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The grisly stories of the utterly forgotten musicians who won Best New Artist at the Grammys.

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Congratulations to this year's Grammy winner for Best New Artist, Meghan Trainor… maybe. Will the singer of "All About That Bass" (and probably other songs) go on to become a superstar like Mariah Carey, Adele, or the Beatles? They all won the award. Or will Trainor be totally forgotten, like so many other Best New Artist winners from history? Check an updated version of this list 10 years from now to find out.


1. Esperanza Spalding (2011)

Yeah, but it's no "baby, baby, baby ooooo baby."

Perhaps the most surprising and obscure Best New Artist winner, her win in 2011 made people go insane on the Internet. Probably because Spalding is a jazz bassist, and she beat acts like Drake, Mumford and Sons, and Justin Bieber. (Beliebers even vandalized her Wikipedia page.) Still, the exposure did her a lot of good. Spalding's 2012 album Radio Music Society reached the top 10 on the album chart and sold 114,000 copies, which is about 113,999 more than most jazz albums. And she won three more Grammys, so she probably doesn't care if you've never heard of her.


2. Shelby Lynne (2001)

She beat Sisqo, and they can never take that away from her.

By the time Lynne won Best New Artist (in a weak year—the competition included Papa Roach and Sisqo), she'd already released five country music albums over the previous 12 years. She won the Grammy after the release of her first rock album. Subsequently, while Lynne has a cult following, she's never had a hit album or single. But she did play Carrie Cash in Walk the Line.


3. Paula Cole (1998)

She's totally wondering about where all the cowboys have gone.

Paula Cole is late 90s nostalgia personified: she's best known for touring with Lilith Fair, and for performing "I Don't Want to Wait," the Dawson's Creek theme song. Cole has an amazing voice, and she won the Grammy over Hanson and Puff Daddy. Her last two albums have been released on 675 Records, a label she started, and she currently teaches singing at the prestigious Berklee College of Music.


4. Marc Cohn (1992)

Columbia House sent you his CD and you never paid for it.

Cohn seems like the kind of singer that wins a lot of Grammys: a soulful white dude behind a piano singing about great American music. Nevertheless, "Walking in Memphis" was a big hit and a great song…and Cohn's only hit. But he made the news in 2005 when he was shot in the head during a failed carjacking. Cohn lived, and was out of the hospital in less than a day. Who knew Marc Cohn was such a badass?


5. A Taste of Honey (1979)

They're still harassed to this day by the Honey Nut Cheerios bee.

After winning Best New Artist over Elvis Costello and the Cars on the strength of their only hit, the disco song "Boogie Oogie Oogie," the group did an English-language cover of the Japanese pop song "Sukiyaki." In 1982, they broke up.


6. Debby Boone (1978)

The author would like to mention that he is not related to Debby Boone.

Debby Boone is a one-hit wonder, but it was a pretty big hit. The daughter of Pat Boone, the squarest square who ever squared, Boone sang the theme song to the forgotten 1977 movie You Light Up My Life, and it spent 10 weeks at #1, a record at the time. In the movie, the song was presented romantically, but Boone claimed that when she sang it, she sang it about God. So while she never had another pop hit, she's had tons in the country and Christian music genres.


7. Starland Vocal Band (1977)

This is what they're best known for today.

"Afternoon Delight," the only hit by the Starland Vocal Band, sounds cheesy, but upon further listening, it's gross! Also, your parents have definitely had sex to it. It's about boning in the afternoon. A few months after the Best New Artist win, this four-part vocal group hosted a short-lived TV variety show, and broke up in 1981. In 1998 the members reunited, and recruited their kids. So now they play county fairs and the like, singing with their own children about having sex in the afternoon.


8. José Feliciano (1969)

That shirt was a cruel prank.

A Latin and jazz guitar virtuoso (and yeah, he was blind), his cover of the Doors' "Light My Fire" sold a million copies, and it basically won him the Best New Artist Grammy. But later that year, his career was derailed because he played "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the World Series in his distinctive style, all slow and soulful, which angered people for some reason. A year later, he released the song that still pays his bills, the Christmas pop standard "Feliz Navidad." But he beats every other obscure Best New Artist winner because he's the only one who had a cameo in Fargo.


9. The Swingle Singers (1964)

"That sure was some orgy, huh guys?"

In 1964, just a few days after the Beatles played on The Ed Sullivan Show for the first time and changed the landscape of American music overnight, the Grammys honoring the music of 1963 took place, showing everyone what the Beatles would blow out of the water. Best New Artist: the Swingle Singers, a European novelty act that took classical music pieces and performed them a capella, but with scatting and jazz elements. (Their first album was actually titled Jazz Sebastian Bach.) They never had a hit single or album, and the original group disbanded in 1973.


These are the companies that sent out the most email spam in 2015 and should therefore die.

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If you’re a purveyor of strong email values such as keeping your inbox at zero, you are probably familiar with this useful app called Unroll.Me that destroys all of your annoying email spam. Unroll.Me also keeps track of that spam, and they recently unveiled the Spammys, an annual list of the most unforgivable email spammers for 2015. 

“As far as the ‘most unsubscribed’ companies, the top three were StumbleUpon (43%), Live Nation (38%), and Goodreads (35%). Twitter was the only company to make both lists, sending an average of 173 emails per user and getting a 35% unsubscribe rate,” Business Insider reported.

https://twitter.com/Unrollme/status/700018670853103617

Sure, Groupon and LivingSocial are great online services to discover sweet deals—like dinner for two at kitsch-y restaurant for you and your Tinder date—but it turns out both companies have the knack for annoying the bejeezus out of you with their relentless emails once you’ve subscribed to them.

Nonetheless, here are the top five companies that won the 2015 Spammy Awards for sending spam email and breaking the platonic relationships they have with their subscribers.

Top 5 spammers

1. Groupon – 388 emails sent on avg per user
​2. LivingSocial – 363 emails sent on avg per user
3. Facebook – 310 emails sent on avg per user
4. Meetup – 199 emails sent on avg per user
5. J. Crew – 175 emails sent on avg per user

Top 5 most unsubscribed companies

1. Groupon – 388 emails sent on avg per user
​2. LivingSocial – 363 emails sent on avg per user
3. Facebook – 310 emails sent on avg per user
​4. Meetup – 199 emails sent on avg per user
5. J. Crew – 175 emails sent on avg per user

You can read the full lists of top spammers and most unsubscribed companies on Unroll.me's site.

A 'Harry Potter' fan created a working Weasley clock that reports his family's whereabouts.

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Among the many items from the Harry Potter world that should exist in real life, the Weasley family clock, which tracks the whereabouts of each family member, has always been a fan favorite. Imitators have created clocks that bear a resemblance, yet fail to capture the true glory of the clock. Finally, however, a muggle has harnessed modern technology (using phone data, according to Nerd Approved) to create a working version of the slightly creepy clock.

Trey Bagley, a college senior, spoke with BuzzFeed about his creation and uploaded a photo album of the entire process to Imgur. The first step involved gutting a clock and designing the reconfigured version.

The potential whereabouts of this Weasley (Bagley?) clock are: Work, Holiday, Home, Forest, On The Way, and Mortal Peril. 

The locations are defined by the family members' phones, which send an alert when they enter or leave a specific area, and other data.

For Bagley, Work is the university library, Holiday is "if the forecast calls for snow," and Mortal Peril is "if the stock of the company I'll be working for next year drops too low." 

Bagley, a computer science major, shared the code he used for the clock on Git Hub.

Lights are triggered to signal the location of each family member on the clock display.

Sadly, there's less movement than in the fictional Weasley clock. 

But Bagley's creation is much cooler than the clocks most families have around (that is, assuming people still even have clocks).

Kim Kardashian uses tape to get her boobs looking awesome under outfits.

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Everyone who has seen Kim Kardashian's unsupported, naked ta-tas (i.e., every man, woman, and horny child in America) knows that her boobs look good all by themselves—but when Mrs. Kanye West walks the red carpet, she revealed yesterday, her ladies get a little extra support in the form of very strong tape.

https://twitter.com/KimKardashian/status/699665868519825408

Wrote Kardashian on her app:

I definitely had to share my tape secret with you guys!! It’s my secret trick to have perfect cleavage in photos. You tape them up so they are super lifted. It takes a little work but trust me it’s all worth it LOL. I’ve used everything from duct tape to packing tape to masking tape and I think that the best I found is gaffer’s tape. It sticks the best! Make sure you don’t have any lotion or oils on when you’re lifting your boobs up with the tape. Just brace yourself for when it’s time to take it off LOL.

Obviously, there's something distracting here: that looks like masking tape, not gaffer's tape. Gaffer's tape is traditionally black and very strong. The reaction from many people toward using gaffer's tape on your skin, by the way, has been "DON'T DO THAT, THAT WILL RIP OFF YOUR NIPPLES." So maybe stick with masking tape if you want to work that Kardashian magic before your next Tinder date.

16 times people didn't realize their microphones were on and wanted to die.

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The microphone is a double-edged sword, allowing you to send your voice across space and time to echo through the ages, and also giving anyone within its range the chance to humiliate themselves in front of the world. Seeing as they're the ones near hot mics all the time, reporters, politicians, and dignitaries seem especially prone to these gaffes—although athletes also seem to have a particular problem with them. Long story short, assume you're always being recorded, and not just by Facebook and the NSA.

1. Rookie anchor A.J. Clemente, who lost his job on his first day. Read his reaction on Twitter here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SL3sZaJ8qiA

2. The mayor of Georgetown, TX went to take a restroom break during a council meeting without removing his mic, and his coworkers loved it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5o7kokc-gw

3. Here's another local news anchor who accidentally let her coworker know what she really thinks. (Loud)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JufBmyfjhB0

4. Perhaps alone on this list, Wisconsin basketball player Nigel Hayes' unintentionally flirting with a stenographer could have been creepy but ends up being pretty adorable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlNpVFxQUtE

5. Do they still let athletes have live mics during games? Because that was a bad idea.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJBW1_DxkrU

6. This 'Call of Duty' player who didn't realize he was serenading his teammates in this deathmatch.

https://youtu.be/K4DG1flAYac

7. Perhaps the most famous incident on this list, alleged definite-murderer Robert Durst has a little chat with himself in the bathroom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLqyFgz86RA

8. Reporter Matt Pieper loses his job after a technical error causes his rant against people on welfare to go on air.

9. It's not that billionaire Alki David didn't know the microphone was on, but he probably didn't expect this reporter to lower her hand to his waist level at exactly this moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJdMFyxd8ps

10. That time conservative commentator Peggy Noonan bashed Sarah Palin's nomination as "political bullsh*t" when she thought she was off the air.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnn5vm6X6Y4

11. That time George W. Bush called a New York Times reporter, well...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rt86dc6EIoY

12. That time Joe Biden congratulated Barack Obama on the passage of Obamacare.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHKq9tt50O8

13. CNN reporter takes her mic into the bathroom and starts trash-talking her sister.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp7QhEeQF_o

14. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is not happy that he had to talk to a woman who complained constantly about Eastern Europeans ruining the country.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbhPWAMx2y0

15. Students running the tech booth don't realize they're broadcasting their reactions to a Sarah Palin speech.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9zmHxGC5eU

16. Prince Charles does not like the BBC reporter who covers the Royal Family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMSzIG4a5cw

Bonus: That time the Polish defense minister mistook a lamp for a mic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO2eTxEBTzQ

Ana Gasteyer 'confirms' conspiracy theory that she's playing the role of Ted Cruz's wife.

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Wake up, sheeple! Ed Chiarni, the "truthteller" behind the conspiracy-unveiling site Wellaware1, uncovered "facts" about Ted Cruz and his wife that will finally explain his appeal to many voters. According to Chiarni, Ted Cruz's wife, Heidi, is a actually character played by former SNL star Ana Gasteyer, who was hired by Lorne Michaels to assume this role.

The most audacious post-SNL career yet.

According to Wellaware1, Cruz himself is also a character—played by the ostensibly deceased Robert Kardashian. That's right, these gentlemen with prominent cheeks and noses are indeed one man. Kardashian did not die of cancer in 2003, according to Chiarni, but rather faked his own death to take on this new life as a Texas politician.

Image

Gasteyer sarcastically confirmed to Gawker that she is indeed entangled in this scheme, but rather than being the ghost of Kardashian, Ted Cruz is a real man:

On the record, I need to state that it is in fact me. But contrary to your article’s assertion, I am unfortunately faux-married to the real Ted Cruz, not Kardashian as you state. I really wish it was a conspiracy, but it is a terrible reality for me and it has been very difficult, as I am angry all the time with my fake, smug husband, and I have to just smile and clap and sometimes touch him. It’s been super gross. Honestly, I’m incredibly relieved that the Truth is finally out so I can go home and take a long shower.

Chiarni holds a lot of theories—sorry, true facts that have yet to be understood by the general public—that the character actors on SNL are indeed playing characters in real life. Most startling is that Tina Fey, among the world's most famous bespectacled brunettes, is also Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords:

Well, it's easy to see how the faces on the left and right are the same person. Also, where does Sarah Palin fit into this?

And Kristen Wiig and her ex-husband have apparently been collaborating past the divorce:

BRIDESMAIDS IS ACTUALLY ABOUT THE ROYAL WEDDING.

As many have suspected, Lorne Michaels' sphere of influence goes beyond comedy and television: this Jewish Canadian immigrant controls the world. 

The Cruzdashian campaign has yet to comment.

NYPD warns: sleeping with your cell phone can result in your face catching fire.

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Here's a fun hypothetical: would you rather not be able to check your cell phone from bed, or would you rather have your face explode into flames while you're sleeping? The NYPD is making thousands of people ask themselves this nearly impossible riddle. No texting in bed, or a face shriveled and blackened after your pillow morphs into a George Foreman grill? It's close, for sure.

https://twitter.com/NYPD33Pct/status/699392033463672832?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

The logic is simple: phones get hot when they charge. Your sheets and pillows are flammable. Put the two together and your precious bed turns into grisly images you see below:

Srsly?
Fire emoji.

While there doesn't seem to be a specific, recent NYC incident to prompt the NYPD's alarming Twitter-PSA, SF Gate adds that in 2015, a teenager's phone did indeed catch on fire, resulting in a flaming pillow and bed.

In that case, Fire Chief David Berardesca said, "It is recommended that you leave these types of devices on a hard surface so the heat can dissipate. The batteries heat up, they could melt—in some case, explode—and cause a fire."

Will this horrifying info change the way you sleep?

Twitter is adding a searchable GIF library, so get ready to be even more distracted.

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In a clear effort to regain its cool status, Twitter is introducing a new GIF tool over the next few weeks. The searchable GIF library can be found next to the photo upload button and should make posting GIFs slightly easier:

https://twitter.com/twitter/status/700002208306171904

Twitter showed off a few choice GIFs along with the announcement:

https://twitter.com/twitter/status/699999260209606656https://twitter.com/twitter/status/699999402962759681https://twitter.com/twitter/status/699999528619905024

Twitter users responded, obviously. For the most part the reaction was positive:

https://twitter.com/Stammy/status/700003094407450624https://twitter.com/LaFeaDelBaile/status/700008989829021697https://twitter.com/rockcock64/status/700024303153213440

But not everyone was impressed:

https://twitter.com/SomeKindaBoogin/status/700026735899742208https://twitter.com/Cae/status/700006541525721092

Others want more changes from Twitter:

https://twitter.com/the1975franta/status/700007532295647233https://twitter.com/cezanneab/status/700003353397301248

Seriously, when will that happen?


Adoption agencies are looking for volunteers to cuddle babies, if you can handle the cuteness.

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You may never get hired as a panda hugger, but your hugs are needed for the next-cutest animal: human babies. Adoption agencies are apparently looking for people to lovingly foster infants for a couple of weeks at a time before they go onto their new adopted parents, ABC News reports. The job sounds like the cutest (and possibly most intense) babysitting job imaginable. Says one volunteer:

"My job is to make the baby feel safe and loved 24-7," she added. "I hold them all the time. I talk to them. I sing to them. We play music. And I get so much joy and pleasure. I feel so good when I'm with an infant that I hope that it does ... something for them, too."

This will put your rent-a-baby schemes out of business!

Typically, volunteers take care of newborns for two to four weeks after undergoing a lengthy background check, according to ABC, and all the baby's expenses are paid for. And hey, if it turns out you hate dealing with a screaming baby for two weeks, if nothing else, it's effective birth control.

Tennessee sheriff blames Beyoncé for shots fired outside his home.

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On Monday, Rutherford County Sheriff Robert Arnold said that shots fired outside his home in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, may have been due to Beyoncé's Super Bowl halftime show. Several shots were heard (and six bullets were later found on the ground), and Sheriff Arnold told his family to get on the floor. He says when he looked outside, he saw a grey Nissan Altima drive off. No one was hurt. After the incident, Sheriff Arnold reported that he instantly thought of Beyoncé's video, and  he called a press conference to discuss it:

That’s actually what I thought about. Once I kind of figured everything out, you know, with everything since the half[time show] at the Super Bowl and with law enforcement as a whole. I mean I think we've lost five to seven officers. Five deputy chairs since Sunday’s Super Bowl. You know that’s what I'm thinking, you know, here’s another target on law enforcement... you have Beyonce's video and how that's kind of bled over into other things it seems like about law enforcement.

Some law enforcement agencies and former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani have stated that Beyonce's song "Formation" and her halftime show, which featured berets and salutes reminiscent of the Black Panther party, were an attack on police officers, and some concerned citizens even spent their valuable time on an anti-Beyoncé protest. The music video released for the song also contained themes and imagery of a flooded New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, and Beyoncé on the roof of a submerged police car.

Sheriff Arnold clarified his remarks in an email on Tuesday:

My comments reflect the violence and senseless killing of seven deputies in the U.S. since the show aired. My comments are an observation of the violence that has occurred but in no way is meant to offend anyone.

https://youtu.be/gYUjXJ00I6Y

There have been five police officers shot dead by criminals since the Super Bowl (two died in a helicopter crash, which may be where Arnold got his figure). Almost all were responding to calls of armed individuals or serving "no-knock" warrants.

Arnold's email also included a link to The National Sheriff's Association's website with the following information: "The senseless killing of four law enforcement officers just this week — on the heels of the anti-police “entertainment” at the Sunday Super Bowl halftime show — reminds us that the men and women in law enforcement take a solemn oath that includes putting their lives on the line every day to protect our citizens."

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'TODAY' took a behind-the-scenes look at the 'Fuller House' set, making you realize how small the Tanners' couch is.

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In advance of Fuller House's premiere on Netflix in nine days, TODAY visited the set of the nostalgiagasm TV show and interviewed the cast about what it's like to be back on the Tanners' tiny couch. One takeaway? That couch is perhaps the least-believable part of this new show. In the video, John Stamos cracks that it's not that the couch is small; it's that they've all gotten larger. But come on: if the Tanners and crew can afford to keep living in a house this large in San Francisco, one of the most expensive cities in America, they can afford to buy a damn sectional. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koQ9fncYkgY

Or maybe the Fuller House season arc is about everyone admitting they're in horrible, crushing debt. That sounds like fun.

Everything about this video of a T-Rex riding a fancy horse dribbling a giant ball is wonderful.

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People have been real into these T-Rex suits lately; they're basically the new horse mask. And it's with good reason: T-Rexes running around doing silly sh*t is hilarious. But it's taken to a new level in this video from Gascon Horsemanship. They could have just made a video of a T-Rex on a horse, and that would have been entertaining enough. But this is a T-Rex riding a horse while the horse kicks a giant soccer ball. And at one point the horse makes a very pleasing clomp-clomp noise on a wooden clomp-comp horsey track (pretty sure that's the technical term). Oh, and the T-Rex also carries the American flag. Enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzzC5YoMTrY

Woman's story sparks online fight over whether you can ever correct someone else's awful kid.

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On ITV's This Morning program in Britain Wednesday morning, broadcaster and mother of two Sally Jones recounted episodes (video below) in which she confronted a teen driver over littering and a child who was kicking the back of her seat in a theater—and it's caused a very boisterous row on Twitter in response. Before getting to the backlash against ever correcting someone else's child (and the equally-vocal supporters who think nasty kids and terrible parents shouldn't get a free pass), here's what was said.

https://twitter.com/itvthismorning/status/699909031415148545

Ms. Jones first recounted an incident that seems cut and dry, aside from the risk she took upon herself. She said she pulled up to an intersection and saw the teenaged driver ahead of her dump fast food wrappers out of the car, "I just saw red when I saw a teenager in the car in front empty their fast food meal out of the window." Jones then recounted that she got out, picked up the litter and handed it "back through the window saying, "you seem to have dropped something."" This did not go over well with the teen's mom, who, shockingly, was sitting right next to the offender. The mom began screaming and cursing, and Jones' own daughter, who was in her car, later said "you must be mad, there could have been knives and guns."

This Morning host Ruth Langsford admitted that she had had her own moments of correcting children, like when she saw a five-year-old knocking all the shoes off the rack in a store. Langsford told the child "I wouldn't do that if I was you, the ladies will have to put them all back and will be cross," which seems rather polite, but this is Britain so maybe it was horribly offensive. That kid's mom thought so, anyway, and literally screamed at Langsford "How dare you talk to my child?!" Langsford said she thought the mom was about to "headbutt" her. 

This was not the incident that sparked the real online backlash, however. That came from Jones telling a story about being in a theater where a child was kicking the back of her seat. After turning around to look at the kid and finding that unsuccessful in curbing his kicking, she addressed his mom, saying "do you mind controlling him, it is getting annoying." This mom didn't get angry back, but rather seemed nonchalant about the entire thing. "Oh, he gets bored in the theater," the kicking child's mother responded. 

https://twitter.com/itvthismorning/status/699909623269220352

Once the story went online and asked people what they thought, things got intense. A poll on the show's website was strongly against ever talking to another person's child, with 74% of respondents saying no, you should never do that. On Twitter, the responses fell into many different categories: 

1. Teachers saying that they had to constantly parent other people's children, so they didn't see the big deal.

https://twitter.com/debzyellowsub/status/699914118267011072https://twitter.com/weirdoinLeeds/status/699911221219164160https://twitter.com/SweetGem14/status/699909950320078848

2. People saying it was their biggest irritation when anyone spoke to a child.

https://twitter.com/gem1983gemma/status/699869242590654464https://twitter.com/rockensam89/status/699880452153335808

3. People saying that modern parents and children are awful and need a stern talking-to.

https://twitter.com/Gideon_Allen/status/699910120453599233https://twitter.com/ChelseyNVOXO/status/699909896372887552https://twitter.com/yayitschlo/status/699909411469463552https://twitter.com/MissEmmaC83/status/699909205034209280https://twitter.com/mamamountjoy/status/699885443253460992

4. People who won't discipline others' children but still hate bad parents.

https://twitter.com/Filthy_Paws/status/699925095196786689https://twitter.com/RachelLucy/status/699876630605471744https://twitter.com/Lozzfoyster/status/699909154127921152

5. People concerned that a child who seems to be horribly misbehaving might actually have an autism spectrum disorder.

https://twitter.com/JodieVivienMoly/status/699909797047640064https://twitter.com/MrsMumsie/status/699909224822874112https://twitter.com/Ruthless1984/status/699868734819864576https://twitter.com/gembobss/status/699909117574561793

This fight seems particularly related to the kicking incident, as trouble sitting still or having a public meltdown is a common struggle for those children, and of course no one wants to humiliate a child with a disability. Perhaps the choice of hashtag, #KidsKickingOff, pushed the argument in this direction, because this final camp seemed to come out on top in the Twitter fight.

