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Twitter hero imagines if men talked to everyone the way they talk to women online. It's gross.

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If you spend any time on the Internet (which you assumedly do, unless you're reading this article on a printout), you probably already know that some dudes say pretty heinous stuff to ladies online, from condescending mansplaining to telling women on OkCupid to commit suicide (stay classy, lonely guys). Male Twitter user @pharmesean decided to point out how awful some of the things dudes say to women are by taking actual things men have said to women online and putting them into other conversations. He posted the following images on Twitter along with the note "If men interacted with everybody they way they interact with women on social media":

Actually, yes, the first one. Please send a picture of your vomit.
Burning bridges: the hot new networking technique.

Pharmesean told BuzzFeed, "The screengrabs in my tweets are all based on real interactions – I essentially transcribed the men’s parts from real conversations I’ve seen on the web, countless times."

Guernsey is totally the guy who blocked Jamie in.
Scrumps are an aphrodisiunc.

The replies to Pharmesean's tweet are a mix of hearty agreement and criticism, where it's hard to tell who's actually being critical and who's being sarcastic and playing along. Like this guy:

https://twitter.com/BasilGeoffrey/status/692286097418764288

But more responses are like this:

https://twitter.com/thricedotted/status/692121912051404800

Girl cancels date after "cheap stake" guy makes a joke about gas.

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Redditor theRascal01 was making plans to meet a woman from OkCupid when a quick quip about gas turned out to be a deal breaker. The guy wasn't even talking about farts, but the petrol/gasoline it takes to drive out where she lives. 

Experience the awkward text exchange:

Please note the use of "cheap stake" as opposed to the correct phrase, "cheapskate." 

theRascal01 explained in the comments that he thinks there could be a direct correlation between the gas joke and her shutting him down.

She lives so far away that it might not even have been worth it to begin with (clearly this wasn't a location-based match). But we are living in a material world, and she, apparently, is a material girl.

Move over, plain fake freckles. Colored fake freckles are the newest, weirdest beauty trend.

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First, it was colored head hair, be it oil slick hair, watercolor hair, or glow-in-the-dark hair. Then, it was colored armpit hair. And now, the way to add some color into this boring life: colored freckles. 

After freckle tattoos became a thing, it evolved to spread beyond the limitations of natural pigment.

Beauty bloggers on YouTube made tutorials: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob3gG-cDTzU

And of course Instagram soon caught on, so here are some 'grams for #inspo. What whimsy!  

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBDo3hHwL_r/?tagged=coloredfreckleshttps://www.instagram.com/p/BA-dHqNqNd5/?tagged=coloredfreckleshttps://www.instagram.com/p/_xdwBREp1V/?tagged=coloredfreckleshttps://www.instagram.com/p/-j1862llMK/?tagged=coloredfreckleshttps://www.instagram.com/p/BAsJ4OKILoU/?tagged=coloredfreckleshttps://www.instagram.com/p/BAqMz-ovWjl/?tagged=coloredfreckleshttps://www.instagram.com/p/_NJyDfS51m/?tagged=coloredfreckles

One writer left a funny and inspiring response to Oprah and Weight Watchers on Facebook.

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Writer and self-professed Oprah-lover Caissie St. Onge recently wrote a Facebook post about her thoughts on Oprah Winfrey's new role as spokesperson for Weight Watchers.

https://www.facebook.com/caissie/posts/10153810230783048

She describes sitting in bed on New Year's Day, watching Oprah's new Weight Watchers commercial and having an epiphany: 

Oprah is arguably the most accomplished, admired, able person in the world. . . . So, if Oprah can’t do permanent lifelong weight loss, maybe it can’t be done . . . And that sucks. But it is also incredibly freeing if you, like me, have thought about your weight so many times throughout every day of your life that it becomes as maddening and distracting as if you’d stowed a beating tell-tale heart beneath your floorboards.

She talks about how science hasn't yet figured out exactly why some people are bigger than others or more prone to gaining weight than others, but she knows that it's definitely not because heavy people are weak or bad. She brings up the annoying and all-too-prevalent epidemic of "concern trolling"—other people telling her what to do and what not to do in order to lose weight, although they might not know a thing about her and it isn't even their business in the first place.

[I]t’s always offensive and mean, but also, you probably say things to yourself every day that are way meaner than what any “well-intentioned” “friend” or internet troll could come up with. You’re gonna have to try harder if you want to beat us at our own game, internet trolls. I would pop someone in the chops if they spoke to me the way I speak to myself. And I would bet all of Oprah’s money that Oprah says mean shit to herself too. 

In the end, St. Onge decides to stop wishing that she looked different or inhabited some other body, and just do her best to be happy with herself as she is: a good, strong, and complete person. 

