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Morning after.


Learn quickly.

Stephen Colbert kicks off totally new show with patriotism, Jon Stewart cameo.

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CBS: Col Bert Station. 

It's finally here! After a dreadful 9 months of a Colbert-less television landscape, he is back in our lives for nightly rendezvous. Instead of his old 11:30 on Comedy Central, our boy Stevie is at the even later 11:3on CBS. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert premiered last night and was both freshly exciting and comfortably familiar — the reunion you dreamed it would be.

With Colbert having said goodbye to his Comedy Central character "Stephen Colbert," he says goodbye to addressing his fans as the "Colbert Nation" as well. He pledged allegiance to his new nation as himself, which just so happens to be the broader United States of America. In a rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner" that spanned from a baseball diamond in Central Park, to the Washington Monument, to the Fort Worth Stock Yards, Colbert set the tone for his new show. 

After the song is sung, the umpire takes of his mask and is revealed to be a questionably mustachioed Jon Stewart. While that was a stark reminder of what we lost on TV this year, it just makes us glad that at least we have Colbert back. 

Highly professional weatherman pronounces insanely long name of village without laughing.

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He's swell(sh) and Welsh.

Liam Dutton, a weatherman for UK's Channel 4, performed the incredible feat of pronouncing the impossibly long name of a village in Wales.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is indeed a real place, with a population of approximately 3,101, one person for each letter in its name. Tweeting the name of the village takes up all 140 characters.

To think that in our era of abbrevs (yup, just used an abbreviation for "abbreviation"), there is still a word as long as this one. Try fitting that on the envelope when you mail your next letter to your Welsh pen pal.

Jeb(!) Bush does a surprisingly good Donald Trump impression.

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He's almost as funny as his brother.

Under the guise of debate prep, Colbert got presidential hopeful Governor Jeb! Bush to put a little Trump in his step (stump?). Addressing "the Orange Elephant in the Room," Bush read some Trump-ular lines off the teleprompter, and was surprisingly convincing. 

"I will build a wall between the United States and Iran, and get Mexico to pay for it!" In a calculated way as not to alienate crazy Republicans, Bush lowered his voice a little, flattening his palm and raising his hand to do the iconic Trump gesture. 

With the power to absorb the honest, crazy intensity of Trump, he just might win the Republican nomination (but lose the General Election to Deez Nuts). 

Degrading upgrade.

A guy made a 2-minute cartoon about the time he sh*t his pants on a first date. It's inspirational.

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Just. Keep. Swimming.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llBaCTUy7nA

This may be the worst first date story ever. Yet, after hearing it, anything seems possible! This guy SH*T HIS PANTS during a first date. White pants. And he still hooked up. Wear navy blue or burnt umber and there should be nothing for you to worry about when you take out that cutie. You know what cutie we mean...

Of course, going some place where it's semi-appropriate to walk into the ocean in case of emergency is very key. If this had happened in the desert or at a T.G.I. Friday's, this would be a whole other story. Do NOT poop yourself at T.G.I. Friday's. No one comes back from that.

The Internet is in love with this movie poster's ingenious hidden twist.

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The poster for the movie 'Legend' made the best of a bad review by hiding it in plain sight.

Can you spot it?

If you thought the twist in this poster was that Tom Hardy is on it twice, you were wrong. That's the twist of the movie. In the new true crime film Legend, Hardy plays identical twin London gangsters Ronnie and Reggie Kray. It's like The Klumps meets Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

The Hardy boys.

The movie hasn't attracted much attention, and has received mixed reviews. Whoever designed this poster knew that, and decided to use some truly devious graphic design mojo to make the most of the situation. Look again at this closeup:

Look closely between the Hardies.

The poster actually advertises The Guardian's two star review, sneaking it in so that at first glance, it looks like a four-star rating hidden by Hardy heads. Benjamin Lee, the author of the Guardian review, praised the trick on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/benfraserlee/status/641368752798306304

If you're curious to read Lee's review, you can find it here. And if you're curious to see the movie, go ahead. But don't expect it to be better than the poster.


James Franco is going to be a totally normal, not weird high school teacher.

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We all had that one odd teacher.

Class is in session or whatever.

James Franco is returning to his alma mater, Palo Alto High School, this time as a film teacher. He'll be teaching an eight-part workshop, in which students will collaborate to create an original short film. The class will be capped at 24 lucky and brave students, who might be taking a class or are unknowingly participating in one of Franco's wacky performance art pieces. He made the announcement via Instagram.

Franco has a lot of experience working with high school students, like the time he may have tried to hook up with a 17-year old through Instagram. Or when he recently starred in the movie Palo Alto, which is about a student at Palo Alto High School losing her virginity to a teacher. It's based on a short story he wrote. And the teacher is played by none other than James Franco, at the high school where he's now going to be an actual teacher. What could go wrong?

A couple created a ‘Drunk History’ of their love story to save their wedding guests from boring toasts.

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This is the level of entertainment that people getting married should provide for their wedding guests.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WaIv4WBYsc

Newlyweds Justin Willman and Jillian Sipkins made a video in the style of TV show Drunk History to explain to their wedding guests how they met. Together, they downed a bottle of whiskey, two bottles of wine, and half a bottle of vodka before explaining their relationship history to the camera. Then, actors recreated the scenes. This is a professional quality viral vid, and their story provides enough missed connections, glitzy events, and self-deprecating magician jokes to build a true rom-com arch.

According to Buzzfeed, the couple played the video at their rehearsal dinner and everyone, "even grandma," loved it. According to Instagram, Sipkins was wearing a dope bridal crop top-pant combo at the time.

https://instagram.com/p/7SBHFRHhYe/

Congratulations on not boring your friends and family with a borderline inappropriate 25-minute anecdote that barely makes sense. May you have many years of viral glory ahead of you.

The band Survivor is pissed Kentucky clerk Kim Davis used their song without a proper license.

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Apostolic Christian Democrat (?) Kim Davis was released from jail yesterday after repeatedly refusing to grant same-sex couples marriage licenses.

Kimmy-D on the mic.

There was, of course, a huge celebration from her supporters, who have made her into a martyr for refusing to fill out paperwork. Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz made an appearance, because why not alienate moderate voters and just go balls-out super conservative and see what happens (it worked for Netanyahu in Israel)? As Davis walked out on stage, the event organizers blasted Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger," the 80's rock ballad used in Sylvester Stallone's masterpiece, Rocky III.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydyFhIjdRlU


Survivor was pissed at Davis supporters for co-opting the song for their cause, kind of like how conservatives in 1994 claimed Forrest Gump as the embodiment of their cultural values, even though its creators said it was not political. Frankie Sullivan, the band's frontman, posted the following message on the band's official Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/survivortheband/posts/890489774379037

Jim Peterik, the band's founder, also tweeted the following:

https://twitter.com/jimpeterik/status/641423117210902530

Looks like the license denier has become... the license denied.

This dog had the best reaction to hearing that there'd be a new baby in the house.

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YouTuber "Melanie M" filmed a family member telling their dog Charlie that he'd be getting a baby sister.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gwg7okyltw

The baby was set to arrive tomorrow, so they gave Charlie a piece of clothing with the baby's scent on it. Dogs associate by smell, and this would prevent him from freaking out when she arrived. Charlie takes a whiff, pauses for a few moments, and, well, just watch the video. Is he disgusted? Nervous? Scared? Those are totally normal emotions for a dog going through your situation, Charlie. We're all here for you.

Article 30

'Captain Underpants' creator reveals a main character is gay in a refreshingly chill way.

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Aye aye, Captain.

Oh Captain Underpants: the books we loved as children and that children today still love. Often confused with Captain America, Captain Underpants isn't a skinny dude-turned-supersoldier but a stoutly teacher-turned-superhero, the creation of author/illustrator Dav Pilkey. Who could forget George and Harold's misadventures when they accidentally turn their teacher into their comic book creation? 

The twelfth book, Captain Underpants and the Sensational Saga of Sir Stinks-A-Lot, was released in August, and while it admittedly doesn't sound like a progressive tale that advances LGBT representation in children's literature, it is. The tale features a time-traveling twist in which the young protagonists George and Harold meet their future selves. 

The book reads, “Old Harold, his husband, and their twins, Owen and Kei, plopped down on the giant beanbag chair.” 

And that's it. That's the only mention of his sexuality; it's business as usual. It's not a saccharine or sentimentalized coming out story, or a rift between the two friends, but a fact of life. It's not an issue because it isn't an issue. Harold grows up to have a husband and an adorable family, and even keeps his cool hairstyle in tact. 

Who would have thought that progressive politics and poop jokes make a great combination?

Selena Gomez, who would like you to know she is sexy, wears arms instead of a shirt on new album cover.

