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Article 26


Samantha Bee explains to Texan dude trying to restrict abortion access why he is dumb.

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Although the struggle for women's health rights in Texas is serious, it provides Samantha Bee with some of her most hilarious material—putting incompetent legislators on blast.

In a new Full Frontal segment, Bee takes on Texas Rep. Dan Flynn and President of Naral Pro-Choice America Ilyse Hogue in her signature no-punches-pulled interview style, which will leave you void of any hope that people in power know what they're doing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSMXwzH-moc

This clip comes as the Supreme Court gets ready to rule on a Texas law that has forced all but 10 abortion clinics to shutdown in the Lone Star state. Some anticipate the case may end in a tie due to Antonin Scalia's recent death.

Right now, Samantha Bee is looking like a pretty apt choice for that empty seat.

Article 24

Article 23

Pet psychic Ellen Lance will have a conversation with your dog, possibly guess your cat's bladder issues.

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If you've ever been curious about what's on your pet's mind and willing to suspend your disbelief to find out, Ellen Lance, professional animal whisperer, wants your business. Buzzfeed's new video has two pet owners put Ms. Lance's skills to the test.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlzMqe2ZqXo

"I hear an animal the way I hear anybody I'm having a conversation with," begins Lance's impressive display.

Lo and behold, she correctly guesses the cat's bladder problem and the shelter dog's tragic background by holding her hands on their sides and huffing. Lance also explains her technique, which involves using "flower essences" to "test the energy field of an animal and see what resonates."

Some of you may be thinking, "yeah I don't believe this for a second," while others may be thinking "I strongly believe my pug is possessed by the ghost of Spiro Agnew, how much would I have to pay Ellen to confirm this?!"

According to Ms. Lance's website, you can obtain the following services for the following prices:

-$80 for a 20 minute conversation with your pet.

-$150 per half hour for emotional and spiritual clearings.

-$110 for a 25 minute conversation with a deceased animal.

What do you think your pet is trying to tell you?

Ben Affleck hid in the Batmobile and shamed people who said Superman would win a fight.

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Yesterday, publicity company Omaze released a video of Ben Affleck surprising Warner Brothers Studio Tour guests by jumping out of the Batmobile whenever someone said Superman would beat Batman in a fight. The stunt was designed to promote Affleck's new film Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, as well as a special charity contest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLmSUSqjC-k

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Affleck popped out of the Batmobile, delighting and simultaneously embarrassing tourists who said Superman would win, even though, come on, of course he would.

Okay, but would Superman sleep with the nanny?

Hands up if you're just rooting for Lex Luthor.

Here's who your favorite stars are supporting for president. Are they still your favorite stars?

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Americans love to dress, do their makeup, and even exercise like celebrities. Here's your definitive guide to voting like one. Famous people use their fame to engage in the political process and endorse presidential candidates, and the beauty of the electoral college system is that your vote will count just as little as theirs will.

Donald Trump

Tom Brady is a Patriot for Trump.

https://twitter.com/FeitsBarstool/status/640198529454080001?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Ted Nugent is for Trump, obviously.

https://twitter.com/TedNugent/status/642488922807881728

Trump is invited to Aaron's Party.

https://twitter.com/aaroncarter/status/703644247862317056

Charlie Sheen wants to be Trump's VP.

https://twitter.com/charliesheen/status/636971482438959104?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Mike Tyson will chew your ear off about Trump.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/658848762434068480

Kirstie Alley: Scientologist and Trump supporter.

https://twitter.com/kirstiealley/status/648329589492592640

Gary Busey endorsed Trump in 2012, and again this year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1IUc8pmXq0

Azealia is Banking on Trump.

https://twitter.com/AZEALIABANKS/status/694056922593562624

Hillary Clinton

Britney Spears is for Hillary, who is also not that innocent.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BB9O_xTG8PK/

Kendall Jenner is with Hillary, but maybe just because Marc Jacobs made the shirt.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BB769hmDo_T/

Anna Wintour was spotted in the same top.

Politics is stylish this season.

Demi Lovato and Hillary were cool for the summer.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBQWcovOKsk/?taken-by=ddlovato

Kim Kardashian is keeping up with Klinton.

https://www.instagram.com/p/6EUJcIuSw9/

Morgan Freeman is for Hillary, lending the voice of God to her ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iAMPzQzI-4

Katy Perry wants to hear Hillary roar.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAqlCrSv-fn/?taken-by=katyperry

Uzo Aduba has crazy eyes for Hillary.

https://twitter.com/UzoAduba/status/587355572648816641

Hillary is Lena Dunham's Girl.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAVPA2zC1OX/?taken-by=lenadunham

America is for Hillary for America.

https://twitter.com/AmericaFerrera/status/587354837177786369

Olivia: Wilde for Hillary.

https://twitter.com/oliviawilde/status/587369725405061120

Kerry Washington for the OG Scandal.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCHmJJ7ABvp/?taken-by=kerrywashington

Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett are gaga for Hilz.

https://www.instagram.com/p/4hAu-hEPpi/

Jamie Lee Curtis, Amy Poehler, Jemima Kirke, Rosie O'Donnell, Shonda Rhimes, Retta, Gina Rodriguez, Tracey Anderson, and Amber Tamblyn are also with her.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBQHEloi1KZ/

Bernie Sanders

Susan Sarandon is feeling the Bern. 

https://twitter.com/SusanSarandon/status/703002526854090752

Mark Ruffalo shines his spotlight on Bernie.

https://twitter.com/MarkRuffalo/status/704721016619053056

For Flea, the Bern is Red Hot.

https://twitter.com/flea333/status/631623927274467328?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Sarah Silverman is with her fellow Jew.

https://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/status/613210149449240576?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Justin Long and Bernie: A True Underdog Story.

https://twitter.com/justinlong/status/629285385747714048

Killer Mike has been killin it on the stumping circuit.

https://twitter.com/KillerMike/status/642034588236316672?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Woz is 4 Bern.

https://twitter.com/stevewoz/status/638581771429244928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Spike Lee says do the right thing and vote for Bernie.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCQ2qYNSqjS/

Danny DeVito and his foot are banking on Bernie.

https://twitter.com/DannyDeVito/status/694387455210975233

Emily Ratajkowski has no blurred lines in her support for the Bern.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBiotX4y2fB/

Jeremy Piven is in Bernie's entourage.

https://twitter.com/funnyhandle/status/646051045416681472

Ted Cruz

The only "celebrity" for Cruz is that dude from Duck Dynasty.

https://twitter.com/tsachgilboa/status/701913718364336129

Marco Rubio

And Donnie Wahlberg is the sole celebrity endorsement for Rubio, which is also a generous use of the word "celebrity."

https://twitter.com/DonnieWahlberg/status/700083929160753152?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Makeup artists transform into tough-looking Hogwarts 'cholas' with looks based on the four houses.

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You've read crazy Harry Potter fan theories and calculated how much you can make selling your early edition Potter book. What else can a muggle possibly do to express their love of HP? Feast your eyes on these badass makeup transformations inspired by the four Hogwarts houses.

Meet the "Hogwarts Cholas."

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAvANmIpxZ7/

Here is Eva repping Gryffindor.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAvk0J0mDU8/

Martha showing love to Hufflepuff.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAvSPqJE6Yr/

Vanna is covered in blue and grey for Ravenclaw.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAvGjN_iZB9/

And here's Anahy looking mighty tough for Slytherin.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAvhfzDpxTl/

"HP CLAN ain't nothing F×CK with Hogwarts cholas comin' atcha! And you (sic) we gonna gat ya," Anahy wrote on Instagram, which roughly translates to "Harry Potter body art will never be the same again."


Whoopi Goldberg responds to shade from Trump's sons in weirdest feud of the week.

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Whoopi Goldberg said she'd leave the country if Trump got elected, Trump's sons said she should leave, and now she refuses to go anywhere. Whoopi Goldberg versus the sons of Donald Trump: It's the political battle of the millennium that no one anticipated, no one asked for, and no one thinks will change anything in the political consciousness. But if clever people were talking about it, they'd be saying "big whoop." 

https://www.facebook.com/TheView/videos/10153331908896524/

But here's the important thing to come out of this battle royale between three supermarket brand celebrities: Whoopi Goldberg is not leaving America. "I wouldn't leave this country for him to piss all over!" 

Thank you, Whoopi. No matter what happens, no matter how much Don Trump Jr. and Eric Trump want her to leave, Whoopi is here. She will sit, on "The View," giving Donald Trump all he can handle in the form of light chat with Joy Behar.

Build a wall around the studio, Trump, they're coming for you.

The British company Coexist just became the best place to work for any woman who has periods.

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Coexist, a UK-based start-up incubator, is recognizing the painful realities their female employees face when working through menstruation with a new 'period policy' initiative. The policy would allow women to take off time from work without counting it as part of their allotted sick days.

The cool logo for the cool policy.

Hey dad, hold off on that rant about Millennial entitlement so you can hear out what Ben Baxter, Coexist's director, explained to The Guardian.

