Marble Falls High School beat John Jay High School on Friday night, but that's not the story that piqued the Internet's interest.

It wasn't just any old game Texas high school football game, though. In one of the closing plays, a John Jay player slammed the ref, and another John Jay player head butted him while he was down.

Here's the video, which had over 7 million hits over the holiday weekend:

Everyone was trying to figure out the backstory over the weekend, and it turns out that the two players were trying to get back at the ref for what they perceived to be a "bad call."

They have been suspended from the team and are now facing criminal charges, because as my coach always told me, your decisions on the court affect your decisions off the court. I actually didn't have a coach who said that, but I've still seen enough sports movies to know you can't tackle the ref.

There are minor "Game of Thrones" spoilers ahead, if you are some sort of maniac who hasn't watched every available episode yet.

There aren't many celebrity YouTube channels that have more to offer than a celebrity Vine account...or Twitter...or Instagram...or Snapchat. Wow, there are a lot of ways to "get to know" your favorite celebrities. When do they have time to sleep and be famous when they're throwing all this behind the scenes social media stuff at us constantly? At least this one is pretty cute, with Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) sharing adorable little tidbits, like a close-up of her dimple.

What else have we learned about Maisie Williams? SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. Also, she cried at Ygritte's death on Game of Thrones, because she is a human with a beating heart that feels. And Sophie Turner smells like "heaven." Sophie Turner's also in the room watching this? How many other characters are watching from the wings? Hopefully only Peter Dinklage.

This is a true doppelgänger. 

Chelsea Marr is a 24-year old Scottish woman who works for an oil and gas recruitment company and happens to look exactly like Angelina Jolie. She looks so much like Angelina that if she grabbed a hoard of assorted kids and walked around Los Angeles she could have a field day tricking the paparazzi. 

She fully admits to having plastic surgery, though not with the intention of transforming herself into an exact copy of the famed director and actress.

"With regards to having had any 'plastic surgery' not just in the past week but for years my friends/colleagues/family and I constantly get asked if I've had this and that done or if I've photoshopped this and that.
Anyone who knows me knows I am extremely open and really don't mind discussing it. I have had lip fillers yes, not to look like anyone else but just because I wanted them a bit fuller just like all the other women that have also had theirs done. I had an operation on my nose a few years ago too however this wasn't a cosmetic procedure this was because as a child I broke my nose (quite badly) and therefore had complications with it and still do unfortunately. Lastly I did have a breast augmentation yes, but again this wasn't to try and resemble anyone, this was purely because I had absolutely nothing there before and it was something I was insecure about for years."

Someone who looks this much like Angelina and works for international oil conglomerates sounds like a secret villain that could snap your neck with her legs. She probably carries an assortment of spy gear in her heels and says something really clever before she offs people. Or she's just a pretty girl who posts way too much on Instagram.

It's hard out there for a poet with a boring name like Michael Derrick Hudson.

The hardest part of being a poet is choosing the correct pen name. Apparently, run-of-the-mill whiteguy names just don't get any respect. That's why Michael Derrick Hudson, a librarian from Indiana, decided to adopt a new moniker after he couldn't get his poems published.

Michael went with the name "Yi-Fen Chou" and BOOM: instant success. Under his fake Chinese name, Michael got a poem accepted and published by The Best American Poetry 2015. Then he made a really bold move, he included the story of his fabricated name in his bio in the very same book, saying his poem "was rejected forty (40) times before I sent it out as Yi-Fen Chou. As Yi-Fen Chou it was rejected nine (9) times before Prairie Schooner [the publisher] took it." BURN (sort of).

There was outrage in the poetry community, which took place on Twitter, one of America's favorite place to express outrage. Sherman Alexie, one of the book's publishers, posted a response defending his choice to include the now-controversial poem. Anyway, people are actually talking about poetry, so this was basically the equivalent of a sex tape for a book of poetry.

It all tired Sherman Alexie out:  

I hope we all learned this valuable lesson: If you can't be yourself, pretend to someone else in order to get your work published. 

You can read an excerpt of Michael/Yi-Fen's poem "The Bees, the Flowers, Jesus, Ancient Tigers, Poseidon, Adam and Eve" here.

He's quite the proper Englishman. 

Every opportunity can be a learning opportunity — even a One Direction concert. At the 1D show in Philadelphia this weekend, Styles spotted a disturbing sign in the audience. Initially  reading, "Hi! Harry. Your so nice," he gestured to the girl to pass forward her sign so he could correct it to "you're so nice." He signed and fixed the poster for proper grammar, making him a much more handsome and charming version of Microsoft Word's Clippy. 

Just in time for Back to School season, Styles' charming Public Display of Grammar Correction should inspire young girls everywhere to focus in English class. Even the lead singer of the biggest boy band in the world cares about proper language and syntax, and that's what makes him beautiful. 

Google is so embedded in our culture that if you want to search for something online, you say you need to "Google it" (or "Bing it," if you're 70). 

Facebook has also been widely adopted, but there are still quite a few people out there who think you can use Facebook, or Google's Facebook page, as a search engine. Tap or click images to enlarge. 

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Luckily, this incident ended in an inspirational selfie instead of a disaster.

Sometimes, the smallest gestures of kindness can inspire people the world over. This is one of those times. Which is a relief, because it could have gone much, much worse.

Houston Police Officer Tommi Jones Kelley pulled into a gas station one early morning during a heavy rain, and got out to gas up her patrol car. While she was busy, a strange young man suddenly materialized out of the darkness behind her. Instead of losing her cool, Officer Kelley heard him out. And because of her restraint, the Internet has a new source of feels.

"Ma'am, do you mind if I stand here behind you while you get your gas?" the boy asked. When Kelley inquired why, he explained, "To make sure you stay safe!" Now that's sweet.

Officer Kelley was more than happy to receive backup from this unarmed minor, who had her back for the entire time she was pumping her gas. Afterward, he went back into his car with his mother to drive off, but not before Kelley snapped a heartwarming selfie. She then posted that selfie to Facebook, where it has quickly gone viral. It currently has more than 1,300 likes and more than 220,000 shares.

The popularity of this post really shows how eager people are for positive stories about interactions between the public and the police. Or maybe they just really love selfies. If selfies can help us end the violence, then bring 'em on.

This is messed up on so many levels.

Jerry Bance is a service technician who has been trying to serve in Canadian Parliament on behalf of Canada's Conservative Party for quite some time (we're guessing he's running on some sort of "Look at me, I'm a regular every-man just like you" platform). He ran in 2006, 2008, and was currently in the middle of running again, until a video from 2012 surfaced this past weekend, which has, let's just say, caused him to lose a lot of credibility. 

Bance was unwittingly part of a TV show called Marketplace, which is kind of like To Catch a Predator but with shitty handymen. It's a hidden camera show that tries to catch contracted appliance repairmen lying about their services. In one episode, the producers clog a homeowner's sink with napkins. To fix it requires an incredibly simple repair job that the average handyman can do in 5-10 minutes, so the producers try to see if any of the contractors they hire overcharge for their services. Bance is one of the unsuspecting repairmen who responds to the fake service call. He fixes the sink quickly and without problem. He then stops for a moment, looks around to make sure no one is watching, grabs a mug from the sink, and well, pisses into it, while the homeowner and the host are watching in the next room. Here's the clip below (pee situation starts at 23:00):

Watching it is almost as painful as the narrator's "drain" pun. The clip has been around for three years, but people just connected it to Bance a few days ago. Bance had the following to say to the Toronto Star:

In an email to the Star on Monday, Bance said he was “truly sorry” and that he had resigned from the campaign Monday morning. He cited health reasons for the 2012 incident.

“A 30-second decision made three years ago can really change one’s life. I had a health situation and needed to make an emergency decision, ironically to save myself from embarrassment back then,” he said. “It was a lapse in judgment, which I deeply regret today.”

That's very sad if it's true but I don't really buy it. There is also a bathroom right across the island, so I don't think peeing in a mug actually saved him any time. Dude just likes to pee in mugs, give him a break. Do I want him pissing in my mug? No. Can he do it in the privacy of his own home? Of course! I don't care, he just shouldn't be making political decisions. That's the trade-off. 

Kylie Jenner shared three photos from a new photo shoot for Galore magazine.

The images play off of each other to bring up a fascinating question: will celebrities ever stopworking with Terry Richardson? In the photos, Jenner can be seen perching on a piece of wood, grabbing her crotch, and blowing out candles on an 18th birthday cake. Do you get why? If you do, shame on you.

In the feature, Kylie calls out people who obsessed about the day she turned 18:

It just makes no sense that, even a month ago, people were complaining that I was too young to be doing certain things, and now people are just okay with it because I’m grown. I don’t know why that one day made such a difference, but it really does change things for people.

Wow, your mind is blown. Another interesting point that Kiley could make to all her various haters is, "I have more money and power than you, so you're jealous."

These Disney Princesses as pin-ups have slightly more realistic curves!

Disney Princess-inspired art is a tale as old as time, and it's a good thing artists keep making it, because I will never get sick of it. Joel Santana is an illustrator and graphic designer who took a badass approach to three of Disney's big-eyed, waif-waisted ladies, and they seem like a lot more fun to hang out with than the original two-dimensional (both in form and depth of character) versions.

Take Belle for example, pictured above. She is getting a tattoo from a stony, beast-looking giant, unflinching while reading a book. Yeah, Belle! Although the pages of the book appear to be blank, she's tough just for maintaining that posture during a session with a tattoo needle.

Ariel used her brand new legs to walk into a tattoo parlor, which she's clearly still getting used to since she's not wearing shoes. It looks like Prince Eric turned out to be a dud and she's ready to get back on the market.

Snow White, having survived a near-death experience, lights a cigarette and expresses herself on the canvass, facing her fears head-on by painting an apple.

So far Joel has only debuted these three drawings, but let's hope there's more to come. Here's some princesses re-imagined as raptors in case you want more Disney Princess art!

So. Many. Bros. 

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert premieres tonight, and as if he hadn't already hosted a late night show for 9 years, his fellow television hosts offered him some advice. You don't realize how many dudes there are in late night until you see them all one after the other in front of a crisp white background. 

Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Larry Wilmore, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O'Brien, Bill Maher, and James Corden offer him pearls of wisdom, and show us just how many late night shows there actually are. Stubbly masculine faces after stubbly masculine face pops up. 2 Jimmys, a John, a James and a Stephen — the late night landscape sounds like your dad's groomsmen! Anyway, congrats Stephen, you fit right in.

Alfredo Guzmán tried to get cute on Twitter, and it may send his dad (briefly) back to jail.

You may remember the man above as Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzmán Loera, Mexico's most notorious drug kingpin and escape artist. His most recent prison break was this past July, when he busted out of a maximum-security jail with the help of a mile-long tunnel and a healthy dose of state corruption. Since then, he's been on the run, and the Federales aren't even sure if he's in Mexico. But after this tweet from his son, they might have a clue.

Jesus Alfredo Guzmán Salazar (this family loves names) must have thought he was being pretty cute by covering up his dad with a giant Groucho mustache, but it couldn't conceal the real mustache underneath. That's obviously El Chapo's lip caterpillar under there. The caption translates into English as, “Satisfied here, you already know with whom." If this seems too obvious, don't assume it's a trick. As former DEA Agent Phil Jordan told CNN, "One of the most intelligent traffickers have been Chapo. His son is not the brightest star on the Christmas tree."

Case in point: the tweet is geotagged as coming from Costa Rica. Did Alfredo reveal his father's location just for the equivalent of a Foursquare check-in? It may not be that simple. Authorities are unsure if "Costa Rica" refers to the Central American nation or a town in Mexico. There is a small town by that name in El Chapo's home state of Sinaloa.

The tag could also be a lie, but don't count on it. Obviously this family doesn't have a lot of respect for Mexico's legal system, and why should they? If El Chapo gets caught again, he'll just escape. Maybe in a giant cake this time.

"Dad Jokes" rhymes with "Bad Jokes" for a reason. 

The folks at Australian Nickelodeon (already a funny premise) released a video in honor of Father's Day, which, Down Under, is the first Sunday in September. As harrowing violin music plays, Innocent children shared their sorrowful tales of cringeworthy humor, from "Hi hungry, I'm Dad!" to "Have you heard about the new movie, Constipation?... It never came out."

No child—nay, no living being— should have to endure this sort of torture. Commenters shared their own, similarly-traumatic experiences. 

Can you imagine going to the Jersey Shore and running into Bradley Cooper? What would you even do?

Sure, at this point, we're all used to hearing about (aka seeing graphic paparazzi photos of) Bradley Cooper and girlfriend Irina Shayk sexily chilling near the sea in Europe. But over Labor Day weekend they really switched it up by sexily chilling near the sea at the Jersey Shore. No one ever saw it coming. Another shocking twist: millionaire Cooper appears to only own one bathing suit.

According to People, the couple and Cooper's mom were spotted at tons of Jersey Shore spots. And Cooper politely and hilariously posed for photos with a lot of waitresses. Like, a lot a lot.

Here he is at Bob's Grill in Ocean City:

And at Richman's Ice Cream in Brigantine:

You pick up a job scooping cones to make a little cash before school starts again, and the next thing you know, nothing is the same.

Life sure is amazing when it hasn't been tainted by life yet.

Automatic garage doors are indistinguishable from magic for the be-diapered populace. This young child's reaction to the door opening up all by itself is so delightful it might make you happy you're in the office after a three day weekend. His perfectly genuine amazement should be used as an example for acting students of all ages.

May this video inspire you to achieve true happiness by shaving off the layers of callous cynicism and enabling you look at the world with the wonder we all had as stinky little runts.

Can't make any blanket statements about this. 

The childhood blanket of an 18-year-old Temple University freshman, Brooke McGlade, was tragically declared missing last week. The city of Philadelphia is now united in search of this beloved item. It was last seen on a local train on Thursday evening as Brooke was headed home for the weekend. Pooh Blanket was last seen in the company of some laundry and a phone charger in a reusable Marshalls' bag, all potentially bad influences on Pooh Blanket away from the supervision of Pooh Blanket's owner. Brooke describes her emotional roller coaster:

"I was shocked at first. I immediately started crying in the car to my sister then I called my mom right away and told her. My mom was like which bag was it my expensive laptop? And I was like no it's worse. It's my Pooh blanket." 

With all that is going on in the world, we're glad that the media's attention and resources are being used for this important cause. If you have any information with regards to the whereabouts of this blanket, please alert the authorities. We pray for Pooh Blanket's safe return home. 

Either eyes means something else in New Zealandian, or this dude is having a major brain fart.

Jeanette Manu asked her fiancé Don what E-Y-E-S spells. For some reason, the synapses in his brain that help him spell the word "eyes" weren't firing. He was dumbfounded. He spelled it out for her, and concluded that it spelled e-yes, as in e (rhymes with see) - yes (rhymes with less). She kept asking him and he kept telling her, "E-YES!" between laughter and frustration. Finally, in a divine act of mercy, she tells him off the hook and tells him that it spells "eyes." He pauses for a moment and then bursts into laughter, telling her to "fuck off" like a true Kiwi.*

*Apparently New Zealanders are called Kiwis. It's not offensive or anything, it's just like a nickname. You learn something new everyday. 

Here's the latest scoop on all the new gadgets you're going to need to be OK with yourself.

Tomorrow is the latest highly-anticipated Apple event. The rumor mill has been churning for weeks, whipping the hordes of Apple fans around the world into a frothy rich applesauce of anticipation. Many exciting new products are expected to be announced, and we have the freshest info on what they may be. These items aren't confirmed, but no matter what Apple announces tomorrow, one thing is for sure: you're going to have to buy them, or else you'll be a pathetic excuse for a human being. Here are the likeliest gadgets:

1. iPhone 6S.

New features:"Force touch" pressure-sensitive screen, 12-megapixel camera with 4K video, lighter and stronger shell.
Why you need it: Your iPhone 6 isn't the newest anymore. Smash it with a hammer and upgrade.

2. iPhone 6S Plus.

New features: All the same features as the 6S with a larger screen.
Why you need it: It's bigger! Get the 6S and smash it and then get this.

3. iPad Pro

New features: Larger 13-inch screen, stylus compatibility.
Why you need it: It's the Pro model. Aren't you a professional? If you have a regular iPad, you're basically unemployed now. Freeloader.

4. Apple TV

New features: Improved remote, voice recognition with Siri, video game capability.
Why you need it: The new Apple TV will cost $149, unlike the current $99 model. That means it has to be 50% better, and that you're a cheap bastard if you don't get it.

5. Siri

New features: Control of household devices (lights, thermostat, etc…)
Why you need it: Your house is old and stupid. You need to replace everything in there so your virtual wife Siri can turn them on for you. If you have a flesh wife, get rid of her. The new Siri is hotter and better.

Security software company Avast processed a sample of Ashley Madison account passwords and it's very revealing.

No one would want strangers peaking into their password history, but considering what else has been revealed about people since cheating website Ashley Madison got hacked, this seems like small potatoes. Very funny small potatoes. Avast didn't process all 36 million accounts, because it would take a gazillion monkeys typing on computers for a billion years, but they did the first million and then released the top 20 passwords chosen by cheating hopefuls. They are:

1: 123456
2: password
3: 12345
4: 12345678
5: qwerty
6: pussy
7: secret
8: dragon
9: welcome
10: ginger
11: sparky
12: helpme
13: blowjob
14: nicole
15: justin
16: camaro
17: johnson
18: yamaha
19: midnight
20: chris

Wow! How has Ashley Madison not gotten hacked sooner?! The best ones might be number 6 and number 13. The user just had to remember what they were looking for on Ashley Madison in the first place. Runners up are anyone who just used their own name. Now, everybody look long and hard at the series of numbers and letters standing between you and getting your identity stolen and make some changes immediately!