Mother's Day is this Sunday, and Jimmy Fallon is celebrating early by reading the most ridiculous and hilarious mom quotes Twitter has to offer. Twitter users used the hashtag #MomQuotes to send in their mother's pearls of wisdom, and if you think dads are the only ones with the corny jokes, think again, because moms say the darndest things.

Oh, that's a hoot!

What's your favorite mom quote?

Fyre Fest has already come (and bombed) and gone, but the fall-out just keeps on coming. According to audio from last Friday obtained by Vice News, the founder of the fest, 25-year-old Billy McFarland, is not going to be paying the twelve or so employees who worked for him the prior two weeks. They must be so happy!

He's not firing them, either, something that would possibly allow them to be eligible for unemployment benefits. But he is giving them the opportunity to stay on as unpaid employees of Fyre Media, in case they manage to get the company to the place where they might actually be paid. Great.

In the audio, which you can listen to on Vice's site, McFarland can be heard saying,

After conferring with our counsel and all financial people, unfortunately we are not able to proceed with payroll immediately, for the company. I understand that is not an ideal situation for everybody and will likely cause a lot of you to resign, which we totally get and understand. That said, if you want to stick with us, we'd love to have you and we'd love to work together and hunker down and get to a place where everything resumes to business as usual. So while we can't fulfill any obligations in the near term future, we're committed to growing the booking platform and making the business we all know it can and hopefully eventually will become.

One employee asked, "So you're not going to lay us off, which would allow us to file for unemployment benefits? You just are not going to pay us any more then, making us quit ourselves." According to Vice, most the Fyre Media employees quit. Surprise!

The Fyre Fest in April was a spectacular failure, with attendees spending up to $12,000 promised live music and luxury dwellings in the Bahamas, but showing up to find only port-a-potties and FEMA-type tents. Some people who tried to leave found themselves locked overnight in an airport without access to food or water. Festival by FYRE!

J.K. Rowling retweeted a police report after an extremely rare, handwritten draft of her Harry Potter prequel was stolen from its owner after selling for £25,000 at an auction in 2008, according to TIME.

"PLEASE DON"T BUY THIS IF YOU'RE OFFERED IT," shouted Rowling to her 10 million-plus followers. The story, written on a postcard by Rowling herself, was sold to benefit English PEN, a center that works to defend freedom of expression for writers.

But look, you don't have to buy this black market postcard to read the Harry Potter prequel you're desperate for. According to reports from 2008, the prequel was made available to fans online around the time of the postcard sale, and now it's widely circulated on Potter fan sites.

The short story follows a young James Potter and Sirius Black. They bamboozle a pair of pathetic town cops, then crush a few broomstick adversaries in an alleyway. Here's a tease, and a fun description of Harry Potter's teenage father and godfather:

They did as they were told. Finally pulling free from the broken wing mirror, Fisher glared at them. They seemed to be in their late teens. The one who had been driving had long black hair; his insolent good looks reminded Fisher unpleasantly of his daughter's guitar playing, layabout boyfriend. The second boy also had black hair, though his was short and stuck up in all directions; he wore glasses and a broad grin. Both were dressed in T-shirts emblazoned with a large golden bird; the emblem, no doubt, of some deafening, tuneless rock band.

'No helmets!' Fisher yelled, pointing from one uncovered head to the other. 'Exceeding the speed limit by -- by a considerable amount!' (In fact, the speed registered had been greater than Fisher was prepared to accept that any motorcycle could travel.) 'Failing to stop for the police!'

'We'd have loved to stop for a chat,' said the boy in glasses, 'only we were trying--'

'Don't get smart -- you two are in a heap of trouble!' snarled Anderson. 'Names!'

'Names?' repeated the long-haired driver. 'Er -- well, let's see. There's Wilberforce... Bathsheba... Elvendork...'

And you can find the whole thing over at Mugglenet.

Stephen Colbert has officially proclaimed victory in his stand-off with Donald Trump.

"You see a no-talent guy like Colbert," Trump said in an interview with Time magazine. "There's nothing funny about what he says."

"And what he says is filthy. And you have kids watching," the president continued. (But it's okay when Trump says filthy things because it's only "locker room talk.")

