Though They Were Recently Breastfed Probably and Then Posts a Picture of that Boob on Facebook Where Many Many Many More People Will See It.

Obviously, this guy is a garbage-eating dummy, but he is also a dummy who completely violated this woman by posting her picture without her permission to shame her for feeding her child. Well, I guess they live in a small town in Indiana, because she found out about it. Here's her response:

In it, she explains how she wrote to this man and told him to take her picture down, then shares her letter to him. She tells him her reasons for breastfeeding in public– even though she didn't have to! It's none of his business!

Basically, her son won't latch under a cover, their car was parked in a far off lot, he won't eat from a bottle, they'd been on a long trip and she couldn't wait until they got home to feed him again, she refuses to breastfeed in the toilet if adults don't have to eat in there, etc. She tells him how he is the one making her breast sexual. Little kids around a TGI Friday's certainly aren't. This is my favorite highlight:

"If it's a natural thing then why can't men carry around urinals and use them wherever, whenever? That's a natural bodily function too! Same thing."
MR [My Response]- first of all milk from my breasts is not bodily waste, and second, unless the reason you have that urinal is because you intend to use it to feed your child, then in no way is it the same as me nursing my baby.

Conner Kendall is on a rampage now. You woke the sleeping tiger, dude. She's working hard to get her message out there, and here it is:

It is not the fact that the picture was taken, or even that it was put on social media that bothers me. If he wanted a picture he should have just asked, I would have gladly smiled:)
It is the fact that it was done so in a way that aimed at shaming my child and I, as well as every other nursing mother, for taking care of my baby.
Let's show everyone that we will not stand for being put down, shamed, and harassed for simply fulfilling our children's most basic need.
We as a society should embrace the fact that God made mothers able to feed our children from our own breasts. We need to educate ourselves, society, and our children on the fact that breasts are not made to sell lingerie, food, clothes, electronics, and just about everything else out there, we were given them to feed our babies, that's it.
ALL MOMMIES SHOULD BE ABLE TO FEED THEIR BABIES WHENEVER, WHEREVER, AND HOWEVER THEY CHOOSE!

Okay. Consider it shared, ma'am.

True love can overcome autocorrect.

Aziz Ansari was on The Tonight Show last night to promote his new book, Modern Romance, which is all about how f*cked up dating in 2015 is.

He and Jimmy Fallon snuggled up in some candlelight to read aloud real romantic text messages sent in by viewers that perfectly illustrate this point. Some takeaways: keep it short, read through for spelling errors before you send, and don't reveal exactly what you think about her hot bod.

Actress Maisie Williams hosted a live "Game of Thrones" Q&A on Twitter yesterday. Obviously, spoilers.

Join a live #GoT@Twitter Q&A with @Maisie_Williams at 5:30 PM EST. Ask your questions using #AskGoT. pic.twitter.com/ItCPNARGJ4

— Game Of Thrones (@GameOfThrones) June 15, 2015

When asked what advice she would give her character, Arya, she had some very practical thoughts.

@benzosdrug@GameOfThrones try harder to not kill ppl ur not suposed to. the faceless thing could be a good thing 4 u, try harder dammit

— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) June 15, 2015

That attitude might have come in handy before Arya went off the clock from her duties as a trainee of the Faceless Men and killed Ser Meryn Trant in Sunday's finale. Maybe she could have avoided the resulting punishment of being blinded through a complicated face-swapping poison scheme (you had to be there).

Williams also had fun this week with the actors who play Ser Meryn Trant and Syrio Forel, whose death Arya was avenging with her unsanctioned killing in the first place. I guess they're all friends, which is crazy to think about, especially while you're thinking about Arya gouging out Ser Meryn Trant's eyeballs.

@miltosyerolemou you're welcome you water dancing little git

— Ian Beattie (@ianbeattie_ian) June 15, 2015

@ianbeattie_ian@miltosyerolemou ladies, please

— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) June 16, 2015

@Maisie_Williams@miltosyerolemou don't you start! It's all your fault!

