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Robot waits in line to buy iPhone for a very, very smart woman.

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A woman in Australia sent a robot to wait in line at the Apple Store for her new iPhone, so welcome to the future. Lucy Kelly works for Atomic 212, a media agency which has perks that include sending robots to run errands for employees. The robot is basically an iPad attached to a Segway, controlled remotely by Lucy via her computer. She said the company utilizes robots for everything around the office:

We use them for everything, just to show new technology. It is a cool demonstration of what the future of technology will be. We are obsessed with them.

https://instagram.com/p/7_coQmp3yF/?tagged=atomic212

If they use the robots for "everything" at the office, it probably means that the robots gossip about each other and that two robots get drunk every year at the Christmas party and have sex. Kelly's boss suggested she send the robot for her iPhone so that she could stay in the office.

I wanted to be one of the first people to have the iPhone 6S, but obviously because of work I can't spend two days standing in line waiting for a mobile phone. So my boss said 'Just take the robot down, you'll still be able to do your work, but you'll still be waiting in line.'

Many people would probably go with the opposite plan of waiting in line themselves, while the robot stays at the office to toil away in a cube and sit through senseless meetings. We will certainly see more people sending robots into their boss's office to request permission to leave early on Fridays.


This video of what anxious people think other people say will remind you that everyone hates you.

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As you might know from reading this site, I sometimes have anxiety problems. Wait, should I not tell you that I have anxiety, because you'll use that to judge me? Oh god you probably think I'm a terribly awkward person now, when in fact, I'm only a terribly awkward person sometimes.* Shit. But that's why I appreciate this video that shows things people said vs. what a person with anxiety thinks they said. It rings true to me. Wait, I mean I know nothing about this, because I am very well-adjusted, but some other person out there who is not me might identify with this video. Yup, that's totally what I meant.

https://youtu.be/drgl1050m8M

*Only on days that end with y! Ha! HAHAHAHA. If you need me, I'll be hiding underneath these blankets.

25 people who are way too drunk to be texting right now.

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It's time we gave praise to the drunxt. The embarrassing, typo-laden drunk text is a celebration of the human condition. While the rest of the world is relying on auto-correct to fill their texts with humiliating mistakes, the drunxter is shouting against the mechanized future that a human being doesn't need a computer's help to achieve embarrassment. We can do it with nothing more than an unhealthy amount of booze and a slippery thumb.

1. This fiancé.

2. This guy who had a run in with the cops.

3. This guy who is probably now single.

4. This champion speller.

5. This random f*cker.

6. This WTF person.

7. This take-backer.

 

8. This FBI agent.

9. This gentleman.

10. This loyal companion.

11. This guy who needs a translator.

12. This race expert.

13. This rock star. 

14. This noisy vagina whisperer.


(Via)

15. This savvy problem-solver.


(Via)

16. This raver.


 (Via)

17. This cool dude.


 (Via)

18. This skrunk.


(Via)

19. This language expert.


(Via)

20. This employee.


(Via)

21. This drunk mom.


(Via)

22. This cookie monster.


(Via)

23. This puker.


(Via)

24. This drunk dialer.


(Via)

25. This scientist.


(Via)

 

A mom wrote a letter about sexist Halloween costumes to Party City and they banned her ass.

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Lin Kramer is a lawyer and a mom and she wanted to pick out a cool costume for her 3-year-old daughter on Party City's website that didn't involve sexualizing her. Kramer was pretty disappointed by what she found in the 'girl costume' categories, and decided to pen an open letter to the company, which she posted on their Facebook page. She thought the company might be responsive, as they've recently made a big fuss about pulling ads from The View over insulting nurses, implying they've become more sensitive to public opinion. Also, if there's one thing Party City does, it's honor nurses!

I got a bad case of loving fishnets!

Here it is and warning, it's long as heeeeelllllllll:

An open letter to #PartyCity:Dear Party City, Having just finished perusing your website for Halloween costumes for...

Posted by Lin Kramer on Monday, September 14, 2015

Kramer posted the letter to Party City's Facebook page, and shared a screenshot of their initial response:

But would they really consider Lin Kramer's feedback in the future? Not likely, because her letter was soon deleted, and she claims she is now banned from the page entirely and unable to post or comment. Now that her story is circulating, people seem far more offended by how Party City is handling the complaint, than by sexy police costumes for toddlers. Folks are now commenting all over Party City's page with criticisms of how messed up their costumes are, in some cases even copy-pasting Lin Kramer's letter directly. Which is fine, because Party City's response is also copy-pasted:

What a fun party this has become!

Party City doesn't want to cause costume problems, they want to provide costume solutions. So hopefully, whoever set up the 'reply bot,' then walked away from their desk, will realize what's up and get on top of this soon. 

Martin Shkreli's ex-girlfriend says he offered $10,000 to go down on her, and she has screenshots.

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Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli, that enfant terrible you love to hate, is back in the news just a day after he was forced by overwhelming public outrage to rescind his 5000% price hike on Daraprim, a drug used by AIDS and cancer patients. In the (two) days since that story broke, the press has painted the 32-year-old former hedge fund manager Shkreli as an unethical, spoiled rich brat who only cares about making money. But a new blog post from Shkreli's own ex-girlfriend shows a different side of this mysterious figure: one that's creepy toward women.

Could a man who loves puppies be a creeper? Based on this picture, yes.

In a post on her blog In Defense Of Getting Off, a woman known only as Katie says that she dated Shkreli when they were in college. She was 18 and he was 19, and she broke off the relationship once she realized he was a manipulative liar. But she kept sleeping with him off and on, because millennials.

When she finally cut him off once and for all, she thought things were through. But years later, he messaged her on Facebook out of the blue. And lest you think he had changed his ways, he quickly came forward with a classic indecent proposal.

Modern romance.

In the messages, Shkreli offered Katie $10,000 if she would let him perform oral sex on her. In response, she deleted him as a Facebook friend, but he sent her a new friend request this summer, around the time he became CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals.

Was he hoping to take advantage of his new position to raise his figure? Maybe he only raised the price of Daraprim to $750/pill so that he could offer her a million for a chance to not satisfy her sexually. If so, it could be that he's not such a bad guy after all. JK, he's the worst.

Shkreli denied the allegations to Business Insider, offering this rambling explanation of the screenshots:

You can see it, but perhaps there's some, you know, back and forth that you don't have on an email address or something. Maybe I'm referring to something else. You know, it's possible that it's not what you think. It's also possible it's fabricated. I don't know. I don't have them. It's from 2009. It's a jilted lover or vice versa. It just doesn't seem that meaningful.

There he is demonstrating his gift for public relations. For people who resent the 1%, this guy is the gift that keeps on giving.

What is #JustKeepDancing and how soon can you expect it on a Facebook feed near you?

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Celebrities have started participating in #JustKeepDancing, and some (we) are calling it the new Ice Bucket Challenge. But what is it, exactly? Basically, it's a viral campaign to raise awareness of and money for pediatric cancer. 

It all got started back in May, when Ellen Degeneres, noted dancer, do-gooder, and host of The Ellen Show, had Braylon Beam, a 6-year-old cancer patient and twerker, on the show. Braylon uses dancing to make his chemotherapy treatments less of a suckfest and more fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgW0PzPPFCs&feature=youtu.be&a

Inspired by Braylon's attitude, Ellen said: "Just like the Ice Bucket Challenge raised awareness for ALS, I would like to start a movement. I'm challenging people to record themselves dancing to help raise money for kids and families dealing with pediatric cancer." You record yourself dancing with the hashtag #JustKeepDancing, make a donation to St. Jude's Children Research Hospital, and challenge someone else to do the same. That's it! 

Over the summer, the hashtag failed to pick up a lot of steam, though some private citizens did participate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXQYT0NlRlY

But recently, celebrities have started getting on board, which may give the movement the shot in the arm it needs. Since part of participating is challenging another person to take part, the movement gotten exponentially more visible in September.

