Article 22
↧
↧
Mom who died of cancer leaves beautiful, wise, and hilariously foul-mouthed letter to her family.
A woman named Heather McManamy passed away this week at age 36 from breast cancer. One of her last requests was that her husband Jeff McManamy share a letter she wrote to friends and family. It is, of course, heartbreaking. But it's also funny, smart, and littered with curse words. The letter is going viral with over 3,000 shares, probably because reading it makes you feel that Heather McManamy is someone you would have wanted as a friend. When you finish it, you'll mourn her passing too.
Hello all,I am posting this on behalf of the love of my life. These are her words. Much love to all. - Jeff...
Posted by Heather McManamy on Tuesday, December 15, 2015
She starts with the bad news, then segues to gratitude:
So…I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, apparently, I’m dead. Good news, if you’re reading this, is that you are most definitely not (unless they have wifi in the afterlife). Yes, this sucks. It sucks beyond words, but I’m just so damn glad I lived a life so full of love, joy and amazing friends. I am lucky to honestly say that I have zero regrets and I spent every ounce of energy I had living life to the fullest. I love you all and thank you for this awesome life.
And asks that you not impose your beliefs on her when she's no longer around to argue about it:
Whatever religion brings you comfort, I am happy that you have that. However, respect that we are not religious. Please, please, please do not tell Brianna that I am in heaven. In her mind, that means that I chose to be somewhere else and left her. In reality, I did everything I could to be here with her, as there is nowhere, NOWHERE, I would rather be than with her and Jeff. Please don’t confuse her and let her think for one second that is not true. Because, I am not in heaven. I’m here. But no longer in the crappy body that turned against me. My energy, my love, my laughter, those incredible memories, it’s all here with you...Please tell Brianna stories, so she knows how much I love her and how proud of her I will always be (and make me sound waaay cooler than I am). Because I love nothing more than being her mommy. Nothing. Every moment with her was a happiness I couldn’t even imagine until she came crashing into our world.
And takes a couple knocks at cancer:
And don’t say I lost to cancer. Because cancer may have taken almost everything from me, but it never took my love or my hope or my joy. It wasn’t a “battle” it was just life, which is often brutally random and unfair, and that’s simply how it goes sometimes. I didn’t lose, dammit. The way I lived for years with cancer is something I consider a pretty big victory. Please remember that.
Then focuses on her loving family:
Most importantly, I was unbelievably lucky to spend over a decade with the love of my life and my best friend, Jeff. True love and soulmates do exist. Every day was full of hilarity and love with Jeff by my side. He is genuinely the best husband in the universe. Through all my cancer crap, he never wavered when so many people would want to run...I believe that the awesomeness that is Brianna is our love brought to life, which is pretty beautiful. It absolutely breaks my heart to have to say goodbye. If it’s half as sad for you as it is for me, it breaks my heart over again because the last thing I ever want to do is make you sad. I hope that with time, you can think of me and smile and laugh, because, holy shit did we have a breathtaking life.
She finishes with some suggestions for her awesome funeral and a reminder to us all:
If you go to my funeral, please run up a bar tab that would make me proud. Heck, blast “Keg on My Coffin” and dance on the bar for me (because there had better be a dance party at some point). Celebrate the beauty of life with a kickass party because you know that’s what I want and I believe that in a weird way, I will find a way to be there too (you know how much I hate missing out on fun). I look forward to haunting each one of you, so this isn’t so much a goodbye as it is see you later. Please do me a favor and take a few minutes each day to acknowledge the fragile adventure that is this crazy life. Don’t ever forget: every day matters.
RIP Heather McManamy. You were rad.
↧
Real, live Elf on the Shelf will silently judge your Christmas party guests for just $100/hour.
A Boston-based Craigslist user posted an ad offering his services as a real, live Elf on the Shelf. For $100 an hour, he offers to sit perfectly still at a holiday party of your choosing, just like Big Brother-ish childen's toy. It's like that dad that posed as a creepy Elf on the Shelf, but for hire. And there's more! In the ad (since flagged by some grinch), he reveals he's also a private investigator and babysitter for some reason:
For $100/hour I will come to your holiday party dressed as the Elf on the Shelf and sit in any location you assign me while I stare emptily at your guests for the duration of the event.
I specialize in holiday themed events, either yours or an un-expecting friend's, but I also offer contracted private investigation and babysitting services. Please inquire about these rates, as they are negotiable based on the task at hand.
My services have been in high demand this season, so I now require at least 48 hours notice in advance of any bookings and appreciate your understanding.
Thank you, and happy holidays!
Craigslist offer lots of people you can hire for $100 an hour that will sit anywhere you assign them while they stare at you with empty eyes. Their services are also in high demand this holiday season! But they're probably not also private investigators and babysitters. Hopefully he takes off the outfit as a private investigator, otherwise he'd be easy to spot in a parked car or up in a tree with binoculars.
↧
Article 19
↧
This guy's viral Christmas card features a baby Jesus you'll really want to cuddle.
A man made a Christmas card with a nativity scene starring his cat as the holy baby Jesus Christ, and, of course, he says some people were slightly offended—but not on the Internet of course, where cats basically already are a religion. "Me and my cat's Christmas card was deemed 'sacrilegious' by a few people," tamagothecat posted on Reddit. "What do you think?" (Answer: you probably think it's an obvious bid to make a Christmas card go viral.)
Obviously, Reddit ate this up with a spoon.
↧
↧
A bunch of huge celebrities sang 'Joy to the World' while stuck in traffic.
James Corden's Carpool Karaokesegment is quickly becoming one of the best recurring bits in late night. Thursday night on The Late Late Show, Corden unleashed some secret footage from his trips with stars including Stevie Wonder, Justin Bieber, and One Direction (apologies to Stevie for putting them all in the same sentence). Together, they created an epic Christmas music video for "Joy to the World." Iggy Azalea even contributed some freestyle rapping, which was just as bad as her pre-written rapping.
↧
This Irish mom's rant is going viral for all the delightful curses she flings at Justin Bieber.
Justin Bieber recently added two tour dates in Dublin, and apparently Ireland is full of rabid Beliebers, because the shows sold out yesterday in just eight minutes. This meant that there were some broken hearts on that magical isle, and some price-gouging on the Internet! Alicia Gayson was looking for tickets for Bieber's concerts—his first in the city since 2013—and was enraged to find them selling on Ticketmaster for €1840 (that's almost $2000 in USD). The Irish "momma bear" (that's how she describes herself on Facebook) took to social media to tell Bieber exactly what she thinks of him, and it is delightful:
She rants:
Dear #JustinBieber
Are you actually having the lols with us this morning pal??
After having spent my morning (like other Irish mammies nationwide ) with my mush stuck to both phones, laptops, I pads and even bleeding the Morse Code network trying to get tickets to your gig (which you selfishly announced a week before Christmas putting ADDITIONAL needless pressure on mammies and daddies because little girls all over the country changed their Santa list on hearing the news) - imagine the excitement when we managed to bypass the Ticketmaster queue into the purchase tickets page.
Imagine the palpitations as we wait on the tickets to be allocated knowing that most have been snapped up so we chose the BEST AVAILABLE option.
Imagine the fucking sheer devastation and heartache to see that the best available tickets are priced at a "mere" €1840 euro - EACH!!!
Would ya ever go fuck off with yourself you skinny snot nosed cunt!!
Did you forget that you were once raised by a single parent mother yourself??? Ya fucking selfish prick!
I'm lucky that my "child" is 18 and while disappointed, will understand that mammy did her best. But what about the little 8 year old girls for whom Justin "The Grinch" Bieber just stole Christmas???
Bah fucking humbug to you too - ya twat!
Her post has now been shared over 5,000 times, which must be close to the entire population of Dublin. Gayson was obviously not expecting her anger to strike such a chord in the angry breast of moms everywhere, who are cracking under the pressure of finding the perfect Christmas gift. She followed up her original post with some explanations, as well as her fears about her own mom reading the naughty language:
When Dolly gets her, she's dead.
↧
The top 41 tweets of the week as picked by someone who spends way too much time on Twitter.
Donni Saphire has favorited over 600,000 tweets on Twitter and he loves them all equally. He reads every tweet so you don't have to.
Amidst holiday shopping and a lively presidential debate, tweeters chattered about the new Star Wars movie; their hopes, their fears, their determination to avoid reading spoilers. Elsewhere, widely hated "pharma bro" Martin Shkreli was arrested by the FBI one day after talking smack about the Wu Tang Clan. Coincidence? We think not. All this and more, in the Top 41 Tweets Of The Week!
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
38.
39.
40.
41.
↧
Article 14
↧
↧
Article 13
↧
15 women who expertly shot down horny guys via text.
One of the most important social skills a woman can have these days is the ability to diffuse some gross guy blowing up their phone with unsolicited dick pics or requests for nudity. It's of utmost importance to respond with grace, humor, and humiliation.
1. Hope you like back hair.
2. Wet and wild.
3. It pays to be courteous.
4. Kill the moment quick.
5. An honest mistake.
6. Derpy derp?
7. Foreplay.
8. So it shall be arranged!
9. What a disappointment.
10. Brick.
11. Literally the best.
12. Just send a picture of some rando.
13. Sorry, so busy.
14. The Scottish play.
15. Que Cera Cera.
↧
This dad turned his baby into a real Elf on the Shelf and took a ton of cute photos.
A dad turned his 4-month-old baby Rockwell into a real Elf on the Shelf because someone told him his son looked like an elf (it's all in the ears). Each day in December until Christmas, WFLA reports, dad Alan Lawrence is posing Rockwell around the house as an elf and taking a photo of him with help from his family and the magic of Photoshop (to edit the person holding up Rockwell out of the photos so it looks like the baby is hanging precariously on a ledge).