I hope Oprah gets what she wants, and maybe 70 million dollars in one day is the motivator that will finally make it happen for her, once and for all. But I think I’m gonna stop wanting something that I might never get even though I’m very good and very strong and I try very hard all the time. I’m gonna take a break on all that, at least for a little while. Let me know how it turns out this time, though, Oprah. I’ll love you either way.

One thing Oprah would probably love? This message. 

 

Channing Tatum and daughter say goodbye to their pet goat in this too-sweet Instagram pic.

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Actor and sensitive hunk Channing Tatum really is the perfect guy. Judging by how much he loves his wife, his daughter, and animals, he's as sweet as he is hot (and he's insanely hot.) The Magic Mike star shared this heartbreaking black and white photo of his adorable daughter, Everly, saying farewell to their pet goat, Heather. Didn't even know he had a pet goat, and now she's gone. What an emotional roller coaster.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BA_ih4ngCJz/?taken-by=channingtatum

The Instagram caption reads:

Girl and her goat. RIP Heather. You had a damn good long run sweets.

Great, now everyone's all upset about a cute goat they didn't know about. This will cheer you up, here's a picture of Channing with a pony...

https://www.instagram.com/p/6gt9gcACLt/?taken-by=channingtatum

And here he is dancing to "Pony."

https://www.instagram.com/p/yr14zeACAC/?taken-by=channingtatum

If that doesn't make you feel better, nothing will.

Amber Rose just destroyed the Kanye West/Wiz Khalifa feud with one devastating tweet.

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Earlier today, Kanye West went after Wiz Khalifa in an intense Twitter rant, which is definitely worth reading up on. After Wiz complained about the title of Kanye's new album WAVES, Kanye fired back with accusations of plagiarism and a dig about Wiz's son (which has since been deleted).

That last comment must have struck a nerve with model/dancer/hip hop badass Amber Rose, who is the mother of Wiz's child, and also Kanye's ex. She took down Future President West with a single tweet, using all of the venom and personal information that only an ex can provide.

https://twitter.com/DaRealAmberRose/status/692445698160091136

Ouch. Is it too late for Kanye to change his album's title again? Because #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch has a nice ring to it. And as a bonus, it's autobiographical.

Quentin Tarantino thinks Nancy Meyers' 'The Intern' was one of the best movies of 2016.

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Quentin Tarantino, the rare white male filmmaker who is good at writing roles for women and diverse people, was asked by a magazine why there aren't any female directors (Katherine Bigelow aside) getting the kind of acclaim that he gets. His response: Nancy Meyers' The Intern was one of the best films of 2016.

Said Tarantino:

It does seem to be to some degree there’s a boom or bust aspect when it comes to Hollywood when it comes to female directors. There becomes an era when there’s a lot working then that settles down and there’s a dry period – but frankly – maybe I’m just talking shit because the thing is there are female directors. Maybe they’re not being the ones that are being asked to be on the Hollywood Reporter roundtable. One of my favourite movies this last year was Nancy Meyers’ The Intern. They’re not considering that for the Oscars even though I think Robert De Niro gave one of the best performances this year in that movie. I thought the script was actually one of her best. Right up there with It’s Complicated. They’re not asking her to be part of the discussion.

Yup, he also loved It's Complicated. 

This man loves middling rom-coms!

TheIntern, starring De Niro and Anne Hathaway, didn't get particularly stellar reviews. Still, Tarantino is right that there are plenty of female directors making excellent films that get ignored. Last year, those movies included Girlhood, Suffragette, Diary of a Teenage GirlMustang, Welcome to Me, and Breathe, which all got critical acclaim but only one Oscar nomination among them.

He did say that in this year's best director race he's rooting for George Miller and Mad Max: Fury Road to win the top prizes, which is exactly what you'd expect from Quentin Tarantino, unlike Quentin Tarantino loving The Intern. 

Josh Gad does 'Lip Sync Battle' in character as Donald Trump singing 'I Touch Myself.'

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Josh Gad—a man who can really sing, as proven by his roles in the Broadway show Book of Mormon and the omnipresent children's movie Frozen—is doing some fake singing for tomorrow night's Lip Sync Battle episode, and he's doing it as your future president Donald J. Trump, singing the classic masturbation anthem "I Touch Myself."

https://www.facebook.com/spikelipsyncbattle/videos/vb.844699408898230/1117459684955533/?type=2&theater

He even makes out with another Trump, played by The Big Bang Theory actor Johnny Galecki.

Ironically, the song "I Touch Myself," performed by Divinyls, is now used in breast cancer campaigns to encourage breast self-exams, which may be the only kind of health care women can get when Trump is president. 


Justin Bieber posts six Instagram videos of himself dancing in his car.

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Justin Bieber is apparently good at things other than singing, whining, and leaving inappropriate comments on Ariana Grande's Instagram: he's also good at dancing in the car. At least, he's good at dancing in the car when he's dancing to his own music. Tuesday night, Bieber posted six videos to Instagram of himself dancing to his song "Been You," off the album Purpose. Fans are going gaga for the videos that look like they were filmed on a 1990s camcorder; one of the videos has over 1.1 million likes at the time of publishing.

His lip syncing isn't terrible either. But everybody knows a celeb lip sync isn't real until it's on Lip Sync Battle.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBCNFjsgvkr/?taken-by=justinbieberhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BBCNOfRAvk4/?taken-by=justinbieberhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BBCNTFxAvk8/?taken-by=justinbieberhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BBCNnLBAvlP/?taken-by=justinbieberhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BBCNv12gvlc/?taken-by=justinbieberhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BBCN3tzgvll/?taken-by=justinbieber

Childish behavior.

Getting out.

24 funny tweets about loneliness to read while you're crying in the bathroom.

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Loneliness can be funny! Just ask the following tweeters. Seriously, ask them. They're dying for someone to reach out.

1.

https://twitter.com/Michael5SOS/status/691885903581704196

2.

https://twitter.com/theshantilly/status/691737717437104128

3.

https://twitter.com/alexfirkins/status/691681152684290048

4.

https://twitter.com/pakalupapito/status/637191406096879616

5.

https://twitter.com/radartech_matt/status/691098074727342080

6.

https://twitter.com/ohplants/status/690922756368543744

7.

https://twitter.com/Freudianscript/status/691064105051013120

8.

https://twitter.com/megfavreau/status/567812509487611905

9.

https://twitter.com/alutkin/status/683034589665820673

10.

https://twitter.com/jaime_lutz/status/638460230481936385

11.

https://twitter.com/arresteddev/status/690245191584841730

12.

https://twitter.com/bizmichael/status/690351233887031296

13.

https://twitter.com/Phook75/status/689904870107828224

14.

https://twitter.com/johnfreiler/status/684546518540402688

15.

https://twitter.com/HireMeImFunny/status/684471507507085317

16.

https://twitter.com/aidan/status/690277813740503040

17.

https://twitter.com/nedostup/status/143514197395910656

18.

https://twitter.com/amutepiggy/status/514485430721712129

19.

https://twitter.com/VeryLonelyLuke/status/689889213811003393

20.

https://twitter.com/harvgx/status/689839228713304065

21.

https://twitter.com/Ideal_Victoria/status/689522038055182336

22.

https://twitter.com/GRYNPYRET/status/691675124588756992

23.

https://twitter.com/TheMissyBaker/status/656534052321763328

24.

https://twitter.com/Bez/status/692063301774229504

Article 31

Workplace

Sia, Natalie Portman, Jimmy Fallon, and The Roots sang 'Iko Iko' in wonderfully random music video.

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The supergroup of Sia, Natalie Portman, Jimmy Fallon and The Roots banded together to fulfill their destiny of covering a classic New Orleans Mardi Gras song together, while wearing Sia wigs. It is certainly the most random Fallon bit since he stuffed Hugh Jackman, Shaquille O'Neill and Alex Trebek into phone booths, or played the recorder with his nose. Unfortunately, Portman doesn't break it down with a rap in the middle, but she still rocks on the blocks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMQRfliyznQ

If you're curious about "Iko Iko's" origins, the Harvard-educated Portman used Wikipedia to look up the lyrics on Wikipedia, and Fallon was impressed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArgaBfFiyz0

These tweets about catcalling are as hilarious as catcalling isn't.

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The only good things to ever come from catcalling are the following jokes. God help you if you ever try it on one of the human beings below.

1.

https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/635424333880537088

2. 

https://twitter.com/srdanan/status/676383970599280640

3. 

https://twitter.com/TheMissyBaker/status/688169293058412545

4. 

https://twitter.com/Pjetey/status/688180977588305921

5. 

https://twitter.com/TheJeffAlmonte/status/690703350531276802

6. 

https://twitter.com/JessicaJones/status/690932468136804353

7. 

https://twitter.com/Bez/status/653664949508685825

8.

https://twitter.com/cassiejsneider/status/657257207797518337

9.

https://twitter.com/emxln/status/687790562636873728

10.

https://twitter.com/jaime_lutz/status/692399772125302784

11.

https://twitter.com/wgladstone/status/532528773322014720

12.

https://twitter.com/aiyanaskye/status/687750016363065344

13.

https://twitter.com/Lee_Lytle/status/687127849116037120

14.

https://twitter.com/waffel_haus/status/685665177564393472

15.

https://twitter.com/PatriotsOfMars/status/688502294917312513

16.

https://twitter.com/behindyourback/status/528185147582320640

17.

https://twitter.com/SCbchbum/status/659073001657270272

18.

https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/564510396896526336

19.

https://twitter.com/Kendragarden/status/359402263246143489

20.

https://twitter.com/HireMeImFunny/status/692413445082370050

21. 

https://twitter.com/NicCageMatch/status/395225966941061120

Louis Tomlinson of One Direction shows off his new baby boy, chest hair.

