Forget the 50s, the "good old days" in America were four minutes long, shot entirely in soft focus, and featured an assortment of amazing combos that represented our freedom and choice as citizens.
Here it is, Internet: the high water mark of American culture, preserved in digital glory. Here is where the flood of freedom Georgie Washington, Tommy Jefferson, and Al Hammyton unleashed on the world hit its peak before receding into the swamp of repression, recession, and reality television. These four minutes of mouthwatering steak, succulent shrimp, and Vaseline-drenched Americana are, simply put, what destroyed the Soviet Union.
Who can forget the day Sizzlers ads first reached East Germany, causing disillusioned former commies to grab their sledgehammers and beat a path straight to the door of unlimited buffets and democracy?
Who can forget when George H.W. Bush said "Read my lips" and America believed him, primarily because breaded Sizzler's shrimp were falling out of his mouth while he talked?
Who can forget when a girl died of E. Coli poisoning from Sizzler's salad bar in 2000?
Like I said, it was kind of downhill after this.
The video has been online since 2012, but it's come back to the Web's attention thanks to a hilariously in-depth profile on Esquire's website yesterday. Still, even they underestimate just how perfect this ad is. This ad probably would have violated campaign finance laws had it run in 1992, because who wouldn't interpret it as an endorsement of the sitting president if you prove to everyone that everything is perfect right now?