Many things marketed to women or culturally accepted as something women enjoy are actually great for men, too. That's right: men. With penises.

The other night, I (a dude) watched a show where women made "pleasure baskets." A pleasure basket is like a gift basket you make for yourself, full of chocolate and romance novels and scented soaps. I was trying my hardest to think what a man would put in his pleasure basket. Would you even use a basket for the male version of this exercise? Or would you make it a "rusty pleasure bucket full of after shave" or an "old paint can full of porn."

I realized, feeling my callused hands, that men also need to moisturize and get in touch with our sexuality through reading. 

Here are some things usually perceived as being for women that men should learn to love:

1. Manicures.

I understand that men only need to cut their toenails once a year, but your hands are visible most of the time, and need to be taken care of. Men show their worthiness by giving a firm handshake. You should probably make your hand as inviting as possible. You don't want to go in to shake hands with a potential employer and see him back away in fear because one hand looks like Bruce Campbell's chainsaw hand in Army of Darkness. Clean that shit up. A full-on spa treatment also offers the opportunity for you to feel like an old-timey king who gets waited on literally hand and foot. Do I even need to point out that you can't spell "manicure" without "man"? Well, I just did.

2. Casablanca.

One of the greatest love stories ever put on film is also one of the most manly movies ever made. Many think of this film as a romantic, boring movie to watch on a date night with your girlfriend so that she can weep through all the classic lines Bogey delivers. Casablanca, however, is a movie for men. Let me count the reasons: World War II. Check. A woman ready to leave her nerdy, world-saving husband for a cool guy who owns a bar. Check. A guy who gets to sleep with his ex and then send her off on a plane and never deal with her again. Check. Hell, the original title was Everybody Comes to Rick's. The movie's not about a love triangle! It's about a cool bar owner pulling one over on the Nazis. That's Tarantino territory. Be a man and watch it. 

3. Fancy underwear.

A lot of men think that wearing lingerie is something only women do to spice things up. But there are plenty of weird colors and revealing mesh style underwear a straight guy can put on to turn on a woman. It also will make you feel sexier even if it's not actually for someone else, which is something women who wear thongs for no reason say a lot (right? They say this?). If you're worried that wearing weird underwear is bringing you one step closer to biting the bullet and actually wearing women's underwear... who cares? It's 2015. Live your life.

4. Cosmopolitan Magazine.

Introducing our October cover girl @LaurenConrad! Get a first look at her interview, here: http://t.co/JPu1D9DWH8pic.twitter.com/PUrl3LkuvH

— Cosmopolitan (@Cosmopolitan) September 1, 2015

This magazine touts itself as a magazine for girls but is essential reading for any adult man who wants to remind himself why he's glad he's no longer a teenager. Many men go through a sort of American Beauty phase where they idealize their younger selves (and younger women), but open this absurd magazine to any page, and you'll find you're happy talking to mature human beings who are your age and without any weird drama. Also, you can find interesting makeup to buy for your significant other.

5. Baths with scented shit and bubbles in them.

Look how much fun Julia Roberts is having. A long, warm bath doesn't have to be meditative or an experience where you "center yourself" or whatever it is women do in the bathtub. It can just be a relaxing moment to immerse yourself in some water and listen to some good tunes. You're also allowed to masturbate in a bathtub just as often as women, but be ready to feel like taking a shower after your bath.

6. Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things.

The title alone will make some men instinctively want to smash it with their bare fists. But Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things gives no-bullshit advice that offers amazing insight into the human condition and actually answers questions about things that might plague you as a man, like "what should I do if I'm attracted to someone who's not my wife?" and "how do I actually write my magnum opus?" Buy it. It's important.

7. Wearing a men's button down shirt to bed.

It's your shirt. You should wear it wherever you want.

8. Pretending you've read all of Elena Ferrante's Neopolitan novels.

Talking like you know everything is a man's business for sure! Women shouldn't be the only ones talking at length about these beautiful books without having finished any of them. A man can enjoy pretending to love novels about women growing up in the violent outskirts of Naples just as much as any woman. It feels good to fit in at parties! You don't even have to get them from the library or buy them from a bookstore. Just start talking!

9. Crying.

I love crying. I wish I could do it wherever I want and not feel like I'm not living up to a male standard of stoic, non-emotional stubbornness. I'm not talking about single tear streaking down the face because a family member you weren't close to just died. I mean full-on blubbering "can't remember who you are or why you're even crying" crying. Between that or taking a really long nap, I can't think of something that makes me feel better. Being scared and sad is something we all feel. Let it out.

