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I wish I were pregnant so I could continue eating for two.

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15 Brutally Honest Reasons Parents Take Their Kids To Work

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I look at the serving size as a jumping off point.

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I would take my kids to work if I knew which ones were mine.

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This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.

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Eat like nobody's watching.

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21 MORE Brutally Honest Wikipedia Entries

While traditional Wikipedia is an excellent tool for pretending you know something and didn't just look it up on Wikipedia, let's face it, it can also be tremendously longwinded and boring. That's...

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You're the type of girl I imagine myself imagining myself with every night.

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I'm not going to let the nice Spring weather stand in between me and a...

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I'm impressed by your ability to make reckless decisions even when you're sober.

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Let’s go pretend we enjoy eating outside.

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Thank you for taking my weak imagination into account when choosing your outfit.

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Everybody's pretending to be working for the weekend.

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I worked through lunch so I wouldn't feel guilty about doing nothing between...

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I stay home every weekend so the only thing I regret doing is staying home...

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I could really be falling for who you're pretending to be right now.

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Now is always a good time to wait until later.

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Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

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Hope you have a better Monday than George Clooney's unmarried exes.

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Congratulations to George Clooney on finally getting married for a few years.

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