1. Congress May Finally Acknowledge Loretta Lynch Has Been Sitting Here The Whole Time
After five months of the GOP refusing to allow a vote on confirmation for President Obama's nominee for Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, Congress may (repeat: may) finally let her take over the job of being the most-hated person in Obama's administration. The GOP denied their obstruction of the Obama administration's ability to function efficiently by delaying a 2-hour vote was an attempt to obstruct the Obama administration's ability to function efficiently, insisting it really was an honest five-month fight to keep women caught in sex trafficking situations from being able to obtain abortions in cases of rape and incest.
Still no up or down Loretta Lynch vote? I'm startin' to think some GOP Senators have a little man-crush on Eric Holder.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 19, 2015
2. Iranian Negotiations Politely Ignoring U.S. Aircraft Carrier Moving To Intercept Iranian Shipment Of Weapons To Rebels In Yemen
While negotiations on reining in Iran's nuclear program continue, the nuclear aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt and the guided-missile cruiser USS Normandy are currently sailing from the Persian Gulf to the Arabian Sea to enforce a U.N. blockade on weapons shipments to Houthi rebels in Yemen. Those weapons shipments just happen to be almost exclusively Iranian. Although the U.S. maintains drone bases and special forces in Yemen, the fight there is mostly turning into a proxy war between Iran and a coalition of U.S.-allied gulf states led by Saudia Arabia.
I've got a tip for those US ships trying to blockade the Iranians: D8.
— Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) April 21, 2015
3. Astrophysicists Are Concerned About The Big Hole In The Universe Threatening To Destroy Physics
The universe has a mass problem, specifically that there's a very big chunk of it that's way emptier than it should be. This area is known as the "supervoid," it's 1.8 billion light-years across, and it's about 20% emptier than normal, already-empty space. It's also pissing off scientists, because light takes way too long to cross it (empty space expands, so even though light moves at a constant speed, it's crossing an ever-expanding amount of space in empty regions)—longer than even its emptiness can explain, which hints at as-yet-unknown "exotic physics," which is science slang for "finding out we've been wrong about everything."
Scientists: 1.8b lightyear "supervoid" is emptiest spot in the 'verse. wait, hipsters moved in. Now bankers. OK, void's officially over now.
— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) April 21, 2015
4. Only 107 Days And Even Fewer Episodes Left Before Jon Stewart Takes Over For Craig Kilborn As The Former Host Of 'The Daily Show'
Putting a timeline on the news everyone has discussed and no one has really accepted, Jon Stewartannounced that he will be replacing Craig Kilborn as the chief former host of The Daily Showon August 6th. This will set the stage for Trevor Noah to be the first permanent host to be unfairly compared to Jon Stewart and for whatever project Stewart joins next to inevitably disappoint fans who just wanted more Daily Show.
To be clear, Jon Stewart is retiring from The Daily Show so he can run for president and save our country, right?
— Mark Duplass (@MarkDuplass) April 21, 2015
5. I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream At The Thought Of How Much Listeria Bacteria Is In Blue Bell Ice Cream
Texas-based Blue Bell Creameries make the favorite ice cream of Texas and its neighboring states, which is maybe why residents put up with ten infections and three deaths from Listeria contamination over the past five years. That's what the CDC discovered upon a review of Listeria infections in the region prompted by recent discoveries of the bacteria in Blue Bell ice cream. Blue Bell has, upon finding it in two chocolate chip ice cream samples yesterday, recalled all their products for containing unsafe levels of the potentially fatal sepsis- and meningitis-causing bacteria.
Blue Bell ice cream will help with my diet since I'll lose so much weight from Listeria.
— Bez (@Bez) April 21, 2015