If you watch this video, it's kind of like you're doing science.

The folks over at Vox made this helpful little video called "Want faster wifi? Here are 5 weirdly easy tips." Although we don't know why Vox thinks the tips are "weird" (they're pretty normal), they highlight some simple things you can do to get a better Internet connection in your house. Pro-Tip: Tear down all the doors and walls in your house for maximum signal strength.

Topless selfies are really just the canvas Kim Kardashian uses to express herself in many various ways.

Don't worry, you're not stuck in a sexy time loop. This is, indeed, the third time of recent note that Kim Kardashian shared shirtless selfies on Instagram. First, she was topless in the desert. Then, she used the baby bottle emoji in an iconic new way. And now, she's sharing images from a photoshoot for the #ME issue of Interview, which honors social media leaders. 

What's especially shirtless about these particular photos is that the Interview photographer, who can be seen in the bottom left corner organizing the shoot via Facetime, is also shirtless. No explanation provided or necessary.

He likes big snouts.

Following news of his breakup with Miss Piggy, Kermit the Frog has already rebounded to a new pig named Denise. All this drama is leading up to the new Muppets sitcom, which will be a documentary-style show portraying behind-the-scenes production of "Up Late With Miss Piggy" (similar to 30 Rock). This should make things awkward at work, because Denise is a marketing executive at ABC, which is the network producing Miss Piggy's show.

Rookie mistakes, Kermit! You should avoid dating coworkers, and you definitely should not date multiple people at the office. Once you end a long-term relationship, you're supposed to get out there and spice things up! Maybe get weird with a female version of Gonzo or Animal. All sorts of exotic creatures in the Muppet family.

Kermit is trying to keep a low profile, which is wise because either he or Denise are going to walk away from this with severe injuries. Or they may not be able to walk at all. Let's not forget that Miss Piggy would straight up punch Kermit in the face for making a joke at her expense. If Denise knows what's good for her, she'll move, change her number and delete all her social media accounts. Hell hath no fury like a pig scorned.

A very earnest man asked Ronda Rousey to go out with him to the Marine Ball, and a lot of people wanted that to happen, so his vid went viral:

So cute! He cares about her training for her next fight. Well, a paparazzo cornered her and demanded: WILL YOU GO, OR WHAT?

There you have it. Get a date for her girls, and they will be kicking it up at the Marine Ball on December 11th. Be careful though, when Ronda Rousey kicks it up, it's generally in the direction of your face. Especially if you try anything. She's "not a first date kind of girl," apparently. Not that that is any of our damn business, but the strange man behind the camera got it out of her.

Now, who should we force to accompany us to a holiday party this year via viral YouTube request? Sir Ian McKellen?

They will now serve breakfast all-day every-day.

Remember that scene in Big Daddy when Adam Sandler is rushing to get the kid breakfast at McDonald's and he arrives too late and freaks the eff out? Well it's about to feel super dated because McDonald's just announced that they will begin serving breakfast all-day starting October 6.

Rejoice! You can now eat their amazing oatmeal at any hour of the day!

Students in Missouri left class to protest both for and against this transgender student's rights.

Lila Perry is a transgender student at Hillsboro High School in Missouri. Since Lila identifies as female, she has been changing for gym class in the girl's locker room, although she is still physically male. She opted to drop gym class because she didn't feel safe or comfortable, something a lot of people have wanted to do, but for far less drastic reasons.

On Monday, nearly 200 students left class, some in support of Lila, some in opposition. Whether or not they felt strongly, all students involved in the walkout definitely wanted an reason to get out of school for the afternoon.

Lila told Fox2Now "It wasn't too long ago white people were saying 'I don't feel comfortable sharing a bathroom with a black person' and history repeats itself... I think this is pure and simple bigotry, I think they are using their claim they are uncomfortable, to target me a transgender woman." 

From the news clip below, it appears that only one parent was involved in the protest, Jeff Childs, who drove to the school to hold a neon sign and voice his opinion.

Jeff told Fox2Now: "I feel these girls have a right to their own privacy. Without the privacy they have nothing."

Lila commended the school for how they've handled everything, giving it a 9 out of 10 for supporting her. She is dealing with a heavy human rights issue on top of all the other heaping loads of crap high school doles out. By adding her voice to the transgender community, hopefully other students facing similar opposition will see they're not alone.

