These Irish guys try to explain and figure out the purpose of several sex toys, and their bewilderment and occasional bashfulness is fantastic. Sometimes they're surprised by the weight or vibrating speed of the toys, and sometimes the accessories simply baffle them. They're presented with more toys than they knew were possible. And they gladly acknowledge that their tongues are no match for some of the functions. If they can't crack the mystery on their own, they then get to read the instructions aloud with those incredibly charming accents.

The variety of toys and their intended destinations make for some memorable quotes. See if you can guess which type of toy was the muse for these gems:

This is like, the logo for Prince, right?

It's like a little cartoon ghost. 

It's like one of the turtles' hands. You know, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

It kinda looks like it would do some damage. 

At least we know one guy is trying to be resourceful and creatively thoughtful: he discovered that the vibrating butt plug can also be used to relieve a headache in the temple. 

We now know why McFlurry spoons are weird and square and hollow, and have progressed as a species because of it. The question has certainly plagued society for decades—

—and thanks to a McDonald's employee on Tumblr, we now have an explanation. 

as someone who worked at mcdonald’s i can tell you that:

we fill the cup with ice cream, we dump the oreos on top, we stick the spoon in, we put the entire thing in a machine and use the spoon to stir your mcflurry

Reality IS The Matrix. The medium IS the message. The spoon IS the mixer.  

Life will never be the same.

Donni Saphire has favorited over 600,000 tweets on Twitter and he loves them all equally. He reads every tweet so you don't have to. 

It was an action-packed week, as social media reacted to presidential candidates from both partiessounding off in debates and interviews, several long-suffering baseball teams advanced in the playoffs, Columbus Day was cheered and jeered, and the season grew colder still. Here are your top 40 tweets of the week:

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Pharmaceutical CEO Martin Shkreli, who made himself famous by astronomically hiking up the price of a life-saving AIDS drug, just can't stop making a fool of himself on social media. When you're that rich you can probably buy some sort of supplement that blocks shame, but this story about him donating money and getting rejected is still delicious for us plebes. During the Democratic debate, Shkreli tweeted that he donated money to presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders:

This is true. Shkreli donated $2,700 on September 28th, the highest amount allowed from individual donors, to the Sanders campaign, and the money was originally accepted. It was baffling that the very liberal Sanders would take money from a price-gouging capitalist, and folks were also confused by Shkreli's motivation:

No clear answer there, but Shkreli continued to taunt the naysayers:

It turns out Shkreli has been trying to get various candidates to respond to his questions on why he isn't allowed to charged critically ill people $750 for a pill, when that money could potentially fund medical research. None of them are dignifying him with a response:

With a donation that big, Shkreli hoped to force a mano a mano face-off with Senator Sanders. Well, it turns out that Sanders did not take Shkreli's money after all. Once he realized who the donation was from, he gave it to the Whitman-Walker Health clinic in Washington. Sanders's campaign spokesman Michael Briggs said in a statement:

“We are not keeping the money from this poster boy for drug company greed.”

Feel the Bern.

Justin Theroux, the actor and hero who saved Jennifer Aniston from the horrid fate of being an accomplished independent single woman, went on The Ellen Show this week. Ellen ribbed him about how he "took forever" to marry Aniston, and he shared more gossip about their charmingly top secret wedding. It had previously been reported that the pair told wedding guests they were being invited to Theroux's surprise 44th birthday party, but he clarified that actually they told some people (like Ellen and Portia) that it was a real wedding to ensure they'd come. Meanwhile, some of the guests they left in the dark showed up in jeans and flip-flops. Ellen also gave Theroux a highly disturbing gift: a life-sized Jennifer Aniston doll so he doesn't "feel alone" when he's without his new wife.

Most of us are familiar with the classic Little Tikes car, the red-and-yellow plastic vehicle that lets toddlers scoot around using Flintstones-style foot power. In what can only be a desperate effort to hold onto a lost childhood, Oxfordshire, UK brothers John and Geof Bitmead have made a motorized, totally street-legal version of the car for adults. Because the only thing that's more fun than a toy is a toy that might someday need $5,000 in repairs. Here's a video of the car from when it was first made, a couple of years ago:

Unfortunately, the dream John mentioned in the video of using the car to raise money for charity (and to pay off the ~$46,000 cost of building the thing) never came true, so now the brothers are selling it for around $32,000. Yes, it's true! For double the cost of a sensible Honda Fit, you can buy a windowless, climate-uncontrolled Daewoo Matiz that will probably get constantly rear-ended because people are staring at it. Dreams: They do come true. 

According to the BBC, the Bitmead brothers have their eyes on a much more reasonable project next: an Addams Family camper van.

11-year-old Rebecca DePietro drew a stick figure drawing of a burglary suspect for police that resulted in a successful arrest. She made the drawing for the Stratford police after they asked her family if they had seen anyone suspicious following a string of neighborhood robberies. Rebecca had, and while she thought they might not take her attempt seriously, they used it to capture the suspect who then confessed to ten burglaries in the area:

I was like, yeah I can draw a picture of him. It wasn’t like the best picture, it was just a head and some legs and I thought oh he’s probably just going to crumple it up and throw it out.

They police did not throw it out. Instead, they superimposed her picture over mug shots of potential suspects, and found a match.

Stratford Police Chief Patrick Ridehour praised Rebecca's work and hinted at a possible future in law enforcement:

For us to take that sketch and match it up, it was remarkable. Maybe she’s part of our next generation of detectives.

The only way it could have been a more perfect arrest from a stick figure drawing is if the suspect was nabbed outside a house with a disproportionately huge chimney under a giant smiling sun. As a result of her assistance, Rebecca was honored at a ceremony along with other Stratford police officers for distinguished service. She has taken the neighborhood watch to the next level.

Pranks are terrible and everybody hates them, but this one is just barely saved by the adorable accents and reactions of everyone involved. It's unclear how they managed to glue an egg to this guy's head, but it seems pretty stuck on there. And he's so proud of himself for balancing it, look at this face:

Eventually, when he slinks away to pry the egg from his noggin off camera, you'll remember that tricking your friends is sick and twisted. But for about 2 minutes simply enjoy this eggcellent prank:

After the Toronto Blue Jays won the American League Division Series, fans were euphoric, so much so they didn't even say "sorry." While covering the celebrations, a reporter asked a fan, "You're going to be getting tickets to the next round?" but didn't sufficiently inflect at the end, so it sounded like a statement, rather than a question. The fan immediately let out a loud, remarkably excited scream, vastly different from the mild Canadian manners most are used to. But then, like any nice and repressed Canadian, the reporter didn't have the heart to tell her. 

Put your earphones in — it's worth it.

The Walitsch sisters of San Jose, CA, wanted to thank their parents for paying for all five of their presumably very expensive wedding ceremonies. They should also thank their parents for amazing genetics, because they look more like ageless sorority sisters than blood relations born in descending order. Are they quintuplets?! Lindsay, Becky, Kelly, Cassie, and Jamie brainstormed how best to express their gratitude to mom and dad, and settled on getting a photo shoot of themselves all wearing their wedding dresses.

It's possible Mr. and Mrs. Walitsch are so rich that they wouldn't prefer simply being repaid. Perhaps the cost of these excellent photos by Rachel Blackwell is relatively low compared to complete wedding reimbursement. In the end, the sisters know their folks best. Anyway, the girls got their dresses out:

Reminded everyone about the bling:

Went to Starbucks:

Rented a vintage truck...:

And recreated that scene from Friends where everyone is miserable in wedding dresses:

Congrats, girls. You've all only been married once, yet have gotten to wear your dresses twice. 

You're welcome, mom and dad!

Ann Coulter was shut down by the hosts of The View for her views on immigration this morning. After discussing her support for Trump, she was asked by Ana Navarro (herself a Nicaraguan immigrant) what her book title, Adios, America: The Left's Plan to Turn Our Country Into a Third World Hellhole, means. Coulter then started giving her textbook spiel about how immigrant "maids" from "backwards cultures" are ruining America, and the conversation quickly devolved into a pretty typical View takedown, in which a lot of people yell over each other. The hosts questioned Coulter about her lineage, Raven told Coulter she should be nicer, Coulter fired back by calling out Raven on her "Watermelon-Andrea" comments from last week, etc. It's hard to summarize, since there were a lot of people talking at once, so just take a look (starts around 4:20). 

Celebrities seem to think their baby photos are worth sharing just because they're famous and talented and their children are beautiful and their lives are perfect. (Subtweet: Megan Fox.) Well, Liv Tyler is famous and has a cute baby too. But you know what she has that you don't, Justin Timberlake? Pumpkins. And lots of them too. 

Liv Tyler shared this Instagram photo of her 8-month-old son, Sailor. Notice the decor, the lights, the emojis, and the powerful autumnal mise en scene that evokes true fall flavor. Now try harder, other celebrities with babies.

Ted Richards is a 56 year old man living in Hartcliffe, England, who had his ears surgically removed so he'd look more like his pet parrots. Yes, parrots: those bright, winged creatures whose only resemblance to a human being is "having eyes" and nothing else. However, Ted is totally obsessed with his birds and is undergoing body modifications to looks like a bird. His face is already covered in feather tattoos, and he even got the whites of his eyes tattooed orange and blue.

Here's a close-up:

Ted is very pleased with his surgery. Te told The Telegraph "I think it looks really great. I love it. It's the best thing that has happened to me," and "I am so happy it's unreal, I can't stop looking in the mirror." His next step is to get his nose altered to look like a beak, so the opposite of that nose-job your friend got during their surgery for a "deviated septum."

Here's Ted chilling with one of his parrots:

Ted won't say who performed the surgery, but not everyone thinks it was a good idea. Plastic surgeon Marc Pacifico told The Telegraph he is not down with this elective ear removal:

"I am absolutely horrified to learn that someone has voluntarily put themselves forward for this to be done and possibly more so that he found somebody to actually carry it out... I would like to think whoever did this is not medically qualified because that would call into judgement their ethics and morals."

Oh and Bird Man has a girlfriend, because of course he does. Here's a video of Ted when he still had ears:

Check out The Telegraph's article if you'd like a video of him without the ears. It's your choice.

Self-driving cars are a real thing now, and we even managed to get them without those horrifyingly creepy Total Recall robot cabbies (well, so far). But that doesn't mean that self-driving cars aren't super disconcerting once you actually get in one. Jalopnik editor Michael Balliban got to experience first-hand the joy/terror of "driving" a Tesla Model S with Autopilot. Watch this video, and gaze upon the face of a man as he witnesses the robot takeover in real time. 

Halloween is almost here, and we've been featuring all the best costumes we can find for your inspirational needs. We got ideas for couples, pregnant women, babies, celebrities...we were even very thorough about cat costumes. But forget them all and lay eyes on this swashbuckling rogue:

That walk tho. 

Ignorance is bliss. It was said by someone, but you'd probably be happier if you never knew who. Whomever it was undoubtedly understands the devastation the Internet community is feeling today after learning the back story of its favorite meme, the Ermahgerd girl. Like the trauma of finding out there's no Santa, the truth about the Ermahgerd girl is super disappointing and may result in the holidays being ruined for the next couple of years. 

The Ermahgerd girl is actually 24-year-old nurse Maggie Goldenberger. Bad news: she doesn't look like that; and worse news: she never did. Goldenberger tells Vanity Fair, the famous picture was taken while playing dress-up with her friends when she was 11 years old. She never wore her hair in pigtails, pulled that legendary vest out of a costume box, and as a goof, put in her retainer.

Oh, and the Goosebumps books we thought she loved so dearly- NOT MUCH OF A FAN!  "I was not an avid Goosebumps reader,” she said, breaking hearts the world over.

The pic was posted on her MySpace and Facebook pages for years, but it didn't go viral until 2012, when a Reddit user (who didn't know her) came across her pic, and uploaded it with a slogan reading: "ERMAHGERD GERSBERMS, MA FRAVRIT BERKS."  The Ermahgerd Girl meme was born, and spin-offs are still rolling out:

Maggie still laughs about her online alter ego. She specifically loves this version of her on the Titanic. (Next she'll be telling us Jack and Rose weren't real!) Goldenberger told Vanity Fair:

In an interview on TODAY with Maria Shriver, comedian Amy Schumer got into some of the darker stuff about being a woman on television who is constantly criticized for her looks. Schumer has been mining the topic for laughs for a long time, but in the interview she actually gets emotional (gasp!) talking about how the stress of appearing in public on stage at times made her physically ill:

Schumer says:

It’s an emotional thing. It’s been a struggle for me my whole life, and especially just being in the entertainment industry. Standing on a stage in front of people, I can’t perform my best or be confident if I’m not sure — if I’m pulling at something [I’m wearing]. And sometimes, I would just want to throw in the towel and be like, ‘I’m not gonna go do stand-up tonight.'

She even teared up talking about how a stylist helped her and her sister dress their bodies so they could feel more comfortable and confident. Leesa Evans was the stylist for Amy's hit movie Trainwreck, and Amy's sister Kim Caramele is actually a writer on Inside Amy Schumer:

My sister and I, we both have always dressed badly. Leesa had given me this gift of showing me how to dress and feel good. And she didn’t have to do this, she just did. She shopped for my sister also, and seeing my little sister wearing a little blazer and a shirt and looking just like a strong, beautiful woman, it was … to see this person I care the most about being given those tools was really moving for me. And I just wanted to give it to every woman.

And she also admits what we all already know about beauty standards in Hollywood:

I’m coming out like, ‘OK, here’s what’s going on: No one’s just naturally thin. Everyone’s starving.'

That's probably true for most young actresses, at least until they reach their last f*ckable day and get to relax already. 

A 7-year-old found a racist note in her Wendy's kids meal, and on a much lesser note, they didn't even give her a toy. Maníge Osowski of Arvada, Colorado took her daughter to a local Wendy's, where she ordered a kids meal. Instead of getting a Wendy's"Tag" game, she got a deck of cards. Written in black ink on the ace of hearts was "the N word as well as other derogatory sayings."

Osowski went back and told the manager, who told the employees to "stop playing games." The manager then ripped up the card, and when Osowski asked for it back, he refused. Osowski refused to leave without the card, so the manger "called the police and had her removed from the store," which was probably not the best move. 

Osowski organized a protest outside the restaurant on Tuesday.

Wendy's was quick to apologize and fire the employees:

"Our brand values center around treating people with respect, and we have taken this situation very seriously,” Wendy’s Spokesperson Bob Bertini said in a statement to ABC News. “We investigated and responded swiftly, and the two employees who were involved are no longer with Wendy’s."

 Osowski doesn't think it's enough, though; she said that she doesn't accept their apology.

Osowski said she received a call from a Wendy’s spokesperson apologizing for the incident. She's asking for a written apology to her daughter and believes that the staff should go complete a “comprehensive anti-racism training."

#nojusticenofrosties

There's an extensive, fascinating profile of Taylor Swift in this month's GQ, and the best moment happens when Swift ignores the (kind of condescending) interviewer, Chuck Klosterman. While in a car together, Swift's phone rings:

The display panel says the incoming call is from J TIMB. “Oh, my God. Justin Timberlake?” Her surprise does not seem artificial. “Can I take this?”

Yes, Justin Timberlake called Taylor Swift in the middle of her interview. Not Justin Timberlake's publicist. Not Taylor Swift's manager who had talked to Justin Timberlake's manager. Justin "SexyBack" Timberlake himself. And she has him labeled as "J TIMB" in her phone. (Hopefully he has her under "T-Swift" or "Tay-Tay.")

Swift goes on to have a joke-filled convo with Timberlake, and she asks her driver to pull over so she can get better reception. They talk for "almost 15 minutes," which curmudgeonly Klosterman notes "is a little weird, since I'm just sitting there beside her, openly taking notes." Chill out, Klosterman. You want someone not to answer a phone call from Justin "Rock Your Body" Timberlake just because you're there lurking around with a pencil and paper?

So what was JT calling about?

Eventually JT tells her the reason he’s calling is because he wants to perform the song “Mirrors” with her on the last night of her upcoming five-date stand at Staples Center. (Late in every concert, Swift brings a surprise guest onstage.) She reacts to this news the way a teenage girl in Nebraska would react if suddenly informed that a paternity test had revealed Taylor Swift was her biological sister.

When she ends the call, Swift looks at me and says, “This is so crazy. This is so crazy.” She repeats that phrase four times, each time with ascending volume.

This is why it's important to pick up all phone calls, even from unknown numbers and exes and scammers. You never know when it could actually be Justin "FutureSex/LoveSounds" Timberlake calling you with the sexy opportunity of a lifetime.

Drought-stricken California got a rainstorm on Thursday. That might seem great, but in addition to much-needed rain, the storm also brought golf-ball-sized hail, flash floods, and mudslides to parts of the state. The flooding was especially bad in Kern County, where the storm covered parts of Highway 58"in up to 20 feet of mud and debris" — while traffic was already jammed up due to the storm. One person driving along 58 at the time was Jose Antonio Vargas, who posted a video of the experience to Facebook:

Ray Pruitt, spokesman for the Kern County Sheriff’s Department, told the LA Times, "I have never seen slides like this." He is expecting the cleanup to take days.