Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is the canine comedian making America great again with his election specials. The latest installment featured real, human Trump supporters in a focus group—and unbeknownst to them, they're being tested on just how far they'll let the Trump Train take them into Crazy Town. It's pretty damn crazy.

Here are some of the things they honestly said:

• "Donald Trump's plan to lock Mexicans in porta-potties sounds like fresh thinking to me."
• "If Hillary Clinton can't tell us the truth about Benghazi, why do we expect her to tell the truth about her genitals?"
• "I agree with Donald Trump. The only way to compete with the Chinese is to lower their IQ by injecting their water with various paints and solvents."

These are real people saying real things inspired by fake things said by a real presidential candidate. Only three and a half more months to go.

Actor Zac Efron got to meet the multiple gold medal-winning women's Olympics gymnastics team, flying down to Rio to surprise them on the Today Show.

(We are all Laurie Hernandez.)

Biles was a wee bit angry at Hernandez for going in for the hug first.

When Efron found out that Biles was a fan of his, he became a fan of hers, following the team in their golden glory.

Simone Biles's crush on Efron is well-documented and almost as intense as yours. She has a life-size cutout of him in her room, and is ready to take the relationship to the next level.

He even got to kiss the world's greatest gymnast of all time (all time!) on the cheek.

...and Biles collapsed with glee.

Literally.

Efron had the privilege of getting a kiss from her, and the couple have four gold medals between them.

And the party's not over. Efron and the team are going out for pizza.

This must be huge for him, because he's not a real athlete, he just played one in High School Musical.

There's been a ton of drama on social media this week between Justin Bieber and his ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez, and his new girlfriend, Sofia Richie, must be have been feeling left out because she posted (and then deleted) two tweets about the sitch.

The first read:

Justin is not shutting out his beliebers. He’s thankful everyday for y’all, y’all got him here.. He doesn’t forget that.. Period. All love.

"All love" is now officially the new catchphrase of the summer.

Then, after Bieber (gasp) deleted his Instagram account, Richie tweeted again:

#Purposetour is still on… The music is still coming.. Love who you want… Stop the damn hate… And love each other!!

Okay, Sofia. All love.

Historic floods are sweeping through Louisiana—as of Tuesday, they had damaged more than 40,000 homes and killed eight people. And this is far from the only terrible thing happening in the world right now. But at least one little boy found a way to cope: by dancing. And maybe we all should do the same.

In the background of this on-air news report from WAFB, a CBS affiliate in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, a child danced like no one was watching. But a lot of people are watching, because the video has gone viral. The best part is when the news reporter turns around and the boy stops dancing and walks away like nothing happened. Well played, kid.

Sometimes life is hard and you just gotta dance through it. Like the whole world is watching.

Bronze medal winners don't get a lot of press, but they should. These amazing physical specimens are the third best in the world at their sport—an amazing accomplishment. Team USA has brought home 28 bronze medals so far, and we are damn proud. Here are some of the world class athletes that deserve a little more attention for their big wins.

1. Steve Johnson and Jack Sock—Doubles Tennis

When you think of tennis duos, Venus and Serena come to mind, but maybe now you'll think of Steve and Jack. Steve Johnson (26) and Jack Sock (23) won bronze in men's doubles tennis at the Olympics this year.

2. Alex Naddour—Pommel Horse

It's been all about the female gymnasts this year, but 25 year-old Alex Naddour has been doing his part to represent for the men's team. Naddour won the bronze in men's pommel horse. It's the first medal for Team USA in that event since 1984. Yeah, he's kind of a big deal.

3. Clayton Murphy—800-Meter Run

Clayton Murphy is another Olympic great who pulled Team USA out of a medal drought. The 21-year-old just ended a 24-year slump for the US when he won bronze in the 800-meter run. Murphy finished the race with a personal best time of one minute, 42.93 seconds. I can't even find the remote that fast.

4. Jenny Simpson—1,500-Meter Run

5. Conor Dwyer—200-Meter Individual Freestyle

Conor Dwyer earned a gold medal as part of Team USA's unstoppable freestyle relay team, but on his own he's no slouch. The 27 year-old swimmer got a bronze in the 200m individual freestyle. He also got to hang out with celebs Leslie Jones and Matthew McConaughey (guy in the hat pointing his finger all the way in the back row) at the Olympics. Not too shabby.

6. Corey Cogdell-Unrein​—trap shooting

Three-time Olympian Corey Cogdell-Unrein won the bronze medal in women's trap shooting, making her the third best in the world. Oh, and she's also married to some professional football player with zero Olympic medals.

7. Nathan Adrian—100-meter freestyle, 50-meter freestyle

Swimmer Nathan Adrian won two gold medals with his teammates in the relay swim, but the 27-year-old swimmer scored two bronze medals on his own for men's 100m freestyle and men's 50m freestyle. Very impressive.

8. The US Women's Fencing Team

US Olympic fencer Ibtihaj Muhammad made headlines for being the first US Olympian to wear a hijab during competition. She and her teammates went on to win bronze in sabre fencing. "This has been a long journey for us," Muhammad said."To be able to compete at the level that we've worked toward, on the world's biggest stage, the Olympic Games, is truly a blessing for us … I'll never forget this moment."​

9. Nico Hernandez—boxing

Boxer Nico Hernandez is only 20 years old and he's already won a Bronze medal in the Olympics. Most of us could barely microwave Ramen noodles at that age.

10. Emma Coburn—steeplechase

At 25 years old, Emma Coburn became the first US woman to medal in the Olympic 300m steeplechase since the event entered the Olympics in 2008. Coburn clocked 9:07.63 to break her own American record. "I’m a little bummed I didn’t have a little more in the last lap to get second, but third in the world is really incredible," Coburn told NBC. "I’m really happy."

A recent rape scandal in the NYC comedy community has gotten a lot of people talking about sexual assault on social media. But maybe no one is talking about it better than Reductress, a satirical feminist website that has nailed the balance of humor and realness required of a heavy and taboo subject like sexual assault. They dedicated their entire homepage today to "dismantling the rapiarchy" with brilliantly funny, gut-punching headlines like "This Brave Man Hates Social Media Witch Hunts So Much He Decided To Start His Own."

Writes comedian Marcia Belsky:

"Faced with the difficult decision of having to either listen to women or talk over them, one man spoke above the crowd in his brave yet endearing attempt to make somebody else’s rape about himself."

So what sparked this (other than an ongoing and pervasive social problem that affects most women and many men)? Over the weekend, it was confirmed on Facebook that an NYC comic had been banned from Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) theaters after one or more women anonymously accused him of rape. The news sparked huge discussions on social media about sexual assault in, and beyond, the comedy community. So Reductress hit back. Other brilliant headlines (and also articles) on the homepage today include: "We Built This Robot to Explain Rape Culture to Men," and "I Anonymously Reported My Rape for the Anonymous Attention."

The site's founders and chief editors Beth Newell and Sarah Pappalardo spoke to Someecards about what motivated them to devote an entire day to talking about sexual assault.

Said Pappalardo:

We were all distracted and mad and sad in the office. I think a lot of us were very literally losing sleep over this stuff. Both the initial news and then the backlash over it. People (mostly men) questioning the legitimacy of the women's claims and shaming them in a variety of ways—with varying degrees of callousness.

Apparently, the subject struck a nerve with their writers, because they got a huge number of pitches. It struck a nerve with readers too. The editors said the reaction to the homepage has been "really good so far," and support is flooding in. Said Pappalardo, "For a lot of people, especially victims, it's cathartic."

Said Newell:

I think we thought people would like this, but it just goes to show my own internalized misogyny that I didn't realize how much this would speak to so many women.

We're not saying that Reductress has single-handedly destroyed the "rapiarchy," but at least they've got us talking about it. Which is an important first step.

During an interview on Tuesday with Olympic gymnasts Simone Biles and Aly Raisman, Bob Costas said that Biles "wasn't that well known before the Olympics." Sure, she's the only woman to ever win back-to-back World Championships, and she'd already won the P&G all-around title four years in a row (something that's only ever happened two other times). But she's probably not really well known to people who don't follow sports, or have a television, or live above ground (no offense meant to mole people. All love.)

Her reaction to his comment was pretty spot-on. Can't blame her.

Now that she's being called"the greatest gymnast of all time," perhaps people will finally come to know who she is. Don't worry, Simone, fame is right around the corner!

After an athlete spends his or her whole life training to win an Olympic medal on behalf of our country, our country thanks them by handing them a big fat bill.

All prize winnings, from state lotteries to black jack wins to Olympic medals, are considered income by the U.S. government, and therefore are taxable (even if those prize winnings pretty much mean sacrificing your whole life to bring honor to our country).

And it really adds up. When an athlete medals, they don't just get a shiny round thing to bite in front of a camera, they also get a cash prize: $25,000 for gold, $15,000 for silver and $10,000 for bronze. So, depending on which tax bracket that athlete is in (based on the money they make during the rest of year), that could mean they're writing checks to Uncle Sammy to the tune of:

Gold:$3,750 - $9,900

Silver:$2,250 - $5,940

Bronze: $1,500 - $3,960

So, assuming that Michael Phelps is hanging out in our top tax bracket, he currently owes $55,440 for being a national treasure.

The best headline-lede combo in the history of journalism comes courtesy of Swedish news site, The Local.

Behold:

Yup. Let this sink in:

Tiny Insjön in central Sweden isn't known for pig mask-wearing couples shooting lasers at Pokémon hunters before having sex by a waterwheel. But that could be about to change.

The details are more hilarious than any blogger could ever hope for. Two teens on the hunt for a Squirtle found a couple looking for a different type of squirtle.

One of the teenager's mothers told the newspaper Dalarnas Tidingar:

“They wore rubber masks depicting pigs’ heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser.”

Apparently the teens ran back home after one of them was hit in the face by a laser beam. They were shaken up but unharmed.

As if wearing pig masks and shooting lasers at unsuspecting teens wasn't enough, the couple then engaged in some public fornication. The Local articlegoes on to say:

The masked shooters, who also wore T-shirts labeled ‘King’ and ‘Queen’, were next spotted by incredulous motorists as they had sex beside the hamlet’s waterwheel.

The fornicating Pig King and Queen caused a traffic jam, as "some drivers slowed down and others clambered out of their cars to behold the bizarre spectacle."

Naturally, the police were called, and were more concerned about the use of lasers than the traffic or public fornication (it is Europe after all).

“Pointing at someone with green laser can cause injury if it hits the eyes,” Officer Daniel Hagthorpe told Dalarnas Tidningar (Swedish names sound a lot like Harry Potter, eh?).

The sexing by the waterwheel would be considered sexual harassment if someone reported it as such, but so far, these pigs are left free to roam.

Simon "Mac" McDermott and his 80-year-old father Ted are going viral with an extremely lovable video of the two English men singing the Italian pop hit "Quando Quando Quando" in a car. But unlike most carpool karaoke videos, this one benefits a very important cause.

For decades, Ted was a touring singer who was known in the nightclubs as the Songaminute Man for the number of songs he could recall at a moment's notice. Sadly, in recent years Ted has been afflicted with Alzheimer's disease, and his memory of his family and past is increasingly fragmented. Simon writes:

In the last few years his memory has deteriorated a lot - often not recognising me as his son. Its a horrible illness. However, now when we've got him singing again he's back in the room. It's these moments that we treasure.

Inspired by his father, Simon has created a fundraising campaign for the Alzheimer's Society, an organization that has greatly helped him deal with his father's illness. He shared the video in the hopes of drumming up viral attention for the campaign, and it's been wildly successful. The initial goal was to raise £1,000, but as of now, donors have given £81,830 and counting.

Simon acknowledged the runaway success of the campaign with a follow up photo and a message to all the donors:

Staggered by all the support. Thanks so much. This started as me wanting to share my Dad's voice with a few friends and raising some money along the way. Wow :)

:) indeed.

In the wake of rape allegations that rocked the New York comedy community, one of Amy Schumer's (now former) writers emerged to somehow attract more anger than the actual alleged rapist. Now the feminist comedy star is responding. Comedian Kurt Metzger, one of the original writers of Inside Amy Schumer, is best-known for his 2013 fight with feminist bloggers in defense of rape jokes, although he probably will now be remembered as someone who loves rape jokes, but hates it when rape victims speak out in ways he disapproves of.

Schumer defended Metzger in the 2013 fight over rape humor, and the two were clearly on good terms as recently as August 2.

After Metzger's posts, in which he basically said private organizations cannot ban people unless they go to the police and Kurt Metzger first, people quickly wanted to know what Schumer thought. Metzger noticed.

Clearly she was having a rough day, since her book just came out (in which she reveals being sexually assaulted as a virgin), and she actually blocked some people who tweeted at her about the story.

By Wednesday, however, Amy Schumer had ended her silence (and apparently any chance of Metzger returning for future seasons).

So… what exactly happened, you ask? Let's back up. On Saturday, August 15, news filtered through the New York comedy scene that a minor comic had been banned from the prominent Upright Citizens Brigade Theater after several different women told the theater he had raped them.

Soon, comedians were divided between (mostly) supportive people who took UCB at its word that it had received serious allegations from women in the community, and a loud but vocal minority decrying this action by a private institution as a rights-depriving "witch hunt." Even more than the accused rapist's defensive posts on Facebook, however, it was Metzger's screeds that attracted the most attention with his list of demands for rape victims:

In summary, Metzger has two core demands: 1) all victims MUST go to the police or they cannot be taken seriously, and/or 2) you can tell your story without pressing charges IF you give Metzger all the details and your name. Not the officials at your school, but a stranger on Facebook. He just wants to know everything about your rape, is that so hard? Why can't you just tell everything to Rape Czar Kurt Metzger?

The thing is, several women did tell someone, and although they're anonymous to the public, they're not anonymous to UCB. They went in person to UCB's Director of Student Affairs, Marissa Tunis, and told their stories. At least one man also went to Tunis to confirm he had first heard one of the victims' stories years earlier. They weren't wearing masks or using voice scramblers.

The bottom line is: only UCB has to believe the accusations to ban someone from UCB. It's clear that this upsets and scares Metzger, but ultimately that doesn't matter. Private organizations get to decide who belongs and who doesn't, and there is literally no reason why anyone else should be involved or be privy to details.

If they wanted to, UCB could just ban people for being rude. It's their theater. So setting the bar at "multiple rape accusations from members of the community" seems pretty reasonable. You hate UCB now? Boycott UCB and see who joins you. Start your own club! See who shows up. I'm sure it'll be a classy crowd.

On August 15, New Yorker Deanna G Carter encountered one of New York's most persistent types of weirdo: the subway masturbator. But she was in "one of those moods," and had no interest in ignoring this creep. Instead, she unleashed one of the most terrifying foul-mouthed tirades you will ever hear, while he just stared at her like a perverted deer in the headlights. What's more, she took a video of the encounter and uploaded it to Facebook.

Now, Carter's video has gone viral, with more than 25,000 shares on Facebook and coverage on major blogs like Gothamist. With so many people seeing his face, this guy will probably think twice before whipping out his penis in public again. (Just kidding. He's probably doing it right now.)

Let Deanna Carter's words of wisdom be a lesson to every would-be exhibitionist out there: "You wanna rub your d**k, you rub your d**k when you get off the motherf**kin' train."

This year, I turned 26 (closer to 30 than 20) and my little sister graduated college. Obviously, I am a relatively young person, but those things made me feel old AF. I think we've all experienced moments at one time or another that made us feel like curmudgeonly old geezers. A recent AskReddit prompted people to share the moment they realized they were getting old. Here are 12 of the best responses.

1. NoNameSeven is no longer a boy who gets offered candy, but rather a man who does not get offered candy.

When the lady at the hair salon I used to go to ever since I was a little kid stopped offering me candy from the small basket that they have there. It has changed me from a boy to a man.

2. xX_IT_Guy_Xx has realized that having a baby is actually a joyful occasion.

When you realise you have to start saying 'Congratulations' to people when they get pregnant instead of 'Oh fuck'.

3. VineWings can't party like they used to, at least not without consequences.

3-4 day hangovers.

4. spiirel knows that once you start getting excited about vacuum cleaners, there's no turning back.

Hung out with a friend from high school and we excitedly discussed what kind of vacuum cleaner we'd like to have. It was both the realization that we mutually thought a new vacuum was exciting, and also the realization that now I had to be the one to pay for things like that.

5. This one is too real, ZootFluteRiot. I'm still a "miss!"

When people started calling me madam and ma'am. Ugh.

6. gtmattz suffered a pants-related injury.

When I pulled up my pants 'incorrectly' and ruptured a vertebrae in my lower back leaving me nearly immobile for a week... That was a real 'old man' moment for me.

7. And Thefullmuffin"had a fall."

When I fell over and someone said I'd had a fall, shit makes you feel about 90

8. Yes, 77remix. This one hurts.

When Lion King turned 22 years old this year

9. SgtKashim has succeeded in becoming a stereotypical old man.

When I found myself on my lawn in a bathrobe at 3AM, flashlight in one hand, cell phone in the other calling the police, revolver tucked in my bathrobe pocket... because the damned kids next door had a loud party.

Granted... it had just gone from a loud party to a loud fistfight. And it was 3AM on a Wednesday night, and this was the third call I'd made to the cops that night. GET OFF MY FUCKING LAWN.

10. Getting up has become difficult for LordJimsicle.

When you make similar noises to move around as the ones you make during sex.

11. JZ_the_ICON will have none of that new-fangled rock-and-roll the kids are all listening to.

When I would listen to some new music on the radio and go "What is this garbage?"

12. Maybe we should all take some advice from palindromic-bob.

Am 60. I have not yet realized I'm getting old.

Forget your age and live your life.