Don't try to tell this kid 'The End' because he's not having it.

Ah, the magic of storytelling. Read to your children and they'll always love the written word. Perhaps they'll love it so much that reading will come to seem like a burdensome chore to you, chained to a worn and ragged copy of I Am A Bunny from now until eternity. Then, one day, you're free! FREE! Your wee babe has the manual dexterity to turn pages on their own and before you know it they're crying about how much reading they have to do for school. The joy of parenting is the real never ending story.

Dadaviz's Ian T. Sommers compiled data from a year's worth of texts with his mom in a very compulsively sweet gesture.

Ian T. Sommers of Dadaviz is a loving son. He also knows where his talents lie: number-crunching and infographic design. That's why he decided to put his skills to work and show his mom how much he cares at the same time. He compiled all the texts they shared over a full year and analyzed trends in the data. Then he put that information into these enlightening graphs. It's the kind of gesture that would make any mother blush and then worry.

You can learn a lot about their relationship from these images. More than Sommers may have planned on, actually.

As this first graph shows, they text more often the further he moves from home. Awww…

They usually only say "love" when it's somebody's birthday.

He says "sorry" a whole lot. There's definitely more to the story there, but we don't need to know about it.

Lastly, he made these clouds of their most-used words. Her #1 is "call," which makes it seem kind of mean that he made her keep texting all this time. But if he hadn't, we wouldn't have these great charts.

His most-used words are all simple confirmations. He really texts like a son.

It's weird to look at a mother-son relationship laid out in numbers like this. You have to give Ian Sommers credit for laying it all on the line like this. And you have to give it up for his mom for agreeing. That's assuming she agreed. Unless he didn't ask her, in which case we'd love to see the next text conversation they have.

These are way better than pictures in a park or on a bridge.

Groom and bride Ross Cohen and Blair Delson knew there was a chance they'd encounter the Philly Naked Bike Ride on their wedding day, and that's exactly what happened.

Their wedding photographer, Joseph Gidjunis of JPG Photography, informed them that their downtown photo shoot fell on the same day as the ride. The couple decided to roll with it if they happened to encounter the riders. They did, and everyone embraced it with arms (and legs) wide open. Gidjunis thoughtfully blurred/darkened people's bits so Cohen and Delson can share these photos with their grandchildren and you can look at them at work.

Check out more photos of the couple on the photographer's website.  

This is not a drill.

We've been stunned by Kylie Jenner's seemingly blonde hair before, and then had our worlds turned upside down upon learning she was just wearing a (really cool) wig. But now, for those patriots performing their civic duty of keeping track of Kylie's hair transformations, we have some breaking news. Kylie is legit blonde, and is—hold on to your extensions—going to go even blonder.

She posted a new selfie (above) on Instagram and wrote:

Took months of not dying my hair and wearing wigs to get my hair back to health so I can do this!! Thank you @priscillavalles @maishaoliver for putting up with me all day. I'm going for an ashy dirty blonde for the fall. But this shits a process! I'm coming for u khloé!

Watch out, Khloé. Behind you! Blonde Kylie is coming for you, and no one will hear you scream.

If you haven't met Baddie Winkle, she's best known for wearing incredible clothes on Instagram. For instance:

And this:

And THIS:

You get the idea. She started dressing up with her granddaughter's "help" a few years ago, to cope with the loss of her son and husband. Her popularity on Instagram has caught the eye of celebrities, including Miley Cyrus, who hosted the Video Music Awards last Sunday. So she got an invite, and she killed all of Miley's costumes dead:

Here's her pre-show look:

But she was rocking this hot number for the red carpet:

And if you have a problem with how an 87-year-old spends her time, well, Baddie knows how much fun she's having. More than you!

One student's Facebook post about her struggle with depression has connected with a lot of people on the Internet.

Rebecca "Bekah" Miles is a 20-year-old student at George Fox University in Oregon. Last year, she was diagnosed with depression. She felt crippled by her condition, but felt she had trouble talking to anyone about it. She discovered firsthand the social stigma that's still attached to mental illnesses, even very common ones like depression. So she decided to get a conversation going, using the favorite icebreaker of all Millennials: a tattoo. But unlike most tattoos, this one would start a conversation deeper than "Nice tat. Netflix/chill?"

