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May your Ramadan be devoid of blatant racial profiling.

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You gave me a near-actual orgasm.

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 10, 2013

Boston Bomber, Patriot Murderer, Zimmermania and more in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today!Check it out >>

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The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

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Happy Ramadan to someone who is cordially invited to come watch us eat lunch...

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Ramadan Kareem to someone I hope is easily impressed by my ability to Google...

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In honor of Ramadan I'll do enough daytime eating, drinking, and lusting for...

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I'm shocked Justin Bieber urinated in a restaurant's mop bucket because I...

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I wish Justin Bieber had urinated on Justin Bieber.

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15 more ways to tell your coworkers exactly how you feel about them.

Here's your new email signature. With human resources constantly going on about their silly rules concerning "etiquette" and "proper workplace discourse" and "not making overt threats of violence to...

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We might as well ruin our friendship by having sex because our friendship...

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What it looks like to deeply regret changing your Facebook relationship status.

What does it look like when someone deeply regrets changing their Facebook relationship status?It's hilarious >>

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May you have an easier time finding your next girlfriend than you did finding...

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Sorry you're having one of those days where you feel like Justin Bieber's...

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I know a great wine that pairs with you sitting and watching me get drunk.

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Thanks for inviting me to quietly masturbate in your guest room.

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I want my kids to be good at math but not so good that they can count how...

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I hope I don't get kicked out of our summer share before your birthday.

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I'd wake up earlier than 10 a.m. for you.

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The 33 most embarrassing spelling mistakes on education-related signs.

I have a dreme that my children will be judged on the content of there charicter. As the election draws near and American citizens will use all their knowledge and education to pick the next President...

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