The long-gone days of VHS movie rentals came back to haunt one Concord, North Carolina resident on Tuesday. James Meyers was arrested for failing to return a VHS copy of Freddy Got Fingered he rented way back in 2002. According to WSOCTV, Meyers was driving his daughter to school when police pulled him over for driving with a tail-light out. After running his plates, the officer asked Meyers to step out of the vehicle. Meyers explains:
The officer said, 'I don’t know how to tell you this but there’s a warrant out for your arrest from 2002. Apparently you rented the movie "Freddy Got Fingered" and never returned it.' I thought he was joking.
The officers, who Meyers described as "polite and professional," allowed him to drop his daughter off at school and go to work if he swore to turn himself at some point later in the day, which he obliged. Expecting to find the situation cleared up by the time he arrived at the police department, he was instead greeted with a pair of handcuffs.
The charge? Failure to return rental property, a misdemeanor carrying a maximum fine of up to $200, from the now-defunct J&J's Video store in Kannapolis, N.C. 14 years ago.
Freddy Got Fingered is a cult gross-out comedy written by, directed by, and starring Tom Green. If you've seen it, you know that it makes some weird sort of sense that it'd be connected to a bizarre real-life arrest. Below is a scene where the main character hangs sausages from the ceiling and plays a song called "Daddy Would You Like Some Sausage?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2aKsoizx1w
News of Meyers' arrest reached Green, who's currently touring in Australia, via Twitter.
In an interview with Australia's The Project, Green revealed he'd surprised Meyers with a phone call and "had a good laugh about it." He continued by offering to pay the $200 fine, saying he's happy to support his fans and "of course he’ll pay it for him, just for the principle of the thing."
The comedian cites the incident as an example of "how bureaucracy can get out of control," and Meyers strongly agreed:
[The police are] not focusing on the crimes I think they should be focusing on. That hour the cops sat out there with me, the hour and a half I was down in the magistrate's office could have been spent somewhere else.
Meyers also posted a video detailing how upset he was with the police department's waste of resources, which you can view below.
Garry Shandling—the stand-up comedian and creator and star of the acclaimed and groundbreaking television shows It's Garry Shandling's Show and The Larry Sanders Show—died today at the age of 66, multiple news outlets have reported. Shandling had a massive influence on comedy, particularly television comedy—it's hard to imagine that shows such as 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and both versions of The Office would have ever existed without HBO's The Larry Sanders Show, which explored the behind-the-scenes machinations at a fictional talk show. Because of this, many comedians, including real talk-show hosts, have been the first to react to the awful news:
On Thursday, Miley Cyrus Instagrammed a picture of a text exchange between her and her Hannah Montana co-star Jason Earles. The text showed Cyrus laying on the floor in a blonde with along with the words "How Insane. 10 years later still laying around in a blonde wig." Of course, Cyrus is referring to the 10-year anniversary of Hannah Montana, the show that launched her into stardom the way only being a Disney Channel star can.
For those who don't remember, Cyrus starred in the show as a wholesome, cherubic little girl who lived secret double life as a pop star. In the decade since the show's premiere, Miley "murdered" Hannah Montana, grew up a lot, and truly morphed into her own (polarizing) person. Cyrus is hardly recognizable from the purity-ring-wearing, God-loving tweenager she used to be.
Before she was seen grinding up on Robin Thicke or singing about "dancing with Molly," she stated in this 2010 interview with Ryan Seacrest that "Drugs are for idiots and I will never be that person."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIwNa4-nLmg
Miley has since changed her stance on drugs, and she certainly isn't shy about how much weed she smokes. For example, she sang about being high on purp in the song "23" by Mike WiLL Made-It.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbEoRnaOIbs
I'm in the club high off purp with some shades on Tatted up, mini skirt with my J's on
Miley also has changed her religious views in the last 10 years. When Cyrus first stepped into the limelight, she was a devout Christian who, according to a 2008 interview with TV Guide, couldn't live without her bible:
On her love for God: “I don’t know what I would do without a God that blesses me with the ability to do this.”
On wearing a purity ring like fellow Disney stars the Jonas Brothers “I like to think of myself as the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand. Even at my age, a lot of girls are starting to fall and I think if [staying a virgin] is a commitment girls make, that’s great.”
The seven things she can’t live without in honor of her latest single, “7 Things”: 1) “The Bible. It’s my ‘how-to’ guide for life.” 2) “My mommy!” 3) “My Yorkie Roadie and my lovebird Zazu.” 4) “Grilled cheese. Mmm...” 5) “Music and my beautiful Gibson guitar.” 6) “My black Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers.” 7) “My Sidekick.”