Here's WWE star Daniel Bryan:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZKTrh_9pvg

And here's The New Day and Sasha Banks:

https://twitter.com/truekofi/status/641651491913236481

And most recently, here's Jon Stewart

https://twitter.com/WWE/status/646758479961559040

He challenged Stephanie McMahon, who already accepted:

https://twitter.com/StephMcMahon/status/647093134992642048

Who will participate in #JustKeepDancing next? We challenge...ourselves! To get over our fear of dancing in public.

Agents squash 360 pounds of cocaine found in pumpkins.

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Federal agents seized more than 360 pounds of cocaine found in a shipment of Costa Rican pumpkins and squash at the Port of Philadelphia. The drugs were hidden in very thin packages lining the inside of the shipping containers, which at the very least isn't the silliest way people have tried to smuggle drugs into the country.

The street value of these pumpkins is $6 million.

According to the AP, "An on-site test by U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials determined the substance was cocaine." But agents already suspected that when several of the pumpkins started talking with a rapid rate of speech discussing their favorite DJs, plus lots of ideas they have for starting businesses.

Unsurprisingly, someone has released Martin Shkreli's phone number and home address.

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Jerks of the world should probably know by now: if you're going to do something as jerkish as raising the price of a drug used by cancer and AIDS patients by 5000%, someone is going to anonymously release your private information. Using throwaway accounts, someone has been tweeting Martin Shkreli's supposed phone number and home address, and according to Death and Taxes Mag, the phone number at the very least appears to be real. Either that, or somebody put a fake Martin Shkreli voicemail on their phone just to hear the kind of crazy messages people would leave for him. (I bet a lot of them use the word "f*ck!")

I think this photo serves as a reminder that you should be careful of what photos you put online in case you ever do something (or several things) that make people dislike you.

The Twitter accounts spreading the phone and address are obviously getting suspended, but Death and Taxes published the information too, if you want to take a look or give the man a call. 


Here's what you want from a slow-motion camera: all the ways animals can attack, in detail.

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Don't mess with crocodiles. Or hawks. Or owls. Or bombardier beetles. Or the BBC, which apparently has access to these and many more frightening beasts to film in slow-motion at their leisure. "We've compiled some of our favourite animals attacking in slow motion," they wrote with that weird British "u," but I'm just left wondering if this is what they do when office parties get out of control in the nature division.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5cJmBHLjXo

 

Best friends.

This trippy two-face Halloween makeup tutorial will make your head hurt.

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When it comes to Halloween, some people like big, startley scares. Others, like makeup vlogger Promise Tamang, prefer creepy Halloween makeup that gives people headaches and a general sense of unease. It's the sort of fiendish, quiet scare that makes you ask questions like "Is something wrong with my eyes?" and "Did I accidentally disturb someone's grave?" and "OK, seriously. I obviously disturbed someone's grave, so what the hell can I do to get this to stop?" In this case, the answer is easy: all you need to end this haunting is a bottle of makeup remover. At least, I hope that's all you need.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=26&v=edSb4gYR_Bg

 

This little lion cub's squeaky roar will make you want to give it all the hugs.

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There is a hierarchy in the animal kingdom. Before you can be king of the jungle, you have to be pipsqueak of the... concrete walkway, apparently. But despite his tiniest of roars, this little lion cub has that part down. Then I'm pretty sure the next step is elaborate bread lion, finally followed by king. You'll get there, little buddy. Just keep squeaking along.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee7WKxzpY7E

 

Cute little slugger stops game to deliver a very important message to the first base coach.

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In today's adorable video, a little boy named Trip proved an important point about sports: the focus that distinguishes great athletes is something you have to learn. Trip may grow up to be in the Hall of Fame, but first he'll need to acquire the discipline to keep his eye on the ball, and stop focusing on the fact that he both likes and loves the first base coach. The fact that it's his dad is irrelevant.

But Trip has plenty of time to master that. For now, we can all enjoy this cute video of him gushing over his daddy. Maybe someday, they'll show it on the jumbotron after he hits a dinger.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85Pj6OTFrfs

 

Fall break.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes 'Bitch Better Have My Money' as adorably quaint as you've ever heard it.

