Are all of our best scientists just working 24/7 on hoverboards?

Like so many other Internet videos, some fake and some real, this one is about hoverboards. Lexus announced that they've created one that actually works. It even has its own hashtag, #LEXUSHOVER, and it appears to be smoking, but in a good, cool way.

There aren't many details about the hoverboard, other than its positioning as a Hot Future Skateboard, but Mashable theorizes it might be magnetic or use quantum levitation. I'm also thinking maybe magic or fire jets.

Saving lives and calling patients "retard" while they're under anesthesia—all in a day's work.

Count backwards from 10, then prepare to be roasted. (via Thinkstock)

A really wonderful doctor who both understands the complexities of the human body and the emotional needs of her patients was recorded insulting a man while he was sedated.

The anesthesiologist, Tiffany Ingham, was based out of Bethesda, Maryland (my hometown, so proud). Her patient, who successfully sued her and won $500,000, turned on his phone before a colonoscopy to record any instructions the doctor might give afterward. When he played back the recording, he realized that he had also captured a ton of horrible stuff.

Buzzfeed uploaded some of the harshest offenses to Vine. In this clip, the doc calls the patient a "retard" for not looking away when his IV was put in even though it made him queasy.

In this next one, she says she wants to punch him in the face to man him up.

Doctor of the year!

The Washington Post has more audio from the recording, which also includes Ingham calling the patient a "wuss" and "wimp," accusing him of having STDs, planning to lie to him to avoid interacting with him after surgery, and making fun of him for overblowing his medical concerns in what they call "Northern Virginia syndrome." I guess doctors have their own whole set of stereotypes.

Volunteers were sent to buy a bunch of edible marijuana, all of which scientists determined would get you either too high or not high enough—in other words, Goldilocks would be disappointed.

One thing science can't explain is how these dank nugs got so big!(via Thinkstock)

In real life study that sounds like a stoned college kid's fantasy, volunteers from three different cities that sell marijuana legally were given $400 to spend on any edibles they wanted. The unsurprising results: the snacks' THC levels were horribly mislabeled. Surprisingly, they were mislabeled differently in different cities. In some places, snacks have way more psychoactive chemicals than advertised. In others, the snacks promise way more punch than they deliver. The only consistent thing is that they were all wrong.

That's what happens when high people put pot in food. Their recipe gets all out of whack, because who wants to cook when you're mad high? You just want to dip one hand into some Nutella and the other into some peanut butter and mix the two in your mouth. That's as complicated as the recipe should get.

I was hoping scientists would the level of highness in each subject. If it were me running the experiment, I'd have measured how long each volunteer laughed at a cat video, what percentage of an entire bag of Cheetos they ate alone, or asked each volunteer if being watched by a team of scientists sent them into a spiral of paranoia. I would also measure the intensity with which subjects defended The Beatles as "like, the best band that ever was."

Alas, the scientists were "professionals" about the whole thing, and just crushed the food up and measured the levels of THC with accurate instruments instead of inside willing human bodies.

The study found that edible marijuana products in Los Angeles were often overlabeled (you get less high than advertised), whereas products in Seattle were underlabeled (way higher than advertised). This raises the question: why do stoners live in LA, when we could be chilling in the Space Needle having a panic attack from one pot-infused Jolly Rancher?

Ex-American Apparel CEO and resident pervmaster of the fashion industry Dov Charney is in the spotlight yet again.

Stop staring at us, it's weird. (via Getty)

Dancing naked in his office. Masturbating in front of journalists.Getting fired from his own company. Dov Charney has just about done everything he can to solidify his position as one of the worst CEOs in history. And just when we thought his story couldn't get any more twisted, he goes and proves us wrong yet again.

It goes like this: Charney was ousted by his company for inappropriate sexual behavior towards his female employees. He started filing defamation suits to defend himself, claiming that American Apparel was out to get him. He filed so many suits that the company had to file a restraining order against him. Charney kept pressing on, however, and American Apparel just filed a 56-page motion to shut him up, once and for all.

Along with detailed accounts of employee abuse, the motion contains a list of sexually aggressive e-mails and texts Charney sent to female employees. Beware; they are pretty disgusting.

Imagine these being read aloud at court. (via Courtlink/DocumentCloud)

Thanks a lot for making us feel weird for wearing your hoodies, Dov.

#TakeDownTheFlag

Rebel yells are a lot less convincing aimed at a cute kid on the right side of history.
(via Mike DeSumma)

Across the South and across the country, Americans are rising up to ask that the Confederate battle flag finally be removed from state capitols and government buildings. Their voices have been heard, and the flag has already come down in Alabama. South Carolina, the first to secede and generally the first to start any sort of trouble, seems determined to be the last on this issue. Nevertheless, it appears this may finally be the last time we have to have this discussion. The flag will still exist. It will go in museums. It will be in textbooks.

Most of these photos are taken from the rally at the Columbia, S.C. statehouse, but a quick look at #TakeDownTheFlag on Twitter should tell you that this is happening all over.

Very true. Remember the Articles of Confederation? No? Exactly.(via Deray McKesson)

And S.C. took the action of raising that very loud flag every day for 64 years.
(via Harve Jacobs)

It was not, incidentally, the battle flag of the Confederate army. It was the standard of General Lee's Army of Virginia, but not the whole army. It also wasn't the flag of the Confederate States of America. Even Lee disliked people using it after the war, saying "I think it wiser moreover not to keep open the sores of war."

If you've lost Dylan-quoters & people who forget "?" marks, you've lost America.
(via Heather Brandt)

Yeah. (via CBS)

Its resurgence in popularity came not in the 19th Century, but with the rise of the segregationist Dixiecrats. It was first raised over the S.C. state capitol in 1961—100 years after the Civil War began, but also (and probably more importantly) right in the middle of the Civil Rights Movement. Bottom line: It should not be flying over the state buildings of a government for all the people, by all the people, and of all the people.

Just a reminder, any Confederate flag is by definition not an American one.
(via Heather Brandt)

Ok, a little hard to read, but not hard to get what the crowd is saying. (via Allen Wallace)

Although obviously catalyzed by the horrific slaying of 9 members of the historically black Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, S.C., this shift in attitudes is not merely a knee-jerk reaction. Shortly before the tragedy, the Supreme Court sided with Texas's decision to deny vanity license plates with Confederate flags (way to go, TX!). Many states still do offer those plates, but Virginia has now announced they will phase them out and others are debating it.

How can you not feel like you'd rather hang out with this crowd than the people who were there to defend it?(via Mike DeSumma)

I think it's fair to say this flag is supposed to stand for the exact opposite of the Confederate "battle" flag.
(via @Bipartisanism)

A family from Summervile, S.C. drove in to add more cute-kid ammo to the good fight.
(via Harve Jacobs)

Proof that being a perfect example of S.C. prep style doesn't stop you from being a perfect example of S.C. humanity.(via Harve Jacobs)

At the turn of the millennium, I remember being depressed by state referendums in Southern states that voted to keep the Confederate flag flying above state buildings. Things have changed a lot even since then. I think it says something that two days after the tragedy, a 1998 Onion headline suddenly shot up to #1 on their website in 2015: "Georgia Adds Swastika, Middle Finger To State Flag." Granted, it was about Georgia (which has since changed the flag to one influenced by the actual Confederate States of America flag, but without the "battle flag" symbol), but they weren't going to edit a 17-year-old headline to make it more topical today. It's sad enough it was topical at all.

You just turned the most conservative people in America into Communists. Bravo, sir.
(via Deray McKesson)

Yeah, I mean, those ghosts have had 150 years to read the news...they've probably changed more than a few opinions, you know. (via @Live5News)

I can't sign off without speaking to the counter-arguments, so I'll use this guy. His sign wasn't vulgar, it had clear logic, and it's not wrong. It's just not really what this discussion is about.

10 points for being civil. Zero points for anything else.(via WMBF)

No one thinks Dylann Root stared into the abyss of the Confederate flag and it drove him to murder. But he was convinced he was defending a land that was rightfully ruled by whites, being put in peril by minorities, especially blacks.