Well, her stance on religion has made a complete 180. In an interview with Paper last year (yes, the one where she posed naked on the cover hugging a pig), she spoke about her feelings on fundamentalist lawmakers:
Those people [shouldn't] get to make our laws. That's fucking insane. We've outgrown that fairy tale, like we've outgrown fucking Santa and the tooth fairy."
Nudity
Back in 2008, Miley Cyrus sparked outrage when the teen idol posed "nude" for Vanity Fair (if you count being completely covered up with a blanket as nude). Cryus was 15 at the time and was shot by world-renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz. Conservative parents everywhere freaked out, disgusted that the same girl who was on their children's bedsheets and t-shirts would pose topless. Cyrus eventually apologized to fans for the photograph.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7j3HuwY-ek
I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.
Now no one would look twice at that picture. Cyrus is not afraid to show her body, and she is also not afraid of the potential backlash from shamers and critics.
In the last decade, Cyrus has also used her celebrity to speak out on several issues, including LGBTQ rights and animal rights. According to her social media, she is a proud vegan and, like most vegans, posts about that often.
She also started the Happy Hippy Foundation, a non-profit that helps homeless youth. Their mission statement from their website says:
Our mission is to rally young people to fight injustice facing homeless youth, LGBTQ youth and other vulnerable populations.
When Cyrus won the VMA for Video of the Year in 2014, she had a young homeless man named Jessie accept the award on her behalf in order to raise awareness about homeless youth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgQ2hyH3_t8
These past 10 years with Miley have been quite a ride. Here's to many more!
Do you know what sports doesn't have enough of these days? Obnoxious, cocky players who show off every point won with elaborate victory dances or rituals. Luckily, this kid is a natural. Look at how he flips his bat just from managing to knock a ball off a tee:
On Thursday, Ben Affleck stopped by The Tonight Show to promote his new movie, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. In honor of the superhero movie, Affleck and host Jimmy Fallon played a few rounds of Pup Quiz, where the questions are animal-related and points are awarded in the form of Golden retriever puppies. In this case, puppies dressed in teeny little doggie superhero costumes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59-8J0Hr39w
It was a real nail-biter of a game, but ultimately—in completely arbitrary fashion—Affleck won. But Fallon was the real winner, because for most of the game his lap was full of an ever-increasing pile of crime-fighting puppies.
On Friday morning, author/beloved human J.K. Rowling thrilled her Twitter followers by showing them two rejection letters she's received for writing submissions in the past.
She revealed the letters after responding to a fan who tagged her in a tweet—an aspiring author named Dianne Brubaker—who tweeted that she wasn't going to let a rejection letter get her down. Because, after all, even wildly successful writers like J.K. Rowling have dealt with rejection at some point. Rowling tweeted back at Brubaker that she hung her first rejection letter on her kitchen wall, leaving it there as a reminder that she now had something in common with all her favorite writers.
Rowling's fans immediately asked to see some of the rejection letters. Rowling responded that the ones for Harry Potter were boxed away, but that she'd be willing to share some from when she submitted work to a publisher under the pseudonym Robert Gilbraith.
In response to Rowling's tweet posting the letters, Joanne Harris, author of Chocolat, tweeted that she got so many rejection letters she made a sculpture out of them.
Rejection letters are a rite of passage (or a write of passage, if you're addicted to puns and can't help yourself) for aspiring authors. And ones received by writers and other artists are often cited as examples that not everyone succeeds the first time they try something.
Of course, there are also probably a lot of terrible writers who could wallpaper their living rooms with rejection letters, but still, can't let that get you down, right? And even so, hey, free wallpaper.
A tattoo draws a lot of attention to itself. So if you're a fame-hungry celebrity in the competitive world of getting more fame, it takes a lot of confidence to dedicate a space on your body to free PR for someone else. But it happens. Here are a few celebrities who were confident enough to let another celebrity's portrait sit proudly on their flesh.
1. The anonymous-faced Ryan Cabrera has the angel-faced Ryan Gosling on his leg.
https://www.instagram.com/p/2cKA7Yseny/
Ryan Cabrera is a singer, perhaps best known for a fling with Ashlee Simpson. He doesn't have an amazing resume. You know who does? The guy whose face is on his lower right leg—Ryan Gosling.
Here's a closer look:
Cabrera needs to figure out a way to perform with his leg poking out the top of his shirt so people think they're watching Ryan Gosling.
2. New Girl guest star Megan Fox tattooed with perennial legend Marilyn Monroe.
Marilyn Monroe was a sex symbol and Megan Fox is a sex symbol, but Fox apparently decided the comparison wasn't fair—to Fox, not to Monroe. She decided to get the tattoo removed in 2012.
I'm removing it. It is a negative character, as she suffered from personality disorders and was bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.
As Fox explains, tattoos are energy-beacons for the bad vibes of the person they depict. Obviously.
3. Could Steve-O be the world's only fanatic Steve-O fan?
Steve-O was so confident that he'd never spiral into a world of self-hatred that he got his own huge face tattooed on his back.
At least it's on the back; that's humble.
4. Amber Rose had Wiz Khalifa accompany her on all her modeling gigs.
https://www.instagram.com/p/wPCAZyEq5r/
Amber Rose had the tattoo covered up with another, but for a significant period of time—any time at all would be significant for this, really—she rocked a big ol' boyfriend face on her left arm. There sat Wiz Khalifa, stoned out of his mind, laughing at the idea that a model would model his big stupid face day and night.
It takes forever to find the tattoo on Amber Rose’s over-saturated Instagram account, perhaps because even before she covered it up, she tried to keep it out of photos. Wiz Khalifla’s balloon-like orb of a head throws a fat joint in the gears of a model trying to quote unquote “work it.”
One benefit of searching through the bottomless swamp of Amber Rose's Instagram feed for the tattoo, though, is coming across this gem:
5. Kat Von D got an image of her (now ex) boyfriend as a child needled into her side.
https://www.instagram.com/p/S8irV8FSSa/
If you're going to get the boyfriend-as-child tattoo, you better make sure—actually, there's nothing to be sure of. You should just never, ever do that.
Kat Von D is a tattoo artist though, known for her show LA Ink, so she knows where to go to get it removed. And it must be gratifying to watch your ex-boyfriend's childhood face get zapped into oblivion eye-first.
https://www.instagram.com/p/S8kEQwlSTh/
For those of you wondering, Jesse James is a guy who's been on TV and is also the ex-husband of Sandra Bullock.
6. Zayn Malik got a caricature of a romantic interest, singer Perrie Edwards.
Tabloids report that the long-haired woman wearing a peace-shirt on Zayn's right arm is none other than his once-girlfriend, Perrie Edwards. When they broke up, fans knew just what to do—make fun of him.
Good luck reading that mean tweet on Jimmy Kimmel, you misguided kid who made the tragic mistake of believing in eternal love!
7. Justin Bieber with a tattoo of an annoyed Jesus Christ.
Just kidding with this one. Bieberdoes have the Christ tattoo, and the Christ does look pretty annoyed, but if you consider a Jesus tat as a celebrity face, this list would take five years to scroll through on an iPhone.
8. Drake has a portrait of late singer Aaliyah on his back. It's not that funny really.
https://www.instagram.com/p/cxWsY2DQGN/
Aaliyah, the Age Ain't Nothing but a Number singer who tragically died in a plane crash in 2001, will live forever on the back of the Champagne Papi. (Hers is the face on the far left of the image above.)
This is actually pretty classy for a back tattoo of a celebrity's face. For that reason, stop thinking about it and instead check out this Vine of Drake trying to befriend NBA player Paul Pierce during a game.
From the ring bearer to the pastor, it's important for couples getting married to trust everyone on their wedding roster. The people on whom the spotlight will fall for at least one moment during the ceremony, giving them the opportunity to mess up the bride's big day and feel her wrath. Of course, perfectly smooth weddings only exist in corny Lifetime movies, but the following list of people really bit the matrimonial big one.
1. The pastor at this wedding DGAF about wedding photos, because God's not on Instagram.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFyyEd2_-D0
2. The concept of eternal, unconditional love got this wedding DJ really hyped, and proceeded to make the bride visibly horrified with a club version of 'Here Comes The Bride.'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoN5cJErMls
3. This groom thought back-flipping into his wedding was a cool idea. His bride's skull would disagree.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIQxtM2-GI8
4. Typically, weddings require the bride to exchange vows, not dentures.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vflUnx8dFXI
5. Penguins aren't included in traditional wedding ceremonies, probably because of this disgusting reason.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYmxAGQtkEg
6. Oftentimes, you can't even trust the bridesmaids and groomsmen to merely walk into a wedding reception without a disaster happening.
