In this sneak peek at his Lip Sync Battle against Aisha Tyler, Shaquille O'Neal wigs out in a passionate homage to Flashdance. Shaq dances like he's never danced before, using the fancy footwork he's showed off on the court, and a face as expressive as a Crying Jordan meme.
All 344 lbs of Shaq let loose at once as he busts a move, and the overall routine was a slam dunk, making him the total MVP and Center of attention. It's all kinds of Magic, and also any other basketball puns you can dream up.
It's his most delightfully embarrassing musical number since his collaboration with once-and-future Trump supporter Aaron Carter.
The artist formerly known as Calvin Harris (and currently known as Taylor Swift's boyfriend) has finally showed his mug after suffering a facial laceration in a May 20 car collision. In what feels like a rare instance, the celebrity musician was not the one who caused the accident. According to Us Weekly, a VW Beetle rammed into Harris's SUV at an intersection. Harris has since been hiding out, and has only just started sharing his flesh with the ever-hungering public again on social media.
Harris's face is half-covered in most of his latest Snaps, making you wonder what he's hiding.
"Fuck this," Harris captioned his pic. Yeah, fuck this crappy picture that doesn't show off his cut.
A subsequent Snap revealed Harris loves geo filters.
Then, finally, he did it: he showed his full face.
Aaaand there's nothing to see. Where's the laceration that prompted Taylor Swift to nurse him back to health?
What a tease, Harris.
It's like he doesn't want people to know everything about his private life. Selfish.
Harris also shared a photo on Instagram that is presumably from before his accident. Heads up, there's a lot of ab here.
Comedians Eva McEnrue and Mel Owens got New Yorkers to read the last texts exes and hookups sent them, and the results are really depressing. "I'm not going to pretend it's working." "I'm not sure I can do that again. After all, I'm still technically married." And maybe the worst of all: "I just wanted you to know that I'm making $100,000 a year now."
Today the duo released part two. That's right: a whole 'nother round of texts that don't deserve a response. Oh God, the "secret boyfriend" move. The venmo move.
The Khaleesi has survived several fires before, but can the actress who plays Daenerys Targeryen survive the hot hot fire that is Tupac's flow? Yes, because 'fire' in this context means 'good rapping,' as opposed to the chemical process of combustion. Game of Thrones' Emilia Clarke and Khal Moro (a.k.a. bootleg Khal Drogo) actor Joe Naufahu took it upon themselves to find out in a recent Instagram by Clarke.
No, the raven has not seen this yet. Perhaps Clarke is implying that the next time Bran's eyes go white and roll back into his head, he's going to see this painfully awkward demolition of Tupac's work, which would could only mean certain disaster for all of Westeros.
The has tags, with spaces inserted so you can actually read them without vomiting in frustration, say:
If we had Dothraki in the ’90s you know it would’ve made its way to Biggy.
Whatever that means, it was followed up with:
Don’t be fooled by the blue hairnet, dis Khaleesi mean business.
If you ever find yourself on Manhattan's Upper East Side, you might catch a glimpse of Luigi Maestro, a shih tzu who gets around in a remote control BMW driven by his owner, freelance writer Anisha Lakhani. According to Mashable, Many New Yorkers, including FiveThirtyEightsports writer Neil Paine, have spotted Luigi cruising around town and posted a picture to the delight of all social media.
As seen on the Upper East Side: a lady driving her dog around in a radio-controlled BMW pic.twitter.com/pT79xRrPvr
It turns out that last April The New York Postactually wrote a feature on the duo, in which Lakhani explained what exactly is going on here.
I gave it to him for his fifth birthday. My little Luigi has always been an Upper East Side high-roller, and nothing could be more fitting for him than a Beemer.
Is Lakhani more eccentric than most people? Sure. Is she wrong? Not even a little bit. Luigi and that toy Beemer were destined for this.
Her Instagram boasts some pretty incredible photos and videos that confirm Luigi Maestro is the coolest god damn living being, human or non-human, in the whole city.
