Crazy party stories are like adult trading cards. People love swapping tales of stuff they've seen or done on non-sober evenings. A recent Reddit thread asked users to share exactly those stories and, as expected, Redditors had some good tales. Like with a lot of "crazy" stories, there are a great number that are better heard after-the-fact than lived through; nobody wants to share a couch with someone accidentally pooping. Instead of getting way, way too drunk, live vicariously through these 18 raucous stories instead. 

1. Drunk people are easily entertained.

2. Animals want to be celebrated, too.​

3. This party likely got a lot weirder.

4. A creative genius can't be tamed.

5. This one's better without the explanation.

6. Must've taken a long time to clean up this house.

7. So did it live there?

8. It can't be unheard.​

9. He probably didn't wear that costume again.

10. As long as the bananas are okay, it's all good.

10. He must've been proud of himself for that pun.

11. Sometimes parties do result in lasting relationships. 

12. She should've chosen dare. Or not answered truthfully.

13. Why?

14. He had fun and got in a workout. 

15. This guy made his mark.

16. He should bring this back.

17. In a way, this almost makes sense.

18. Vomit warning.

That last guy is a champion. A revolting champion who hopefully has no memory of eating his own puke. 

Oklahoma college student Sherene Zarrabi used to spend her free time working at the Stillwater location of the boutique Dainty Hooligan, where one day she happened to pose for a few photos that her store manager then put on Instagram. When Dainty Hooligan owner Jessica Issler saw these photos, she was not pleased that they appeared on the store's official Instagram. She swiftly reached out to Zarrabi and the store manager via email.

Here's what the owner said in her email: 

Hello,

Something I want to make sure you keep in mind: I want size small, the stereotypical "model" type to model our clothes. Please use our pictures of our models if Stillwater store can't find someone who would be considered "model material". This is not to put anyone down but to communicate the expectations of presenting our brand.

Don't take it personal, all I ask for is really good representation. In exchange for the freedom, I ask you to take down all pictures of anyone that doesn't fit the criteria.

Thanks
Jessica

The images were deleted, but Zarrabi was still able to protest Issler's body discrimination. Zarrabi quit her job and posted the email to Facebook with this message:

This is an email I was forwarded earlier. I just want to start by saying this: I am fully comfortable with who I am and the way I look. I have recently been attacked and discriminated against by the owner of Dainty Hooligan. She went on our stores Instagram and deleted all of the pictures where I was modeling the clothing and then sent this email to my manager. I do not want to respresent or support a business that has such archaic values and beliefs. THIS is the reason young girls have body image issues. This is disgusting. I quit immediately and I suggest that my friends and family do not support Dainty Hooligan. Love yourself, no matter what you look like.

In an ironic turn of events, social media has rallied around Zarrabi.

Despite the obvious disapproval of social media to her email, Issler has stood her ground. In an interview with Ocolly, Issler stated that her intention was not to be "mean or attacking" but to adhere to an "unsaid fashion rule."

Meanwhile, Dainty Hooligan's Instagram continues to maintain a high standard. 

Former Turing Pharmaceuticals Chief Executive Officer Martin Shkreli invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination and refused to answer questions on Thursday from the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. The hearing was on drug pricing, for which Shkreli became notorious when he increased the price of a common drug used for HIV and cancer patients by 5000%.

Since then, Shkreli has leaned into his Internet fame, offering to bail a rapper out of jail and purchasing the sole copy of a valuable Wu-Tang album. As much as he loves to be defiant and talk about rap, he wouldn't even answer a question about the Wu-Tang.

When Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-South Carolina) inquired about his purchase of the Wu-Tang album, Shkreli continued to assert his Fifth Amendment privilege. Gowdy wouldn't drop the issue, insisting that Shkreli could answer some questions, like when Gowdy asked him to confirm the pronunciation of "Shkreli."

Here's the exchange, and a very smug use of constitutional rights:

At one point, Shkreli's lawyer attempted to interject and was promptly told by Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz​ to sit down. Shrkeli was ultimately excused, because there's not much you can do when a sworn witness won't answer any questions.

Perhaps this was a contentious hearing because the House Committee on Oversight already started a Twitter feud with Shkreli:

Not surprisingly, Shkreli responded:

He was also not impressed by the members of Congress, and made certain to let everyone know it after he left the hearing:

The legal proceedings against Shkreli will take a long time to complete. For now, everyone can enjoy that a Republican congressman from the south had to ask about the Wu-Tang Clan during an official hearing. 

A group of "neo-masculinist" Men's Rights Activists have been kicking up an Internet dust storm this past week after their leader, a man named Daryush “Roosh” Valizadeh, announced plans for a meet up in Australia. Despite Australia's continued refusal to acknowledge that blackface is racist, they're fairly progressive on women's issues. Since Roosh has advocated for "legal rape," meaning a rape committed on private property wouldn't be prosecutable, a petition was quickly created to keep him out of the country. To which Roosh replied on Tuesday:

Australia’s Immigration Minister Peter Dutton made a statement that supported the notion that Roosh and his chest thumping basement cretins could be banned, saying:

People who advocate violence against women aren’t welcome in Australia... In the past people advocating violence against women have had their visa refused or cancelled.

Roosh hit back with an illustration that looks like it was created by someone who has been playing Risk by himself in the cafeteria instead of going outside with the other kids at recess:

Then, on Wednesday, the tide turned. There have been so many protests launched and threats of violence that the hateful meet up has been thwarted. The website Return of the Kings, used to organize Roosh's events and sell rape merch, released a statement that his visit to Australia is cancelled:

The statement reads:

I can no longer guarantee the safety or privacy of the men who want to attend on February 6, especially since most of the meetups can not be made private in time.

While I can’t stop men who want to continue meeting in private groups, there will be no official Return of Kings meetups. The listing page has been scrubbed of all locations. I apologize to all the supporters who are let down by my decision.

Oh my gosh, men who want to rape ladies at will because they're so masculine are afraid for their safety? What's a little ultra violence, lads!

The frustrating thing is that Roosh's ultimate goal is to get everyone hearing and reading his name. This has still been accomplished. He's a social media expert: say something insanely inflammatory, have it reported everywhere, and then get lots and lots of attention and book sales. Newscaster Waleed Aly breaks down how outrage is paying Roosh's bills, and what you can do to fight him:

Aly recommends that you "click something else" and instead of going to troll Roosh (or support him, if you're a monster) donate to a women's shelter. Aly suggests Lou's Place in Australia. Or, if you'd rather donate to somewhere closer to home, there's the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Because it makes more sense to feed the organization working to end domestic violence than it does to feed the troll.

New Zealand journalist Hilary Barry had the unfortunate task of reporting on comedy and tragedy, one directly after the other. Barry first read about a court proceeding that was interrupted by what is known in legalese as "an emergency defecation situation." The whole studio cracked up and almost crapped their pants themselves, before having to move on to reporting some seriously tragic news.

At press time, someone had yet to auto-tune, "Today could be the day I lose my job!" into a dance jam.

A group of sisters honored their dog of 16 years—who needed to be put down—in the sweetest way: by recreating their favorite photo of him. In the original photo, the sisters were children and he was just a puppy. Now, they're all grown up. If you're a dog lover, it may make your eyes a little misty. 

In the Reddit thread where this photo was originally posted, other people shared stories of how they said good-bye to their dogs. If you want to have a really good cry at your desk, this one will get you:

Dogs, man.

Dad Stuart Valentino went on the TV show Bodyshockers to have his penis tattoo lasered off. No, it's not a tattoo on his penis, it's a tattooof a penis that he gave himself on the inside of his thigh while drunk one night last year. Great job, buddy! Because you know what they say, a man can never have too many dicks. 

Valentino, a "lorry" (oh, England, you're so cute. That means "truck.") driver from Portsmouth, told The Mirror that he "didn't realize how [the tattoo] would hinder" his life. Valentino's wife reportedly left him because of the tattoo, after realizing that for the rest of their lives together he'd never be able to go swimming with her and their children on "holiday" (vacation). He stated, "It's the worst thing I've ever done and I'm not going to be a proper dad or husband until it's gone." And maybe not even then. Valentino's 17-year-old son told The Mirror, "It's not funny, it's quite awkward to be around, he's just a pleb."

The thing about getting tattoos removed, though, is that it hurts WAY more than getting them in the first place. So this one's going to be a real pain in the dick (what? That's an expression, right? Maybe in England?) either way. Best of luck, Stuart—you're going to need it. In so many ways.

Because of its simplicity, hide-and-seek is a universally played children's game. But when kids start playing the game, they're typically at an age where they struggle with the hiding and seeking aspects. YouTube user Dan Iverson uploaded a video which confirms this. He and his wife put a GoPro on their toddler and watched as their son attempted to find them. There's a lot of looking in open spaces. 

"I love how you can tell he's thinking," the dad wrote in the video. "We were watching the live preview on my phone and laughing so hard."

While the laughing—which sadly cannot be heard in the video—didn't give away the parents, their dog did. Without Ollie the dog, the child might still be looking for his parents.

On Tuesday, Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, posted on her Instagram account about how beautiful her mother is. Demi Moore is 53 and looks incredible, so Rumer is naturally pleased by the genetic jackpot she won at her birth. Her caption celebrates both her mom and her future life as a hot woman of a certain age:

She writes:

That face you make when your mom is flawless and you get stoked to age

This is the emoji Rumer used to illustrate "that face":

Of course, when a photo of a woman is posted to the Internet, the world is going to have an opinion about her looks. People almost immediately began commenting on Demi Moore's use of plastic surgery. Here's Rumer responding to hateful people in the comments (her handle is "ruelarue"):

Rumer Willis was apparently so annoyed by the attacks on her mom, that she had to do this follow up post:

She wrote in the caption:

Necessary reminder to all of the toxic people spreading negativity in my comments. I will not allow the space I have created to share parts of my life with you all to become a breeding ground for people to spread there judgment and hate. If you have nothing nice to say stay out of my comments. It truly makes me sad that we can't just support and give love and help lift each other up instead of putting each other down to quell or own insecurities. #exactly#spreadlove

Do not come for Rumer Willis' mom, anonymous Internet trolls.

You know how sometimes you wake up in the morning wishing there were more Kardashians? If there's no new, salacious Instagram to ogle from Kim, Khloe, Kylie, Kendall, Sleepy, Kourtney, or Sneezy, you can just check out this doppelgänger of Kim instead, who goes by the name of Sonia. Sonia is the vanity mirror image of Kim Kardashian with no actual Kardashian heritage, besides the makeup and duck face.

Sonia and her sister Fyza—a makeup artist—post to the account soniaxfyza. The perfect resemblance might have something to do with the fact that Fyza learned a thing or two about a Kardashian or two from Kim K's makeup artist.

Fyza explains on her blog: "I was the first and the only UK Artist to be trained by Kim Kardashian's makeup artist and my sister (Sonia) was his model."

You can see why she makes a great model for Kim Kardashian's makeup style. 

Perfect. Because the world desperately needs more Kim K. 

Fancy neighbors of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were alarmed on Thursday when they thought their new home had been tagged by graffiti artists. It turns out the busted tag job was done by none other than Kim and Kanye themselves. Their newly purchased home is having work done to its exterior; so the graffiti is temporary:

The wealthy residents of Hidden Hills can now rest easy; the proletariat have not found a way to penetrate their gated enclave. We'll assume Kim and Kanye tagged the front of the home, since Kanye stays away from the backdoor area all together.

Jennifer Lopez and her boyfriend, Beau Casper Smart, did a Dubsmash of "White Girl Anthem" in bed, and J. Lo is not wearing make up in it. She's still a radiant, beautiful, genetically superior woman in this short video, but she does not have elongated eyelashes or particularly defined contours. 

Farewell, No Makeup Selfies. No Makeup Dubsmashes are the new frontier. And next: No Makeup Lip Sync Battle. 

Imgur user theflippist's wife really listens. That's how she remembered an offhand remark from her husband about wanting to try all the weird and unusual Pringles flavors, and surprised him with a birthday party that even a casual Pringles-enthusiast would enjoy. 

He writes:

A while ago I told my wife that someday I thought it would be amazing to have a picnic and have a whole bunch of cans of Pringles to choose from. Sooo...for my birthday, my wife and a friend made the dream come true and got me more Pringles flavors than I ever could imagine. ​

This is definitely one of those birthday parties that seems casual, like it was no big deal to throw together, but actually took many man hours and multiple trips to "Family Dollar, Walmart, Target, Dollar General, many grocery stores, and the Internet." His wife and friend even made theflippist a Pringles Passport to keep track of what flavors he's tried, and recipe cards with suggestions for pairings. 

From Pizza to Dill Pickle to Kickin' Chicken Taco, theflippist had flavors you've never even heard of and probably made a lot of duck faces. The weirdest flavors, naturally, came from Japan. American Caesar Salad Pringles, anyone (on the left, below)?

Theflippist says his favorites were "Honey Mustard, Loaded Baked Potato, Zesty Salsa, Pecan Pie," and a Japanese flavor that would roughly translate as "Mustard Nugget Sauce." Mmm, mustard nugget sauce. 

Now the question becomes: can theflippist make it through all of those half empty cannisters before the chips go stale? 

Self-proclaimed "vaginal kung fu expert," Kim Anami lifts weights using her vagina and encourages other women to do the same. She encourages it so much, in fact, she's made an entire career of being a "sex and relationship coach," and she travels around the world spreading her message about the wonders of vaginal strength. 

Anami, who spends her time in L.A. and Bali when she's not traveling, told The Mirror she works her vagina out several times a week.

To lift objects, she ties them with string to a jade egg she then inserts into her vagina.

She can lift anything from dumbbells and fruit to various objets d'art, and even a surfboard (although that doesn't seem very convenient). 

According to Anami's website, exercising the vagina this way strengthens the pelvic floor, helps with urinary incontinence, increases sexual enjoyment, and allows women to “ejaculate across the room." And yes, in case you wondering, there is a tutorial on her website entitled, "So You Think You Can Squirt?"

Anami dreams of a world where all women are able to shoot ping pong balls out of their vaginas, because it is their "God-given right." 

Messy spurting aside, this whole thing sounds wonderful. What could be better than good sex, less pants-peeing when laughing, and a handy new way to carry your purse? 

But ladies, be careful to use your newfound vaginal martial arts powers for good: you don't want to go around just ripping guys' dicks off, now do you?  

For years, fans of The Big Lebowski (which is, obviously, everyone) have discussed and debated the possibility that Donny—the hapless bowler played by Steve Buscemi—is just a figment of Walter's Vietnam War-addled brain. John Goodman plays Walter as a pretty disturbed and haunted man, after all, and he interacts with Donny far more than The Dude (Jeff Bridges) does, leading people to think that Donny is actually just his memory of a man that died in Vietnam years ago.

But the Coen Brothers, who wrote and directed the film, told The Huffington Post that the theory was bull while promoting their new movie, Hail, Caesar! (the fourth movie in their "Numbskull Trilogy" with George Clooney—after O Brother Where Art Thou, Intolerable Cruelty, and the Burn After Reading—because "only a Numbskull Trilogy could have four parts," according to Ethan Coen):

"Really? No, I haven't heard that," said Ethan Coen while talking with The Huffington Post about the theory. "But doesn't The Dude get covered by Donny’s ashes at the end of the movie?"

"So what's in the urn?" his brother Joel added.

We brought up how some fans think The Dude doesn't really react to the ashes -- others say the ashes are around the whole time and The Dude just goes along with Walter's delusion -- but the "Big Lebowski" creators weren't buying it.

"Well, you could say any of the characters are imaginary if you wanna stretch it that far," Ethan laughed. 

"Ethan just pointed out something that’s very important, which is that all the characters are imaginary. They were all imagined. They don't exist in reality. They were just made up for the movie," Joel added.

So that's that. And oh, don't expect a sequel.

Zoe Perry had just returned from a shopping trip at Woolworths (an Australian grocery chain) when she noticed something terrifying in the packaged salad she purchased. Her video shows a monster spider mixed in with her greens, so she wrote a note to Woolworths on Facebook with a video of the beast: 

 

Hi Woolworths,

Shopping as per usual for Italian Style Salad Mix....get it home....Mum goes to open the packet and we are greeted by....

Is this what's actually behind the "salmonella" callbacks?

Kind Regards,

An arachnophobic family

Spiders, of course, are not related to salmonella recalls of pre-packaged salads, but Australia does have terrifying spiders. Perry should've complained that there was meat in a supposedly vegetarian salad, or that this was worse than the time she bought a big box of cereal at Woolworths only to find a dingo hiding inside, which assumedly also happens in Australia.