He's really impatient.

The identity of this fed-up bulldog left in an SUV is unknown, but it's pretty clear that he has little tolerance for his owner's lackadaisical schedule right now. The real question is whether he knows leaning on the wheel will make that sound (my guess is yes—dogs aren't that bright but they can often pass the "if I touch this and it always does the same thing I know what will happen if I touch it" test). It could just be that he wants to look outside, but my hunch is that he knows his owner will come running back in embarrassment.

Fortunately, it's winter outside in this video, or else this would be an outrage post and not a cute post.

See more: Impatient dog in locked car honks horn until owner finishes shopping.

Little League pitching phenomenon Mo'ne Davis is wise beyond her years.

The 14-year-old dealt with Internet trolling with more grace and courage than a celebrity reading Mean Tweets on Jimmy Kimmel. After a college baseball player was kicked off his team for posting a pretty awful tweet about her, Mo'ne chose to forgive him.

Here is what we should all take away from this encounter:

1. Take The High Road

Hope the young man that deemed it appropriate to call #MoneDavis a derogatory name feels humbled by this act of grace pic.twitter.com/gVF86QBzUN
— Dr. Tanyika M (@DrTanyikaM) March 23, 2015

Mo'ne is clearly far more mature than her college-aged fellow athlete, and watching a 14-year-old forgive the comments of this (semi) adult man should make us all want to take the high road. It's easy to start a fight. It's easy to keep a fight going, especially on Twitter. Next time someone starts a fight, surprise them with a swift dose of forgiveness. Taylor Swift is actually quite good at this, and there are other famous fire-starters who should do the same. I'm talking to you, Nikki, Kanye, Bieber, Snoop and Iggys (both Azalea and Banks).

2. Your Jealousy Is Showing

(via @BigCass24 on Philly.com)

Putting someone down is a clear sign of jealousy. As a child, I always shoved sand down my sister's shirt because she was better than me at everything. I was obviously crazy jealous of her. In his infamous tweet, Joey Casselberry expressed his anger about Mo'ne inspiring a Disney movie, which means he is probably sitting in his dorm room right now fantasizing about his own Disney movie that will never happen. Sorry Joey, you're too old. Now act your age, and stop throwing sand.

3. Positive Thinking Matters

(Getty)

Mo'ne has a good deal of natural born athletic ability, but what's ability without heart? Anyone who's seen Center Stage knows what I'm talking about! Mo'ne's attitude is as superior as her pitching skills. Positivity is key! Tell yourself the glass if half full even when it's full of garbage. If this sounds like a self-help book, I'm making my point.

4. Think Before You Internet Speak

(Getty)

We all think terrible thoughts. Before social media, we used to have to stew in our own terrible thoughts until we settled down or vented to a friend via phone, fax or telegram. Thanks to screengrabs and archiving apps, everything you say on the Internet is forever. Let's go back to talking trash out loud instead of posting it online, where the robots are gathering information to eventually take over.

5. Sports Teams: Follow Suit

Bloomsburg Univ is deeply saddened by what was written about #MoneDavis by one of our student-athletes. His words do not represent us.

— BU Huskies (@GoBUHuskies) March 21, 2015

I commend Bloomsburg University for taking action and urge sports teams to follow this example. A man was kicked off a team for online bullying, however college and professional players and staff at all levels keep their jobs after much more harrowing offenses are covered up, denied, or dealt with internally instead of punishing those involved for infractions. It would be super cool if people knew they would be held accountable for their actions even in the sacred world of sports.

These parodies are coming in a Friendsy.

Just yesterday we posted this awesome version of the Friends intro reimagined with The Avengers. Now, here's another one with the characters from Harry Potter. This mashup actually makes a lot of sense. A Central Perk in Hogwarts would be awesome. Also, magic is the only explanation for how the Friends didn't get skin conditions from that couch in the opening.

There are some things parents are better off not knowing.

I have for the past three decades maintained a strict police of complete parental ignorance when it comes to my sex life. My mom and dad may have inferred certain things about me, based upon the existence of a grandchild, but I have yet to cop to anything specific. They can't prove that my son is not the product of a home chemistry kit and a turkey baster, and I'm content with that level of ambiguity.

So, this guy who let his mother read the explicit and unwholesome messages sent to him on Grindr* is like some strange alien species to me. I'm intrigued by his actions, but I cannot in any way understand his motivations.

* I want to say that Grindr is like Tinder for gay people, but, in reality, Tinder is Grindr for straight people.

It's still like a fairy tale. But like one of those old ones where everyone dies at the end.

"Enjoy the bath, babe. I'm going to literally throw you on the street after."
(via "It Must've Been Love" on YouTube)

Everybody's talking today about how the original ending to Pretty Woman was super dark. But that's not really the case — the real story is that screenwriter Jonathan Lawton originally wrote a much grittier, more depressing script called $3,000 that, through rewrites, eventually became Pretty Woman. Lawton recently said of the script in a Vanity Fair interview:

I was a screenwriter who was trying to get a job, I was unemployed and I was working in post-production and I was trying to sell scripts, and I had been writing all of these ninja scripts and comedies, and I just couldn't get any attention. I suddenly said, "Well, maybe I need to do something more serious and dramatic."

How serious and dramatic? Well, here's a selection from the beginning of the film:

Aw, Julia Roberts! You're so quirky and down on your luck. (via $3,000)

And did the ending look like this?

Hello! Gere's here! (via "It Must've Been Love" on YouTube)

Not quite:

A regular Cinderella story. (via $3,000)

I hope there's also an original Dirty Dancing script out there that ended with Baby dad's hitting Johnny with a car.

If it weren't for him opening his mouth, you'd almost assume this dog hated food.

This is Fritz the bandana-wearing the Golden Retriever, and he is having a lot of trouble learning how to catch food in his mouth. His owners, who have been fielding many concerned questions about their dog's well being, insist he is perfectly healthy, just sort of a dunce. They also swear his eyesight is fine, but I'm not sure how he can manage to see with all that taco grease in his eyes.

Of course, some are of the mind that Fritz is actually a genius. Maybe he's learned that if he keeps failing to catch the food, his camera-wielding care-givers will keep trying to teach him. There's a lot to be said for acting dumb when an herb-rubbed steak is on the line.

I HAVE THE POWER OF EXTREME ADJECTIVES!!!!!

We reboot way too many superhero movies these days, but if Hollywood is looking for just one more, may I recommend the little-known heroine Wassabi Woman. She is, as far as I can tell, a Chinese student of English currently studying in New Zealand—as are her classmates (except for Mexiko, who I think is Mexican).

I almost didn't post this, because I don't really know anything about it. It's also not topical, it doesn't involve anyone being embarrassed, no one is handing out random acts of kindness/cruelty, and it contains no puppies, kittens, or other cute animals. On the other hand, I was legitimately giggling through the whole thing just because a bunch of kids got together and made a video for their English class.

See more: When the rest of Spanish class made songs, this student made her own Mexican soap opera.

And isn't that why we're on this crazy goddamn Internet in the first place?

Brooklyn's five resources: coffee, bicycles, vinyl, skinny jeans, and kale.

Although this parody of the Settlers of Catan board game is pretty funny, I think it kind of strains credulity. For one thing, this video posits that four young Brooklyn residents would be capable of sitting around a table for a minute and twenty seconds without one of them getting up to take a call in the stairwell? Really?!

Also, that one guy's scarf is red with yellow and black stripes. What is this, mid-to-late 2014? No Brooklynite would be caught dead in a scarf like that in late first-quarter 2015.

Is it wrong to laugh at a baby's fear? If so, I was wrong ten times in a row just now.

5-month-old Lucas here simply can not handle the sound of packing tape being unwrapped. Babies are weird about noises like that. For no reason at all, they'll find the sound of their mom eating chips hilarious, or the sound of their dad crying heartbreaking. Also, sometimes they'll just laugh like a weird old man. Basically, babies are freaks. But they're entertaining freaks, which is why we keep having them, I guess.

Mostly, I feel bad for the rat.

It's not too often I publicly want to call somebody a "dingus," but hey, check out this dingus. Christopher Baker of Sunderland, UK, went out to eat at the Borneo Bistro. He paid for his bill, then released a rat from his pocket, as seen on the video above, and reportedly demanded his money back because the restaurant had rats. The restaurant owner figured out something was fishy (well, ratty) when he called pest control, and they noticed that the rat had recently had a haircut. I really, really hope it had a flattop. Then the restaurant owner looked at the closed-circuit TV and saw Baker taking the rat out of his pocket.

Baker pled guilty to fraud. The video and article don't say whether or not the rat was returned to the dingus, but I hope they found a better owner for the little fella.

Just meow this video and find out meow.

I'm not the biggest fan of helping people out with their crowd-funded campaigns (because, y'know, I hate everyone), but I liked Super Troopers. A lot. Sure, I was in high school and getting me to love Super Troopers was probably about as challenging as...getting college-aged me to love Beerfest, but I even went on to also like the other Broken Lizard movies. Yeah, even Club Dread. So, despite my normal vows never to help anyone ever, I encourage you to go to Indiegogo to give up your money so I can watch a sequel to a movie I like. Be the best chickenfucker you can be.

If you don't, "Farva dies in the trunk of the car."

What better way to let some kids know you know they've been cheating together than by forcing them to join forces again?

With four of them on this, you'd think they'd have gotten a better grade. (via Imgur)

Today, redditor Loganapple09 posted this photo of a teacher's ingenious cheater-busting note spread out over four papers with identical answers:

"Ok, so I don't know whose is the original, but it seems that this is not your original work. So I can divide these six points everyone shared altogether, or each of you can get another copy, look up the definition of prep. phrases again and do this assignment better and correctly. Thank you."

Hey kids, I just googled it: a "prep. phrase" is a "prepositional phrase," which is "a group of words that begins with a preposition and ends with a noun or a pronoun."

Here's an example of one:

"I will not obey the rules within the context of my homework."

One more thought, whoever got 5/16 when everyone else got 6/16 either really sucks at cheating, or is the best at it.

I can't believe I ever rooted for the Rebels.

If you're a fan of Star Wars, Japanese animation, classic video games, or lovingly-made fan projects, watching this film will make you happy. If you're not a fan of any of those things, watching it might turn you into one.

The most amazing thing about TIE Fighter is that it was all the work of one man: Paul "OtaKing" Johnson. Johnson animated the entire thing in his spare time over four years, without even turning to crowdsourcing to help him. The only help he sought was in the audio department. The music is by Zak Rahman, and the sound editing was contributed by Joseph Leyva.

It's inspiring that talented fans will put their own time and energy into products like these without any hope of financial gain. The amount of detail in this animation is incredible. It's reminiscent of a style from the 1980s, before Japanese studios decided it wasn't worth putting that many man-hours into animated projects. Working on his own, Johnson has demonstrated what a loss that was.

Like I said, there's no Kickstarter to donate to. If you enjoyed the film, share it. Maybe if more people see projects like these, more will be made. Then all will be well in the land of the nerds.

What an egg-cellent interview.

Earlier this week, Fox 5 reporter Bob Barnard did a live report from the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History where he hung out with an African Moon Moth. Over the course of the interview, the moth flirtatiously crept up to his ear. Barnard then joked that the moth bit him, causing insect zoo manager Dan Babbitt to tell Barnard, "They actually don't have any mouth parts." That should have been Barnard's warning that when the moth was "biting" him, it was actually laying eggs on him like in some sci-fi B-movie.

Photos are below. Don't look at 'em if you don't like seeing bug eggs on human ears (a very specific and very valid phobia).

The Internet loves your prank! LOL, JK!

Oh, what stupid webs we weave when we tell the web we've deceived. (via reddit)

Redditor griffunk and his girlfriend apparently have a very strong and loving relationship. They better, because that doofus accidentally got the whole Interwebs angry at him because of the silly little prank he played on laundry day. Knowing she would at some point be putting socks in his sock drawer, he put a ring box there, figuring (correctly) that her urge to see if it was an engagement ring would prove overwhelming. Inside the box, however, was merely a Post-It note reading "LOL, JK."

Isn't this just the subtext of every divorce, anyway? (via reddit)

While that joke would certainly not fly in every relationship, it's at least possible that two people exist who are secure enough and have good enough senses of humor to allow this kind of tomfoolery. As far as the Internet was concerned, however, griffunk was the worst. Literally. He returned to reddit a few hours later with a new post entitled "Well that escalated quickly."

101 Sex Tips, and they're all "Don't Have Sex With This Guy."

Guys, don't play pranks on Tess Korman. (JK, I'm sure she's hilarious).
(via Cosmopolitan)

I don't know whether it was his girlfriend's idea of revenge or someone at Cosmo just spotted his original post, but griffunk ended up being the one who suffered most from this prank after being called "the Meanest Man on the Internet" by Comsopolitan, a source millions of women trust.

Eventually, griffunk was able to get his side of the story out and the article was updated to include the fact that his girlfriend took the joke well and the "two of them are more focused on having another baby than getting married at the moment."

The damage, however, had probably been done. The irony is that he's gonna have to marry her now, because otherwise he'll just be known as the Meanest Man on the Internet, and probably the Most Single Man in Real Life if he doesn't lock down the only person who really knows he was kidding.

You named your penis or breasts after a celebrity. But what do celebrities name their bits?

I feel comfortable calling her breasts "ladies" because she gave them ladies' names.
(Imagevia Getty Images)

Stars: They're just like us! Not because they pick up their own coffees or pump their own gas, but because they name their penises and breasts just like the rest of us. Check it out.

1. Michael Sheen: The Great Christine Baranski

Sarah Silverman revealed that her boyfriend, Masters of Sex actor Michael Sheen, calls his penis The Great Christine Baranski. Yes, like the actress Christine Baranski.

2. Jennifer Love Hewitt: Thelma and Louise

First of all, does anyone call Jennifer Love Hewitt J-Lo-H? That should probably be happening. Anyway, J-Lo-H calls her breasts Thelma and Louise. Hopefully she gave them those names because they're good friends and not because they're going to try to drive off a cliff together.

3. Gary Busey: Big Wednesday

On an episode of Celebrity Apprentice, Gary Busey accidentally let his penis flop out from underneath a bathrobe while filming a commercial, then asked the woman he was acting with if she had seen "Big Wednesday."

Ludacris, I strongly suggest a more approachable penis name. Then again, your name is "Ludacris." (Image via Getty Images)

4. Ludacris: The Truth

Ludacris calls his penis The Truth because, as he told Elle, "you can't handle The Truth!" Having an unhandleable penis seems... undesirable. I'd think it'd be better to have a penis that makes people say, "Wow, I am surprised by the magnitude of your dick, but I think I can manage it."

5. Glenn Beck: Winkie

OK, Beck's isn't a nickname as much as an apparent inability to say the word "penis" out loud. While talking about Nicholas Sparks films on The Blaze, he refers to the male member as a "winkie." Facepalm.

6. A Whole Bunch of U.S. Presidents

Death and Taxes has a nice round up of presidential "members" of the cabinet, including John F. Kennedy's "JJ" and Lyndon B. Johnson's "Jumbo."

7. David Lee Roth: Little Elvis

Not only did the Van Halen singer reportedly take out insurance on his penis, he also called it "Little Elvis." Rumors are that Elvis himself called his junk "Little Elvis" as well, though, which just makes David Lee Roth seem kind of boring unless his dick is able to perform "Blue Suede Shoes."

"It's this big." (Image via Getty Images)

8. Hugh Jackman: Old James Roger

A few years back, Hugh Jackman told Leno that he calls his wang Old James Roger.

9. Chad Johnson: Russell the Love Muscle

Football player turned reality TV star Chad Johnson (formerly Chad Ochocinco) explained on Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catchthat he calls his li'l guy Russell the Love Muscle.

10. Michaela Strachan: Pina and Colada

When she had her breasts reconstructed after a double mastectomy, UK TV presenter Michaela Strachan named her boobs piña and colada because "they were like coconuts." Technically, though, I think one needs to be a pineapple to make a piña colada.

11. Robin Williams: Mr. Happy

I'm not sure if it counts if it's part of a stand-up set, but the wonderful Robin Williams called his penis Mr. Happy.

Yet again, our lives pale in comparison to the Kardashians, though they still request we view them as a relatable family.

This week's name drops included: Justin Bieber, RuPaul, two boy band members (Backstreet Boy Nick Carter and N'Syncer Lance Bass), and the President of the Homeland of the Kardashian Empire (Barack Obama). They also name-dropped Ricardo Tischi, whom we had to Wikipedia because we are not Kardashians who can afford Givenchy haute couture. We live on bloggers' salaries—roughly equivalent to a few tweets from Kim, per year.

This week's episode is titled “Somewhere Over the Cuckoo's Nest." Perhaps the Kardashians' unrelenting success makes you want to pull a Randle Patrick McMurphy and pretend you're mentally ill to avoid the world. We would advise against that; KUWTK is played in the “recreation" rooms of mental hospitals by Nurse Ratcheds everywhere. You wouldn't have the freedom to change the channel to watch Point Break on TNT, Family Guy reruns on TBS, or major news networks' llama chase coverage. It's better to stay out here and face E! lobotomy-free, than to end up having your Suge Knight-sized best friend pillow you to death before he throws a sink out the window. Unlike a mental ward, there is no escape from the Kardashians.

You should read Ken Kesey's book that inspired the reality TV show's episode title. You should read any book, actually. What you shouldn't do is think you can keep up with this family because of these 5 moments:

1. When you go to the mall, your mom's very strongly worded advice is to never buy a Cartier bracelet, because you can't afford it, not because you already have an odd number of Cartier bracelets.

2. The last time you discussed Bono's charity work it was because you were jealous of all the poor kids he gave money to.

3. If you had a Chanel suit, sweat or otherwise, it would be holy but only because it's a goddamn miracle.

4. When you host a party, the cops aren't on standby for people who love you too much.

5. Well this is normal. We all know Obama is really easy to talk into being in your iPhone game/money printing operation. Smdh, people.