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"Bitch Better Have My Money" was given the barbershop quartet treatment by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jimmy Fallon, and The Ragtime Gals on last night's Tonight Show. You know the song; it's the one that accompanies that scary music video/extra episode of Hannibal. 

https://youtu.be/UkCfh-mB_G0

This is one of Fallon's finest segments: the Gals have previously done harmonic renditions of "Sexual Healing" with Steve Carrell and the frat party classic, "Ignition (Remix)." If you every need to threaten your accountant and get your money, this arrangement is the charming the way to do it. Now, who did it better: Joe and Jimmy, or Miss Piggy?


Anne Hathaway and Seth Meyers recreated the last scene of every romantic comedy.

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We've seen it all before: romantic comedies, and romantic comedy parodies. But people continue to find ways to make both the romantic comedies and their parodies fresh. Seth Meyers, himself a veteran of such illustrious films as New Year's Eve and I Don't Know How She Does It, brought these experiences to his show last night to overcome obstacles and chase after Anne Hathaway to ask that one. last. question. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diD68gEntPI

 

Meyers has had some great sketches deconstructing clichés, like his Actathalon with Neil Patrick Harris and his meta-Sorkin sketch. We're just waiting for his take on "Jimpire."

The Duggars—well, some of them—are coming back to TV.

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Jessa and Jill Duggar will star in a series of specials for TLC, so if you thought you'd finally get some sweet relief from thinking about the Duggars, you thought wrong. According to the AP, there will be at least two installments that focus on the sisters' current life transitions:

So far untitled, they will feature Jill Dillard, 24, who, with her husband, Derick, and their infant son are preparing to move to El Salvador for missionary work, and sister Jessa Seewald, 22, who with her husband Ben is expecting their first child on Nov. 1.

Hopefully there won't be too many scenes of Jill packing a suitcase.

https://instagram.com/p/29Pix1LsxY/

As you probably know and don't want to think about anymore, both women starred on reality show 19 Kids and Counting until it was canceled due to revelations that oldest Duggar sibling Josh had molested four of his sisters when he was a teenager. Josh then went on to have additional creepy scandals due to his Ashley Madison account and his self-admitted status as "the biggest hypocrite ever."

Fall treats.

A mom's post on why you shouldn't let anyone (even politicians) kiss your baby on the mouth went viral.

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New mom Claire Henderson was getting a lot of visitors that wanted to squeeze her baby's cheeks and kiss it right on the lips (what?). Little did she know, one of those adults with boundary issues was carrying HSV-1 otherwise known as The Herp (herpes). 

Her baby contracted the virus and ended up in the hospital. Here's Henderson's Facebook post:

Please share this with every new mum and pregnant woman you know... COLD SORES CAN BE FATAL FOR A BABY. Before 3 months...

Posted by Claire Henderson on Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Most adults carry HSV-1, even if they're not regularly breaking out with cold sores. If you are an adult who shows visual evidence of the virus, you know it's annoying, though it's very rarely serious in a healthy adult. The same isn't true for newborn babies, who have undeveloped immune systems. Henderson's post above reads:

Please share this with every new mum and pregnant woman you know... COLD SORES CAN BE FATAL FOR A BABY. Before 3 months old a baby cannot fight the herpes virus. If a baby contracts this it can cause liver and brain damage and lead to death. I know this sounds like I am scaremongering but if my friend had not told me about this my baby girl could have been very seriously ill. I noticed the signs early and got her to A&E, we have now been in hospital on a drip for 3 days and have got another 2 to go. She was VERY lucky, all her tests came back clear. The moral of the story is DO NOT let anyone kiss your newborns mouth, even if they don't look like they have a cold sore- 85% of the population carry the virus. And if someone had a cold sore ask them to stay away until it has gone. Everyone who I have spoken to had not heard of this before and so I felt it was important to share Brooke's story and raise awareness to stop anyone else going through what we have this week.

OMG! Do NOT let anyone kiss your newborn with their gross mouth, especially anyone who might be running for president. You have no idea where they've been, but it's definitely somewhere disgusting.

Fortunately, spreading HSV-1 to a baby by kissing it on the mouth seems to be a rare occurrence, but since we don't know exactly how high the risk is, it seems smart to err on the side of caution and kiss those tiny baby feet instead. Spread the word, not The Herp.

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