Stephen Colbert could not be more thrilled by the president's review of his performance. "Don't you know I've been trying for a year to get you to say my name?" Colbert exclaimed with glee during his monologue Thursday night.

"I won," Colbert proclaimed.

Watch the full clip below.

Another day, another round of tweets from President Donald Trump. Today's morning tweet storm focuses on a threat to stop holding press briefings and a threat for former FBI Director James Comey. Oh, and then something about China and beef. All within the span of two hours.

Trump's tweets started with yet another assertion that any collusion that may have occurred between his campaign team and Russia to swing the election is purely fictional.

Then there was the obligatory mention of the Fake Media, which really needs no explanation.

Next was a lame excuse about why his story about Comey's firing didn't match the story being pushed by the White House (hey, he's a busy president! He's got things going on, tremendous things! Unlike any president before him!).

This refers to how his surrogates insisted that Trump decided to fire Comey after receiving a recommendation from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein to do so. Whereas Trump told Lester Holt that he'd already decided to fire Comey ("Oh, I was gonna fire regardless of recommendation") before that recommendation.

The part about the surrogates not being able to stand at the podium with perfect accuracy is true, though—for example, Sean Spicer missed the podium altogether, and landed in the bushes instead.

And then we get to the tweet where Trump threatens to stop holding press briefings altogether, because sure, that's a thing that a sane president who's not trying to become a dictator does.

Speaking of threats, next Trump brings up Comey, saying he better hope there are no "tapes" (why is the word "tapes" in quotes?) of their conversations.

By the way, does talk about "leaking" and "tapes" makes Trump nervous about that long-rumored pee-pee tape?Anyway, this "tape" talk was not a particularly smart move, given that Comey was generally beloved by the FBI and now Trump has given them even more motivation to go after him.

Another interesting thing about the firing of Comey is the dinner Trump mentioned in the interview with Holt. The (not really failing) New York Times reported that at a dinner with Comey, self-proclaimed "loyalty-freak" Trump asked Comey to "pledge his loyalty to him." Apparently, Comey wouldn't make the pledge. According to the Times, he instead told Trump he'd be honest, but not "'reliable' in the conventional political sense." Hmmm.

Well, the (now former) head of the FBI had knowledge of the investigation and he thought there might have been collusion. So maybe Trump thought "it" would end when he fired Comey? If so, he was incorrect.

And now this—CHINA! BEEF!

And this concludes President Donald Trump's morning tweet storm.

Mother's Day is only two days away, and let me just say— don't screw this one up, folks. For many, your mom was the one who gave you life, literally carried you in her body, and had to deal with your BS up until this point, so maybe try to do a little better than gas station flowers and a cheap card this year.

Jimmy Kimmel sent a correspondent out onto the streets of Los Angeles to ask moms about the worst Mother's Day gifts they have ever received in the latest edition of his 'Hide & Speak' segment. The moms even wear masks so their identites could be protected as they really vent it out.

If the fact that your mother is responsible for your existence is not enough to convince you to get her a half-way decent gift this year, maybe this will do it: if the present is particularly sucky, she might put you on blast by telling Jimmy Kimmel/all of America about it.

Anyone on the internet (like you are right now) knows that cruising the internet is 70% going to the website you actually want to go to, 20% exiting pop up ads, and 10% enduring trolls.

Whether it's a rando on Twitter calling you a slur or an old high school acquaintance telling you you're dumb, social media is filled with only the most sophisticated discourse, and it's tough to find the perfect way to strike back.

Enter Troll Cakes, the "bakery and detective agency" that'll take your troll's comment, put in on a cake, and ship it right too them.

Nothing can highlight the stupidity of a comment like seeing it written in frosting.

Get them to eat their words...literally.

Talk about eating their words.

For $35, Troll Cakes will create the custom cake and ship it to your troll at home and work.

And for $60, Troll Cakes will also put on their detective cap and track 'em down.

Kat Thek, the Brooklyn baker behind the enterprise, told PIX11, "I just like the contrast of someone being ‘oh, I’m powerful and scary’ from far away I’m gonna be so mean and then that mean thing showing up on a colorful, idiotically happy cake at their home or work, that delights me.​​​​"

Thek even has a promotion to target a particular troll who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (and Mar-a-Lago on the weekends). The $30 "Tiny Hands Special" will frost up your favorite Trump quote and ship it to the White House.

Revenge is sweet.

The Associated Press tweeted that they heard from Donald Trump's lawyer that his tax returns from the past decade show no "income of any type from Russian sources," however, "with few exceptions."

Because Trump hasn't released his tax returns, and therefore hasn't released any proof, the lawyer's statement came with a caveat.

While this apparently should be comforting, the juicy stuff between Trump and Russia would be loans rather than income.

The lawyers' suspect phrase "with few exceptions" instantly became a meme.

Some of the tweets were Trump-specific.

It works for everything.

Twitter moves fast. The meme has already been declared dead an hour later. But we can all appreciate that every single one of the #WithFewExceptions jokes are great...with few exceptions.

You may know Idris Elba from his famous roles as druglord Russell "Stringer" Bell on the HBO series The Wire, Detective John Luther on the BBC One series Luther, and Nelson Mandela in the biographical film Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom (2013). He's been nominated four times for a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a Miniseries or Television Film, winning one (Luther, 2012), and was nominated five times for a Primetime Emmy Award.

Elba has also appeared in movies such as Ridley Scott's American Gangster (2007), Thor (2011), Pacific Rim (2013), and Beasts of No Nation (2015, for which he received BAFTA and Golden Globe nominations for Best Supporting Actor), and Star Trek Beyond (2016).

Here are some things you may not know about Idris Elba:

1. He has a successful music career.

In 1986, Idris started helping an uncle with his wedding DJ business; within a year, he'd started his own DJ company with some friends. Over 20 years later, he co-produced and performed on the intro to Jay-Z's album American Gangster (2007). He's since released several EP's, some of which were nominated for industry awards. In 2015, Elba opened for Madonna during her Rebel Heart Tour in Berlin.

2. He's had two brief marriages.

Elba's first wife was make-up artist Hanne Norgaard. They have one daughter, Isan, but the marriage ended soon after her birth. As The Wire filmed in Maryland, he met real estate attorney Sonya Nicole Hamlin. They married in 2006, with the marriage only lasting six weeks before Elba left her. After dating since 2013, Elba's girlfriend Naiyana Garth gave birth to their son Winston Elba in 2014.

3. He broke an 88-year-old land speed record.

In 2015, Elba broke a British land speed record in a Bentley Continental GT Speed. The original record, known as the Flying Mile, was set in 1927 by Sir Malcolm Campbell in his Blue Bird land speed record car. Campbell managed to hit 174.8 mph that year, driving along the Pendine Sands stretch of beach on the south coast of Wales. Elba hit 180.361 in his Bentley, all for his Discovery Channel series Idris Elba: No Limits.

4. He spent a year training to become a professional kickboxer.

Idris Elba Smashes it at York Hall! 👊🏾😂🇬🇧

A post shared by Madonna (@madonna) on Oct 28, 2016 at 5:58pm PDT

Elba used to fight and kickbox for training in his twenties. A few years ago, he decided to take it to the next level. Discovery Channel produced Elba's 12-month quest to become a professional kickboxer under Muay Thai coach Kieran Keddle, culminating in Elba's first professional kickboxing fight - and win - against Lionel Graves, a younger, more experienced Dutch opponent, at London's York Hall. (The above footage was shot by Madonna.)

5. He had a brief role as Michael Scott's boss on The Office.

Elba joined NBC's The Office in March of 2009 beginning with the episode "New Boss" as the character Charles Miner. Michael Scott is disturbed by the arrival of his new no-nonsense superior. Meanwhile, Jim struggles to make a good impression on Charles, and Angela and Kelly both develop crushes on their new boss. It was part of a 6-episode arc for Elba, a longtime fan of the show.

6. He's rumored to be the next James Bond.

For years, fans of Elba have tried to will their way into making him the next 007. His name has constantly come up as a contender for the coveted role. But Elba recently came clean on the subject. "It is the wildest rumor in the world," he said on Good Morning America last summer, adding that there have not been any "talks with me and studios about any of that." Oh well. We can still see Elba in The Dark Tower on August 2, 2017.

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles dated for roughly five minutes back in 2012, and none of us can seem to get over it. Haylor will forever hold a special place in the hearts and minds of pop culture enthusiasts, which is probably why a BBC radio host asked Harry Styles if his new song, "Two Ghosts" was about Taylor Swift.

Things got very awkward.

When radio host Nick "Grimmy" Grimshaw demanded to know what the song was about, Harry started squirming like a little puppy dog. "I mean, I think it's pretty, like self-explanatory," he said.

When Grimmy kept pressing him, he turned to his manager, Jeffrey Azamoff, and pleaded, "Help me, Jeffrey!"

Eventually, Styles was able to regain his chill and come up with a (sort of) real answer to Grimmy's question.

"It's about... sometimes things change and you can be... you know, do all the same things and sometimes it's just different. You know?"

So articulate. Yes, Harry, we totally know.

Harry seemed to be in the clear, but then Grimmy started playing "Two Ghosts" and introduced it as "the one about Taylor Swift." And then Harry's brain melted.

Sorry, Harry. It's okay, though! She totally wrote one about you, too.

In a Facebook post that's currently going viral with over 280,000 likes, Brittney Johnson points out just how much mothers can shape and affect their children's relationships with body image. Johnson, from Missouri, was standing in a Target dressing room on May 8, trying on bathing suits with her 4-year-old daughterPayton, when her daughter said something that really struck her.

She wrote,

See that sweet baby girl in the corner? With half a dress on and one of the bikini tops I had picked out? I stopped for a second to see what she would say and when she turned to the mirror, she said "Wow I just love cheetah print! I think I look beautiful! Do you think I look beautiful too?!"..when it hit me that she only says what she hears. What she sees. I tell her that she is beautiful every single day. She is kind walking through the mall, because I tell her she is kind everywhere else. She is polite at the order counter because she hears me when I'm polite to strangers everywhere. She gives compliments to people she doesn't know because she loves how it feels when she hears them.. And when we are in a dressing room, with swimsuits of all God forsaken things, there is a split moment when I have the power to say "wow I have really gotten fat this year" OR "wow I love this coral color on me!" And those are the words burned into my daughters brain.

In her post, Johnson explains just how much children learn from their parents, from being polite and saying "please" and "thank you" to giving compliments to strangers just because it's a nice thing to do. And that influence extends to everything, including body image.

Speaking to the Huffington Post, Johnson said that she was "touched" by the huge response her post got and the opportunity to "connect" with other parents. She revealed that a lot of people contacted her to tell her how her post motivated them to stop saying negative things about themselves.

“It has been such a great reminder that we are all on the same team, have the same fears and ultimately want the same thing for our children ― love,” she explained. She added, “For every mean comment that I’ve received about my body, I’ve received at least a thousand positive comments, and I have to say that gives me a little more faith in humanity than when I started."

She continued,

I hope people can read my post and then look at themselves and say, "Here I am, and I am beautiful just the way I am." I hope people take away from it that our kids should know self-love and will only learn it if we take the time to teach it to them. And no matter what kind of mom you are or what size, you are beautiful and have every right to feel like you are.

A new viral video shared on Twitter is an excellent reminder that while public safety equipment is sometimes inconvenient, it serves the important purpose of preventing you from becoming a pancake. One London man forgot that, and decided to outsmart his local railroad crossing by climbing through the barrier with his bicycle. Passengers tried to warn him, but this bold maverick just shouted, "I don't f**king care, mate!" and soldiered on. That's when he remembered: trains.

The best part is the expression on his face as he watches the train go by. He's so desperate to stay angry, even as his whole life flashes before his eyes.

Caffeine-infused beauty products are making their way into the mainstream cosmetic market, offering everything from coffee-based body scrubs to caffeinated eye cream. I, for one, am thrilled about caffeinated beauty because I happen to be one of those mythical unicorn people who do not drink coffee. Yes, really.

So after hearing about Eyeko's Lash Alert! Mascara with caffeine (which you can buy for $26), I was intrigued but a bit skeptical. I decided I had to try it for myself and Eyeko generously obliged with a sample.

