With apologies to Kate Beaton: "Aww yiss. Mother. Fucking. Potato crumbs."
I personally nominate this person to lead a new round of peace talks between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Why? Because if there's one thing I know about this person, it is that she will take what she can get. She will not only take any offer on the table, she will take an offer that's been dropped on the same ground that thousands of people walk on every day, and she will make it seem good. This video was apparently taken after she had already eaten literal money off the floor (see at bottom). Money. The dirtiest thing in existence, both physically and metaphorically. She ate. Money.
This video was taken on a Metro North train headed from NYC to upstate New York at around 8:30pm on Friday night. In other words, this is the train carrying back embarrassingly drunk suburban girls who were already too sh*tfaced after Happy Hour to keep partying in the city. As someone who has been on such trains, they are a menagerie of every kind of awful, intoxicated 16-50 year old demographic you can imagine. So, it's pretty impressive when one of them manages to stand out.
This video was posted by Mary Massey, whose Instagram indicates that she is a much higher-functioning suburban girl from the greater New York area. Miss Mary Massey (as she goes by on Instagram) told Gothamist,
"I started recording her after she ate a $5 bill off the floor and when I asked her if she was OK, she asked me if I "knew who she was," Massey tells us. "Her friend that was with her was also straddling the guy next to her on the train. Way too turnt up for a Friday at 830!!"
I seriously feel bad for whatever Domino's delivery guy in upstate NY had to answer her call that evening. Maybe all the local pizza places know just to dump the pie on her front stoop on Fridays.
(by Johnny McNulty)