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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 30, 2013

Massive explosions! Sinking cities! Eliot Spitzer scolding Anthony Weiner! Those and more signs of the apocalypse in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.The end is nigh >>

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Censored: Love your new profile pic.

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Censored: I feel so empty when you're not around.

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I need a hug that results in wild sex.

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May your performance on the bar exam make up for how boring you were while...

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As a show of support while you study for the bar exam, I'll barely mention my...

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The best part about drinking outdoors is we can't get thrown out.

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Just wanted to wish you luck on the bar exam and remind you it's still my...

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Hopefully two miserable days of taking the bar exam results in several...

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Your birthday means so much to me I've taken time out of doing nothing to...

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Every time you upload pictures of your amazing vacation to Facebook, I wonder...

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There's no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.

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I hope our communicating only via Facebook and Gchat isn't impacted by you...

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Here are all the vanity plates deemed too offensive or perverted by the New...

Sadly, this artist's rendering is the closest you'll get to such a pithy plate. Have you been saving up the $60 (plus the $31.25 annual fee) to finally get buy that personalized "SEXHOG" vanity plate...

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A guy regularly took up two spots when parking his Jaguar at work. One day,...

Next time, spring for the sunroof. This video captures the slow-building exasperation of one sportscar owner who learned the hard way not to take up two spaces at his office parking lot. Per the...

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I'd like to exclusively date you once summer is over.

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Just a heads up that you're running out of time to use my toned beach body...

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Congratulations on making it to August without wearing a swimsuit in public.

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Sorry your resistance to Facebook meant missing out on my divorce,...

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Going on vacation with my children makes me realize how much I hate vacations...

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