1. Hillary Clinton Bashing Season Is Officially Open
With Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign now official, Americans have received the all clear signal to begin meticulously tearing her down, molecule by molecule, over the course of the next 18 months. This started yesterday, when every conservative politician in the country climbed over one another to condemn her on Sunday talk shows and continues today as every person with an Internet connection provided us with a detailed critique of her campaign logo.
I wish Hillary Clinton would just make her campaign slogan "It's about fucking time."
— Twitnter Is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 12, 2015
2. Marco Rubio Kicks Off Campaign To Be Jeb Bush's Running Mate
Sen. Marco Rubio announced to top Republican donors today that he intends to run for president, thus informing top Republican donors that he intends to fill the vice presidential slot on the Republican ticket, be that alongside Jeb Bush, Scott Walker or whomever else happens to win the primaries.
Maybe I've watching too much Game of Thrones because when Marco Rubio announced, I shouted, "Stop introducing new characters, Election!"
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) April 13, 2015
3. 90% Of Americans Won't Need To Declare Bankruptcy If They See A Doctor, According To Alarming New Poll Numbers
Nearly nine out of ten adults now have health insurance—up from eight out of ten two years ago—according to new numbers from a Gallup poll. The reason for the spike remains a mystery, but the fact that it is now against the law to not have insurance is suspected to play somewhat of a part.
Obama gave us health care and all-day McDonald's breakfast, which were floated in 1993 by Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton, respectively.
— Brian Boone (@brianadamsboone) April 2, 2015
4. New Book Names Gay Americans From History—Washington, Lincoln, Nixon, Most Other People
In his new history book, The American People, Larry Kramer lists George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Richard Nixon as a few of the important statesmen who were secretly gay. When asked by the the New York Times about his claims, Kramer said: "People say, 'Can you prove to me that George Washington was gay?' and I say, 'Can you prove to me that he wasn't?'" Very convincing point!
Was Abe Lincoln gay or a vampire hunter geez history pick a lane!
— Julian McCullough (@julezmac) June 20, 2012
5. Upcoming 'Ant-Man' Movie Looks Appropriately Silly
Marvel Studios just released the first full trailer for their upcoming superhero film Ant-Man, starring Paul Rudd as a guy who has the ability to get really, really small while retaining the strength of a normal, not-particularly-super human being. It appears to be about as fun and ridiculous as you would hope it would be.
Here’s the first picture of Ant-Man’s wasp-themed villain, Yellowjacket http://t.co/p7IIiUyS79pic.twitter.com/JnVySL4GnK
— The AV Club (@TheAVClub) April 10, 2015