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Louis Tomlinson, singer in the boy band One Direction, now has a "little sh*t" of his own: his newborn son Freddie, born January 21. He and Freddie's mom Briana Jungwirth shared the first photos of his son yesterday, and they're cute enough to make you temporarily forget that One Direction is going on an "extended hiatus" soon.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBEYEDPL4Z2/https://www.instagram.com/p/BBEc9qxgWtt/

Now, you can just eagerly await the photos of baby Freddie's first tattoo.

Brilliant photographer revolutionizes world of cat photography.

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During an international cat show in Vilnius, Lithuania, photographer Andrius Burba introduced an innovation in an art form some thought had been exhausted—cat photography—by taking photos from underneath. Look how sheepish this cat looks:

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702610939951014/?type=3&theater

The artist calls the series, "Under-cats."

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702610919951016/?type=3&theater


And for real...

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702610936617681/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702610916617683/?type=3&theater

Can these cats get a little privacy? ​

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702610923284349/?type=3&theater

This is like upskirting, for cats.

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611006617674/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611009951007/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611003284341/?type=3&theater

Where instead of genitals you're seeing those soft, little private jelly paws.

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611013284340/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611016617673/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611123284329/?type=3&theater

It's a little messed up, right?

https://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611119950996/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611163284325/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611136617661/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611143284327/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611219950986/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611223284319/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611263284315/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611226617652/?type=3&theaterhttps://www.facebook.com/AndriusBurbaPhotography/photos/a.1702610876617687.1073741884.1463863747159069/1702611256617649/?type=3&theater

Check out the photographer's fascinating Instagram.

16 little kids who just can't figure out how toilets work.

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Toilet training is a milestone in the life of every toddler, and their parents for that matter. It means no more diapers, personal independence, and that the little one is growing up. But figuring out how to use the big-kid potty is a little bit more difficult for some kids than it is for others.

1. Silly baby.

You take baths in the sink, baby.

2. This is where babies come from.

The miracle of water birth.

3. Lift the lid first.

Rookie mistake.

4. Gone fishin'.

She'll be out for a couple bidets.

5. Splish splash.

She's just takin' a bath.

6. "Oh, hello."

"Welcome to my auxiliary toy box."

7. Watch out for that lid.

It'll get you every time.

8. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

To sleep that is.

9. A stand-up guy.

This is one of those new standing toilets. They're healthier.

10. The Dark Side.

Usin' the Force.

11. "Mom. It happened again."

A real bathroom emergency.

12. "Mom. It happened again. Yes, again again."

"I live here now. I accept this."

13. Just call him "G.G."

…because he's all-in.

14. This one's a stretch.

"My knees are AMAZING."

15. About face.

Tanks. Tanks a lot.

16. Camouflage toilet ghost.

So cold. So very cold.

17. Treasure hunt.

That is not treasure.

This baby beat 170,000 others to become the new Gerber Baby, so she's officially the cutest.

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Isla, a 7-month-old baby from Troy, Michigan, has officially been crowned as the Gerber Baby of the year, beating out 170,000 other babies in a fierce competition of cuteness.

A one-in-170,000 face.

Her win was officially announced on the show FabLife, where baby Isla got to meet her fellow model, Chrissy Teigen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4lnAH9e9Nw

Accocording to CNN, Isla's photo was picked as the winner from 170,000 by a mysterious panel of judges, who "looked for key Gerber-like features, such as happiness and 'expressiveness,'" therefore rewarding real smiling over 'smizing.'"

Isla will serve as Gerber's "spokesbaby" for the year, despite the fact that she doesn't know how to speak yet. Her parents will also receive $50,000 in prize money from the company, which they said will be used to pay off some debt, save for their kids' future, and contribute to charitable causes.

The announcement means that it is time for Grace, the 2015 Spokesbaby, to hand over the crown. Grace served babykind beautifully, and had a wonderful year modeling for all the major holidays.

Isla's making Michigan proud, and they can really use a win.

https://twitter.com/Channel955/status/692702649532207104
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