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Here is the cover for Selena Gomez's upcoming album, which she is promoting with her skin.

https://instagram.com/p/7YduTpOjOp/

In the weeks leading up to the October 8th release of her album Revival, Selena Gomez keeps taking more and more of her clothes off. It's like the slowest striptease ever, since she's removing articles of clothing at a rate of approximately one item per week. Case in point, here was her progress last week.

She posted the picture on Instagram yesterday, reminding the world that arms are an excellent replacement for a shirt. The only downside is that if you need to actually do anything with your arms, you'll end up flashing a breast or two while digging through your purse for your keys outside the supermarket.

Selena's promotional team is so good it gives me faith in the frail, sickly music industry. Remember, Selena is very sexy, which she let us all know in the video for her single Good For You:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TsVjvEkc4s

 


A groom lip-synced his vows to express his unwavering commitment to going viral.

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Now would be a good time for someone to run down the aisle screaming, "I object."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hUVUBWITcQ

Perhaps I already used all my wedding stunt good will on that fun Drunk History video, or perhaps this groom isn't selling it hard enough. If you're going to do something like this, I'm going to need you to vamp about 5,000% more.

This guy broke out into a lip-sync mash-up during his wedding vows, mouthing words to songs by Whitney Houston, 'N Snyc, and Ed Sheeran. Yes, this man chose by his own volition to include Ed Sheeran in his marriage vows. Is that legal basis for an annulment? Also, did you make everyone in your wedding party wear the same glasses? What happened to simple, old-fashioned, Jennifer Aniston-style gatherings where everyone's phone is taken away?

 

Adorable elderly couple reunites in airport, and thankfully this creeper caught it on tape.

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This couple is so distracted by their love that they have no idea they're being filmed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwPbeeSnIsQ

The only thing more entertaining than this sweet couple meeting each other in an airport is the reaction of the woman taking the video. She never turns the camera on herself, but it is safe to say she is crying while watching this impromptu romantic scene unfold before her watery eyes. Also she's being a creep by taking the video in the first place.

The man in the video waits with flowers while his wife arrives, and the camera operator just totally loses it while her mind is overloaded with adorable. This might be the best thing to happen in an airport, like, ever. One reason is because it combines romance with voyeurism. Another reason is because I wonder if he's waiting with flowers because his AOL email address is on the list of hacked Ashley Madison accounts?

Here's to finding love before eventually dying alone!

Tom Hardy explains those old MySpace tighty-whitey selfies we've been giggling about.

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Remember these hilarious pics of "Mad Max?"

https://twitter.com/diandrasharline/status/282640115371761665

Yes, yes, we all had a good laugh.

Because there were also these:

https://twitter.com/benfraserlee/status/600403029897191424https://twitter.com/_komzlfc/status/251814197363617792?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/lethalbarnes/status/602959247446540289

On the list of awkward social media detritus that might be found on a newly catapulted celebrity, this is all pretty cute. Since Mad Max: Fury Road was so wildly popular, with its titular character played by a granite jawed badass, circulating Tom Hardy's pre-fame flab has been a fun pastime for the Internet. So far he's allowed us our kicks without a peep, but he's finally come out with a statement in a Sky News interview on Tiny Whitey Gate:

“I’ve got no shame about my Myspace photos, especially the one of me in my underpants which is a glorious photo of a man in his natural habitat. In my tighty-whitey budgie smugglers. In America, they say ‘You should be ashamed of this’ but I’m actually not remotely ashamed – that is me in my natural habitat, thank you. I might not be an Adonis, but I like to think of myself as an Adonis in that photo.”

Did we think he should feel ashamed? It seemed more like Americans wanted him to release more of these pictures, if anything. Stand proud, Tom Hardy, budgie smugglers out!

Article 24

Someone seamlessly edited dozens of classic movies into the creepiest scene of all time.

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Hell's Club imagines a nightclub frequented by characters from every movie you've ever seen. It's trippy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QajyNRnyPMs

Antonio Maria da Silva is a film editor par excellence. Based in Paris, his movie mashups combine footage from classic films so smoothly, it can be hard to tell where the cuts are. In the past, he's brought us treats like Terminator vs. Robocop and Bruce Lee vs. Bruce Lee, but Hell's Club has to be his masterwork.

It seems like he's combined every nightclub scene from every movie ever made into this 10-minute epic. The end result contains a lot of tense (possibly sexual) eye contact, and some spectacular violence. As far as we're concerned, you're not a film buff until you've watched Blade, Tony Montana, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and John Travolta duke it out under an unnatural red light.

Congratulations! You're now all officially film buffs.

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