— Ian Beattie (@ianbeattie_ian) June 16, 2015

@Maisie_Williams@ianbeattie_ian oh my fucking God. Of death. Not. Today.

— Miltos Yerolemou (@miltosyerolemou) June 16, 2015

And she gave hilarious answers throughout the Q&A. Unlike Arya, who is similarly badass but is understandably the most serious child this side of the Narrow Sea, Williams seems like a real silly goose.

@MelSherLoki@GameOfThrones Lysa Arryn... Jk never. Ummmm Lommy 4 u @Eros_V

— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) June 15, 2015

@geeemma_vale@GameOfThrones I DNT CARE ABUT UR SILLY FEKIN NIGHTS WATCH OMG STAHP STABBIN JON SNOOOO

— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) June 15, 2015

@selenaworld@GameOfThrones@benzosdrug@selenaglovers@politegrey pretend i'm a carrot and bury myself in the ground... :)

— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) June 15, 2015

Feel like you're spending summer chained to your desk? At this place, the chains might be real.

Negotiating for time off in the summertime can be tough. Everyone's competing to leave the office on the same days, there aren't many vacation days to use, and there is still so much left in the inbox. Whoever works at this place definitely have a harder time getting away from their desks than the rest of us.

Here's a full transcript of the letter:

THE EMPLOYEE VACATION POLICY HAS CHANGED!!!!
Please read a summary of the changes before requesting any days off.
EMPLOYEES EARN 12 VACATION HOURS PER YEAR.
Every calendar year, you are given 12 hours of paid leave. Feel free to spend these hours as you see fit. Unused hours will not carry over into the next calendar year. Paid leave hours are applied whenever you are out of the office for non-work-related activities, like lunches, doctor's appointments, or maternity leave.
TIME AWAY REQUESTS MUST BE SENT TO THE SCHEDULING DEPARTMENT.
You must submit your requests for specific hours away from work no sooner than 6 months before any intended time away. A request for any time away made after that 6 months will be considered a “LAST MINUTE REQUEST" and be automatically denied. Employees will no longer be terminated for last minute requests, but pay and/or benefits will be impacted. Employees may not have overlapping vacation time under any circumstances. We don't want a repeat of the “HURRICANE" fiasco.
SICK LEAVE CANNOT BE USED FOR TIME AWAY.
If you do not have enough paid vacation time available, you cannot supplement your request using your sick leave hours. Sick leave has been abolished due to the few employees who abused the system last year by contracting tuberculosis.
VACATION PAY MUST BE REQUESTED FROM PAYROLL DIRECTLY.
In order to receive your unearned pay for unworked hours, you must provide Payroll with proof of your vacation activities. This is to cut back on employees taking “mental health days." We find it offensive and irresponsible that employees would equate not being productive to some sort of rejuvenating mental therapy.
EMPLOYEES MUST FINISH ALL WORK BEFORE TAKING VACATION HOURS.
This includes any projects that are conceived and assigned while employees are scheduled to be out of the office. Not being in the office will not be an acceptable reason to miss work assignments. This is why we invested in e-mail addresses for the staff. Deadlines cannot be extended or differed. Your designated “workplace morale companion" will be required to send all work materials to you.
Office hours are also changing for summer!
Full time employees are now required to work 6:30am-8:30pm plus any allotted detention hours.
Happy Summer!
MANAGEMENT

If you've been trying to shade in your nose all morning, give it a rest. There's an easier way to not look like yourself.