This weekend, tragedy was averted when a 4-year-old boy who fell into the gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo was rescued safely. Tragedy was averted for the 4-year-old and his family, that is—but gorilla tragedy happened big time when zoo staff shot and killed the gorilla. Now, people on social media are going after the kid's mom, claiming that she wasn't doing a good enough job of watching her kid and that she, ultimately, is to blame for 17-year-old silverback gorilla Harambe's death.
RIP Harambe. You will be missed.
Specifically, other kids and teens are wondering what their moms would do if they happened to fall into a gorilla pen, because life is dangerous. And as it turns out, lots of moms are jokers. Unless they're not joking, in which case, yikes. Kids, your best bet here is just to not fall into a gorilla pen, okay? Your mom is already busy enough without having to worry about dragging your careless ass out of a pit of wild animals.
Fed up with having to weed through Craigslist for a new roommate, Redditor ucfknight95 started his own viral marketing campaign to have the roommates come to him. With a theme that seems based on the classic "If lived here, you'd be home already" real estate ad,ucfkinght95 showed potential matches what they could expect from co-habitating with him. He did this by advertising his roomie qualities in very strategic locations around his college campus. When it comes down to both advertising and real estate, it's all about "location location location," and he advertises his real estate well.
The new method filters out Craigslist crazies.No saltiness here.Trashy move.Let friendship grow. Smart ad placement: Everybody poops.Rollin' with the homies.
The University of Central Florida student created a website to prove that the funny flyers were not just a comedy bit.
And the place he speaks of seems super nice.
Head over to IfWeWereRoommates.com for more info on the place, and visit your local water fountain for other listings.
At a music festival in Toronto, a DJ by the name of KSHMR provided plenty of evidence for any hater who says live electronic music isn't really 'live' music. KSHMR rocked out—"smashing it out there," in the words of the cameraman— for at least a good 30 seconds before he presumably finally realized his music had stopped for the rest of the audience.
When you've got your headphones in but have no idea that the speakers are off. KSHMR going hard in silence at Echo Beach last Sunday.
KSHMR just kept listening to the sweet beatz in his earphones, blissfully unaware of the crowd's (silent) experience. Silent besides the chant, "Let's go raptors!" that is. The NBA playoffs were apparently all the crowd could unite around in the absence of sick beatz. Drake would be proud.
For those who demand their artists make a genuine connection with the audience and feed off their energy, KSHMR's performance definitively proves that TheRolling Stones are the only real band that's ever existed.
Nicholas DeGregorio, 11, is a fifth-grade trumpet player at Newbridge Road Elementary School in North Bellmore, New York. He couldn't wait to join his school's marching band for the first time on Memorial Day as they paraded through the town. Alas, weather got in the way, as it does. The march was canceled.
Two generations of goddamn American heroes.
But, in today's edition of heartbreakingly sweet local news, a veteran showed up for that parade, unaware it was canceled due to weather, and linked up with the young trumpeter who wouldn't let anything rain on his parade. Yes, you're going to have to stomach several cloying clichés for this story. Of course, every cloud has a silver lining will make an appearance towards the end.
Mary Bellissimo-DeGregorio, Nicholas's mother and one of several good Americans in this story, decided she and her son would simply drive the parade's route while Nicholas blasted away on his trumpet out the window.
This will be you, after you watch the video:
That attracted the attention of one Chris Iannacone, this story's second decent human being and the daughter of a disabled WWII vet. She asked if the parade was on. "They told her that it was canceled," according to the Bellmore Patch, "but that Nicholas would play 'You're a Grand Old Flag' for [her dad] on his trumpet."
And so our final two heroes sat under a cloudy sky and made their own silver lining.
Brett Sanders of Frisco, Texas, was really, really, really mad that he had to pay a speeding ticket for driving 39 mph in a 30 mph zone. He tried to fight the ticket in a jury trial, but he lost. Probably because he admitted to speeding, but argued that it was fine because he's a good driver and should be allowed to go that fast if he feels comfortable. "My speed was safe for the conditions around me. I didn’t feel like I owed anybody anything," said Sanders, which is what every other speeder ever has thought and still paid because they were caught speeding.
In the end, Sanders had to pay $212 ($79.90 for the ticket and $132.10 in court fees—NOT $212 just for going 9 mph over the limit, as some have claimed). Instead of doing what any rational person would do—like thinking about how this fine was a direct result of his actions or going on a lengthy Facebook rant—Sanders decided to get creative with his retaliation.
