The unexpected.
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Quick turnaround.
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Got you covered.
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The dad of the "I have no proof that I exist" girl filmed an eerie response video.
Plot twist: the dad who raised a child without any documentation has access to technology.
Someone isn't telling the truth.
Yesterday, I posted a video from Alecia Faith Pennington. It was a video plea sent into the Internet ether, looking for help in proving she exists.
In the original video, this girl says he parents birthed her at home, homeschooled her, never registered her with a birth certificate or social security card, and were refusing to help her verify her citizenship now that she is an adult. Without more info than that, I imagined her parents were deep off-the-grid-weirdos in a spooky cult, and that it was amazing she even had access to the technology to film herself.
Today, in a total twist, her dad filmed a video response, and it was not at all what I expected. He is a man in a suit and a tie with a well manicured beard. In fact, he says, he is an attorney and an accountant.
Throughout the video he says that he loves her; that contrary to what she said on her video, he would be happy to help her; and implies she had run away.
Stranger still, he refers to siblings who successfully got documentation later in life. Where are they? Why didn't Alecia mention them in the original video, or look to them for help first?
The weirdness of all this leads me to believe one of two possibilities are true:
1: She is a crazy and overdramatic teen that this dad is delicately trying to coax back home because he loves her.
Or...
2 (terrifyingly, I think this one is more likely): She rightly escaped a crazy family, and her dad is putting on some weird front to lure her back.
His voice is soft, measured, and controlling... like a cult leader's. There's really no reason to make this video public, when he clearly saw that she had a new Facebook page. He could have privately messaged her there. This is an act.
Let's not forget, keeping your kids free of documentation is a very strange thing to do, especially for an "attorney." Is it possible that she doesn't have any documents because her family are aliens? And not from another country, but from other planets? This guy gives such a stiff, unnatural vibe that his being from another galaxy is almost a best case scenario.
There is also a third, even more cynical possibility...
What if all of this is just an elaborate stunt because the dad owns a furniture store and he wants as many eyeballs on him as possible before he unveils the incredible President's Day sale he is about to have?
"You can always come home when you've saved money with Pennington's furniture!"
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This is the only place models don't get hit on, because no one else is allowed.
There are places where the beautiful people hang out, and there are places where the professionally beautiful people hang out.
Laptops? They're just like the rest of us!(via Instagram)
Since 2009, Modellounge has provided a place for New York City's working models to relax, network, and kill time between jobs without worrying about unattractive people bothering them. That's because only female models working with one of the city's top agencies can get a membership card.
Your fantasies about a place to relax between castings and fittings are actually true: http://t.co/djbHrCiFCIpic.twitter.com/fdTpoIHgPN
— Modellounge (@modellounge) February 11, 2015
Bernard Smith, who founded Modellounge in 2009, is very serious about exclusivity. The entrance is inside a modest coffee shop in Union Square, through a doorway simply labeled "lounge." Beyond you'll find an elegant, plush interior, complete with drinks, a fireplace, and Xboxes for the models to enjoy. Even better? Everything is free, thanks to a number of partnerships with companies who, for whatever reason, want to be associated with an endless supply of beautiful women.
A photo posted by modellounge (@modelloungenyc) on
A photo posted by modellounge (@modelloungenyc) on
A photo posted by modellounge (@modelloungenyc) on
Pretty sweet, right? The only catch is you have to be a model. If you're not a model and you try to get in, chances are you'll find nothing but a meat locker à la Seinfeld.
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Why wouldn't you watch a robot spider terrorize adorable kittens?
Robot vs Kittens: who will be on the right side of history???
This six-legged (yeah, I know spiders have 8, but it kinda looks like one) robot creature was sent to attack what looks like a kitten lair in a Japanese home.
Curious at first, the kittens try to understand the robot until its shooting discs prove too dangerous. Only one cat, Jara, refrains from hiding and attempts to catch the disks, sometimes even bringing them back to their owner so that they may be flung again.
Fortunately, the robot spider has another trick up his sleeve, and mesmerizes the cats with the time-tested jingling-toy-on-a-stick.
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World-famous DJ Diplo unapologetically stole a woman's art and then insulted her on Twitter.
Not very Diplo-matic of him.
Diplo (n.) - A revolutionary in the stealing content business.
If you don't know who Diplo is, congrats on listening to the part of health class where they told you that Ecstasy (Molly, MDMA, X, smileys, booplesnoops, whatever) puts holes in your brain. He's one of the world's top-tier DJs, in a price category with Tiesto, Deadmau5, Paul Oakenfold, and whoever else is playing Sweet Sixteens for billionaire's brats these days. He's also a huge jerk to complete strangers online who don't take kindly to their work being stolen.
On top of everything else, "at the same time as well" is terrible writing. So redundant. Like it was typed by a guy who makes repetitive beats based on others' work.
"U guys who create art from scratch are sad lazy" - Diplo
DJs can sample images, too, now?
Diplo is also half of Major Lazer, and he's collaborated with M.I.A., Britney Spears, Beyonce, Justin Bieber and other huge mainstream names. He's a big deal. Big enough that he should be able to afford to pay to use artwork from working cartoonists like Rebecca Mock. But he neither paid nor (at first) credited Mock for the use of her artwork in these promotional clips (seen on Time.com) for his new collaboration with Missy Elliott:
On the one hand, yay for the Missy Elliott collaboration. Sounds awesome. About that super-cool gif background, though: it's a portion of an original animated work by Mock, who was hired by Medium to create it for an article about earthquake scientists in Italy. At the artist's request, I'll ask that you check out the original image on Medium. It looks way bigger and better there, anyway.
Oh, btw I stole this pic. NBD.
Mr. Pellegrino wins "Best Comment" of this entire ordeal.(via Instagram)
Diplo also posted it without credit on Instagram, although after Mock called him out on it and other people joined in, he edited the caption to credit her (with no link). This was as considerate as he was willing to be. It was all downhill from there.
Ten bucks says Diplo still pronounces "pwned" out loud in 2015.
Overall, he seems pretty happy with himself. Which works fine, because the reason everyone else is pissed at him is that he's a smug, sexist, rude, content-stealing jerk. At least you can't say he's not playing the part to the hilt.
Let's randomly attack people protesting police brutality and the use of child soldiers while we're at it!
But wait, there's more (stolen content)!
Rebecca Mock wasn't the only one to have original content pilfered recently. Diplo also has a tendency to pass off other people's pictures as his own hilarious ideas, like these Valentine's Day cookies that Ashley Bender originally posted to Tumblr with the title "Made my BF something" (warning, NSFW language on cookies):
Ashley has a bright future creating content that will be stolen by reddit and us instead.
(via Ashley Bender on Tumblr)
It may not seem like a big problem to some, and no one is calling those cookies the Mona Lisa of our time, but it's bad enough trying to be funny online and having nobodies steal your joke. People who have large followings are supposed to be better than that. Diplo has almost a million Instagram followers. Ashley Bender has 450 followers on Twitter . Unless he credits her, a million idiots will never know who first created this admittedly not-super-original but still pretty funny image.
But, y'know, as Diplo famously said when he accepted someone else's lifetime achievement award:
"Fuck you lol I'm a DJ take me seriously." - Diplo
Update: Diplo has responded to the controversy by changing his Twitter handle and being himself.
Id rather be a dick than a swallower pic.twitter.com/Lh167zcakq
— Giflo (@diplo) February 12, 2015
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Watch a snowmobiler start an avalanche, get buried, and be rescued within 90 seconds.
It's man vs. nature vs. self vs. poor decisions.
These snowmobilers in Wyoming decided to film their friend riding up a slope, which even to our inexperienced eyes seems like a recipe for disaster. Turns out, it was lucky for him that they were there. He triggered an avalanche that totally buried him in snow, and his friends only managed to dig him out just in time.
The most amazing part is that this whole epic story begins and ends in a minute and a half. You could microwave a Hot Pocket in the time it took this guy to almost die.
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Do not catcall Adult Wednesday Addams.
The anti-hero douchebags deserve.
You shouldn't catcall any woman, but especially not one who's creepy and kooky and altogether terrifying. Wednesday Addams is all grown up and living in L.A., which is bad news for street harassers who don't realize they're dealing with a master of macabre mayhem. Oh, and her firends Stenchel, Viper, and Bob. Bob is a breather.
Melissa Hunter's Adult Wednesday Addams was my favorite webseries of 2014, and this second season is off to a great start (this is episode 3). Be sure to look for new episodes every Wednesday on her YouTube channel.
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Hear me out.
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This review of '50 Shades of Grey' is way more punishing than anything in the film.
That's gonna leave a mark.
Our Aussie friends on the other side of the International Date Line will get to see Fifty Shades of Greybefore we do, although they may not show up after this review went viral for inflicting the kind of delicious pain that made the book such a success. The Australian Today Show (or "The Today Show" as they call it in Australia) has spawned a lot of viral moments over the years, mostly involving host Karl Stefanovic completely failing to keep his cool whenever something funny happens, but yesterday's Today was Lisa Wilkinson's big Web moment when she launched into her vicious destruction of the BDSM/fan-fiction novel-turned-film that has so captivated and disappointed the world. At first, you'll wince from how bluntly she starts slapping the film around, but by the end of it, you'll be sorry when the last blow falls.
See also: Steve Buscemi is surprisingly sexy in this "50 Shades of Buscemi" parody trailer.
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Plan ahead.
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13 photos that show the absolute horror of being single on Valentine's Day.
Being single on Valentine's Day is everyone's ultimate nightmare:. It's worse than death, worse than public speaking, and worse than being alone the day after Valentine's Day and for all time after that. Some of us try to put on a brave face and act like we're OK with it, but that's just because the alternative is a bottomless yawning chasm of despair. If you look closer, you can see the sad truth behind the facade. Check it out:
Any of them would gladly kill the other three for a date.
"The me these people know is a lie."
Sometimes you just want to walk and walk until the world forgets you.
If you're having this much fun in the office, you never have to go home! Alone.
The dog was supposed to help him meet women.
It would be so quick…
She threw herself this party.
"I may be alone, but I can still humiliate you at this meaningless game."
Turn your body into a weapon, and no one can hurt your heart again.
"Hit it toward your mother's house."
"I watch the fish flop on the shore, gasping for breath, and I think, 'You and me both.'"
She's praying for the Earth to swallow her up.
"Whhhhyyyyyy?!"
(images via Thinkstock)
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Here's what the little girl who danced in "Work It" and other Missy Elliott videos looks like now.
Remember this little girl?
She worked it. In the sense of dancing. (screengrab via YouTube)
No, because I didn't have cable in high school and YouTube didn't start until 2005.
But you probably remember her! She danced alongside Missy Elliott in the music video for 2002's "Work It" and showed off some serious moves and attitude for a ten year old.
Her name is Alyson Stoner and now, she's all grown up.
We miss the pigtails. (Getty)
Stoner tells BuzzFeed that she got the job after beating out 300 other little girls. Her favorite memory of performing with Missy in this and other videos?
To this day, I remember vividly Missy Elliott, Ludacris, and my grandma riding in a golf cart to set. My grandma went back to Ohio and told her bowling friends, "Guess what? I was riding to set with Missy and Ridiculous!"
Stoner just released a Missy Elliott tribute where she recreates some of the choreography from the original video with the original dancers.
If she could describe Missy in one word, she tells BuzzFeed that word would be "legendary."
Sounds about right.
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Last chance.
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12 scenes with more compelling sexual chemistry than all of "50 Shades."
Most of them aren't even of sex.
Now that 50 Shades of Grey is out, the biggest complaint is that it's about as sexy as an IUD insertion. The movie's central storyline is a BDSM relationship, but the two leads have the chemistry of two people struggling to make small talk at a wake. If you've been disappointed by the most hyped faux-porno on earth, here's 12 scenes to get your erotic imagination cranking again. Real connections being made between some compelling protagonists.
1. This turtle making sweet love to a shoe.
A story of unrequited love, exploding into physical passion. Even though the shoe's just lying there, this is sexier than being smacked with a pearl-handled whip.
2. No parking on the dance floor!
The joyous expression of dance is so arousing, especially when set to the 70s gay club anthem YMCA. We're all coming out, baby!
3. Two chimps tongue tangoing.
Hell yeah. I know evolution is real because these chimps are kissing like they invented it.
4. This cockatoo 'massaging' a cat.
You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Oh, spanking and blindfolds are taboo? Try being a parrot who wants to f*ck a cat.
5. The self-denying dog.
Sometimes the most erotic thing in the world is restraint. This dog loves these cupcakes so much, but he's gonna let them go. If it's meant to be, they'll return to him.
6. When two lions felt the love tonight.
Even as a kid, this scene made me feel funny in my pants. Were they...? What were they...? Whatever was going on out of frame, this scene is hot because of a little something called "romance." Leaping through waterfalls while a song composed by Elton John plays? Get out of here with your silk bondage rope, Grey!
7. A goose who loves a man, but where can they live?
Maria the goose loves this man more than little bits of bread. That's the most a goose can love anything. Judging from this video, that's more than humans are capable of.
8. Elephants reunited and it feels so good.
This story has pathos, a love triangle and a surprise ending. Real emotion makes compelling drama! She said, weeping.
9. This fox getting his belly rubbed by luckiest man on earth.
This is straight up cuteness porno. It's POV, lots of moaning and the camera man runs a continuous commentary. But you don't feel like the fox is faking it, ya know?
10. Tiny hamsters on a date!
Damn, take a girl on a date before you give her a binding dominant and submissive sex contract.
11. Death by chocolate.
Sometimes Hollywood gets it right. This scene is CGI, but the sentiment is real. Losing yourself in the thing you love is bliss right until the end.
12. Baby goat butting towards love.
Classic: barriers between lovers builds anticipation. In 50 Shades of Grey the barrier is that the guy is a jackass. This goat has a real barrier. It's called a door.
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This chart has a wonderfully accurate breakdown of all the weirdos seeing Fifty Shades this weekend.
Try not to yell at the screen, your mom is enjoying the movie.
(written by Brian Boone, image by Cole Mitchell)
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These real astronauts wore Jedi robes to get us interested in space again.
These aren't the nerds you're looking for.
May the funding be with you.(via reddit)
There's nothing more impressive than being an astronaut. To be accepted to the program, you need to pass a demanding physical exam, and have an advanced degree in science or engineering. The only things you don't need are superpowers and a laser sword.
Which is why it's so weird that the crew of Expedition 45, who will take over the International Space Station in September, chose to go full-on Jedi in their official mission poster. I guess they're trying to appeal to nerds who are frustrated with the limits of real space exploration, and can only think about The Force Awakens.
Although the strangest part to me is Flight Engineer Kjell N. Lindgren, pictured in the front and to the left, who chose to go for the red lightsaber. For anyone out of the loop, in the Star Wars universe, that's the color associated with Dark Jedi. Do we really want a evil Sith Lord on the Space Station? For all we know he'll turn it into a Death Star and blow up the Earth.
Actually, that sounds awesome. Did anybody think of pitching that to J.J. Abrams?
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Happy accidents.
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Joe Biden had some kind words for his "old butt buddy."
Seems like Will & Gracereally did have an effect on Joe Biden.
Good ol' Uncle Joe.
It does the heart good to hear the Vice President of the United States giving a shout-out to "an old butt buddy" before a large Iowa crowd.
While this is almost certainly one of Joe Biden's patented speaking goofs, I does in a way make me excited for a day, hopefully in the not-so-distant future, when politicians will be proud to point out their actual dalliances, same-sex or otherwise, for all the world to see. We're getting there, folks.
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