Married folks, get ready to laugh. This ridiculously funny list perfectly nails the ups and downs of married life.

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In general, movie teasers are supposed to generate excitement and get people stoked to flock to the theaters opening weekend. But this isn't always how things go down, particularly with the advent of Twitter where people can critique and roast movies before they've even seen them.

So, when a trailer dropped for Disney's new live action Aladdin movie, people had a lot of feelings, mostly about Will Smith's appearance as the genie.

Obviously, the animated Aladdin genie (RIP sweet Robin Williams) was blue and rather absurd looking, so I doubt people were expecting Smith to be trotting out his sex appeal for this role.

However, his blue body paint get up nonetheless startled the internet with just how corny it looks.

Twitter really went to town with the roast jokes and comparisons. You can't revamp a childhood classic and not expect people to have charged emotions and high standards.

For many, Smith's genie lewk is true nightmare material, and may ruin their ability to enjoy the movie at all.

I have a feeling Smith's genie is going to be the centerpiece of more than a few therapy sessions.

While Smith's CGI genie aesthetic wasn't sparking magic for a lot of the internet, there are still people who genuinely think the trailer looks good. And let's be honest, a lot of us roasting Smith's haunting blue appearance will still end up seeing the movie for nostalgia and curiosity's sake.

Ivanka Trump has been working tirelessly in the White House to increase the wealth and prosperity of women named Ivanka Trump. Her latest thing, announced last Thursday, is called the Women’s Global Development and Prosperity Initiative, which promises to give $50 million in USAID money to help 50 million women... which, if you're doing the math at home, checks out to exactly one dollar per woman.

Experts aren't particularly impressed with Ivanka's "1 woman, 1 dollar" approach to international development, arguing that it amounts to nothing more than "a branding exercise."

"$1 per woman, or rather $0.02 per woman, once you subtract the money WalMart and others will spend on glossy, self-congratulatory advertisements," the Woodrow Wilson Center's Brad Simpson tweeted.

Twitter caught on to the math, and noted that Ivanka's iniative comes after her father's budget tried to slash USAID budget by a third.

Reminder: Ivanka's supposed to be the smart one.

The Washington Post reports that the White House insisted that the $50 million characterization of the program was a mischaracterization.

After the initial publication of this article, White House Deputy Director of Communications Jessica Ditto responded in an email that the $50 million figure for 50 million people mischaracterized the initiative.

Ditto pointed toward a presidential memorandum signed Thursday that said that agencies would be government agencies would be expected to “prioritize and increase support for the Initiative within their budget proposals and within allocations of appropriated resources.” The memorandum suggested that agencies would “seek to collectively attribute no less than $300 million per fiscal year.” It did not offer specifics of where this money would come from.

Only $50 million from USAID has been pledged thus far.

Until we get the figures on another plan, it's totally cool (and fun!) to make fun of Ivanka for being bad at math.

Mornings are the absolute worst, but this list of memes is the best. Get ready to laugh out loud at these totally random funny memes.

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Ellen Page is a lot more than just everyone's favorite 2007 movie, "Juno."

Her recent interview on "The Late Show," where she calls out the problematic leadership in America has been watched over fifteen million times. In the interview, she says, "the vice president of America wishes that I didn't have the love with my wife. He wanted to ban that in Indiana, he believes in conversion therapy, he has hurt LGBTQ people so badly as the governor of Indiana."

And people were there for her:

So when Chris Pratt was also interviewed by Stephen Colbert on "The Late Show," Page didn't approve of the subject matter. Pratt discussed his "spiritual side," as he is a member of the Zoe Church in Los Angeles. The church, which is modeled after Hillsong, doesn't allow gay people to participate in leadership roles and believes homosexuality to be a sin. This belief, they clarify, doesn't mean that gay people aren't welcome at their church, it just means that their loves lives have to be--forgiven? Confessed? Sounds like a real roundabout way of being high-key homophobic.

Chris was quick to defend his church and called out Page by quoting her directly in his Instagram stories. In a post far too long for a story (in my opinion), Pratt said his church welcomes everyone. Letting someone inside a building while believing their life is a sin isn't welcoming, it's just adjusting your hatred.

For clarity:

It has recently been suggested that i belong to a church which “hates a certain group of people” and is “infamously anti-LGBTQ.” Nothing could be further from the truth. I go to a church that opens their doors to absolutely everyone. Despite what the Bible says about my divorce my church community was there for me every step of the way, never judging, just gracefully accompanying me on my walk. They helped me tremendously offering love and support. It is what I have seen them do for others on countless occasions regardless of sexual orientation, race, or gender. My faith is important to me but no church defines me or my life, and I am not a spokesman for any church of any group of people. My values define who I am. We need less hate in this world, not more. I am a man who believes that everyone is entitled to love who they want free from the judgment of their fellow man.

People were quick to notice that comparing a divorce to homosexuality is peak straight white male privilege.

Keep fighting the fight, Ellen. You're doing great.

Babies have incredible little brains, they are newly acquainted with the world and actively soaking in everything under the sun. Since babies spend their entire days picking up language cues and developing the neural pathways for communication, they are at the ideal age to teach ASL.

For many hearing families, ASL serves as a great way to open up communication with their baby before the child is old enough and developed to speak in full sentences. Plus, it gives their child another language and the ability to communicate fluently in the deaf community.

Unfortunately, since the signs for ASL are nuanced and carry drastically different meanings when you change the angle of a sign or the precise positioning of fingers, it's very easy to train your child wrong.

To this very point, the Reddit user midwest_sweatervest found herself in a hilarious position after she realized the sign language she taught her baby was a bit off.

She kicked off the story by sharing the whole ASL journey started because of a mommy and me group.

"I go to this “mommy and me” thing every week with my daughter. Not because it’s my kind of thing, but because my mother-in-law paid the membership for a year as “a Christmas gift” to my one-year-old (AKA she doesn’t think I am socializing her grandchild enough and this was her way of passive-aggressively correcting my parenting)."

The moms in this group embody the ideals of Pinterest motherhood, and because of this there is a lot of not-so-subtle competition.

"Anyways, we go to this thing every week for an hour and all the Pinterest moms are planning themed birthday parties and discussing screen time and sharing gluten free recipes while their kids stare at each other. But all these kids know sign language, and I thought that was pretty damn cool. So I start looking into this and try teaching my kid some basic signs for basic needs, and it’s working! Suddenly, my tiny human who otherwise could not effectively communicate with me knows how to say “more” and “all done” and “drink”! She can call me mom and my husband, dad! Holy shit! Thanks Pinterest moms! I take back all the shit I talked about you to my kid on our weekly drives home."

However, despite her exhaustion surrounding the elaborate themed birthday parties and the gluten free recipes, our protagonist did love the idea of teaching her baby girl basic ASL to increase communication.

"Well today with my husband out of town, I didn’t feel much like cooking and since my daughter is pretty laid back at restaurants I decided to go out for a quick dinner. The kid loves French fries and so do I. So we hit the local burger joint and I order a beer, a burger with fries, and a side of fruit. The server brings a little styrofoam cup with a lid and a straw filled with water for my daughter, and I set it out of her reach so she doesn’t hulk smash the styrofoam and make a mess. So of course every time she wants some, she signs “drink”. And every time she wants my attention, she signs “dad” because apparently the slightly different sign for “mom” isn’t as fun for her. Ok, whatever."

One night, when they were out on a mommy-daughter dinner date she noticed a couple of deaf women kept looking over and giggling at their table. Before they left the restaurant the women shared that the baby was signing "drink alcohol" instead of "drink milk" and "dumb" instead of dad.

Well I notice a couple tables away, there are a couple of women who are also signing to each other but they’re looking over at us and snickering. I’m like okay, I did like 4 quick google searches, maybe I botched some of what I taught her. It’s fine. But then as the women are leaving, they stop by our table and one of them lays her iPhone down with a message typed out for me to read. It says something to the effect of “she’s calling you ‘dumb’ and telling you she wants to drink alcohol”.

They went on to show the differences between dad and dumb, and drink alcohol and a neutral drink.

"I’m like... wait... what? So she continues to show me that I have in fact taught my daughter the wrong signs, that there are different signs for “drink (non-alcoholic beverage)” and “drink alcohol” and by balling her first up instead of using a flat hand at her forehead, my daughter has been calling me dumb instead of dad which was already wrong obviously since I am her mom. I can only imagine what the Pinterest moms would’ve done had I shown up next week with my kid asking to drink liquor."

Despite embarrassment, she was supremely relieved to be corrected by kind deaf women instead of the Pinterest moms.

"TL;DR ASL is hard, and my baby has been asking me for alcohol all week due to improper signing

ETA: Thanks, everyone! I’m glad you all enjoyed this post. Please understand that the conversation that took place with the deaf women was totally lighthearted, they were not correcting our signing to be rude or in thinking that I was trying to teach my child proper ASL. They were not oblivious to the fact that baby signing is not the same as ASL. They just thought my baby was cute and used the coincidence to strike up conversation, and it was funny and welcome!"

This story was immediately well-received by Reddit and opened up a floodgates of similar tales about signs being confused.

Wretschko has seen these scenes play out firsthand.

"HEY, DUMMY, I WANT SHOTS!"

As a child of Deaf parents and being a certified ASL interpreter, I 100% believe this happened. I've "heard" and seen far, far, FAR worse."

Spookontoast's little sister used to similarly mess up key phrases.

"Yeah my little sister couldn’t say fire truck, instead it came out as fire Fuck, it was hilarious, my parents use to tell me of all the time for getting her to say it, such a shame when she finally started saying it right 😂"

ZucchiniMiss' classmate definitely takes the cake when it comes to embarrassing ASL mishaps.

"In my ASL 101 class, a guy tried signing that he visited his grandma over the weekend.

He instead signed that he fucked his grandma over the weekend.

I corrected him quickly and had to explain why his sign was wrong. That was fun."

Although lhbach's friend is definitely in the running.

"A buddy of mine told me about her ASL class, which was one of those multi-hour college classes with a lunch break built in. Right before the lunch break, one of the students intended to sign, "I'm really hungry, I'm going to go eat lunch," and instead signed, "I'm really horny, I'm going to go eat some lesbian." Stopped their professor dead in his tracks."

This all goes to show that precision is key when it comes to ASL, and really language in general, at least now this child will be able to order at bars and stave off creeps when she's an adult.

On Monday night, Donald Trump took his rambling, racist conspiracy show to El Paso. When not making up lies about immigrants or abortion or whipping his followers into such a frenzy that one went and attacked a BBC cameraman, Trump attacked Democrats including Beto O'Rourke, whose rival rally attracted thousands of attendees. The president also took the opportunity to criticize Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's proposed Green New Deal (and its extremely rocky rollout).

He called the resolution "a high school term paper that got a low mark"—itself a high school insult that got a low mark.

The Congresswoman responded to the president's attack line by asking if Trump is really the guy to judge the writing in a resolution, considering the fact that he's reported not to read his own intelligence briefing.

Because her response is on Twitter, Trump might actually read it.

Time Magazinereported just last week how hard it is for intelligence officials to get the president to care what's going on in the world:

Citing multiple in-person episodes, these intelligence officials say Trump displays what one called “willful ignorance” when presented with analyses generated by America’s $81 billion-a-year intelligence services. The officials, who include analysts who prepare Trump’s briefs and the briefers themselves, describe futile attempts to keep his attention by using visual aids, confining some briefing points to two or three sentences, and repeating his name and title as frequently as possible.

Maybe if we rename Planet Earth "Planet Trump" the president will care about it?

Nah, Trump buildings are barely hospitable to humans.

If you are one stressed out mama, these hilarious parenting memes are the perfect way to spend that entire minute of free time you get per day.

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Donald Trump Jr. is an avatar of a craven trust fund son desperately trying to win the approval of his cruel father. Given who his father is, and the large power their family wields, this means his desire for approval spills out onto social media, and gives people across the political spectrum something to gaze upon.

The latest Don Jr. quote to circulate Twitter came out of his speech at his father's rally in El Paso, Texas. During a moment that was meant to encourage young conservatives, Don Jr. ripped into teachers and went so far as to call them "losers."

"You know what I love? I love seeing some young conservatives, ’cuz I know it’s not easy.

Keep up that fight, bring it to your schools. You don’t have to be indoctrinated by these loser teachers that are trying to sell you on socialism from birth. You don’t have to do it."

The clip quickly made its way onto Twitter where teachers were quick to give Don Jr. their two cents about being called losers.

People were quick to point out the many toxic levels to this anti-education sentiment. First, there is the obvious fault in claiming teachers are "losers," when they perform one of the hardest and most crucial jobs in this country. Secondly, there is the fact that Don Jr. has never needed to truly work a day in his life, so his punching down at working people is an extra bad look. And thirdly, it is deeply sinister for the presidential family to mock education, and speaks to a preference for easily controlled ignorant masses.

It would be educational for Don Jr. if he actually read and truly considered these responses, but given his attitude towards teachers, its likely reading isn't his strong suit.

In case you thought your first day at work was rough, this San Francisco man has all of us beat.

When Jon Caña, Jon Qui Qui on Twitter, started a new job in San Francisco at a company called Essence in October, he thought the welcome gift game was insanely strong. Caña told Buzzfeed News that when he arrived at his desk, there was a swag bag full of cool company treats and later on, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers landed on his desk.

Caña was so pumped that his new company went so out of their way to make him feel welcome and appreciated, that he had a mini photo shoot with the flowers, tweeted about it, and then swiftly forgot the whole thing until last week. At an office holiday party, the office manager explained to him that the flowers were actually left on his desk by accident and they were meant to be received by a woman about to go on maternity leave. Apparently everyone had seen that he was so excited about the flowers that they couldn't break the news to him until now.

The internet was quick to support him:

Jon, this is such an adorably wholesome story and we hope you and your co-workers enjoyed it as much as we did. Whenever you have an update on whether or not the pregnant employee received another bouquet, though, we're all dying to know...

In case you thought your first day at work was rough, this San Francisco man has all of us beat.

When Jon Caña, Jon Qui Qui on Twitter, started a new job in San Francisco at a company called Essence in October, he thought the welcome gift game was insanely strong. Caña told Buzzfeed News that when he arrived at his desk, there was a swag bag full of cool company treats and later on, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers landed on his desk.

Caña was so pumped that his new company went so out of their way to make him feel welcome and appreciated, that he had a mini photo shoot with the flowers, tweeted about it, and then swiftly forgot the whole thing until last week. At an office holiday party, the office manager explained to him that the flowers were actually left on his desk by accident and they were meant to be received by a woman about to go on maternity leave. Apparently everyone had seen that he was so excited about the flowers that they couldn't break the news to him until now.

The internet was quick to support him:

Jon, this is such an adorably wholesome story and we hope you and your co-workers enjoyed it as much as we did. Whenever you have an update on whether or not the pregnant employee received another bouquet, though, we're all dying to know...

The GOP shared a greeting card-ready inspirational quote attributed to President Donald J. Trump, and it looks very familiar. Too familiar.

The "stronger together" line was used during the 2016 election, but not by Trump. You might recognize the phrase from Hillary Clinton's podiums, bumper stickers, lawn signs, books, posters, chants, and plane.

Stealing lines from Democrats is finally something that Donald and Melania have in common.

Needless to say, people noticed, and one of those people was winner of the popular vote Hillary Clinton.

The woman who got three million more votes than Trump noted that while Trump is in the stealing mood, why doesn't he steal Hillary's policies that expand access to affordable healthcare, doesn't exclusively give tax breaks to the rich, and doesn't require an American Ninja Warrior-style obstacle course to vote?

The tweet was a hit, scoring a lot of "Yaaaas Queens."

Oh, Hillary.

The only thing missing is an ironic "Make America Great Again" with a picture of Trump resigning.

Ever time she tweets it's a glimpse of what could have been.

Imagine not waking up every morning in abject horror of what the president's pickled brain tweeted out into the world. Imagine a universe in which the President of the United States knows the difference between enemies and allies. Imagine a Supreme Court that only has one sex pest on it.

That said: Hillary...please don't run again.

Being a celebrity doppelganger is no doubt a mixed bag. On one hand, you have a face attractive or recognizable enough you're channeling someone internationally known. But on the other hand, you're constantly getting compared to a stranger you'll likely never meet, who has a platform and net worth far exceeding yours.

But let's be honest, if you're going to deal with the constant celebrity doppelganger comparisons, you're better off if it's someone known for being supremely attractive and cool, someone like Rihanna.

Well, 22-year-old Yna Sertalf has been both gifted and cursed with Rihanna doppelganger status, which means her mentions have been booming since her teen years.

There are times when someone with a similar hair style or skin tone is labeled a "doppelganger" and its largely sloppy and inaccurate, but Sertalf truly looks like Riri.

In the past few months, Rihanna fans have been eager for the singer to drop a new album, and she's kept relatively mum. So, Sertalf, as the primary Riri doppelganger, has caught a lot of the residue album pressure.

Even her Instagram mentions are full of requests for a new album, which means, if Sertalf decided to release music, it would likely gain traction regardless of quality.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the universe's way of telling Sertalf it's time for her to express herself musically. Lord knows she's already got a following. In the very least, Rihanna could feature her in a trippy music video.

Twitter is ablaze today over the fact that Esquire ran a cover story on what it's like to be a straight white male in America right now. It's important to note that they chose feature this story during Black History Month. How do you think that is going for them so far? I'll give you a hint: not well, bitch!

After posting the profile, Esquire immediately began getting dragged, roasted, called out by Twitter users. Ouch.

Many were quick to point out the lack of social awareness this cover possessed, especially since it is Black History Month.

Others were quick to point out how redundant the story of a white kid in America is in a time when there is still a lack of diverse representation across all forms of media.

Even Queer Eye star Karamo Brown had some sh*t to talk to Esquire.

Esquire also received some fire clap backs from comedians.

And some saw this as an opportunity to direct people's attention to publications who were featuring diverse and marginalized voices.

Esquire Editor-in-Chief Jay Fielden penned a response to the backlash, claiming that he wanted to avoid "echo chamber" thinking and opinion sharing, and that this story was the beginning of a series of profiles about different voices and experiences in America. His response epically backfired, and he was -- as you could have guessed -- roasted in the comments.

Welp, I imagine it's been a very busy day for whoever runs the Esquire Twitter account.

Anyone with a job will relate hard to these hilarious memes. Whether you have an annoying coworker, micromanaging boss, or just plain hate your going to work, you deserve a laugh today.

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Hold my beer, "hold my beer."

There's a new joke format in town, and it's ribbing the things people can't help but blurt out.

Whether you like it or not, here are some of the best "no one" jokes to be enjoyed by, well, everyone.

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Good morning to all the memes lovers out there. This randomly hilarious list of memes will get you up and laughing this morning. That basically counts as a workout, right?

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Growing up with a lot of siblings is not for the faint of heart. You are forced to learn early on how to navigate sharing space with others, conflict resolution (or how to win a fight), and that the world is truly unfair.

While one could go on for hours arguing the pros and cons of growing up with siblings versus being an only child, one point is undeniable: having siblings gives you a lot of hard-won life lessons, whether you like it or not.

In a recent Reddit thread, people from big families shared the lessons they learned growing up with siblings, and it'll make you want to text your sister ASAP. If you're an only child, these will make you simultaneously relieved by your childhood while giving you a bit of retroactive FOMO.

1. BeanBeast learned the art of negotiation early.

"It’s all fun and games till you hurt your sibling. Then you have to convince them that they are fine and suggesting to them that they can hit you back but just don’t tell mom."

2. 0nmute knows the important of weaponizing saliva.

"If you don't want your older brothers to eat your food you've saved for later ensure that they witness you licking the food all over before putting it in the fridge."

3. UnApprovedActivities says eventually, you have to reflect on your actions in a real way.

"When "You can hit me back!" is not effective, you have gone too far and actually owe an apology. Or youve created a manipulative psychopath, in which case you owe an apology to the world.

You actually won't know which it is for years."

4. Rysilk knows that multi-sibling households present special challenges to the parents,

"When you are an only child, the parents know who did it. That's parenting on easy mode."

5. foogers quickly learned the world is chaos.

"That it is a lawless world were it doesn't matter whose turn it is on the xbox."

6. bossbarbie quickly learned that siblings are a second wardrobe.

"The art of borrowing clothes and avoiding the sibling all day at the school until you can get home."

7. ObiWanCannoli25 learned that food is a finite resource.

"Leftovers? What leftovers? You would have to fight for and hide them like water in the apocalypse."

8. Back2Bach learned that hand-me-downs are a necessity in large households.

"Hand-me-down clothing is often a practical necessity in multi-sibling households."

9. KitterCatto3 knows the remote is a sacred object.

"When you're getting food in the middle of a show, carry the TV remote with you."

10. AnaLHOLEwrecker learned the finer points of teamwork early on.

"Teamwork

I have a bunch of brothers. My dad early on would punish you if caught in the wrong, but if you were tattling you got double. So instead of telling on each other we worked together to stay out of trouble."

"It made my mom mad when she demanded who did something. She would threaten to punish all of us if one of us didn't confess. We all maintained our silence and accepted mass punishment. Afterwards, me and my brothers would talk over how we got caught, what mistakes were made and how to avoid it in the future.

To this day we are all very close, and though we are all scattered around the world, we still talk 3-4 times a week."

11. Weird_Conversation learned about gender from their siblings.

"The opposite sex is no great mystery when you've got mixed sibs."

12. Krasker learned how to treat women from his sisters.

"Right? I never understood men who get awkward buying tampons. You ever wrestle one of those suckers out of a dogs mouth after they raided the trash can? I done it twice.

Women don't poop? You've clearly never had to snake a drain after you hungover sister painted the porcelain."

"The one really nice thing though, and one of the sweetest things my sister has ever said to me, is she never allowed herself to date douche-bags because she saw how well I treated her and wouldn't settle for anyone who treated her less. By extension she's shown me what a woman with drive can accomplish and it's become a trait I seek in partners."

13. KnittinAndBitchin learned about role modeling through being the eldest.

"As the oldest child: because you get there first for everything, you may be punished more or less severely than your siblings for the same offense. This will piss off every other sibling."

"Also there is an unspoken code of "if the parents weren't home with $object broke, nobody saw it break." They'll try to prisoner's dilemma all of the kids. The more expensive and/or difficult to replace the object, the less any of the kids saw anything. Even if it could be proved that everyone was in the room when the item broke, nobody saw it happen. Why? Because this time you're covering for your sibling. Next time they will cover for you. It is a bond that will only be broken once, because if it does break the next time the kids are alone the snitch is gonna get beat on real good."

14. Herogamer555 knows living with siblings is all about the skills of persuasion.

"It doesn't matter what happened, it only matters that you can convince people what happened."

15. anonymouslyspoken111 learned about blackmail and living with random people.

"How to act completely ignorant of what happened. "Where was your sister?" Mom asks. I say, "I don't know, I was asleep in my room the whole night." In reality, I was awake playing videogames with a walkie talkie keeping tabs on her the whole time and letting her know when I hear anything downstairs and I told her to come home when I heard our mom go to the bathroom, so she'd be in the yard when mom went looking."

"The art of blackmail.

Comradery and having tons of time to hatch plans and build stuff.

Learning to deal with and enjoy people you don't choose to be around because you don't pick your siblings or their personalities."

16. dontfreakout09 learned the power of solidarity.

"Not really a lesson, but having someone to commiserate with/have your back when your parents aren't being reasonable."

17. Cinders2359 knows just how complicated sibling relationships are.

"My brother and his friends used to pin me down and spit in my eyes. Yet one time a random dude at school slapped me and my brother witnessed it. He punched out one of his teeth and threw him down a set of steps.

A sibling relationship is a conflicting one at times."

18. ducky0983 became ride-or-die with their sister.

"My younger sister and I didn't always get along as we were growing up. As teenagers, we started getting better, but not by much. My mother, in a drugged up rage went after my sister over hearing something my sister said to my step-mother about taking care of ourselves as mom was high/stoned, as she went to hit my younger sister, I attacked that woman with a rage I didn't even know I could muster. It took 2 of my older male cousins to pull my 15 year old self off of that woman."

"They let me go, she said something smart-ass about me, and I attacked her again. Took 3 of my cousins to get me off of her and they kicked her out of the house. I'm not proud of what I did, because that's still my mom, but, since then, if anyone said anything cross about my sister I went into attack mode. Now, my sister is my best friend and we're closer than ever."

19. WattsUp130 learned the art of negotiation.

"Negotiation.

Nothing like rallying your siblings to your side when you have a common enemy (normally mom) and then negotiating the distribution of the result of your efforts.

Am the only girl and the baby. Set me up well for my career negotiating with angry dudes all the time."

20. HotdogbodyBoi learned how to answer to alternative names.

"My parents couldn’t keep the names straight between us, so I got called my sister’s name, the dog’s name, the neighbor’s kids name...

They’d also combine our names so when they called us they were somewhat right all the time.

God bless, they’re good parents though."