Yeah...they did kind of wage war against the United States of America...y'know.
(via Deray McKesson)

And many more people see that flag every day and sense continuity between the antebellum past of white supremacy by brutal enslavement, the Jim Crow past of white supremacy by law, and today. And that's a recipe for at least some pockets of culture where racism is tolerated and accepted as simply a thing you can be.

"I'm not gonna let this little tyke affect my behavior in any way shape or form."

For most people, having a child means taking responsibility. Putting those plastic things in electrical sockets. Setting parental controls on your DVR. Getting a belt clip for your phone. For Chicago Cubs fan Keith Hartley, however, it means something else entirely.

Last night at the Cubs vs. Dodgers game, Hartley caught a foul ball while holding his baby. As you can see by the comparative study below, he was holding him in a rather precarious fashion.

"Most of their weight lies in their upper-third, so this is safer." (via NYTimes/Getty)

The play prevented the Cubs from getting an out, so naturally Hartley was praised by the stadium. The Dodgers took it in good spirits, though.

Thanks for the third out, man. pic.twitter.com/xDQxIuaqx9
— Los Angeles Dodgers (@Dodgers) June 24, 2015

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Despite his victorious fist-raising, Hartley claims that he was "just trying to protect" his baby. Sure, Hartley. Sure.

Will Smith will not be welcoming anyone back to Earth. On the other hand, parts of it will take place off-Earth.

Here's one for old times sake #IDRpic.twitter.com/8WOrinqMlB
— Roland Emmerich (@rolandemmerich) June 23, 2015

Roland Emmerich, director and producer of the 1996 blockbuster Independence Day, seems practically giddy in these promotional photos for the upcoming sequel, Independence Day: Resurgence. I can imagine why; with the exception of Will Smith, he's reunited the core cast of the original film, including Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, Judd Hirsch, and Vivica A Fox, for a sequel set 20 years after the "War of '96." (I would've gone with "The Big Alien War"...but I'm not a screenwriter.) He's also added Liam Hemsworth, Maika Monroe, Sela Ward, Jessie Usher, and Charlotte Gainsbourg.

Tell me which cast members you don't recognize and I'll tell you how old you are.

They all got together for a 30-minute Q&A for members of the press, which you can watch here. Frankly, however, the audio is off (even though this is the official version), so I recommend skipping to the pictures below unless you're a die-hard fan:

On the other end of the spectrum from the 30-minute discussion is this clip, which is literally the shortest promotional teaser I've ever seen:

Here's a preview of what's in store for Resurgence, according to a Fox press release:

We always knew they were coming back. After Independence Day redefined the event movie genre, the next epic chapter delivers global spectacle on an unimaginable scale. Using recovered alien technology, the nations of Earth have collaborated on an immense defense program to protect the planet. But nothing can prepare us for the aliens' advanced and unprecedented force. Only the ingenuity of a few brave men and women can bring our world back from the brink of extinction.

Hollywood boilerplate language though it might be, I'm in. What else do we know about the plot? Well, Jeff Goldblum's character, perhaps because Will Smith didn't come back, is now in charge of Earth Space Defense (which is kind of redundant since Earth is in space...either call it Earth Defense or Space Defense, imaginary Earth bureaucrats!). That's a pretty big promotion from the guy who used to bang the first lady who no one wanted to listen to when he found a countdown. Now that I think of it, they really missed an opportunity to design a website where you solve a puzzle and it leads you to a countdown to the film's release.

Anybody want to take this thing for a spin? Get an exclusive first look at the Moon Tug! #IndependenceDayLive RT! pic.twitter.com/x6EX095A20
— Roland Emmerich (@rolandemmerich) June 23, 2015

Is there anything else Fox released? Well, the really cool photos you see throughout this article, which are mostly of a vehicle called the Moon Tug, which is described as a "forklift for the moon." It will be operated by our protagonist, played by Liam Hemsworth, who used to be a fighter pilot but got demoted to super-cool moon forklift guy after doing something reckless.

Yeah, totally like a forklift. Just your standard more-advanced-than-all-human-technology-up-to-this-point-combined forklift.

It's powered by technology recovered from the aliens after the first film (although if you recall, we've had their tech since the 1948 crash at Roswell, but it never turned on until the Mothership showed up), which apparently has allowed mankind to expand rapidly since defeating the aliens.

This is a fighter plane with two box fans taped under it, parked on the Battlestar Galactica set. But I'm still excited.

Speaking of Area 51 from the first film, Brent Spiner, who played the spaced-out scientist studying alien technology in the '96 film, will be returning...despite the fact that he was strangled by an angry alien and had his body's nervous system hacked so he could tell the President, "no peace" before the President finally asked if the glass between them was bulletproof (it wasn't). Maybe that casting choice was just their way of saying "If you come back, Will Smith, we'll write you in! I mean, look at what we did with Brent Spiner!"

Anyway, I'm pumped. Here's hoping Liam Hemsworth punches an alien and says "Welcome to the moon!"

With one line, the POTUS destroyed this fool.

Whether you agree with President Obama's policies or not, you have to admit one thing – the guy knows how to play it cool. This video from last night is a perfect example. The president was trying to give a heartfelt speech at a LGBT Pride event at the White House when a heckler started incessantly jabbering a bizarre, high-pitched monologue at him. It sounded like chicken noises.

For a moment, it looked like Obama might lose the room. Then, without losing his calm, he reminded the man, "You're in my house." With a rousing cheer, the crowd was his again.

Of course, the heckler didn't stop talking. It's a myth that you can get them to shut up by shaming them with a devastating line. The harder you burn them, the more they want to interrupt. So Obama did what any club comic would do: he had the asshole kicked out. Then he could continue with his performance in peace, and sell merch afterward.

After the man was removed, the president explained what he was thinking to Joe Biden:

What'd I tell you? Cool.

Attack cats are a gift. Unless they've turned against you.

Hey, guys, the week is almost over. We are SO close. And to me, this bear clearly represents the work week trying to get in and ruin your weekend and the cat is you, after a mimosa, saying, "Hell no! It's time for brunch!" Okay, this metaphor is getting a little convoluted. Hisss.

Let's just talk about how brave and awesome this cat is. I have no doubt that if there was no glass that cat would still have gone for it. Cats are crazy! The bear knows. The bear is like, "Oh, sh*t, I did NOT see you there, I'm out!" Just like me, tomorrow after work. But what I didn't see was that it's Friday... you know what, never mind. Enjoy this video and think about what you're gonna order for brunch on Sunday.

Last night on 'Late Night,' Amy Poehler dropped in for a revival of Really!?! with Seth & Amy.

The purpose of the SNL reunion was to make fun of Sports Illustrated writer Andy Benoit, who dumbly tweeted (then deleted, then apologized) that women's sports are "not worth watching." I don't have anything to say about this that couldn't be said better by my President, Amy Poehler. Here's her message to the networks about not broadcasting women's events:

You'll play 6 hours of pre-Kentucky Derby footage but you can't broadcast women's soccer? You think people would rather watch someone talk about hats than watch some badass American bitches take down Colombia?

Hopefully this is part of a larger takeover that starts with Poehler making appearances on the show from time to time, then slowly ramps up to a point when all networks just broadcast The Amy Poehler Show all day. Because don't you sometimes feel like television is too dominated by people who aren't Amy Poehler?

Rose McGowan is calling out her agent for calling her out for calling out Adam Sandler.

I just got fired by my wussy acting agent because I spoke up about the bullshit in Hollywood. Hahaha. #douchebags#awesome#BRINGIT
— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) June 25, 2015

The aforementioned bullshit that McGowan spoke up about had to do with a casting note for an Adam Sandler project. McGowan posted the skimpy wardrobe description for female actors and tweeted "hahahaha I die."

casting note that came w/script I got today. For real. name of male star rhymes with Madam Panhandler hahahaha I die pic.twitter.com/lCWGTV537t
— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) June 18, 2015

The post got nearly 3,000 faves and retweets, and despite McGowan's layers of disguise, people somehow figured out that "Madam Panhandler" equals Adam Sandler. McGowan told EW:

It was just so dumb. I was offended by the stupidity more than anything. I was offended by the fact that went through so many people's hands and nobody red flagged it. This is normal to so many people.

She also explained the source of her "hahahaha."

The part that made me laugh was where it said, “Make sure you read the script so you understand the context of the scene." [laughs] That was the part that made me laugh the hardest.

In this case, her laughing—in public and directed at a rich, rich man—got her fired by her agent. If it was the same agent she described in this anecdote to EW, though, it might end up being a good change.

When I did my first film, I was told by my agent that I would need to have long hair so men in this town would want to f— me and hire me. That was said to a 17 year old.

Such inspiring advice.

McGowan is not backing down, and was quick to hashtag the agent a douchebag. And as for the scenic context that informs the push-up bras? I guess we'll have to wait for the movie to find out.

It's everything you ever wanted to know about the Dursley family.

F**k yeah Dursleys!(via Wikia)

Finally! Eight years after the last Harry Potter novel came out, J.K. Rowling has taken the hint – the fans want more Dursley! Harry's callous, magic-hating family have always captured readers' imaginations in a way none of the wizarding characters could. Now, Rowling has disclosed some previously unknown information about the Dursley family on the Pottermore website. The update was teased with this cryptic tweet:

Over on http://t.co/kzy12qWt8X, new #DeathlyHallows Moments await you... pic.twitter.com/BxLVv1lEIT
— Pottermore (@pottermore) June 23, 2015

The new material includes both behind-the-scenes information on how Rowling conceived the Dursleys, as well as in-universe explanations of their history. She tells the story of how the Dursleys first met James Potter (it didn't end well) and how she picked the names "Vernon" and "Petunia" (she didn't like them.) She also explains that part of the reason Vernon always hated Harry is because of how much he looked like his father.

For less hardcore Harry Potter fans, the new Pottermore content also contains information on some magic stuff. Rowling explains the origins and theory behind alchemy, as well as something called "extension charms." This is starting to sound like a textbook. Rowling actually did write a magic textbook, and it became a bestseller. She really can do no wrong. Next she should write a whole book about the Dursleys, with no magic in it at all. That would be the greatest novel ever written.

Bury your secrets in a deep dark place.

Lots of men enjoy an excuse to work in the backyard with their tools. And after yard work on a hot day, nothing beats the heat like a cold beer. This shirtless luminary found a way to combine both the work and the reward, ensuring he does not have to share his libations with any neighbors or family members.

While yard work and drinking are common hobbies, it's fair to say this guy is into some underground stuff.

Wow! The best cat owners of all time put together this comfy crib for their beloved pet.

So loved.

28-year-old Max Brown and his wife are the best! They loved their cat Finn so much they put together a comfy, beautifully decorated nursery just for him. Pink is his favorite color!

Max shared the photos on reddit with the caption "Pretty sure our cat thinks the crib we put together was for him." LOL. What a good sense of humor this cat's human has. Of course it was for him!

You earned it, Finn!

Finn wasted no time getting settled in his new bed and snuggling up to his new stuffed puppy. And is that some kind of special c-shaped scratching pillow in the background? This is one lucky cat! It wasn't even his birthday!

1. This dog, who hid her babies in a hole during a raging wildfire.

Sometimes human beings point to animal behavior, and say, "We're one of them! We're savage animals in a constant dance of death and carnage! Coffee is for closers!" Blah, blah, whatever. If you act like a conscienceless maniac, please, blame yourself and leave the cats and dogs out of it.

Mama and papa animals have all the same impulses to nurture and defend that we aspire to in our relationships with other people. Get out your tissues and watch these inspiring furballs go above and beyond for their beloved babes.

2. This swan, who kicked the ass of a guy who touched his cygnet:

He was trying to help, but you know... swans are brave, not nuanced observers.

3. This elephant, encouraging her kid to just keep going a little longer:

Most of the time, what we really need from our moms isn't fierce fireworks, it's the wisdom gained from years of loving and nurturing life. When mom says, "Get up, you're blocking the road," it's because she loves us and knows there's a better place to konk out up ahead.

4. This possum, hissing her way out of a garbage bag with a back full of babies:

Home is where your family is, even if that family is squatting in a trash can.

