I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my sex life with you.
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Michael Douglas finds a way to make everyone picture a 68-year-old man performing oral sex.
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The only thing more annoying than people who humble brag are people who use the phrase "humble brag."
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Don't even try to use Michael Douglas's cancer as an excuse to not go down on me.
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If more characters on Game of Thrones keep dying, I may actually be able to follow the plot.
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At least the only health issue your sexual activity causes is carpal tunnel syndrome.
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Sorry I ruined your summer birthday party by taking my shirt off.
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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language
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I'd be way more productive if my cat let me work for more than five minutes before sitting on my keyboard.
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If I ruined my life by having a baby I'd want it to be with you.
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Sorry your homosexuality isn't edgy anymore.
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Happy Gay Pride Month to all the homophobic politicians and religious figures who are still in the closet.
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In honor of Gay Pride Month, feel free to ask me one overly personal question about how gay sex works.
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Happy Gay Pride Month to a curiously well-dressed man.
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If you have a problem with me talking behind your back then you should just say it to my face.
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Happy Gay Pride month to someone who's been stuck with a red equality avatar since March.
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May your wedding end in fewer violent murders than any wedding on Game of Thrones.
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Your fiancé seems like the kind of great guy who'll call off the wedding in person instead of via text.
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Your family may be crazy but at least your parents didn't try to eat you shortly after you were born.
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Just a reminder you don't need to remind me that you've read the Game of Thrones books.
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