This little boy dancing on the local news knows how to dance with attitude.

October 12, 2014, 9:12 am

≫ Next: Here's a photo of Beyonce and Jay Z not looking at the Mona Lisa.

Surprisingly fierce for his age.

It's not every day that we get the chance to show our face on the local news. And it's rarer still when we get to show off our flawless dance moves to everyone in our local metropolitan area. But to get an opportunity to stand right in front of the local news cameras when we do our thing—that's a once in several lifetimes moment that cannot be allowed to slip past us.

This kid clearly understands the situation deep in the core of his being:

Consider that moment seized.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

↧

Here's a photo of Beyonce and Jay Z not looking at the Mona Lisa.

October 12, 2014, 10:12 am

≫ Next: Breaking Bad fan turns Ninja Turtles costume into the most dedicated cosplay of Comic-Con.

≪ Previous: This little boy dancing on the local news knows how to dance with attitude.

All the single ladies are actually Da Vinci as a woman. (via)

There are probably a lot of interesting conclusions one could draw about America's most-photographed couple taking a picture of themselves in front of the Mona Lisa, perhaps the world's most visited painting. Entire graduate dissertations could be written about the couple's posture—turned away from the Da Vinci, toward the viewer, as if to say their own faces deserve a place among the greatest works of art on the planet. Is Beyonce's flag t-shirt a play on the visual of the typical American tourist in Paris? Is the answer to the couple's marital issues hidden in Jay Z's enigmatic facial expression?

It's smaller than most people think it is. (via)

But what I really want to know is how did they get the gallery to themselves? Does this mean if you're famous, you just get the Louvre to yourself whenever you want?! Pretty sweet!

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

↧

Breaking Bad fan turns Ninja Turtles costume into the most dedicated cosplay of Comic-Con.

October 12, 2014, 10:31 am

≫ Next: Man coming down from amphetamines breaks into backyard shed and has sex with teddy bear.

≪ Previous: Here's a photo of Beyonce and Jay Z not looking at the Mona Lisa.

I am the one who won't be able to walk right for a week.

Ok, I'm sure there were costumes that took way longer to put on, or were way more uncomfortable just to wear than this Breaking Bad fan photographed by redditor ramsau. But not many costumes at Comic-Con this weekend could have required very slowly crawling on all fours while pretending to be the tortoise that carried Danny Trejo's head (and - spoiler - a bomb) to a group of hapless DEA agents in the Mexican desert. I salute this man's determination, and I pity his kneecaps.

(by Johnny McNulty)

↧

Man coming down from amphetamines breaks into backyard shed and has sex with teddy bear.

October 12, 2014, 11:13 am

≫ Next: The American Way.

≪ Previous: Breaking Bad fan turns Ninja Turtles costume into the most dedicated cosplay of Comic-Con.

One teddy bear asked to give too much comfort.

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and in the case of one man coming down from an amphetamine binge, a man's gotta relieve himself inside a stranger's teddy bear. According to the Lancashire Telegraph, Paul Mountain, 38, a resident of Darwen, England was arrested for breaking into a local woman's shed with intent to steal. What he made off with is unclear, but among the items she found strewn randomly around the shed was the violated teddy bear. She gave the evidence to police and through the magic of modern science, they connected the DNA sample he had provided inside to Mountain, who confessed that the aftermath of his drugs had given him an "overwhelming need for sexual relief," according to his lawyer.

Here in America we sometimes sing "The Bear Came Over The Mountain." In Lancashire, these days, they sing a different tune.

(by Johnny McNulty)

↧

The American Way.

October 13, 2014, 5:00 am

≫ Next: People who really should have checked the background of their photos before putting them online.

≪ Previous: Man coming down from amphetamines breaks into backyard shed and has sex with teddy bear.

↧

People who really should have checked the background of their photos before putting them online.

October 13, 2014, 6:05 am

≫ Next: Take a holiday.

≪ Previous: The American Way.

Apparently, their tour guide insisted this was the best photo op in the cave.
What a dick. (via)

Dildos. Tampons. Grandparents. Butts. What do these things have in common? They are often in the backgrounds of photos taken by people who leave their dildos, tampons, old people and naked butts out so often they didn't even notice that they were there. As more and more of our lives are captured in photos and videos, the risk of our embarrassing personal items/body parts continues to rise, until finally we'll be forced to hide all of our embarrassing things before we turn on our devices every morning because the world is one giant webcam. On the other hand, it won't be all bad because we'll get to look at everyone else's embarrasing stuff. Like these folks:

Don't worry. She doesn't remember it. (via)

Alright, fine. This background is pretty awesome. They actually tried to take another one
and the same thing happened again. (via)

Actually, if you look closely, literally everyone is taking a bad picture here. (via)

Peemur. Yep. I went there. Peemur. (via)

Uhhhh. Actually. EVERYTHING is wrong with this picture. (via)

An oldie (and on TV), but a classic. Situational awareness, CNN. Try it sometime. (via)

Updated 9/8/14:

Hint: Aunt Sally is crouching behind grandpa.

I'll go first: I offer myself as sacrifice to this dress!

Any kid who can steal the focus away from four pretty ladies is going places in life.

"Grandma's retirement home is like college, except no one has class or cares about STDs."

Updated 8/11/14:

I'm surprised the phone isn't an Android.

It took me a long time to realize that Georgia was a dog.
I just thought that was a really rude way of describing this part of Georgia.

You should also do it for the love of dog, because they don't like being merkins.

Stacks 'n stacks 'n stacks of high-quality printer paper.

Her skin issues require being surrounded by tons of healthy skin.
Also, don't think it's a dude.

I don't know who any of these people are, but I'm mostly interested in Bigfoot.

IT SAYS "MUD." MUD. IT'S A MAKEUP BRAND. LOOK IT UP. "MUD," THAT IS!

Updated 7/7/14:

But when I say it's just the pants making it look that way, no one believes me.

Consider it a preview of everything before potty training is done.

I can't tell if he's being dangled or retrieved.

Say what you will, this kid will grow up to be great on social media.

All the ladies are wearing them at the Kentucky Derby these days.

Technically that's in the foreground, but it started in the background, and they
really should have checked.

Updated 6/6/14:

I hope they checked the caliber of his diaper before doing that.(via)

To be fair, this guy is kind of a dick for making this photo all about him. (via)

Man, there's just boobs coming out of the woodworks these days. (via)

5 minutes later he walked by again. And then 5 minutes after that. And so on.(via)

Bonus TV background checks:="text-align:>

Raising the bar, dude. Raising the bar.

Not technically uploaded online, but someone should have cut away here. (via)

Updated 5/5/14:

Selfies really do reveal a lot more about you than you intend. (via)

I guess they got two copies so their kids can watch a dvd that's never been seen by
someone smoking a crack pipe. (via)

A great part of traveling is seeing how other people behave on the beach.(via)

Son, you'll always remember when I took your picture tonight in my tighty-whiteys. (via)

I'm more interested in meeting the people behind you and to the left. (via)

Someone has really thought of everything for tonight, not even including the Miller High Lifes,
clothes hangers and remotes. (via)

That's a cute top. That, on the other hand, is a horrifying bottom. (via)

Updated 4/2/14:

Just a long, curved toothbrush holder in case she needs to freshen up at the dance. (via)

She should've checked her background in real life, as well.(via)

Ah. The romance of what is hopefully Europe.(via)

Either way, these two are exhibiting great teamwork.(via)

Sweater made me think bowling alley, but now I'm more worried 'cuz it looks like Denny's.
(via)

I'm more concerned about that old dude barging in like that. (via)

Apparently, the person who posted this had it on their fridge for years before noticing.(via)

Updated 3/5/14:

Small and available beats huge and nonexistant. (via)

Sometimes even white linen suits could stand to be a little breezier. (via)

This is a brief way of summing up college. (via)

In case you ever wondered what happened to the guy who built a 6-foot bong in college. (via)

Road Rassh. (via)

Someone's nephew wanted to share his video game stats. He also shared his love of
beautiful, sensual women who love the same thing. Also, he is not TechnoViking. (via)

Updated 1/07/14:

If you turn the picture upside down, you can see the same shape between the glasses. (via)

Goodbye University, Hello Unemployableness! (via)

I can't believe this creep is wearing sunglasses indoors. (via)

It turns out Christians find cows holy after all. (via)

We must all be on the lookout for small men riding our family members. (via)

Yeah, you're probably not going to have 147 updates anymore once this gets out. (via)

Updated 11/18/13:

The ass is coming from inside the house.

Can we talk about the angle of that woman's arm? Definitely more disturbing than the coke.

I now realize all my friends' annoying gym statuses could be a lot worse.

And why shouldn't Grandma be proud? Those muscles are made of her cooking.

Only in New York! Or, wherever this is. Only in wherever, am I right?

The really weird thing? It's not a mirror, it's a window! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.

Updated 10/14/13:

I don't care if she is a little tall, young lady, you do not call a giraffe your grandma.

I assume we're all laughing at his Wall of Hats.

Oh my god, are those Uggs back there? That is revolting.

I'm pretty sure that man just successfully shoplifted some produce in his pants.

Can we talk about how wearing sunglasses is already like blurring your eyes?

More like the cat should have checked the foreground of his picture, am I right?

Updated 9/12/13:

Oh, hello Robin Thicke. Is sliding fingers up not-your-wife's butt a blurred line?

Why does he think people on the subway want to see that shade of blue?

There are times I'm glad the zoom technolgies on CSI are impossible.

The pre-show was them making violent threats from the casting couch.

Who just leaves bottled water out in the open like that?

Updated 8/09/13:

It's like a Calvin and Hobbes sticker come to life.

These bees have weird stingers.

Could it be more disturbing? Try to rule out the possibility that it's a dead deer. See?

That is not a ladies' room, and suddenly the whole world is in question.

No wonder that man in the back doesn't need to care what he looks like.

I'm pretty sure the Wizard is in there too, but I can't find him!

Updated 7/18/13:

Good question, person who inserted that arrow. Who needs that much generic Immodium?

I guess the guy in the background is grabbing the gun in his underwear.

The dress says a night out. The item on the dresser suggests otherwise.

Granted, modesty doesn't seem to be the theme of whatever show they're prepping.

Ah, 2007. An more innocent time when people just let their dildos hang out wherever.

Folow-up question: his ball, where is it?

Updated 6/21/13:

They're like cleavage twins, except one of the twins is way less attractive.

Those kangaroos took the only shot they had at making a sex tape involving Paris Hilton.

That woman is riding a mechanical bull, FYI, not receiving oral sex from Satan.

The fourth leg of any good triathalon involves a marathon ball-scratching session.

We understand, rocker lady. Bassists never get the groupies.

It's unclear whether or not he's peeing, but he's clearly not in the bathroom.

Updated 5/23/13:

What makes this exponentially worse is he was being interviewed about the Boston bombing.

Why are his shades pixelated but not his ass in the mirror?

"And in the back, you can see James doing his pre-workout cleanse." (pause at 00:21)

Love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a baby and dru-ugs.

Is that the same pink dildo the Boston guy had?

Guess there's more than one stuffed animal in this house. HEY-O. Sorry.

Maybe instead of Facebook you should upload this to, we don't know, the police?

We're glad everything cleared up in time for you.

It is not a nice day for a white wedding.

No, Mitch. We all lost, thanks to you.

↧

Take a holiday.

October 13, 2014, 6:58 am

≫ Next: The John Oliver pumpkin spice rant that was too hot for HBO.

≪ Previous: People who really should have checked the background of their photos before putting them online.

↧

The John Oliver pumpkin spice rant that was too hot for HBO.

October 13, 2014, 7:03 am

≫ Next: The luckiest little boy in the world played catch with a dolphin.

≪ Previous: Take a holiday.

Pictured: A food that is not spicy.

If by "too hot for HBO" I mean "Last Week Tonight was off this week, so this is a web exclusive that only you, a dues-paying member of The Internet Club, will get to see."

While I disagree violently with John Oliver's stance on pumpkin pie, I also agree that pumpkin spice lattes taste like a candle (very specifically). In fact, I love pumpkin pie, and I am constantly offended by how little pumpkin spice lattes and other pumpkin spice drinks actually taste like pumpkin, and how much they taste like a vague "spice."

Enjoy fall, everyone, free of the nagging question of how weird your legs look.

(by Johnny McNulty)

↧

The luckiest little boy in the world played catch with a dolphin.

October 13, 2014, 7:26 am

≫ Next: Opposition party.

≪ Previous: The John Oliver pumpkin spice rant that was too hot for HBO.

Grayfish.

Are we still allowed to like dolphins in swimming pools? I know orcas are highly emotionally developed creatures and need to be left in the wild, but dolphins like to play with humans, right? I hope so, because otherwise this adorable video of a lucky little boy playing catch with a dolphin (Where? How?) becomes a tragic spectacle of marine mammal slavery, and it's just too early on a Monday for that.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

↧

Opposition party.

October 13, 2014, 7:32 am

≫ Next: Buzzfeed

≪ Previous: The luckiest little boy in the world played catch with a dolphin.

↧

Buzzfeed

October 13, 2014, 7:50 am

≫ Next: Size matters.

≪ Previous: Opposition party.

BuzzFeed is a news and entertainment website comprised of other people's news and entertainment websites.

↧

Size matters.

October 13, 2014, 8:00 am

≫ Next: Possibly the most chill guy ever hops over a crashing motorcycle while talking on the phone.

≪ Previous: Buzzfeed

↧

Possibly the most chill guy ever hops over a crashing motorcycle while talking on the phone.

October 13, 2014, 9:07 am

≫ Next: Small coffee

≪ Previous: Size matters.

"One second bro, I'm about to get maimed."

We all get distracted on the phone at times. Some of us have been caught up in conversations to the point where we drive past our exit, step into traffic, or fail to notice that everyone else at the wedding thinks you're an inconsiderate asshole. That said, I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the thought of being so into a phone call that I could barely be bothered by an out-of-control motorcycle headed straight at me going forty miles per hour. Either this guy was on the most important call of his life, or he is a strong candidate for the title of Most Chill Bro Of All Time.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

↧

Small coffee

October 13, 2014, 9:24 am

≫ Next: Text message

≪ Previous: Possibly the most chill guy ever hops over a crashing motorcycle while talking on the phone.

A small coffee is the going rate for two hours of WiFi.

↧

Text message

October 13, 2014, 9:03 am

≫ Next: Send a message.

≪ Previous: Small coffee

A text message is a brief, electronic form of miscommunication.

↧

Send a message.

October 13, 2014, 7:45 am

≫ Next: Voyage of the damned.

≪ Previous: Text message

↧

Voyage of the damned.

October 13, 2014, 6:00 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 13, 2014

≪ Previous: Send a message.

↧

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 13, 2014

October 13, 2014, 8:15 am

≫ Next: Teen writes amazing open letter to her principal complaining about bigoted sex ed workshop.

≪ Previous: Voyage of the damned.

1. Sarah Palin Can Now See Gay Marriage From Her Backyard

The huge, burly, bearded men (and women) of Alaska are free to marry one another now that the state's 16-year-old ban on same-sex marriage has been overturned by a federal judge. The 49th state in the union became the first to pass a constitutional amendment against marriage equality in 1998, which was especially cruel considering the area's 713-1 male-to-female population.

