Labor Day
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Seasonal
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Labor Day
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Relax.
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Labor Day
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Farewell
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Cool off.
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Adjustment period.
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Lazy days.
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Labor Day
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Labor Day
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The only thing more amazing than this enormous fire tornado is the fact that it's made of booze.
When a Jim Beam warehouse was hit by lightning, a disastrous chain of events led to an awesome video we can all enjoy.
This video comes from 2003, but has gone viral since it was shared by The Weather Channel yesterday. It already has more than 30,000 likes and more than 100,000 shares on Facebook. And why wouldn't it? It's incredible.
Isn't bourbon amazing? It can make you see unbelievable wonders even when you don't drink it. Sure, many fish had to die for this phenomenon to be possible, but at least they didn't die for nothing. This footage will stand forever as a testament to their memory.
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This footage of 25-year-old Angelina Jolie in an acting class is intense AF.
This is one of the scariest movies I've ever seen.
The Daily Mailfound this footage of young Angelina Jolie in an acting class, and yikes. I wonder what this scene is from so I can never see it because it's too scary. How good is 25-year-old Angelina Jolie at acting? She has the darkness and complexity of a 200-year-old witch, and that is a high compliment. Can you imagine being one of the other kids in this class watching this scene and feeling like a total doofus for preparing some dumb monologue about how being in love has good parts and bad parts?
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These women trusted each other enough to swap phones for a day.
Hats off to them for not doing anything to their social media profiles that involved profile pictures of dicks.
Buzzfeed Video had pairs of friends swap phones for a day and the results were, uh, pretty much what you'd expect. Participants messed around on dating apps, posted weird Facebook statuses, and checked in at weird locations. Things definitely could've gotten a lot weirder. If my friends have my phone for more than 5 minutes, they will have already changed the language to Greek and signed me up for multiple porn services. Come to think of it, maybe I just have shitty friends.
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Dog mom reuses old plastic grocery bag to carry around her puppy.
Would you prefer paper or plastic to carry your puppy?
It's a good thing this video is only eleven seconds long because if it was any longer you might overdose on adorableness and pass out. Ideally you'd pass out into a pile of puppies, which is where all naps should take place.
This independent canine mother is clearly a modern woman, for she doesn't even need a leash. She has also put a new spin on parenting by carrying her offspring in a plastic bag. Even dogs know that the future is now.
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Case of the Tuesdays.
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Bratty kids who got totally owned by their parents on Facebook.
That should cover you for the week, Mom & Dad.(Via)
We complain about the parents posting their pics of their kids all the time, but one day those same parents will serve an important role. When those kids grow up and stop being adorable, we need their parents to smack them down when they start smearing their bratty, self-obsessed crap all over our feeds. Here are some moms and dads who are making Facebook a better, and more entertaining place for the rest of us.
Any kid using words like "seshing" unironically is in need of some strict parenting.(Via)
A good parent builds confidence by constantly insulting a child's genitals.(Via)
Sophie's mum has a heavy finger sitting on Sophie's "unfriend" button.(Via)
Peace out to you too, mom. Peace out to you too.(Via)
Please mother, think of more. We're all behind you on this. (Via)
But Moooom, you know Thursday's the day I drink real cheap! (Via)
Mom's not giving out any "Participation" trophies. It's kill or be unloved. (Via)
And sometimes it's the kids' friends who end up getting owned.(Via)
Where schools fail, Dad succeeds...in public humiliation. (Via)
This is like the opposite of a Wanted poster. (Via)
How has Dad not gone from "in a relationship" to "single" all these years? (Via)
Not that clean! (Via)
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The Internet closed the generation gap far too quickly. (Via)
Jesus was the Carpenter. One of the apostles maybe?(Via)
The best career motivator is to never get torn a new one by your mom again.(Via)
Being a mom doesn't make you blind to when someone throws you a softball. (Via)
Dad just can't let the baby fly the nest.(Via)
She's been getting a vibe off you. She needed to draw the boundaries.(Via)
Stop acting shocked. Alcohol is responsible for nearly all human life on this planet.(Via)
Don't interrupt your kid. He's clearly high as a kite.(Via)
Don't dare her, Mom. And don't look at her Snapchats, either.(Via)
There should be a law against parents using words like "fap."(Via)
You really want him crying all over the power tools? They'll rust! (Via)
Honesty is a virtue in that household.(Via)
She just knows that the Internet has eaten into a lot of the profits.(Via)
Change "feeling loved" to "feeling hassled."(User Submission)
This is one easily frightened thug. (via)
Nice bedtime story dad. (via)
Dad has regrets. Well, one regret. (Via)
The drugs impaired his ability to understand how social networking works. (Via)
There'd be fewer pimp daddies with more anti-pimp mommies like this one.(Via)
Mom's got that shit on lock-down.(Via)
It's called "I Empty The Dishwasher And Cat Box Every Night
Since You Broke Up With Me." Get it right, Dad. (Via)
Kids today. Always trying to look like they lifted themselves up by their own bootstraps. (Via)
Sam likes what he likes. Let love flourish! (Via)
The fame went to his head. (Via)
And he remembers it fondly, apparently. (Via)
You are your father's son, even in ways you wish you never knew.(Via)
Then run your left hand under water because you just got burned.(Via)
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Thanksgiving is hell when a liberal teen is in the house.(Via)
His Facebook life then?(Via)
When you and your mom compete over meth consumption, time to leave Facebook.(Via)
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The Rock becomes real-life action hero, saves two French Bulldog puppies in peril.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson adopted two puppies over the weekend, and narrowly averted disaster when they jumped in his pool.
The Rock is famous for pretending to be a hero, whether in the ring or on the big screen. But this is the first time he's had a chance to show the world his real life heroics, and all he had to do was endanger two puppies.
To be fair, it doesn't seem like it was his fault. Here's his description of the incident from Instagram:
Here's a fun Labor Day weekend story... We just decided to add two new members to our Johnson family. Baby French Bulldogs. In my right hand is BRUTUS and in my left hand is HOBBS.
Bring them home and immediately take them outside so they can start learning how to "handle their business and potty like big boys". I set them both down and they both take off in a full sprint and fall right into the deep end of our pool. HOBBS immediately starts doggy paddling while BRUTUS (like a brick) sink heads first to the bottom of the pool.
I take off into a full sprint, fully clothed, dive in the pool, swim to the bottom, rescue my brick, I mean BRUTUS and bring him back to the edge of the pool. He was a little delirious.. took a moment, threw up all the water he swallowed and looked up at me as if to say, "Thank God you didn't have to give me mouth to mouth!" and then ran off to play with his brother.
A few lessons I've learned today.. A) Not all puppies have the instinct to doggie paddle. B) Some puppies (like BRUTUS) will be so in shock by experiencing water they will sink extremely fast so react quick. C) While spiriting to save your puppies life, before you dive in, try and throw your cel phone to safety. Don't keep it in your pocket... like I did.
#BRUTUSLives #HOBBSCanSwim#MyCelPhonesDead#AndNoMouthToMouthNeeded#HappyLaborDay
There you have it: The Rock is a genuine hero who is willing to ruin his own phone to save a rambunctious puppy. Also, he doesn't know how to spell "cell phone."
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5 things I fail to accomplish every single fall.
1. Apple picking.
What sounds better than going apple picking on a cool autumnal afternoon? Who doesn't want to pick out their own pumpkin to carve into a spooky Jack-O-Lantern? All your friends want to. Or least that's what they'll tell you, usually while drunk. I have made countless empty promises that "we should totally go apple picking." Anyone who tells that "This year they mean it" is a dirty liar 99% of the time. I've been having this conversation every fall for years now and I haven't picked apple nor pumpkin since I was seven years old.
2. Refusing to give in to the pumpkin-flavored-everything obsession.
It's just too much. It's so too much, that even the backlash is too much. I get annoyed by both the pro- and anti-pumpkin-flavor people. I wish we could find a happy middle ground and all agree that pumpkin flavored stuff is kinda cool, but we only need a little bit of it. But no, everyone just loses their goddamned minds over the stuff. For that reason, I land on the anti-pumpkin side of the issue. However, I can never stay true to this decision. A pumpkin beer with the brown sugar rim is pretty tasty no matter how hypocritical I feel drinking it.
3. Celebrating Oktoberfest.
If I can't make it to a farm to behave like a child, you would think the least I could do is drink properly. Nope. A day of giant beers and big pretzels sounds fantastic, yet it is is nearly impossible to execute. I think it's because for some weird German reason true Oktoberfest occurs in September. I don't think about Oktoberfest until I see other people going to one. By then, it's too late to find a good Oktoberfest. The October Oktoberfests are usually just bars full douche bags that offer two-for-one Heinekens. If I manage to drink a stale Sam Adams Oktofest beer by the end of December that's the closest I get to accomplishing this goal.
4. Going to a haunted house.
Full disclosure, I don't actually want to go a haunted house. It sounds festive, so I agree to it, but I'm pretty psyched when the plan falls through. These things have two hour lines and then they're scary inside. Really scary. They say "don't worry, they're not allowed to touch you." But guess what? Sometimes they touch you. I don't like that.
5. Remembering something terrible happened to my coat at the end of last winter.
Whether it's a broken zipper or getting puked on by a cat, something awful always happens to my coat at the end of winter. Every time it's the end of the winter—when it's not important enough to remedy because I won't need the coat much longer. That's a problem for Autumn Me. Then Autumn Me shows up and gets pissed at Winter Me's reckless behavior. The first chilly day of fall I always find myself surprised and shivering. It never fails. Oh well, a pumpkin spice latte should warm me up.
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Everyone is furious about this "Dear Fat People" video, just like its creator wanted us to be.
YouTuber Nicole Arbour created a video that is causing quite an "ugh" sighed dramatically and simultaneously by people across the Internet.
The video, entitled "Dear Fat People," explains, basically, why it's okay to treat fat people badly. You can watch the entire six minutes to try to really absorb the nuance. Arbour insists that she is a comedian and told Buzzfeed that the video is "satire," although diligent viewers have failed to uncover any jokes.
After the video started causing outrage, it was briefly unavailable on YouTube. Arbour says she was censored, although YouTube hasn't commented and we know from living in the world that videos usually don't get taken down just because we want the people in them to go away.
Some people are accusing Arbour of faking the censorship to get attention.
And other prominent YouTubers, including comedian Grace Helbig and TLC star Whitney Way Thore, have made their own responses. A lot of the pushback has focused on sticking up for young people who could be harmed by seeing Arbour's video. (Arbour has now added "WARNING: awesome content 16+" to her Twitter bio. What do you think? Has the nation's youth been saved?)
Meanwhile, Arbour has aligned herself with some of history's greatest goofballs by nonsensically invoking free speech.
This whole kerfuffle has brought out a lot of negativity throughout the Internet, so hopefully a really, really famous person will imminently take a no-makeup selfie to get us back on track.
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