According to the box, Eyeko Last Alert! Mascara is made with "caffeine for wide awake eyes" and promises it will "give your lashes a lift for instant volume, curl & definition that lasts all day." It also promises to "wake up your eyes with our energizing fibre-enchanced formula infused with caffeine, arginine & biotionyl. Tripeptide to stimulate lash growth."

I definitely didn't understand all those words, but I liked the ones that I did!

I gave caffeinated mascara a go the day after my birthday, AKA a day I knew I would be exhausted (thank you, cupcakes and alcohol). My first observation was that I was pleasantly surprise to see it came in a squishy tube rather than one made of hard plastic. You can kind of squeeze the bottle and move the product around, making it easier to use it all up.

Eyeko Last Alert! Mascara applied evenly and smoothly: very clump-free, it made my li'l baby lashes nice and long.

Like, really reallllllllllly long.

Here is a blurry before and after (hey, I'm a writer, not a photographer.)

This mascara is not as dramatic as those "super plump giant anime colossal cartoon spider's legs" lashes you see advertised on TV constantly, but definitely is great for as your everyday mascara.

All in all, I really liked the mascara! It was definitely lengthening, and 7 hours in, there has been no flaking or smudging. As for the caffeinated aspect, I haven't really noticed a difference between this and my regular "decaf" mascara. I will probably keep using it for a few days to see if I notice any caffeine related effects (actually being productive, not falling asleep at my desk, etc.) and I will update.

For now, I will just have to get my caffeine the old fashioned way: by pouring coffee into my eyeballs.

In the past week, comparisons between President Donald Trump's Russiagate scandal and the Watergate scandal of the 1970s have accelerated, as the White House has made a series shocking decisions that eerily parallel Richard Nixon's attempts to save himself from the investigation that would ultimately force him to resign.

In particular, Trump's abrupt firing of FBI Director James Comey, the man in charge of investigating him, is being widely compared to the infamous Saturday Night Massacre, in which Nixon fired the independent special prosecutor who was investigating him, resulting in the immediate resignation of both the attorney general and deputy attorney general. The similarity was so striking, even the Nixon Presidential Library was quick to distance itself from Trump.

On Friday, President Trump invited further comparison by tweeting the following ominous message to Comey.

This not-so-veiled threat immediately spawned another round of shocked reactions. But one commentator who managed to keep his cool was former Nixon lawyer John W. Dean.

Of course, Dean would know. As White House Counsel for President Nixon, he was deeply involved in the Watergate coverup. Later, he testified against Nixon in exchange for a reduced prison sentence, leading the president to claim he had audiotaped evidence to contradict Dean. It was this admission that alerted prosecutors to the existence of Nixon's surveillance system. They quickly subpoenaed the infamous "Watergate tapes," which ultimately sealed Nixon's fate.

If you found this history lesson eye-opening, maybe you should share it with President Trump. He needs to hear it.

Some guys can barely write a greeting card for their girlfriends' birthdays. Not 17-year-old Chaz Adams, though. This dude basically wrote an entire book for his girlfriend's 18th birthday, a gift he told Elite Daily took him "a little less than three weeks" to complete.

On May 7, Adams posted a video on Twitter, flipping through the book to show that it was completely full of words and pictures about him and his girlfriend. Speaking to Elite Daily, Adams described the contents of the notebook: “I talked about why I do the things I do for her, I talked about how much I love her, I put pictures of our favorite memories together, I talked about our future and our past.”

Now Adams has just one problem—how the hell is he ever going to top this??

A bloody, gooey monster washed up on an Indonesian island on Wednesday, shocking locals and entertaining the internet.

Look at this thing!

Ew.

The creature is believed to have been dead for three days upon discovery.

Indonesia's Marine and Coastal Resources Management said that it is likely to be the carcass of a humpback whale, and residents of Seram Island have called on the government to help clear the goo.

The whale carcass attracted the attention of marine biologists across the world.

Nikolay Kim, Deputy Head of the Forecasting department of the Sakhalin Research Institute of Fisheries and Oceanography, believes it is a dolphin. He told The Independent:

"Judging by the appearance of the head, this is clearly some big dolphin. According to a characteristic of the skin, it is a rare species.

I doubt that it lived in our waters. Most likely, the animal was brought by the warm current."

I'm not a marine biologist, but my money's on "grown up blobfish."