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Sweet bulldog turned into nightmare monster by leaf blower.

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And he loves it!

Finally figured out what bulldogs have all that extra floppy mouth skin for. Dogs love biting air and dogs love barking. This dog can't choose, thank goodness. With his lips blown back and flying all over the place, he looks like a sand snake or the Kraken. It's scary, but you also want to just grab on to that rippling mouth and hang on for the ride of your life.


Daredevil teen films his terrifying ascent up a 700-foot tower in Hong Kong.

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Barf. Barf, barf, barf.

This 18-year-old German, Andrej Ciesielski, is the Bran Stark of his family because he cannot stop climbing with zero safety gear. It's a hobby that will hopefully not intersect with any political intrigue or falls. In this footage, he ascends Hong Kong's 700-foot-tall Lee Gardens One Tower with a GoPro, so you get a view of the city that'll make you dizzy even on a computer screen.

If you want to find out more, Andrej wrote a very long blog post about "roof-topping" through Hong Kong and the different security guards who kept catching him. And a lot of his photos are pretty incredible:


Spiderman's eye view.(via Andrej Ciesielski)

Hilarious octopus hair accessories are perfect for any occasion.

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Bury me in one.


Nice day for a white wedding hair-piece.(via Kirstie Williams)

Kirstie Williams' Etsy Store has the perfect look for anyone going to an Under the Sea themed party or to work at an aquarium or to a sexy night of The Little Mermaid role-playing. Or anything! These are beautiful and funny, so if you love the noble octopus, put one on your head:


(via Kirstie Williams)

Here's what they look like on an actual person, rather than a styrofoam skull:


Put eyes on the back of your head.(via Kirstie Williams)

If you're very crafty, Williams made a step-by-step guide to making your own:


Yeah...anyone could do it...(via Kirstie Williams)

Strange strategy for an Etsy Store, so guess she does it for the love of cephalopods. Totally understand.

Talk about a fixer-upper: house for sale was wired to explode.

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The location is great, though.


It's bomb squad-adjacent.(via WBZ-TV)

Buying a home is always a compromise. There will always be some annoying detail keeping it from being your dream house. Noisy neighbors, vinyl flooring, leaky basement, a massive bomb set to kill everyone as soon as you flip a light switch… you just can't be too picky.

That last one is exactly what one Milton, MA homeowner found while investigating his property with an electrician. The home was for sale after having recently been vacated by some renters, and Lindell Williams wanted to make sure it was in good shape before he held any open houses. As it turns out, that was the right call. The electrician discovered a bomb, constructed in a gallon container, that had been hidden behind a freshly-plastered wall. The device was wired throughout the entire house, and would have exploded the instant anyone flipped a light switch.

Police are looking for the former tenants, who are naturally suspects in the case. There is one weird detail, though. Those same tenants called the police a week ago to report vandalism. They said someone had plugged all their drains with cement. Police are wondering whether there is a connection between that incident and the bomb, but if the tenants were responsible, why would they call the cops? Unless they were so angered by the drain prank, they thought the only solution was to demolish the house and anyone in it. Or maybe it was a lovers' quarrel. Or maybe there's an explanation so twisted and dastardly we can't even imagine it. These people could be the Joker for all we know.

I'm going to choose to believe they're the Joker.

Article 30

Older dog tricks gullible puppy into chasing itself around a snow path.

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You can't teach an old dog new tricks because they already know them all.

The way this little boxer pup keeps circling around the snow path after the older Boxer has already left the trail reminds me of every cliché there is, like "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again," or "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."

Or, "Fool a little Boxer puppy once, shame on you. Fool a little Boxer puppy twice, just please keep fooling him. It's hilarious."

Take a break from your waking life with this whimsical collection of movie dream sequences.

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Is this real life?

Dream sequences are usually my least favorite part of books or movies, because they rarely move the plot forward and the director can meander all over the place with irrelevant stuff. Unless you're watching Inception. I think? Left the room for about ten seconds during that movie and was completely lost when I returned, so I gave up.

This supercut opens up a whole new world of caring about movie dream sequences. The editor, Gabriel Adelman, didn't even take clips from Inception and it's still cool as hell. Makes all my dreams about sitting in front of a computer, unable to control the mouse, seems positively banal.

School requires girls to submit their dresses to be pre-approved before prom.

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Remember getting ready for prom?


(stock photo)

How excited you were when the cutest guy in school asked you to be his date? How much fun you had shopping for the perfect dress with your mom? And then remember how you had to submit a photo of your perfect dress to school officials and wait to hear if it passed the “appropriate attire" test? Wasn't that awesome?

Oh, wait—you probably don't remember that last part unless you're a student at Delone Catholic High School in McSherrystown, PA, where a new policy requires all female students have their special dresses approved by “prom moderators" weeks before the dance.

Per school policy, the gowns can't show too much cleavage, skin or leg, so the prom won't look like it's being held in Hoochieville. Because guess where “Catholic values and moral integrity" are never, ever found? That's right. Bring it on down to Hoochieville. I mean, everyone knows nuns never wear dresses with see-through netting, right? (But if they did, it might raise church attendance. Think about it, Progressive Pope.)


(stock photo)

The policy also states “all students and guests must dress in gender-specific formal wear." So if you're a girl who's dying to wear an awesomely ironic tuxedo t-shirt or a boy who just so happens to look fabulous in a sequined camisole, forget it, fools. Get back in your box because lord knows the last thing a high school prom needs is kids expressing themselves and having a good time. Save that experimentation shit for community college.

Of course, what's definitely going unsaid here is that the school administration obviously believes prohibiting girls from dressing sexy will minimize the underage drinking and sex that teen movies tell us happen on prom night. And to that I say: HAHAHAHAHA. I went to prom in the 80s, when we all wore huge Gunne Sax dresses that fell mid-calf, and believe me, nobody was reading the Bible and sipping tea that night. I saw kids smoking their corsages, for god's sake.

But all of that said, if you happen to be a student or parent at Delone and don't know what an appropriate prom dress looks like, here is our super easy guide:

No:


(Buena Vista Pictures)

No:


(Paramount Pictures)

Yes:


(Netflix)

Have fun, kids!


Facebook leaks announcement of "Teleportation Station," which probably isn't as cool as it sounds.

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Beam me up, Zucky.


It was only a matter of spacetime.(Getty/Thinkstock)

Facebook's F8 Conference is coming up later today. The company is set to announce a number of new projects, including major upgrades to its Messenger app. If the rumors are true, soon you'll be able to use the app to send money, share travel arrangements, edit photos, and more. That might seem impressive, until you see this announcement, accidentally leaked hours early by Facebook itself:

Teleportation Station? That's awesome! I take back every criticism I've ever made of Facebook. I'm willing to sit through a lifetime's worth of unwanted pokes, sappy engagement photos, and annoying comments if it means I can teleport. Imagine looking at your friends' vacation photos, getting jealous, and then BAM! You're in Barbados.

Of course, some party poopers are speculating that this isn't actually a teleportation feature, but just a tool for developers to simulate apps. One slightly less disappointing possibility is that it's a virtual reality feature to take advantage of Facebook's acquisition of Oculus Rift. Who needs that, though? I'm too immersed in Facebook already. I don't need to strap on some giant goggles.

Facebook has really outfoxed themselves with this leak. My expectations are sky high. In fact, if I'm not teleporting around the world by next week, I'm switching to Ello.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - March 25, 2015

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1. Heinz And Kraft Merge To Corner The Cook-Out Food Market

It was announced today that Kraft Foods Group Inc. will be merging with H.J. Heinz to become the third largest food and beverage company in the world. “This is my kind of transaction, uniting two world-class organizations and delivering shareholder value,” said Warren Buffett, whose Berkshire Hathaway Inc. brokered the deal. “I'm excited by the opportunities for what this new combined organization will achieve.” Hopefully, these "opportunities" will be more palatable than the concoctions my nine-year-old niece creates with their products at family reunions.


2. Jon Hamm Completes Stint As Most Charming Person In Alcohol Rehab

Jon Hamm—the handsome, charismatic, talented, intelligent and quick-witted star of the wildly popular AMC show Mad Men—has reportedly just completed a thirty day stay at a high-end facility for alcohol rehabilitation, thus proving that he is in fact a mortal human being.


3. Obamacare Opponent Ted Cruz Signing Up For Obamacare Because Even He Doesn't Buy The Stuff He Says

Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz announced that his family will be signing up for Obamacare, despite the fact that he has called it unconstitutional on numerous occasions and has been trying to get it repealed for years, giving some not particularly convincing arguments for why he has to use the system he hates. I would suggest that this betrayal of his conservative ideals might lower his chances of winning the GOP primary, but I don't think that's possible.


4. Study: Taking A Nap Does More Than Just Make The Work Day Go By Faster

German researchers have just developed a brand new excuse for you to use the next time your manager catches you napping inside your cubicle—just say you're improving your learning skills in order to be a more-efficient worker. "A short nap at the office or in school is enough to significantly improve learning success," the researchers asserted in a press release. If that doesn't work, try claiming that Larry in accounting hit you in the back of the neck with a blow gun dart. That guy's such a weirdo, they'll probably buy it.


5. 'X-Files' Mysteriously Re-Emerges From The Shadows After 13 Years

After more than a decade off the air, Fox's cult sci-fi drama The X-Files will be returning to TV screens for a six-episode run, during which time FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully will continue to not get it on. Give it up, dorks. It's not going to happen.

Article 24

The Sociopath Network: check out the first image of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor.

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They should have called the movie "Villainland."


He's staring at you like you're a Magic Eye poster.(Clay Enos via Entertainment Weekly)

It would be an exaggeration to say that everyone is excited for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. The lukewarm reaction to Man of Steel, the lack of Christopher Nolan's involvement, and the casting of Ben Affleck have all contributed to make fans wary of the project. One decision that has been well-received, however, is the casting of Jesse Eisenberg as Superman's nemesis, Lex Luthor. Despite his on-screen image as a shy, likable kid, many people feel that the young actor has the chops to pull it off. Now, it seems like that trust may be vindicated.


He's definitely shed that likability thing.(Clay Enos via Entertainment Weekly)

This image, the first official tease of Eisenberg in character, is pretty awesome. He has Luthor's trademark chrome dome, but the glowering intensity and bloodshot crazy eyes are an excellent touch. If the movie focuses enough on delving into Luthor's psyche, it might not be half-bad. Hooray for cautious optimism!

5 people who are KILLING IT this week.

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1. This guy who threw a paper plane with such skill it boomeranged right back into his hands.

If you love a paper airplane, let it go. If it's meant to be, it will return to you. The ecstatic grin on this guys face as he turns to the camera shows that even the simplest pleasures can make us feel on top of the world.

2. J.K. Rowling, who had the perfect response to a fan saying they couldn't see Dumbledore as gay when reading "Harry Potter."

Thanks, J. K. Rowling. Just...thanks.

3. Patti LaBelle, who danced to 50 Cent's "In Da Club" on DWTS.

Patti LaBelle explains in the origin story of this routine that at her 70th birthday party, friends were playing what she calls "seventy years young" music, but she wanted to shake her booty. Turn on 50 Cent and everyone gets up out of their seats! You can skip to 1:25 to just see the dancing, but know you'll miss Patti practicing through her knee pain. Because when you're that amazing, you sometimes have joint problems.

4. Kristen Schaal, who made spot-on predictions for the race to close the gender wage gap.


It starts with some riffing with Jon Stewart and ends with the suggestion that women everywhere should just 3D print their own penis, because that technology will be available before the gender pay gap is predicted to close. Kristen Schaal takes a stone cold bummer and makes us laugh through our sad sighs.

5. This lady who raised $42,000 to open a Dungeons and Dragons bar.


(screengrab via Kickstarter)

Melissa Garza has recognized that even nerds like to get tipsy. Sick of loud sports bars and alcohol-free gaming stores, she turned to Kickstarter for her themed bar, Dungeons and Drafts. The original goal was set at $9,600 which they reached in 6.5 hours. They're now at $42,000. If you can dream it, you can drink in it!

Keep killing it, everybody.

Even the guy who plays Captain Kirk uses Christopher Walken as his go-to impression.

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Sure, go ahead, Chris. We've never heard annnnnnyone do a Christopher Walken impression before.

We all know that guy: The guy who always wants to bust out his Christopher Walken impression. This guy also usually thinks that his Walken is SUPER impressive, not realizing how easy it is for anyone with a mouth and one viewing of The Deer Hunter to do a half-decent impression of the man.

Well, Chris Pine is one of those guys. On last night's Late Late Show, Pine busted out his finest Walken for James Corden. I will admit, it was pretty good, as Walken impressions go. But I'm not going to be that impressed by anyone doing a Walken impression until I see someone talk AND dance like him:

The Internet is hunting for this woman who wants to marry the "best sex of her life": a tree.

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Why not marry a partner who inhales morning breath and exhales oxygen?


Doing it loggie style. (via Twitter)

This Sunday, the Internet fell in love with this story about Emma McCabe, the woman who wants to marry a tree she has named "Tim," which/whom she claims is "the best sex I've ever had."

The only problem, besides the uncomfortable conclusions one must draw about how sex with a tree is accomplished, is that no one can find her anywhere. The story first went viral after it was tweeted out by user @MuLTi_EU as a slam towards a friend.


Emma and the popular poplar. (via Twitter)

The image claims the story is from the UK tabloid magazine Closer, but when I searched "tree marry" on their website, this story wasn't among the 12 that came up. (Strangely, three of the results were related to the Kardashians. The natural outcome of their pervasiveness in tabloid culture, or is there a more plant-based theme emerging amongst the K clan? A topic for another time, perhaps.)

It's a shame, really, because from the portion of the magazine we can see, we get gems like, "Growing up, Emma loved the outdoors, but it wasn't until adulthood that she realized how deep-rooted her feelings towards trees were."

Cosmopolitan, certain that the story is a fake, has sent out a desperate plea to contact Miss McCabe, but so far there have been no updates.

I reached out to @MuLTi_EU to find out the origin of the story, and was treated to this exchange:


Then he told me "your nanas a dead corpse."

Ok. So. As best I can tell, the legend of the tree-sex-marriage-woman has beginnings as foggy as life itself. It came from the Internet, but what came before the Internet? I'm stumped.

Also, no wonder this woman is over men and has moved on to trees. Whoever started this story is kind of a dick.


Snoop Dogg and Hulk Hogan team up for the most manic Wrestlemania tag team of all time: Snulkmania.

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Protein was the shake that they gave me.

Fresh off the heels of Jon Stewart's dramatic ball-kicking feud with the WWE's Seth Rollins, another unlikely celebrity wrestler has emerged: Snoop Dogg. The Doggfather of rap may have about a foot on Stewart, but I wouldn't be surprised if the MC weighs about the same as the Daily Show host. Fortunately, his tag-team partner has more than enough bulk for the both of 'em: Hulk Hogan.

At this week's Monday Night Raw, the rapping preying mantis faced off against Curtis Axel, claiming that SnoopMania could unseat AxelMania any day of the week. As Snoop points out, however, neither of them can hold a candle to Hulkamania. All this, naturally, is leading up to WrestleMania. Check out their post-match interview for even more "Snulkmania:"

In conclusion: Mania.


Man caught using carpool lane with a "Most Interesting Man in the World" cutout.

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This is the ballsiest man in the world.

The allure of the carpool lane is difficult to resist. The prospect of saving time on a daily commute is so tempting, it can lead otherwise law-abiding citizens into shockingly creative acts of criminality. One violator even built a passenger out of wood in order to get away with it. But for one man in Washington state, wood just wouldn't do. He demanded a passenger who was more suave, more worldly… more, in a word, interesting.

Your eyes don't deceive you. That's a cardboard cutout of actor Jonathan Goldsmith from Dos Equis's "Most Interesting Man in the World" ad campaign. When the trooper questioned the driver about the cutout, he had one thing to say in his defense: "He's my best friend." Be that as it may, that friendship cost the man $124. Apparently, the carpool lane only applies to us uninteresting types.

As funny as this scheme is, it could also be a cry for help. I don't know if the trooper issued a breathalyzer test, but driving around with a piece of beer paraphernalia in your car and calling it your "best friend" is a classic sign of a problem. Maybe the cutout should have an intervention for this guy. He could tell him, "You know, even I don't always drink beer."

Gamers threaten to pull lucrative convention if Indiana goes forward with anti-gay law.

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Non-representative image of Gen Con attendees. (via)

I don't pretend to speak for all nerds—just the one writing this blog post—but it feels like my people's culture has been missing an awful lot of Saving Throws lately. What with Gamergate and Elevatorgate, the depressing rise of the Men's Rights movement and the eight-hour running time of Peter Jackson's Hobbit trilogy, we could really use a win. Sure, we have never had a lack of things to be embarrassed about, but we at least used to be able to take comfort in knowing that we the wrongfully oppressed party, standing on the right side of history. Now, all too often, we're the bullies.

Not all of us, obviously. In fact, at least one group of nerds is using their new-found cultural power to affect actual policy change for the good of humanity.

You see, Indiana's state congress just passed a bill making it legal for business owners to refuse service to same-sex couples if it's against their religious principles and/or they feel like being jerks, and Gov. Mike Pence is expected to sign it into law at any time now. They're not the nerds, though. For a refreshing change, the nerds are the ones opposing the bigots.


Representative image of Gen Con attendees.(via)

Every year, Indianapolis is home to Gen Con, the "original, longest-running, best-attended gaming convention in the world." That means that unthinkable numbers of nerds stream into the state from all over the world to spend ungodly sums of money on ridiculous shit that you can't believe that anybody would actually even want to possess. It's a huge boon to the Indiana's economy.

But if Pence signs the bill, all that revenue could end up going to Illinois, Ohio or Michigan. Gen Con CEO Adrian Swartout warned that she's prepared to pick up her 20-sided die and go elsewhere if the law is passed. "Legislation that could allow for refusal of service or discrimination against our attendees will have a direct negative impact on the state's economy, and will factor into our decision-making on hosting the convention in the state of Indiana in future years," she wrote in an open letter to the governor.

Will this threat stop Indiana from legalizing homophobia? Probably not. Assholes, I have found, are usually pretty determined to remain assholes. But it is a victory for both the gay community and the non-terrible side of the nerd community, regardless of the outcome.

12 new nail color names that actually reflect what your life is like now.

'Game of Thrones' actress Maisie Williams' grandma drinks a bunch of gin while watching the show.

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Like so many things in life, it's because of breasts.

Maisie Williams, the utter badass who plays Arya Stark, went on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to talk about the new season of Game of Thrones. During the interview, she discussed the awkwardness of watching the show with her family, including her nan — and how Maisie's mom handled the situation by pouring more gin in her grandma's glass every time boobs showed up on the screen. So, basically, Maisie's grandma plays a really good Game of Thrones drinking game.

Oh, and if you have any doubts that Maisie is indeed a badass (which you shouldn't), make sure you watch the part where Maisie talks about how even though she's right handed, she learned how to sword fight with her left hand because that's how Arya did it in the books.

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