7. Sure, docks aren't human beings, but when they're involved in a wedding, they're given the extremely important responsibility of making sure the bridal party doesn't end up in a lake. This dock will not be rehired by her friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jb8vXyCzpE
8. At no other point in time would it be considered sane to put a toddler in charge of delivering your multi-thousand dollar ring. This little ring bearer proves exactly why that's a terrible idea.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz13XxOyt-o
9. This next ring bearer couldn't even make it down the aisle without taking a nap. He probably slept all the way on the car ride there, too. What a diva.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca5mPBWpIow
10. Before picking a flower girl, couples should make sure the kids' legs are long enough to safely descend a staircase.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryDYr4GT5cg
11. Okay, maybe children shouldn't play any role at all in weddings. They should just sit back, be a polite guest, and try to not pounce on the bride's fluffy gown.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N473MJHvbZ4
12. The position of Crazy Aunt is typically granted to whoever drunkenly steals the spotlight from the bride first. This lady won.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzN_dFPo7_M
13. If you're going to be someone's best man, it's best practice not to help the groom break his face on the day of the wedding.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt80M6EVrgY
14. The airboat driver this couple hired to drive them to their wedding can at least say he got them there. The contract said nothing about a safe arrival.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yCgVzrVMak
15. Why hire a limo driver when you can rent a horse for transportation? Because a dream wedding without a white stallion to ride away on is a safe wedding.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHpetuo537Q
16. Okay, yeah, people probably shouldn't rent horses for their weddings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUh7Ye6Zkr8
17. Wow, seriously, whatever you do, don't rent a horse for your wedding.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR89wZ6DnPs
18. The most important role to fill may be the security for keeping shameless Vine stars away from your ceremony.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjiA-MvQkNY
19. Chairs might be the unsung heroes of matrimony. They provide drunk and danced-out guests with a place to take a break, providing this stuntman hasn't gotten to them first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q3N4i_bb6Y
20. If this ex-girlfriend's duty was to interrupt the wedding and start a violent brawl, then she very much succeeded at her job.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtBJfYGB22Y
21. Even if nothing else goes right, the caterers will have delicious cake to quell everyone's wedding day anxieties with—which you may have to eat off the ground if you hire these guys.
Throughout this long slog of an election, Hillary Clinton has encountered many a sexist double standard. She's been told to smile more. She's been told to talk quieter so she isn't "shrill" but not too quiet that it isn't presidential. Thursday night on Jimmy Kimmel Live,Kimmel pointed this out to Clinton, mansplaining what mansplaining is: "A way that we men can help women be better."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2wBpYT6Zlo
Kimmel heckled Clinton's stump speech so toots could finally understand.
In case you live under a Snorlax, this past Thursday was the 20th anniversary of the first Pokémon games. To celebrate the popular Japanese RPGs, apparent Pokéfan and political enthusiast Alex Hirsch created a series of illustrations featuring freaky hybrids of the pocket monsters and the 2016 presidential hopefuls.
If the current election cycle is making you more and more anxious, hopefully you can find some respite in these somewhat precise Pokémon depictions. Or, you know, you could just watch the POTUS dance the tango.
This week on her Snapchat, the world's most famous haver of lips since Angelina Jolieaddressed the rumors that her cosmetically enhanced lips are getting even more cosmetically enhanced. Kylie Jenner, the 18-year-old Lip Kit entrepreneur, demonstrated that her already-injected lips are not getting more injected, but that she's just puckering more.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDO3IJPMw2X/
“Everyone thinks I keep making my lips bigger, but this is them normally,” she said in a video, before doing her duckface and adding, "And then this is when I push them out, do my little face."
She says it's simply the magic of duckface that leads to the now-iconic pout, demonstrating the magical pose.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDO3JTdMw2a/
She then took some pictures to emphasize her point while simultaenously emphasizing her lips.
Sure, you've heard of a vampire bat but have you ever heard of a vampire cat? Battersea Dogs & Cats Home, a UK animal shelter, posted pictures of a black cat with fangs named Rory.
The Facebook page exploded with not only compliments on his fang-tastic look, but legitimate offers to adopt him.
According to his adoption profile, Rory is about four-years-old and was brought to the shelter after his owner could no longer look after him. Although his little fangs are charming, they came as a result of some serious dental issues. Louise Muttram, communications officer for Battersea, spoke to the Huffington Post about Rory's condition.
He arrived with very bad teeth and malocclusion of the jaw — imperfect positioning of the teeth when the jaws are closed — and had to go through a major dental work in Battersea’s vet clinic. Unfortunately this has left him with only the four canine teeth.
Luckily, his signature fangs were preserved. With what little teeth Rory has left, he loves to eat his favorite food—tuna.
Although Rory has found his fur-ever family, the shelter still has plenty of cats and dogs looking to be adopted. Best of lucky to Rory in his new home!
Edgar Artis is a prolific artist with an extremely distinct style. His fashion sketches possess an elegant simplicity by drawing on real-world settings and objects. One look at his designs, and you'll want to wear his clothing concepts on your body and in your stomach, because they also look delicious.
A Wonder Woman delivered for the weekend weather report for the UK, whipping out Batman and Superman puns faster than a speeding bullet that will make you say "Oh My Zod." Reporter Sian Welby, who went viral with her Star Wars pun run, makes an in-Wayne amount of jokes, covering the Lois temperatures in the Adam West of England and the rains that are the Bane of the London Metropolis' existence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1hPiJPSGgM
No word on whether Diana Prince William thought this was super or bat.
Ever get so worked up on an issue that you have no other choice but to rap about it? This seems to be the case for one Canadian mother, who wrote a rap called "Gender Bender" to protest transgender rights. The "inspired" rap comes after government officials out of Alberta, Canada introduced guidelines to help LGBTQ students feel more comfortable at school. With all the vigor a fed up Canadian could muster, Mom/"rapper" MH Wiebe delivered a performance on par with a nervous third grader presenting a terribly written poem for the class.
If you're brave enough, check out the incredibly cringey video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhH0EDPSNhI
Come on, come on? What’s all the fuss? Over transgender washrooms we discuss. Is this really, really, such the issue. To focus and put our taxes to? Can we focus rather to educating, Rather than mere facilitating. We should stop and calculate the cost, While teachers jobs take cuts and loss. Are there six, perhaps, 13 in essence, Children in Alberta who switch gender pretense. No, this is not the issue, To legislate. Or to pursue.
This is just fender bender. All over sex and gender. Can we pick another issue. Then to change our bathrooms for a few.
Listen, listen, to what I say. The animal kingdom is smarter this way. The animals, oh, they lead with more guile. Their offspring keep their gender in the wild. If we can’t address male and female. We’ve lost our purpose, in life we fail. If our children lose their identity, This will be sad for our future, you see. My heart goes to the fatherless and abused, And I guess that’s why we have some confused. I am concerned, mother of three. Keep male and female washrooms where our children can PEE!
This is just fender bender. All over sex and gender. Why make reality skewed. And create identity confused.
Stand up, stand up, children of grace. Speak up and take your rightful place. Mothers and fathers are the backbone of society. Why would we change legislation over notoriety. If we change legislation, in a generation, Will result in anger, pain frustration. Why would we make life so grey? Please citizens, let’s seize the day!
This is just fender bender. All over sex and gender. What about our destiny? Can we bring stability?
Seize the day, seize the day! Fathers and mothers begin to pray! Seize the day, seize the day! Speak up for children in this way! Seize the day, seize the day! Fathers and mothers begin to pray! Seize the day, seize the day! Speak up for children in this way! Seize the day, seize the day! Fathers and mothers begin to pray! Seize the day, seize the day! Speak up for children in this way! Seize the day! Seize the day!
At the end of her lackluster and misinformed transphobic rap, she urges those who "liked the message of the song" to say "no" to Bill 10, which reportedly allows gay-straight alliances in schools. In one three-minute video, Wiebe simultaneously disproved the "nice Canadian" stereotype and confirmed the "white people can't rap" one.
Time is currently at a stand-still, global markets have frozen, and the Earth has stopped turning on its axis because the Internet found out what Craig Lamar Traylor, aka Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle, looks like all grown-up. The man's got gauges the size of the wheels on Stevie's wheelchair.
Since dropping off the map after the sitcom ended in 2006, Traylor's appearance has drastically transformed into what can only be described as "vogue doobie-child."
Cry not, Stevie fanatics, for Traylor will soon appear in an upcoming thriller called The Pick Up. Meanwhile, you can watch Traylor reprise Stevie with his revamped look in this grainy footage of him calling a fan in the character's signature slow-paced speaking style.
Selena Gomez really let loose on Saturday night, dancing on tables to Rihanna's "Work" while drinking at rooftop bar Reata in Fort Worth, TX. But everything's under control, she was just celebrating her cousin Priscilla DeLeon's engagement, and her love of life and, apparently, tequila.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vunu-RsuIMg
How much the former Disney star has changed! What's next, Selena, body shots off a hot bartender's chest (please, please, please)?
Also, adding fuel to the rumor fire, Gomez supposedly spent the whole night flirting with a "hot mystery man" who was definitely not Justin Bieber in a disguise.
No answer to the whole Justin and Selena "Are they/aren't they?" question, but if the question is, "Will Selena Gomez drunkenly dance on a bar table if the mood hits her?" The answer is yes, absolutely.
On March 18, Seattle firefighters were called to a church/daycare center due to "cough inducing fumes" in the building, according to My Northwest. Those who have ever been with a two-mile radius of a middle school dance would be mightily familiar with the origin of those fumes: AXE body spray.