#MOTD @anastasiabeverlyhills Brow Wiz "Brunette" and Brow Gel Clear" Mac "Soft Brown" and "Saddle" on crease, "Brown Down" and "Deep Damson" on the outer crease @colourpopcosmetics "Birthday Girl" shadow on the lid. Mac "Nylon" shadow on tear duct @shophudabeauty "Samantha" lashes @toofaced "Better Than False Lashes Extreme" mascara. Mac "Feline" pencil on the waterline. Armani Luminous Silk foundation @anastasiabeverlyhills Cream Contor Kit and Kat Von D Powder Contour Kit to set. Mac "Peaches" blush and @anastasiabeverlyhills "So Hollywood" highlighter. Mac "Cork" lip pencil, "Peach Stock" and "Oyster Girl" lipglass #glamrezy

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀GLAMREZY (@amrezy) on Jun 13, 2015 at 7:12pm PDT

When I think about contouring, I think about Nicki Minaj (yes, I know that's not her in the pic above). She is the patron saint of contouring. What is contouring, you ask? It is the laborious application of make-up to create the illusion of indents, ridges, and hard lines on your face. It looks great on camera. On a good camera. In good lighting. But if someone is standing in front of you, or you get caught on the wrong end of a hard flash...

the contouring omg RT @celebs_close_up: nicki minajpic.twitter.com/9TbWcSQYKN

— sunny (@Sunnyy_H) February 7, 2015

Nicki Minaj is a beautiful woman. She also really commits to artifice as part of her persona. What works for her 99% of the time isn't what works for normal women trying to make their faces into a different face. Mostly because it's difficult as hell if you don't have a personal make-up artist waiting for you in the bathroom.

#instamakeup #instafollow #makeup #makeupartist #contour #contouring #nose #girls #loveit #followme #fashion #uk #ksa #kuwait #instagram #mac #sephora #

A photo posted by @eleven.pm.wish on Jun 15, 2015 at 6:33am PDT

Ffs F**king #wifi. #repost #rp #contouringfail

A photo posted by Leah-Siân (@leahhsian) on May 28, 2015 at 2:57pm PDT

Luckily, make-up geniuses have come up with the new lazy-man's contouring: strobing. I assume it's called strobing because you look like someone just flashed a ring light in your face.

A new makeup technique has emerged from France called strobing. It consists of highlighting and having a dewy finish. I cannot wait to play with this look! #makeup #newtechnique #strobing #needmodel #dewy #highlighting

A photo posted by Kassandra Paredes Gonzalez (@kassbeautyrebel) on Jun 3, 2015 at 9:51pm PDT

Oh, it's from France? Oh la la. All you need to do to get in on this funky make-up groove is rub something shimmery on the high points of your face to make them POP.

#Contouring is out #strobing is in. If you find contouring and #shading a little difficult then just use a #dewy #sheer #highlighter on the higher points of your #face!

A photo posted by Sahara Makeup MUA (@sahara_makeup) on Jun 16, 2015 at 3:49am PDT

Beautypedia! Contouring is reportedly now passé, and strobing is the new “it” beauty move. Unlike contouring, strobing seeks to bring out features using light and light alone. The technique aims to give you dewy skin and a natural lit-from-within glow. According to Alex Box, creative director of Illamsqua, “It's about using reflection on high planes and points of the face that catch the light to create spotlit areas. It's a much more forgiving way to bring focus and shape to the face.” #InMyMakeUpChairNow #MakeUpByStevenDoloso #Hair #AlexCarbonel @studiofixbyalexcarbonel #Strobing #Beauty #MakeUp #PrintAd #Campaign #2015 @iamsuperbianca

A photo posted by Steven Doloso MNL,PHILS (@stevendoloso) on Jun 16, 2015 at 2:45am PDT

Had a quick go at #strobing and I do love me some highlighter! I think my opinion on this is yes it's great, but with me I still need to #contour aswell as I'm naturally very pale and might look too washed out. I used @muacosmetics undress your skin shimmer highlighter in iridescent gold and it's the best highlighter I've ever used #makeup #mua #makeupartist #faceart #facepaint #beauty #cosmetics #highlighter #makeupacademy #trend #cosmetic #makeuptip #karlapowellmua

A photo posted by Jessica Rose (@__morsmordre) on Jun 16, 2015 at 2:31am PDT

Soooo, what do you think? Just a new way to look greasy? It's funny how our grandmothers were always going to powder their nose, and now it's hot to seem like you just rubbed yourself down with waterproof sunscreen, then went for a run. Oh, well. If it's less work, I'll take it.