21. MindMausoleum knows being the oldest means you're responsible no matter what.

"You're the eldest sibling? Get ready to be Parental Unit version 2.0, in charge of all the little jackasses with none of the punishing power. You didn't choose to have children, but by god you will parent them anyway.

Where's Shitsmear? Is Pisshead taking his medication? Why is Spoiled Brat upset?"

22. Bananaboat88 unfortunately learned parents do indeed have favorites.

"Having a favorite child is that difference between walking and running, because you'll hear someone fall down the stairs and you ask who it is and it's the favorite you run, but when it's not the favorite, you say dammit kid and walk over."

From a Russell Peters show I'm not sure which but It hit hard because my parents usually walked for me."

Every year the writer and podcaster Oloni challenges the women in her feed to ask a crush out for Valentines Day and screenshot the exchange. And without fail, every year the results range from romantic comedy levels of cute, to a truly devastating snapshot of the ways romance has been replaced with layers of protective irony and trolling.

But then again, the women partaking in this challenge are posting the contents of a private conversation online to joke about with strangers, so even when there's blatant rejection, it's really all light at the end of the day.

This year, in the year of our Satan 2019, Oloni has reignited the tradition in time for Valentines Day, and once more the ensuing thread is more compelling than any Nicholas Sparks love story.

While the love stories and heartwrenching rejections are still rolling in as I type, I have gathered 58 of them for you to feast your little romantic eyes on.

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Just in time for Valentine's Day, it's a list of EXTREMELY single reasons that people are single. Whether someone's name is too weird—or waaaay too familiar—people have interesting took the escape routes on would-be relationships for hilariously petty reasons.

An AskReddit thread asked, "What's the pettiest reason you won't date someone over?" The result is like an all-new season of Seinfeld.

Here are the funniest ones.

1. Pokyvinweasel didn't want to freak out their aunt.

She looked like my cousin which I felt was weird.

2. CVIIILIN was the pits.

His apartment smelled like olives.

3. True love sits through traffic, csr28.

I know someone that broke up with his girlfriend because the trip to her place always involved at least an hour of sitting in traffic (Los Angeles). He said he didn't terribly mind that, but because he drove a manual transmission car he got annoyed.

4. Give peas a chance, Amys1.

She eats her peas one at a time.

5. nuggetblaster69 dated Danny Zuko.

He used too much hair gel and it made his hair all crunchy.

6. It's a family affair, Mouthmouthmouth.

I turned down a date once because the girl had the same last name as me. We weren't related, but it still weirded me out, and I didn't want people to think I was dating my cousin or something.

7. StattPadford couldn't go to Endia.

I didn't like the way she spelled her name. When we met she said her name was India. When I saw her write it out and it was spelled "Endia"...... idk I just couldn't do it.

8. Col_Walter_Tits deserves a break.

They only watch indie or art house films. I like that stuff too but not all the time. Sometimes I just wanna watch a giant robot fight a similarly giant monster and not have to think too much.

9. Hang lose, Becauseiwasdrunk.

When we were getting to know each other our football teams played each other and she sent me the following text “let’s go out tonight. Looser buys drinks”

“Looser” hit me like a right hook but maybe it was just a typo, so I reply “make it dinner and drinks” she said “deal there’s no way we’re going to loose”

I got my dinner and drinks and said maybe we should just be friends.

10. jukebox92 is about to get hexed.

I went on a date with a girl I had known and liked for a while. She was gorgeous, fun, talented, the works. Then we got to the improv comedy show and I heard her laugh. It was like a witches cackle in my ear for an hour and a half. There wasn't a second date.

11. The best few days of trashcat99's life.

I dated a girl for only a few days in high school. while staying over at her house i suggested we order pizza. she Informed me that she was vegan and FORBID me from eating meat or dairy if i "wanted us to work out". i went home before dinner and ordered myself a pepperoni pizza.

12. kiwilapple plays the long game.

He hated cilantro because it tasted like soap and I couldn't risk that shit passing onto my children.

13. Feet matter in myislanduniverse's universe.

Feet. I'm not attracted to feet, but if they're not cute feet then I am completely turned off. There have been a good deal of ladies who became completely unattractive to me once I saw their sausage toes in sandals.

14. Jacollinsver is more of an Idaho type.

I don't date people from Florida anymore. I hate to generalize like that, but I've had too many bad experiences.