A collection of Facebook status updates posted at wildly inappropriate moments.

I'm glad you enjoy working out, I hear prison is good for that.

Sometimes "TMI" can stand for "Too Much Immediacy." It's not that we don't want to be informed that a friend is masturbating / on the toilet / performing brain surgery / all of the above. We just worry that by trying to share it with us while in the moment, they're not savoring the moment as much as it can be savored. These Facebook users exemplify the growing spirit of real-time overshare, refusing to wait even five seconds before updating their status with the most private, unnecessary, and occasionally disgusting details of the life they're living right now. 

Perfect mom font as well. So much craftier.

Not too hot for Facebook, though. Never too hot to drive and Facebook.

I think David's mom Whitney might have some helpful advice.

Much like hemorrhoids, there is nothing to ease the pain of this post.

Please, let me be the idiot in this situation and let this be fake.

The stereotype that writers always wait until the last possible second is true.

Updated 6/25/14:

Well, he got the hashtags right, but I don't think a snap PSA will get you off in court. 

This guy is both ignorant about sex and under-excited to be the next Joseph & Mary.

I know it's really hard to get an anal bleaching appointment after work, but don't brag.

C'mon, Lisa. Let us share the joy of laughing at Sean.

Come down to Rickki's Brothel, we've got the best Local Business in town.

I don't know what's worse, going 90mph to pick up a kid, or the word choice here.

Updated 4/11/14:

Ironically, the person who realizes it shouldn't be on Facebook is also the most illiterate.

lmaoo: "Laughing my ass off ohmigodIdidn'tseethatturn!"

He/she totally did that.

That's a very specific amount of screaming to promise.

I don't approve of sharing people's sex tapes, but: I now know who Helene Fischer is.

Updated 4/11/14:

"I don't get it, the shot clock still has 10 seconds...so, why do I hear a horn?" 

Drunk driving because no one answered your call is a new passive-aggressive record.
 

Hard to say who is dumber, the guy who posted for "sinthetic" or the person who thought
it would be possible to reason with him.
 

What are you doing making a simple update? That's a Facebook Milestone right there.
 

Is it just me, or did no one call 911 before posting to Facebook?
 

I hope this isn't the prequel to the bagged lunch one two photos up.

Updated 3/13/14:

Probably made someone's heart rate go up, that's for sure. (via Failbook)
 

You're right about the second half of that. (via reddit)
 

I hope that other guy didn't Google that while driving.(via)
 

I'd say by not embarrassing him in front of everyone, but hey, what do I know? (via Lamebook)
 

I'm going to say "a.) Henry Clay and b.) all of them." (via)
 

Whoah, what do you think this is, LinkedIn?(via)

 
This kid is ready to work in cable news. (via)

Also, just a reminder that it usually sounds pretty stupid to describe your small problems as a disaster:

Your Facebook complaints are all that stands between civilization and buying Fascism.

Updated 2/6/14:

This may be the most literal update-at-an-inappropriate-moment we've ever had. (via reddit)
 

I don't think it's inte-meant to be with you two, buddy. (via Lamebook)
 

That big, blurred-out thing? That's a cadaver of someone who donated their body to science.
(via WHNT)
 

So, he's like one shade smarter than the guys from Dumb & Dumber. (via Lamebook)
 

Wow, he sounds like the kind of asshole who would take a selfie at a funeral. (via reddit)
 

Mike, you're not so good at this 21st Century thing. (via reddit)

Updated 1/13/14:

"I got this." - Completely accurate, totally not reassuring. (via reddit)
 

Certain people need to learn about this encryption technology called talking in person.(via)
 

It's a good thing admissions officers don't have Facebook. (via)
 

If this gets 50k likes, we'll get out of the car. (via)
 

We'll stay tuned for more updates. (via)
 

I guess you could say nothing and leave us ignorant of this behavior. (via)
 

Everything about this is a lie! I bet he's not even on break. (via Failbook)
 

She's so flustered she can't even spell masturbate. (via Lamebook)

Updated 12/04/13:

The prosecution would like to enter into evidence the following Facebook post...
 

Now everyone will know you are a real class act.
 

What did Man do before fleshlights and hot pockets?
 

Yeah, it'll definitely be less awkward right afterwards.
 

It's cool, they probably had to fart.
 

Updated 11/06/13:

This looks like a video game...that someone is about to lose.
 

Fun Fact: This was the first question ever asked, circa 90,000 BC
 

Live fast, live-update your death young.
 

You are on a phone on Facebook. I guess in your case, the issue is having no friends.
 

His grandson made him so awkward, he cringed too hard and it turned into rigor mortis.
 

I can't talk about it. The police think it might be the same person who poisoned grandpa.
 

This is the most literal instance of "update at an inappropriate moment" we've ever seen.
 

Invent a time machine, study home ec and sex ed, and never have a kid or buy bleach.
 