The Elf on the Shelf tradition, by the way, is only a few years old—but it's already the creepiest Christmas tradition other than singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside." This version, however, is just pretty cute.
↧
Article 10
↧
↧
Santa hooked kids up to a lie detector and asked them if they were naughty or nice. They lied.
If there's one thing to be learned from Christmas, it's that kids are Machiavellian little monsters who only care about presents. If you had any doubt about that, this video from Distractify will prove it to you, using the cold hard science of a lie detector.*
In the clip, kids are hooked up to a polygraph machine and interviewed by the operator and a curiously young Santa Claus who doesn't even do a voice. The kids' responses varied between lying about having good intentions, and being shockingly honest about their greed for toys. It was a good time for everyone.
*Note: lie detectors are notoriously unreliable.
↧
'Star Wars' gets a bad lip reading with help from Jack Black, Maya Rudolph, and Bill Hader.
The original Star Wars has gotten the bad lip reading treatment, dubbed by the hilarious Jack Black, Maya Rudolph, and Bill Hader. So if you're waiting to see the new movie and trying to avoid spoilers, you can enjoy a new version of the first one instead. While it's almost impossible to read Darth Vader's lips, Black does his best, and in this version, Vader just won't stop texting Leia helmet pics. C-3PO also has an Indian accent, Han has a monkey in a bottle and pet giraffe, and Obi-Wan Kenobi just needs the Pickaxe of Cortez.
↧
People are freaking out about this woman magically turning half a box into a full box.
In late November, Tanya Hayner Stewart of Springfield, OH, posted a short video of a trick she learned 30 years ago from her sister-in-law. Basically, you take half of a gift box (like the lid), then cut and fold it until it turns into a self contained smaller box. It's cool and weirdly satisfying to watch, especially since Stewart is so good at it and zips right through her efficient little demo. Maybe it's because Christmas is coming up, but everyone is just nuts for this woman and her box trick. Her video has been shared half a million times:
Missing 1/2 your box?
Posted by Tanya Hayner Stewart on Friday, November 20, 2015
Wow! Throw out all your box bottoms immediately.
↧
Three-year-old boy interrupts wedding ceremony because he can't forever hold his poo.
Weddings are often high-minded affairs, full of language reflecting dreamy ideals and people throwing around the word "forever." But marriage is mostly about cleaning up each other's sh*t, and back in October, the three-year-old son of Hannah and Ben Lienert brought his parents' South Australia wedding down to earth with an extremely relevant discussion of poo.
Specifically, he yelled "I need to poo!" right when the officiant was getting to some good stuff about "the real values in life." Everyone got very giggly, and Hudson's Aunty Gemma rushed him off to make a number two privately while his parents finished committing themselves to each other for the rest of their lives, which is a whole lot of poos.
↧
↧
Article 5
↧
Someone dubbed Donald Trump with a British accent to make his craziness sound high-class.
Comedian/worldwide treasure Peter Serafinowicz has fixed Donald Trump for everyone by dubbing him with a British accent. Well, Trump's not totally "fixed"; he's still saying the same crazy things, but now he sounds much smarter while doing it. Wait a minute—this video might actually make Trump seem more intelligent and likable. Is this clip a wonderful gift or a horrible mistake?! Only you (and the thousands of other people who watched it) can decide:
↧
Monica finally revealed the truth about her 90s beef with Brandy in "The Boy Is Mine."
If you're a 90s kid, you probably had a dance-off to Monica and Brandy's hit song "The Boy Is Mine" in your middle school gym at some point. Twenty years later, the jam about finding out your neighbor is humping on your boyfriend still holds up!
It's easy to forget those ladies were just teenagers in that video, fighting over some creep. Who was he to deserve two such talented girls vocally clawing each other over him? Well, Brandy and Monica are now grown women with kids of their own. And on Tuesday, Monica was interviewed by Huff Post Live, where she finally revealed who all the drama was about: nobody.
The whole clip is pretty interesting, as she talks about the evolution of female pop stars and feuds before the advent of the Internet. It seems like she regrets that their phony beef got blown up by fans, when really Monica wants everybody to succeed:
People are still asking, ‘Who was the boy?’ and ‘Who got the boy?’ There was no boy! It just was a song!
We played up the dramatics of it all, but I’m like, ‘Guys, we were 16 and 17.’ We’re 35 and 36 now. There was no boy and no beef.
It started off as brilliant marketing and what started to happen was people started creating these skits and then our fans divided and it became this really real thing.
Monica also addresses some rumors about Jessie J and Ariana Grande potentially revamping the tune for the modern age of sending threats via text, but she seems to want the song to stay in the past. It was the only tune either pop star ever won a Grammy for. But Monica totally loves Jessie J. No comment on Ariana Grande. Beef 4 lyfe!
↧