As you can see, the tattoo says "I'm fine" to onlookers, but from Miles's perspective, the same letters spell out "Save me." It's an image she originally saw on Pinterest, and realized would have special significance on her body. Any nerds out there might recognize this illusion as an ambigram. The meaning of the image, on the other hand, is anything but a trick. It's a very apt commentary on the struggle faced by millions of depression sufferers: they're desperate to let others know what they're going through, but feel compelled to hide it at the same time.

Miles shared an image of the tattoo on Facebook, along with an intimately personal essay about her own experience with depression. That post has gone viral, with more than 400,000 likes, 300,000 shares, and coverage in major news outlets.

The post ends with a heartbreaking quote from Robin Williams:

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

Miles was shocked and delighted at the reaction her post received. She had hoped to connect with people, and had exceeded beyond her wildest dreams. This has to be the best-received tattoo in history. Miles was so blown away, she wrote this follow-up post.

You can support her by sharing the post on social media. You could have friends and loved ones suffering from depression and be totally unaware of it, and this post might make a real difference to them. And it doesn't just spread awareness of depression – it also spreads awareness of tattoos that aren't dumb. And that's just as important.*

*not nearly as important

It wasn't the classified info anyone was looking for, but it is the chuckle we needed.

This email is the best piece of unintentional comedy to come out of the 2016 race, and I'm including Donald Trump in that calculation. There's just something so bizarre yet understated about demanding to know "Where are we on this?" on an email with the simple subject line of "gefilte fish." It has the sublime weirdness of a Far Side cartoon mixed with the dry wit of a...well, a New Yorker cartoon. Except it's text.

Gefilte fish, if you don't know, is A) an appetizer served at many Jewish holidays and gatherings which is widely seen as unappetizing due to the fact that it's a balled-up wad of some kind of white fish with onions, eggs, and bread crumbs, and B) really fun to say.

So what's the story behind this email? Sadly, it was neither an attempt to get out of eating the dreaded fish dish at a Passover seder nor her ordering underlings to get the best goddamn gefilte fish out there for an important diplomat. It was just Hillary doing her job as Secretary of State and checking on a minor trade dispute.

Apparently, a large cargo ship packed to the gills with 400,000 lbs of Illinois carp (to be turned into gefilte fish) was idling off the shores of Israel. Passover was approaching and the carp wasn't getting any younger, but Israel's trade agreement with the US puts a 120% tariff on carp to protect local farmers. No one had told Illinois, for some reason, but now the ship was there and Hillary worked around the clock to get an exception to the tariff for the ship.

In the end, the ship docked, Passover happened, and no one touched the gefilte fish anyway, because gross. Oh yeah, and everyone forgot about her other emails.

Hard to believe this woman could make a mistake.

Child bride Courtney Stodden is famous because she married a man who was semi-famous when she was just 16 and he was 51. Doug Hutchinson may be an actor, but the C-Lister got way more attention than ever before  after marrying a teenager. They make a compelling pair with their weird, sad relationship. But it's a relationship that could never have existed without Courtney's mom, Krista Stodden, signing over permission. This might sound strange, but...she regrets it! Krista told Radar Online that this is the first year she hasn't spent Courtney's birthday with her, and it's brought up some feelings:

“I believe there are external influences without any names being said. I do not believe mothers and daughters should be separated.

“I think that if a husband can see that there are problems between his wife and her mother I believe he should stay out of the situation. There are some really horrible things that he [Doug Hutchinson] has done to me since she and I have not been speaking that will be very hard to ever forget about.

“I do take full responsibility, however because I am the one that did sign the paper for her to marry this man. If I had to do it all over again I cannot tell you if I would be signing that paper.”

Courtney Stodden is now 21 and can legally drink. Krista seems like the kind of mom who would take her daughter to the bar right at the stroke of midnight and order her tequila shots. That is unfortunate to miss. Mothers, hold onto your daughters. They grow up so fast when you pressure them to marry men their father's age. 

They're trying to make a fourth quarter comeback.

It looks like Tom Brady's troubles may take him to court again soon, since wife and supermodel Giselle Bündchen has threatened divorce in what appears to be a rough spot in their marriage. Apparently, Tom has been a bit irritable since his whole Deflategate scandal, in which the NFL issued a four-game suspension to the Patriots star for using under-inflated footballs to boost his quarterback performance. The legal proceedings have received extensive news coverage, as did his unflattering courtroom sketch drawing.

They are attempting to work through their troubles, and Giselle was recently spotted with Tom for another Deflategate court appearance. Hopefully, they'll pull through. If they don't, it will perhaps be the first time a rich athlete got divorced for cheating that didn't involve another woman.