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1. Hell Leaking Into Regular World Through Tiny Hole In Chile
The Calbuco volcano in southern Chile erupted yesterday for the first time since 1972, sending fire and ash into the atmosphere and forcing thousands to be evacuated from the area. NPR is reporting that "Local officials say people are very, very frightened. The immediate concern is the volcano's eruption could trigger snow melts and cause flooding." Also, that lava seeping out of it is, like, crazy hot. If you happen to see that lava coming toward you, walk briskly in the opposite direction.
Chile's Calbuco volcano is erupting. Officials are warning of chile con carnage.
— Hayden Black (@haydenblack) April 23, 2015
2. Chinese Geneticists Playing God That Does Not Exist In Their Atheist Communist State
Scientists in China have announced that they have been editing the genome of human embryos in an effort to remove potentially harmful genetic codes and create healthier babies. This is the first time in human history that something like this has been attempted, or at least the first time that we have heard of it before the resulting monster babies ran amuck and destroyed all evidence of their existence.
"Made in China" labels on humans? #Future - Fears as Chinese modify human embryo genes http://t.co/k1ZtEkg2GM via @USATODAY
— Chuck Mallory (@chuckmall) April 23, 2015
3. Carly Fiorina To Bring Much-Needed Tokenism To GOP Primary
Failed Republican senate candidate Carly Fiorina will reportedly be announcing her presidential campaign with a straight face on May 4, thus giving conservative voters an opportunity to not vote for a female candidate twice in one presidential election cycle.
Cal Thomas saying Carly Fiorina is the proof that Republicans don't have a woman problem. That is all. #EverydaySexism
— Caroline Weatherwax (@CarriWeatherwax) April 16, 2015
4. Popeyes Decides Against Firing Employee Who Broke Store Policy By Getting Robbed At Gunpoint
A Popeyes location in Texas has magnanimously decided to rehire a pregnant manager who broke store policy by handing $400 in cash to a thief after allowing herself to have a gun shoved into her face. And they say that corporate America is heartless.
Fun fact: this tweet was written in line at Popeyes Chicken
— Patrick McLellan (@pmclellan) February 27, 2015
5. Shiny, Hairless, Svelte Superhero Turns Out To Be Secretly Gay
In the upcoming issue of Marvel's All-New X-Men comic book, author Brian Michael Bendis has the psychic character Jean Grey reveal to Bobby Drake—more commonly known as Iceman—that she is aware that he is gay, causing many comic book fans to think about the character for the first time in years.
The fact that Iceman is now gay and no one's used the line 'The Iceman Cometh Out' makes me despair, it really does.
— Ryan Nelson (@RyanJohnNelson) April 21, 2015
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