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Being divorced is an extremely useful way to fool women into believing you're...

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I hope the NSA is concerned about how often my mother calls me.

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I bet the NSA stopped monitoring your phone records after seeing they were...

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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language

You went to college? In today's installment of the User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language things get personal.Join us >>

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Best of luck not remarrying the same type of person you just divorced.

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May the relentless agony of your hangover help distract you from the...

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I'm so grateful to live in an era when Facebook makes visiting your new baby...

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Your wedding ceremony was the most beautiful twenty minutes between drinks...

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Sorry being divorced means you'll have to try during sex again.

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You must be excited for your baby's first birthday party since it's the first...

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The hardest part of your divorce will be finding an attractive recent picture...

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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language

"We all love you very much but we need to talk about your grammar." It's time for an intervention of our own in Today's User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language.Have a seat >>

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June 8: On your shared birthday with Kanye West may you receive the ungodly...

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Hope you're such a disaster while celebrating your birthday that they name a...

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17 shameful ways to express your gay pride.

Take gay pride in your straight friendships. The new Daft Punk album is out, the Tony's happened last night, it's finally warm enough for assless chaps—it must be Gay Pride Month!  "Pride" is one of...

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Avoiding TV spoilers on Mondays fits perfectly with my strategy of avoiding...

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The only sensitive information I'd ever leak about my company is that it...

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My summer vacation is the two months between people talking about Game of...

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Just sending non-suicidal thoughts your way on this rainy Monday.

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Happy anniversary to a husband who still looks at me the way he looks at...

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