I think it's wrong that gay marriage is now legal in Alaska but Sarah Palin's husband still can't marry his snowmobile.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) October 12, 2014

2. 'Walking Dead' Composer Advises Against Letting Children Watch Putrefying Corpse Monsters Devour Screaming Victims Alive

Television composer and new father Bear McCreary is advising his fellow parents to not let their children watch the newest season of the show to which he contributes music, The Walking Dead, which returned to television sets last night. "Do not let children watch @WalkingDead_AMC tonight. Or ever again. I'm very serious," he wrote on Twitter. I guess he finally got around to checking out the show.

The Walking Dead forces us to ask who the real monsters are: the zombies or the humans. (Answer: it's the zombies, stupid! Come on!)
— John Moe (@johnmoe) October 13, 2014

3. Esquire Magazine Names Penelope Cruz Sexiest Woman Alive Who Was Willing To Pose For Photo Spread

The editorial staff of Esquire have done their homework, crunched their numbers and determined who the world's sexiest woman of 2014 is. Luckily, the winner, Penelope Cruz, is someone who is both incredibly famous and willing to pose for Esquire's cameras. Otherwise, they wouldn't have had a cover for this month's issue.

Penelope Cruz is officially the world's sexiest woman http://t.co/rOuruyL0tI
— VANITY FAIR (@VanityFair) October 13, 2014

Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz, and Terry Crews in... NOT WITHOUT MY SPELLCHECK
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 19, 2014

4. Scientists Successfully Create 'Alzheimer's In A Dish,' Which Is Less Delicious Than It Sounds

Scientists have successfully managed to use human brain cells to create Alzheimer's Disease inside a petri dish. They'll be able to use these cells as an easy means of testing anti-Alzheimer drugs in the hopes of wiping out the degenerative disorder. They're hoping that they'll be able to use a similar technique for testing other disorders.

I just forgot why I googled Alzheimer's. #ohboy
— Tony Sam (@ToeKneeSam) September 15, 2014

5. California Town Haunted By A Terrifying Clown, Which Is To Say A Clown

Residents of the small town of Wasco, California are being tormented by a mysterious clown—or coterie of mysterious clowns—that are showing up in random places at night and creeping people the hell out.

Anyone considering a career as a mime or clown: what did your parents do to deserve this?
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) October 9, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

↧

Teen writes amazing open letter to her principal complaining about bigoted sex ed workshop.

October 13, 2014, 8:45 am

≫ Next: Spreading the word.

≪ Previous: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 13, 2014

When it comes to this offensive class, no means no. (via)

Agatha Tan is our new hero.

She's a teenage student at Hwa Chong Institution, a secondary school in Singapore. When her school held a mandatory sex education session recently that was sponsored by Focus on the Family, a Colorado Springs-based Christian non-profit, Agatha was horrified, and she didn't stay quiet about it:

(via)

The attitude of the facilitators and the literature they handed out was sexist, overly light in tone, and even promoted the idea that you can never know if a "gal" means "yes" when she says "no." It also seemed to exclude LGBT students altogether.

(via)

Agatha wrote a thoughtful, pointed open letter to her principal complaining about the class and posted it on Facebook. It quickly went viral and her words have since been shared 4,000 times, which is especially noteworthy because the letter is not short. Here's a key excerpt:

(via)

The photos she shared from the booklet are outdated, sexist, and, overall, pretty damning.

(via)

But it's Agatha's thoughts that are especially compelling. She is one "gal" who knows exactly what she thinks.

A spokesperson for Focus on the Family told the Online Citizen that the course "is not a sexuality education program," but rather "designed to be a relationship program to help young people unravel the world of the opposite sex, uncover the truths of love and dating, and reveal what it takes to have healthy and meaningful relationships." In other words, it's a sexuality education program.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)