I have managed many female members of staff over the years and I have seen women at work who are bent over double because of the pain caused by their periods. Despite this, they feel they cannot go home because they do not class themselves as unwell.​

And this is unfair. At Coexist we are very understanding. If someone is in pain – no matter what kind – they are encouraged to go home. But, for us, we wanted a policy in place which recognizes and allows women to take time for their body’s natural cycle without putting this under the label of illness.

Coexist employs 31 people, 24 of whom are women. They manage the Hamilton House in Bristol, which offers work spaces for artists, activists, and community groups. One of their goals in being the guinea pig for this workplace flexibility program is to clear up misconceptions about time taken off meaning a loss of productivity, and even argue that the opposite is true.

Naturally, when women are having their periods they are in a winter state, when they need to regroup, keep warm and nourish their bodies.

The spring section of the cycle immediately after a period is a time when women are actually three times as productive as usual.

It's not just about taking time off if you feel unwell but about empowering people to be their optimum selves. If you work with your natural rhythms, your creativity and intelligence is more fulfilled. And that’s got to be good for business

*Insert "winter is coming" joke here* The company took to Facebook to clarify that they've not yet implemented the policy, but are holding an open seminar on March 15th to hammer out the specific details.

 

Despite confusion we do not currently have a period policy. Our idea is to begin a conversation about flexibility in...

Posted by Coexist on Wednesday, March 2, 2016

What do you think?

See the awkward moment Kim Kardashian becomes the last person to find out Kendall Jenner has a nipple ring.

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Somehow, Kendall Jenner, reality show star in Keeping Up With The Kardashians, has also managed to become a legitimate supermodel (Really. No less than f*cking Vogue calls her "The World's Biggest Model"). So, you know, at least one of the Kardashian-Jenners has a real job. In her somewhat obnoxious video diary of New York Fashion Week for Vogue, Jenner talks about Caitlyn Jenner's Olympics days, clowns around in beautiful clothes with fellow reality show spawn/supermodel Gigi Hadid, and tries to make her boobs bigger. But the best moment is when she hugs sister Kim Kardashian, while topless, and Kim is just like "I didn't know you had a nipple ring."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A1oMb9XIVA

Kim Kardashian: somehow the last person to know that Kendall Jenner has a nipple ring.

A 'Bad Lip Reading' of Ted Cruz is no more bizarre than anything said this election cycle.

5-year-old girl forgot she stuck a safety pin up her nose for six months. The results were disgusting.

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Kids stick things up their noses quite frequently, and usually they don't get that far with whatever they shove up their noses. That was not the case for California resident Khloe Russell, BuzzFeed reported. The five-year-old somehow managed to jam a safety pin—which her mother told ABC7 was bigger than her nose—up a nostril. There it stayed for six months.

The incident occurred when young Khloe was using safety pins to make a castle. The pin, which she forgot about, left Khloe with absolutely disgusting snot streaming from one nostril for six months. "Green, green, green constantly and it stunk," her mom, Katelyn Powell, said.

The mystery of why Khloe was building a castle with safety pins remains unexplained.

Powell took her daughter to multiple doctors who prescribed antibiotics for a sinus infection because the pin was not visible when they looked up her nostril. When that didn't help—because it was a goddamn safety pin causing the snot—Powell even took her daughter to the dentist in case the issue was related to her teeth.

The pin measured an impressive 1.5 inches long.

Finally, Powell's brother told his niece, "Your nose, it's disgusting. Blow your nose, blow your nose." With those words, Khloe blew and out came the safety pin.

The safety pin was disintegrating because it didn't want to be up there either.

Powell's mom was revolted and confused. She only understood once the bashful Khloe admitted that she had indeed put the safety pin in her nose, and had forgotten to tell her mother.

That face shows more pride than embarrassment.

Khloe, whose symptom of repellant snot has disappeared, has no intention of repeating the stunt. Probably for the best.

12 celebrity kids who look eerily like their famous parents.

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There are many benefits of parenting, but the most important is the guarantee that your genes will live on. That way, after you die there will still be a person who looks like you to carry on your face's work. Your kids are more or less your clones, especially for these celebrities and their uncannily similar progeny.


1. Julianne Moore's daughter Liv Helen Fruendlich is basically Julianne More.

https://www.instagram.com/p/47H8YvpRt1/

2. Britney Spears uttered the magic word "POPOZAO!" and poof, her clone-son Sean was born.

https://www.instagram.com/p/63XpsDm8JL/

3. Zoe Kravitz, daughter of Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz, is an example of how genetics are kind.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBqjLkAlS-h/

4. Suri Cruise looks just like Chris Klein Katie Holmes.

https://www.instagram.com/p/yHrqHAwTeK/

5. Reese Witherspoon is at least one of these two people.

https://www.instagram.com/p/9fd_fTj_RZ/

6. Wolfgang Van Halen looks like his father and his mother, who also looks like Eddie Van Halen.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BA920wuJzYR/

7. Meryl Streep won the Oscar for Best Re-Creation of One's Self.

https://www.instagram.com/p/nkex2BhBlS/

8. Bette Midler and Sophie Hasselberg, the world's most divine Bette Midler impersonator.

https://www.instagram.com/p/7vz8AuQfYT/

9. Susan Sarandon and Eva Amurri can both crush you at table tennis.


10. Tina Fey and Alice Richmond, her lil' blergher.


11. Cindy Crawford's daughter Kaia Gerber was tragically born without a mole.


12. Madonna and Child (Lourdes Leon).

Bruce Springsteen proves he's the Boss of making 91-year-old grandmas smile.

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During his tour stop in St. Paul, Minnesota, Bruce Springsteen sought out an audience member to dance with him during "Dancing in the Dark." It's a role that Courteney Cox made famous in the 1984 music video, and in this show, was played by 91-year-old Jeannie Heintz. 

The grandma breaks it down beginning at 4:47:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InascGTbEac

Bruce and Jeannie go way back; they danced together in 2009 when she was merely 84. He literally swept her off her feet, and the two looked like they were Born to Run away together:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvTeCkdeQ0I

At 91, her Glory Days have not passed her by. 


Article 11

Article 10

Café menu has passive-aggressive way of making customers be polite by charging rude customers extra.

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French people aren't known for their manners, which is obviously a gross generalization. But this undisclosed French café suggests there is a need for some to remember basic niceties. Reddit user Smartch, who lives in France, spied the café's menu and shared it online. The menu offers a discount on coffee—or a steeper price, depending on how you look at it—based on how customers place the order.

Requesting a coffee costs €1.50, while a saying "coffee please" runs €1.30. For ordering "Hello, a coffee please," customers only have to pay €1. At that rate, saying, "Hello, can I have 'Hello, a coffee please' please" must cost only 0.50 cents. Meanwhile, just looking at the desserts costs €3 (not really). 

Lady Gaga's family didn't know she was a rape survivor until they watched the Oscars.

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As moving and emotional as Lady Gaga's Oscars performance of “Til It Happens to You" was for millions of strangers, it was even more so for Lady Gaga’s extended family, who did not know she had been a victim of rape until they watched the performance. On Tuesday, the superstar shared how her aunt and grandmother called her once they discovered she had been sexually assaulted at 19.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCbnltKpFLJ/

"I thought it was my fault for ten years," Gaga wrote in her Instagram post. "The morning after the Oscars when I talked to my grandmother Ronnie, with tears in her eyes I could hear them welling through the phone she said to me 'My darling granddaughter, I've never been more proud of you than I am today.'"

Gaga composed the song with Diane Warren for a CNN documentary called The Hunting Ground. The film analyzes sexual assault at colleges in the United States. In case you missed it, watch Lady Gaga’s full Oscar performance below.

https://youtu.be/66UG34J6Alw

50 survivors of sexual assault joined the singer on stage. They had the words "Not your fault" written on their arms. Gaga did not win the Oscar for Best Original Song, but her powerful performance definitely raised awareness about the problem of sexual violence. 

Student and his mom brought to tears by the note a teacher handed out before a big test.

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The pressure on students to take constant standardized tests grows every year, so when one teacher handed out a letter to students reminding them that they are, y'know, people, it reduced one student and his mom to tears.

In Indiana, one of the important elementary school tests is called the ISTEP, and it can cause great anxiety among students whose academic progress will be measured by it. When a mom named Abby Martin went to go pick up her son Ryan from school, she was naturally concerned when he said he had been crying in class. Ryan didn't get picked on or hurt on the playground, though; he was crying because his teacher passed out a note telling students that although the test is important, it isn't everything:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCRG0M5uuRH/

It's worth noting (again) that the teacher wasn't dismissing the test or telling kids that they'll be amazing even if they don't study. She was just reminding them that there's a lot more to them than the ISTEP (or whatever the version is in your state). Martin said that she wished there were more teachers like her son's, but it's safe to say a lot of adults could use this reminder, too. Your salary may not be all that and a bag of chips, as the kids once said, but maybe you're a good parent and you volunteer and you can do really good impressions of actors. At the very least, there's a good chance more people would like to hang out with you than noted awful rich person Martin Shkreli.

Related: Teacher quits teaching after 30 years, writes viral post about how schools are 'in crisis.'

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