WOW! Wow, some old lady. Just wow. WOW. WOWOWOWOW.

Updated 10/1/13:

Something tells me this person tried to use that spoon to fix the toaster.
 

Movie...about illegal and dangerous driving...while driving...brain...*EXPLOSION*
 

Good, now you'll have time to Google "emergency" to see that you were in one.
 

I think she's not pregnant because she murdered her boyfriend in the shower.
 

It will be for you if I can figure out how to show this to your boss.
 

I assume the feeling you mean is "attention from concerned friends."
 

Sucks that having the sun in your eyes is the best time for selfies & the worst for driving.

Updated 9/04/13:

I don't always post to social media while driving, but when I do, the speed is 3 digits.
 

Life goes on, especially when there's colored icing.
 

Those emoticons are the same faces one of the Heathers made after drinking Drano.
 

Brainz fallin outa mah hed lol.
 

9-1-1 only takes typing three digits. This is like 4 tweets.
 

Better safe than sorry, she could be a ghost who can't rest until she gets 10k likes. 

Updated 8/01/13:

Nor shall you, my friend. Nor shall you.
 

Your baby. Your baby is trying to drink with you.
 

Way to go, CasanofuckingwaywouldIeverletmydaughterdateyou.
 

The NSA does.
 

I tagged the sheriff, but I did not friend the deputy.
 

That fucktard is in your mirror, fucktard.
 

And to end a long career of being able to legally drive.

Updated 7/01/13:

Much like she has Faith in posting things on Facebook and saying "don't tell my husband."
 

If she dies, at least the guy who wrote "ut oh" will know they told her everything they needed.
 

No one from this high school passed sex ed. No one.
 

You should hear how funny he thought it was when his F'ing A fell O because he was L'ing.
 

OK cool, just letting everyone know. Back to playing "Plants vs Zombies."
 

Platinum beer comes with driving priviledges. It's the highest level of beer membership.
 

Updated 5/30/13:

"I can do much better tho" is probably true for everything this guy does.
 

Actually, there is definitely a bio test going on, but for anthrax.
 

Must...keep...looking...at...phone...for...safety...
 

See me after class, but remember that I can always see you on here 24/7.

Good God, people! What happened to blasting a music station you hate?

Updated 4/30/13

How did she text with wet nails (while driving)? She's a pro!
 

This is called Texting While Being In An Action Movie.

7 likes. 1 hehehe. People hate you, buddy.

Hopefully his work is as a tow truck driver so he can tow whomever he hits soon.

Are you crazy putting this on Facebook? Post this kind of stuff on LinkedIn.

Too much inappropriate to keep track of. But great blouse, mourner in the middle!
 

Updated 4/5/13:

Could you maybe just post a little more to explain what the hell you were doing?

Thumbs down, young lady. Thumbs down.

Not everyone has to make a big deal about their last words.

You're taking a photo of it all while driving? You'll interupt your Words With Friends game!

Facebook Marketplace doesn't sell any pails of soapy water. You're on your own.

Hope they post pics of the entire arrest and incarceration, including the pepper spraying. 
 

Updated 3/5/13:

A.) That emoticon is offensively accurate. B.) The lady helping is in a wetsuit.

"Like this" as in seeing her kid go on Facebook during a funeral?
 

2 minutes later: lighting a pen full of petroleum-based ink on fire proved to be scarring!
 

Introducing the new LifeAlert: it calls 911, tweets and Facebooks any time you might die.
 

To be fair, the man seems equally uninterested in helping his aged wife get out of the car.
 

Didn't even properly tag them. That's disrespectful. Just a vague attention-grab.
 

The fact that they're too tired to take a decent photo is not reassuring, either.

Updated 1/29/13:

They see me rollin, they concerned / trying to catch me riding hands-free.
 

That's fair. But you are also checking Facebook at a funeral, so...
 

Ain't no status like a cowering-in-my-bathtub-avoiding-stray-bullets status. 
 

Do you know how low your shirt was going? I mean how fast I was distracted? Carry on.
 

Great drunk-typing. It's amazing he can type and drunk-drive with only one major error.
 

Their son was diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder sixteen hours later.

Updated 11/30/12:

Put the phone down. You need both hands for that.
 

The photo gallery of her frantically downing some coffee was a nice touch though.
 

At least the truck will suffer minor damage getting rear-ended right after you hit send.
 

You can't put romance behind bars.
 

#scumbag

Completely idiotic physician, heal thyself!

Updated 10/5/12:

And here we are masturbating to it.

He just wanted it to be clear for the autopsy report.

Um, aren't you doing the same thing Mrs. Cooper?

To be fair, that red light fairy can be kind of a dick.

Then ask one of the nurses to take a photo! This is an emergency!

Updated 9/10/12:

Updated 1/13/12:

Updated 12/9/11:

Posted 9/28/11: