Aren't you supposed to bang hot slampieces? Or is bang and slam too redundant?
"Jezebel got ahold of your email" should be among the most terrifying sentences a fraternity guy can hear, if they knew what Jezebel was. This brodybrobrobro thought he was just writing your standard my-father-let-me-have-several-million-dollars-because-I-can't-get-a-job-so-now-I'm-starting-a-hedge-fund email. Before you think his father is reckless though, keep in mind that in his opening paragraph, he makes it clear that he and his father consider it Obama's fault that every interviewer this guy met vomited in his face: