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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 5, 2013

A-Rod! Dr. Who! "Johnny Football"! PLUS diarrhea! It's not a fever dream, it's Five Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today!Come get some >>

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Happy Shark Week to my cold-blooded, dead-eyed coworkers.

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Just want to congratulate you this Shark Week on having a beach body that's...

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Horrible frat bro whose daddy gave him millions sends email offering jobs to...

Aren't you supposed to bang hot slampieces? Or is bang and slam too redundant?"Jezebel got ahold of your email" should be among the most terrifying sentences a fraternity guy can hear, if they knew...

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Happy Shark Week to a ruthless maneater.

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10 ways to help you celebrate Shark Week!

It's Shark Week this week where everyday is worse for seals than the worst Monday you've ever experienced. It's a week that reminds you that the only thing scarier than these cold-blooded, dead-eyed...

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A little kid got bored while his parents had sex in a public park. So he...

Look, you said you wanted a little brother to play with! Mommy's ovulating! According to Gawker, this footage was recorded in the Chinese city of X'ian, and we're betting that the Chinese city of X'ian...

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I'd swim with sharks to get out of listening to you talk about Shark Week.

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A-Rod makes me feel better about sitting around watching other people do my job.

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I've never remotely suspected my coworkers of taking anything that would...

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Your enthusiasm for Shark Week scares me more than sharks.

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You make me want to be a wetter person.

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 6, 2013

What did they find a bus-sized lump of in the London sewer? Who's on trial now? How are you going to have to watch TV shows in the future? Find out in Five Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know...

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Happy Shark Week to someone who moves with the exact opposite frequency of a...

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I find it offensive that A-Rod was given 221 days off work and he's...

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May you live long enough to end up being the cause of a Silver Alert.

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I plan to calmly call my doctor about my kid's head lice as soon as I'm done...

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Happy Shark Week to Osama bin Laden.

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I've been planning to get you into bed from the moment I couldn't log on to...

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