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Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.

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This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in...

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 3, 2013

Which pitcher did a good baseball thing? How much will you save by feeding your family and friends slaughterhouse sweepings encased in intestines at your July 4th BBQ? Why is Obama making that face?...

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I'm on pre-vacation vacation.

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This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant.

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Just a reminder that fireworks look even more amazing when you're not...

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May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th...

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Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China.

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Good luck extending tomorrow's holiday by sneaking out of work early today.

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I'm going out to celebrate my independence if it's okay with you.

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If our forefathers had known how we'd celebrate our freedom, we'd all be...

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I think your low self-esteem stems from you being a completely worthless person.

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I'm a good pretend listener.

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I really appreciate you making the mistake of letting me be your houseguest.

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Since you can't engage in gossip, lust, or obscenity during Ramadan, let's...

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Congratulations on your amazing new engagement ring, and your new fiancé.

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Thanks for extending your hospitality to someone far too cheap to pay for a...

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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language: New Art...

Are you sure you used enough exclamation points? 1 out of 10.Take a stroll through Today's User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language >>

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You don't need to be Muslim to engage in nighttime binge eating during Ramadan.

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The only things I bring to social gatherings are excuses to leave early.

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