Aaron Stein was arrested robbing a bank with an improvised non-explosive device.

Where he's going, they don't have dildos. Thankfully.(via KDKA)

Desperation can drive people to do crazy things. It can even turn an ordinary, law-abiding citizen into a brazen dildo-wielding criminal. It's hard to even say who's to blame: the criminal, or the society that failed him? Or the dildo itself?

35-year-old Aaron Stein of Pittsburgh was a pretty mild-mannered guy until last week, when he tragically lost all his money in the stock market. In a moment of panic, he walked into a PNC Bank in Crofton, PA and held it up. He passed the teller a note demanding cash, and said he was wearing a bomb. He was wearing a mask, had wires coming out from under his shirt, and was holding what looked like a trigger device with a green light on it. Convinced, the teller paid out, and Stein escaped in his white Toyota Corolla.

During an exhaustive manhunt, the police found Stein sitting in that same car, parked on the side of the road near the bank. There was also money visible inside the car. He was arrested, and the bomb squad was called in to investigate. They even brought a robot in case the vehicle was stuffed with explosives.

That robot is about to learn an important lesson about humanity.(via KDKA)

That's when Stein broke the bad news: his bomb wasn't a bomb at all. It was an adult toy duct taped to a phone charger. Despite his obvious embarrassment, police weren't taking any chances. They blew up his briefcase, and sent in the bomb-sniffing dog.

"What do you smell, boy? A dildo? Yeah, I smell it too. Yeesh."(via KDKA)

In the end, there's good news and bad news for Aaron Stein. The bad news is he's probably going to jail. The good news is he might be able to recoup his losses by patenting the all-in-one dildo/phone charger. That would be convenient, right? I know I'm not the only one who thought that.

I find following professional nail artists on Instagram to be a creative, inspiring way to feel horrible about myself. These looks are so beautiful, so intricate, so complex... Am I even doing anything? Here are 8 impressive manicures that make me wonder if I'm an interesting person.

1. These nails are so cool. Be honest: do you think they're cooler than me?

A photo posted by Jessica Washick (@jessicawashick) on Nov 15, 2014 at 10:10am PST

2. This "Star Wars" look took the nail artist less than four hours. I don't know if I'm doing enough with my time.

A photo posted by Chelsea King (@chelseaqueen) on May 4, 2015 at 10:32am PDT

3. These nails double as an adaptation of a beloved book. Good for them.

A photo posted by Gena del Portillo! (@i_heart_nailart) on May 26, 2015 at 5:50am PDT

4. If my nails don't have a theme, am I sloppy?

@mileycyrus theme #nails #nailart #kawaii #BritneyTOKYO

A photo posted by Britney TOKYO (@britneytokyo) on May 22, 2015 at 5:01pm PDT

5. If my nails don't look like a cartoon food, am I doing a good job being a woman?

A photo posted by Mii_민희*_Mimi (@nailsbymii) on Jun 11, 2015 at 9:06am PDT

6. This reminds me, I should get back to journaling. Every morning. I could get up 20 minutes earlier and just write three pages, like what "The Artist's Way" says to do. Or I don't know, maybe that's unrealistic.

A photo posted by Gena del Portillo! (@i_heart_nailart) on May 6, 2015 at 8:01pm PDT

7. I want to be able to express my feelings the way these emoji nails do. But it can be hard.

A photo posted by Lexi Martone Nails (@leximartone) on Jun 9, 2015 at 12:30pm PDT

8. It's been five years since I graduated. What do I have to show for it?

A photo posted by Chelsea King (@chelseaqueen) on Jun 15, 2015 at 8:26am PDT

A photo posted by Chelsea King (@chelseaqueen) on Jun 14, 2015 at 8:04am PDT