Brett, an adult citizen of these United States, decided that it would be a good idea to throw a temper tantrum by dumping 21,200 pennies on the counter and floor of a minor government employee who had nothing to do with his case. “I decided I wanted to make a point that this is not right,” Sanders said. “This is not fair.”Fight the power, Brett! Make that lady bend over and pick up all that justice off the floor!
The man-baby even went through the effort of spray-painting two giant buckets black and stenciling on the words "Extortion Money" and "Policing for Profit," because nothing says "bad boy" like a poorly executed anti-police Pinterest craft.
Maybe Sanders would have more luck with DIY videos.
And where words fail, shitty graphic t-shirts speak. Sanders decided to wear one with American anarchist Lysander Spooner screen-printed on it with the words "Authority, You Have None." The shirt probably would have been much more effective if people knew who the hell Lysander Spooner was.
Aw, the poor guy doesn't even know he doesn't look cool.
After Sanders uploaded this video onto his YouTube Channel (which largely consists of anti-police videos), people were less than impressed with how he paid his ticket.
You think you're so cute. You're actually a disrespectful jack wagon. That poor lady at the counter had to clean up after your mess. You received a ticket for going 9 over the speed limit - what makes you so special that you don't have to obey the law? Grow up and quit acting like a spoiled child.
Bro.. That lady was sweet as hell. I would've instantly felt bad.. I get she's there to do a job, but she didn't deserve that shit
Surely, Brett's protest will do a lot to curb the very real problem of police targeting poor residents to trap them in a cycle of fines they can never repay...or it was just about the fact that he knew he was speeding and thought he should be allowed to because he's Brett Fucking Sanders, god dammit.
"As the result of Amber's decision to decline giving an initial statement to the LAPD, her silence has been used against her by Johnny's team. Amber did not provide a statement to the LAPD in an attempt to protect her privacy and Johnny's career," lead attorney Samantha F. Spector and co-counsel Joseph P. Koenig said to E! News in a statement.
The statement continued:
Johnny's team has forced Amber to give a statement to the LAPD to set the record straight as to the true facts, as she cannot continue to leave herself open to the vicious false and malicious allegations that have infected the media. Amber has suffered through years of physical and psychological abuse at the hands of Johnny. In domestic violence cases, it is not unusual for the perpetrator's playbook to include miscasting the victim as the villain. In reality, Amber acted no differently than many victims of domestic violence, who think first of the harm that might come to the abuser, rather than the abuse they have already suffered.
According to the statement, Heard tried to keep her domestic violence claims out of the media, even out of her divorce, and it was only when Depp's surrogates and lawyers began a smear campaign that she let the allegations go public. It is true that frequently victims of domestic violence refrain from reporting the violence to police. Hopefully, for the sake of all the parties involved, whatever the truth is here wins out.
On Sunday, a Cincinnati man stripped naked and totally pooped on a self-checkout scanner at a Kroger grocery store. He was charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct, and is now a folk hero for anyone that hates self-checkout scanners.
The suspect, Colin Murphy, strolled into the Kroger, removed his clothes, and got to work pretty quickly. He was also reportedly super drunk. Hopefully, he was blacked-out, so somebody got to explain to him what he did when he woke up (though technically this might be called a brown-out).
The number one criminal in Cincinnati for going number two.
The judge also banned him from that Kroger. But there are still plenty of other grocery stores and drug stores he could defile in the Cincinnati area.
You know how some people are afraid of heights but still able to fly in an airplane? There's something about how the extreme height of flying makes it almost incomprehensible, and therefore not scary. Go up a ladder? No way. Fly on a plane? Sure! The same is true all people when it comes to revealing private stuff about ourselves with people face-to-face versus sharing our secrets with the whole of humanity on the Internet.Like all those people who shared the weirdest things they saw at a supermarket, or the most brutal ways they had been rejected, or the countless weird sex things people have told about themselves. We just feel OK saying crazy shit as long as it's to everyone.
Today, Twitter busted the silence barrier wide open with the hashtag #ThisMaySoundStrangeBut, inviting tweeters to say literally anything as long as it was strange. Responses varied. There were some very personal confessions, some bizarre science facts, weird shower thoughts, great advice, and of course plenty of extreme garbage from racists, along with pathetic attempts to fit in from corporate accounts. Here are the some of the best and strangest (non-racist, non-corporate) things people wrote:
Recently, Brittni Darras, a Colorado Springs schoolteacher had one of her students attempt suicide recently, and she responded by writing her a letter outlining how special she was. Then this teacher decided to write a similar,personalized letter to each of the more than 100 students she teaches in order to remind them all how special they are.
You probably don't normally go to this here e-card website to get some tears jerked out of you but, screw it, a gorilla is dead, the national mood is low as hell, so let's talk about a heartwarming instance of human goodness. Here's Brittni Darras in her own words in this Facebook post from May 24:
The post reads:
Two months ago was the first time I cried during parent/teacher conferences. A mom of a student who I have taught for two years showed up at my table with a list of her daughter’s teachers. Each one had “yes” or “no” written next to it. My name had a “yes” next to it, so she proceeded to explain to me the reason for her daughter’s extended absence. Her daughter- a friendly, intelligent, beautiful, driven, young woman- not only planned to commit suicide, but was in the act of doing so when the police got a Safe 2 Tell report, broke in, and stopped her. She had deleted her social media accounts and left goodbye letters; she was ready to leave the world. As her mom sat across from me, we both had tears streaming down our faces. Feeling helpless, I asked if I could write my student a letter to be delivered to her at the hospital; she said her daughter would love that. My student got the letter; her mom said that her daughter cried, turned to her mom and said, “How could somebody say such nice things about me? I didn’t think anybody would miss me if I was gone.” It made me realize that I was way too close to losing another student to suicide. I spent the next 2 months writing cards to every one of my students- over 100 of them- telling each one what is special and unique about them. Suicide is growing to be more and more common, and I can’t help but to think that it’s a direct result of the pressure we put on these kids- to be successful, to fit in, to be the best in their class/sport/etc. We need to remember that each human being is unique, and that is what makes them special. Instead of trying to change it, we need to embrace it, because together, we can make a difference, and we can save lives!#suicideawareness
Did this sweet story help you momentarily forget how garbage nearly everything else is? Good.
Note to would-be moms: always double-check the box before taking a pregnancy test to make sure it actually is a pregnancy test. That's the lesson this woman learned the hard way when she told her parents, her husband's parents, and her son that she was pregnant... only to find out she had only taken an ovulation test. Reddit user Tiedtj1 wrote:
So I buy in bulk, and got the packages confused. Ovulation tests for something that's in your body most of the time, so it's totally normal to see a line, but it has to be darker than the control line to indicate ovulation. Pregnancy tests: if there's a line you're prego.
You can probably see where this is going. We even told our parents and got our son a "big brother" shirt. ffffuuuuuuccckkkkk.
Don't just go peeing on things willy nilly, you hear?
A few days ago, it came out that Amber Heard—who has accused Johnny Depp of domestic abuse—requested $50,000 in spousal support. $50,000 a month. $600,000 a year. That doesn't sound like as much money if you take into consideration that Depp is worth about $400 million, according to CNN. Unsurprisingly, Depp's team isn't keen on giving Heard any cash, E! News reported. As it's rather early in proceedings, a judge has denied Heard's spousal support request, which Heard has since provided reasoning for in the form of documenting her income and expenses.
The couple in happier times (Maybe? Who knows. One's things for sure: that dress is cute).
Curious to know what a 30-year-old celebrity spends and makes a month?
$10,000 on rent (for a hopefully sweet house).
$10,000 for "entertainment, gifts and vacation" (likely not spent on tickets for Alice Through the Looking Glass).
$2,000 for eating out (presumably for more than one meal).
$10,000 for pet supplies and her team (such as public relations people, whom she's using a lot right now).
The dude on the right is the reason behind all her PR expenses.
Heard's total expenses add up to about $43,700, which is much more than the $10,000 she earns on average per month. Though that income is variable; apparently, Heard has only made $27,000 so far this year, which is less than $10,000 a month.
Perhaps Heard should start eating in more? Given all the attention this divorce is getting, she's probably going to want to do that anyway.
Seniors of Plano High School will not be allowed to wear National Honors Society regalia during their graduation ceremony, and spurned smarty-pants kids aren't happy. Members traditionally wear white satin stoles with an NHS seal during graduation ceremonies to mark their commitment and achievement. But the Texas high school is banning students from wearing regalia from any club or organization during graduation, though they didn't specify if the A.V. club or any other organizations have made similar requests.
Interestingly, other high schools in the same district allow students to wear NHS stoles during graduation. Plano senior and NHS member Garrett Frederick told WFAA that he's naturally disappointed after putting in lots of work to achieve the designation:
I was really looking forward to wearing it and being able to say I was a part of it, because I have friends that go to [Plano East High School] and [Plano West High School], and they're all wearing it. So it's like, I don't know why we're not allowed to wear it. I don't get it.
The NHS stole is generally gold, worn around the neck on top of the gown, and Frederick explains it takes more than an average commitment to high school to achieve. In addition to a strong GPA, he also did hours of community service. According to local ABC outlet WFAA, his mom blames the school's commitment to inclusivity for the ban.
KellyAnn Frederick says a National Honor Society sponsor claimed school admiinstrators want everyone to feel included in graduation and not single students out. 'They deserve it,' KellyAnn said. 'They worked so hard for it.'
What young Garrett does not know is that if a graduation sash is currently his biggest concern, he should enjoy the extracurricular life a little more. Soon the weight of the real world will crush his spirits in ways he never imagined.
Up until recently, 27-year-old Josi Denise was a perfectly happy mommy blogger who shared everything about her perfect life on her perfect blog, The American Mama—except it was all a lie and Denise wants to make that very clear. Speaking with theNY Post, the mother of three (with another coming) spoke about how her blog was driven by sponsored posts. "[I]t’s all stage-directed,” she said about her family fun time. "I posted [sponsored] pictures with a caption that said, ‘We had SUCH a great time grilling Sunday!’ and it’s like, ‘No, actually we didn’t even do that on Father’s Day. We did it a month ago so the content would be ready."
On her personal website, Denise—who divorced from her first hubby last year—spoke in depth about how her mommy blog sucked and that's why she pulled the plug on her popular site. "But for the most part," she said of her since deleted posts, "they are dead and I want them to stay buried forever. Because, like 90% of the fake nonsense I used to share on the internet as a mommy blogger writing about my fake life and oh-so-happy marriage, they are pure bullshit."
Despite the crap she wrote, Denise was working a lot and making cash, thus driving her to do more. "I made thousands of dollars during months I was focusing and working hard to dig through box after box of shitty as-seen-on-tv like products and share 'my 100% honest opinion' about them, that weren’t at all influenced by the page after page of 'key messages' the brand requested that I include in my review," she wrote. Denise spoke about how mommy bloggers are afraid to tell the truth, to which she now has this to say:
Are you fucking kidding me? You have no spine. If you are so scared about telling it like it is, and you rely that much on putting up a sunshine and daisy front for potential sponsorships, then what is the point? Go work for a company instead of yourself.
For her, mommy blogs are a racket that cost money and time better spent with the fam. And they're shit.
"YOUR MOMMY BLOG FUCKING SUCKS," Denise wrote. "You’re writing in an inauthentic voice about an unoriginal subject, worse if sprinkled with horrible grammar and spelling, and you are contributing nothing to the world but static noise." Denise has some feelings.
Denise signed off her post strongly urging people to quit the mommy blogosphere, as she's doing to focus more on writing that she feels is more authentic.
Just quit. Quit now before you get burnt out and feel guilty. Quit before you realize you wasted years of your life writing bullshit about your kids’ childhood and your relationships instead of being actually involved. Quit before you get caught up in some legal mess with a brand contract and your house is cluttered with shit to review that you do not need and nobody else needs either. Quit before you feel like a failure instead of finding the intersection of happy and fulfilled.
Quit because your mommy blog fucking sucks. And it’s not going to get better. There are probably a dozen things you are actually good at.
Denise has already found something she's really good at since leaving behind her mommy blog: talking shit about the mommy blogging world.
