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The morning is a success if I make it to lunch without eating my lunch.

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Let's be grateful that Thanksgiving isn't happening at the same time as Yom...

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Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and...

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Trying to cook for people on Thanksgivukkah sounds almost as annoying as...

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Tryptophan is a great excuse for nodding off when people are explaining why...

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NEW! Create an Unpardonable Turkey that everyone will want to kill and eat.

Want a fun and sharable way to get rid of that Thanksgiving turkey-killing guilt? Just make an obnoxious bird that anyone would love to murder! Dress your Unpardonable Turkey up in a variety of awful...

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Nothing I accomplish in my career can compare to how proud I am of how little...

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Let's celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime holiday with a meal almost as insane as...

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May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's...

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Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.

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I only swallow because there is no other equally time saving method of...

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I'm sorry I was 30 minutes late to the job in which I already work ungodly...

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It takes an awful lot of work to get nothing done in this office.

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Thanks in advance for not wearing your Redskins jersey to Thanksgiving dinner.

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Office victories worth celebrating.

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May you nap as soundly after Thanksgiving dinner as Justin Bieber after sex...

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I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

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I hope my excessive drinking, mental instability, and fat, disgusting body...

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The only parade I'll attend this Thanksgiving is the one to the toilet.

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Congratulations to Jewish mothers on Adam Levine winning Sexiest Man Alive.

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