5. This chipmunk, who is insisting that it is bedtime for baby chipmunks:

This mom is working SO hard to make sure her tiny ones get a full night's sleep. She probably wouldn't like it if you just grabbed her child and shoved it through that hole, but she definitely is going to be too tired to read a bedtime story after all that.

6. This squirrel, defending her young against a beast 10 times her size!:

Shoutout to the editor of this video, who took a few photos and created a hilarious reenactment of the scene. The music really conveys the terror of the squirrel family in the face of a chocolate lab and their ultimate triumph!

7. This rabbit, who makes that squirrel look like a total pansy:

This one is sad, guys. Mom didn't get there in time to save all her wee ones, but one bunny does appear to escape. And then mama rabbit takes her vengeance...

8. This cat, Scarlett, who saved her kittens from a burning building:

Gone, but not forgotten, Scarlett saved her five kittens from a house fire in Brooklyn in 1996 and was severely burned. Happily, she survived and lived another 12 years in a loving adopted home. Her memory is still honored by the North Shore Animal League with The Scarlett Award for Animal Heroism. I don't have a joke about this, I cried when I read about her!

9. This pitbull, who was a loving adopted mom to an abandoned kitten:

You don't have to be related by blood or even from the same species to be a loving parent. This dog found a 2-day-old kitty and took on the task of being its mom. Luckily, the two were found and rescued together, so no broken homes!

10. This cat, who is trying to keep her kitten so clean she licked it clean off the table:

Hey, being a parent is hard. Protecting them, supporting them, defending them and keeping their ears clean? It's a lot.

BONUS:

This dog, who was a mom to an abandoned baby:

Mkombozi means "savior" in Swahili, and it's what this dog was named after she rescued an abandoned human girl baby and carried her to join her litter of pups. See? Animals: they're better than us.

The Broaddus family are suing the previous owners of their home for not telling them it was being stalked.

Nothing ominous about this place.(via CBS 2)

It's every homeowner's worst nightmare (or second-worst, after bed bugs). The Broaddus family found their dream home: a six-bedroom, $1.3 million house in beautiful Westfield, New Jersey. They moved in with their three young children, and only enjoyed three days of peace before they started receiving chilling letters from someone calling himself "The Watcher."

The Watcher(via Wikia)

In the numerous letters that followed, The Watcher had plenty of nightmarishly creepy things to say, including:

"[The house] has been the subject of my family for decades. I have be [sic] put in charge of watching and waiting for its second coming. My grandfather watched in the 1920s and my father watched it in the 1960s. It is now my time."

"Do you need to fill the house with the young blood I requested? Have you found all the secrets it holds. Will the young bloods play in the basement. Who has the bedrooms facing the street? I will know as soon as you move in."

“Have they found what is in the walls yet? In time they will."

"I am pleased to know your names now, and the name of the young blood you have brought to me."

The Watcher also made references to having lived in the home before, and to being its rightful owner. He mentioned the previous owners, the Wood family, multiple times.

"Who am I? I am the Watcher and have been in control of [the house] for the better part of two decades now. The Woods family turned it over to you it was their time to move on and kindly sold it when I asked them to.”

“You have changed it and made it so fancy.”

“It cries for the past and what used to be in the time when I roamed its halls.”

“I asked the Woods to bring me young blood."

Although it's unlikely that the Woods actually agreed to bring anybody young blood, the Broadduses still believe they knew about the letters. They're suing the previous owners for selling them the house without telling them that it was haunted by a living ghost.

They're so afraid, they've abandoned the house until the letters stop. Westfield police are doing everything they can to identify the Watcher and bring him to justice. So far, they've made no progress. There's no way of knowing if this psycho is actually watching the house, or if he even lives in Westfield. Mayor Andy Skibitsky addressed the issue during a recent town council meeting:

"Our police have conducted an exhaustive investigation into the threatening letters. Our police went the extra measure and left no stone unturned."

He added that no charges have been filed. I guess the Watcher isn't hiding under a stone. He could be anywhere, really. In the end, this story contains a valuable lesson for all homeowners: you're never safe. Just get an RV and never stop moving.

Here's CBS 2's full report: