Makeup can be practical as well as a whole lot of fun. But if you're new to wearing it, you might not know where to start. Worry no more, we've got you covered. Here's a handy beginner's guide to everyday makeup.
1. Moisturizer
Moisturizer is the key to maintaining tight, wrinkle-free skin as you age. By age 35, you should be spending approximately 30% of your waking hours moisturizing your face.
2. Primer
Primer provides a base for and increases the staying power of all the creams and powders you are going to slather on. It also helps camouflage your pores. As a human, you need pores, but they are disgusting.
3. Foundation
There are no good foundation gifs, so here's one of a tiny monkey being groomed with a toothbrush. Anyway, foundation is a tinted cream applied all over the face to create one even skin tone, the blank canvas upon which you'll create the masterpiece that will be your face.
4. Concealer
Concealer is like Wite-Out for your face. It can be used to hide imperfections like blemishes, sunspots, and dark undereye circles in an attempt to fool people into thinking you wore sunscreen in your 20s and get more than four hours of sleep at night.
5. Contouring
Contouring creates the illusion of shadows and highlights on your face, giving your face lots of angles, like a Rubik's Cube. Use a color slightly darker than your natural skin tone to make parts of your face look sunken and hollow, and a lighter color to accentuate any protruding bones, drawing attention to what a sexy, sexy skeleton you are.
6. Eyeliner
Eyeliner comes in liquid, pencil, or gel form and is used to outline your eyes, making them more visible to people who might otherwise not notice you have any. Starting from the inside corner, apply liner to the base of one eyelid, right along the lashline. Then paint a matching line on your other eye. Oops, hold up, they don't quite match. Remove just the winged end of the one you just did, and try again to match it to the first one. Hmm. Okay, now they're both kind of messed up. Take it all off and start over, this time working from the outer corner in. Okay, done. Nope, that one side still looks wonky, probably because human faces aren't exactly symmetrical. Relax. Take a deep breath. Have a quick drink. Try again. How the hell does Adele do this every goddamn day?
7. Mascara
Mascara was invented to draw attention to your eyelashes. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the lashes are spiderwebs in those windows. Ideally your lashes should be thick enough that they impinge slightly on your vision, but not so much that they weigh your lids down and make it impossible to hold your head up straight.
8. Blush
Blush gives your cheeks a pop of color that lets people know there is indeed blood running through your veins. Don't put it too high up on your face, bringing redness towards your eyes, or too low, dragging your face down and instantly aging you a thousand years.
9. Lipstick
Lipstick announces to the world, "Lips? Hell yeah, I have a couple of those, and I'm not afraid to show them!" You'll want to find a color flattering to your complexion, appropriate for the occasion at hand, and that will look good smeared on your teeth.
10. Setting powder
The last step: a light dusting of translucent powder will "set" your makeup, making it harder to smudge when you absentmindedly rub at your face because you've forgotten you're wearing any. Lock that shit in, yo.