And they have a totally valid point, although it is equally true that children without any disorders are capable of misbehaving and a lot of parents, well, are not great parents. In the end, as with most online fights, nothing really got decided except that everyone was angry. There aren't any disorders that seem to cause littering at stoplights, of course, but the specter of accidentally shaming a child with a disability is a scary one. What do you think?

13 celebrities you didn't know had nipple piercings.

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What do you do if you're a celebrity and you've shown your jugs off so much that everyone's like, "Yawn, what else you got?" Drop everything and go get those nips pierced, of course. Sure, there are plenty of other ways to get attention, like donating money to charity, having a Twitter meltdown, or riding a hoverboard through Times Square while engulfed in flames (just a suggestion). Here are 13 celebs who've blinged out their bodies in an attempt to say "Hey pal, my eyes are down here."

1. Lenny Kravitz has his nips pierced. You probably didn't even realize that since you were so distracted by the fact that he has showed everyone his pierced dong when his pants popped open last summer. 

Hate to be in line behind him at the airport. 

2. Kylie Jenner got her nipples pierced, ruining it for anyone who is truly into piercings. 

https://twitter.com/_CelebNewsFeed_/status/585548965820690432

3. Everyone got pretty mad when Janet Jackson showed her nipple piercing while they were watching a football game that one time.

Birth of the beloved term "wardrobe malfunction."

4. It might be a little hard to look at Debra Jo Rupp (aka Eric's Mom on That 70's Show) the same way again after this. 

https://twitter.com/manlystuff69/status/692169644493381632

5. Music trivia fun fact:  Rihanna's song "Bitch Better Have My Money" was originally titled "Bitch Better Have My Money So I Can Buy More Nipple Rings." 

https://twitter.com/36NGcom/status/616288321136889857

6. When Christina Aguilera was in her "Dirty" phase, she had a bunch of foreign objects put in her body, including nipple and vaj rings. 

"Dirty" Christina > "Genie in a Bottle" Christina > The Voice Christina

7. What do we have here? Neil Patrick Harris with a nipple ring. Dang, Doogie Howser has a wild side.

https://twitter.com/xolondon/status/366352006996176898

8. Colton Haynes is best known for his role in the MTV reboot of Teen Wolf. He must have really howled when he got that needle shoved in his nip nip. (Get it?)

https://www.instagram.com/p/_NH8dqDTEf/?taken-by=coltonlhaynes

9. Kristen Stewart got her nipples pierced just to see if she could learn a new facial expression. 

When bae is the last to know about your nip holes.

10. Kendall Jenner wasn't going to let her little sister get all the attention. She got her nip pierced as well, then bragged to anyone who'd listen that it was her idea in the first place.

https://www.instagram.com/p/9rShacDo5W/?taken-by=kendalljenner

11. Singer Christina Milian got her nipples pierced on a reality show. Who says there's nothing quality on TV anymore?

https://twitter.com/BainDaily/status/557371208971202560

12. Rock star Dave Navaro joins Tommy Lee and Dennis Rodman on the list of "dudes you are not at all surprised have nipple rings."

Even more painful than breaking up with Carmen Electra. 

13. Kanye's ex and Twitter shamer Amber Rose has her nipples pierced. Pretty sure Dr. Phil will be next. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAPsf6aEq8Q/?taken-by=amberrose

People should pierce whatever they want, no judgments here. Unless it's Harrison Ford's ear, then ew.

NO!

The worst contributions to pop culture from the 2016 presidential candidates.

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All of the people running for president from both major parties are old and have been in politics for a long time. That means they've made a lot of pandering attempts to get voters to like them (or at least to raise their profile). It's almost categorically a disaster when politicians write frivolous books, star in movies, or just try to be funny, but they keep doing it. Here are the most offensive examples:


1. Bernie Sanders had a bit part in an indie movie.

He looked even more like Larry David back then.

Bernie is so chill and generous that he's totally the kind of friend who will show up and do a part in your indie movie in exchange for pizza. In the 1999 movie My X-Girlfriend's Wedding Reception, a film about an Italian-Jewish wedding, Sanders played Rabbi Manny Shevitz (get it?!?!?!). Debbie Gibson is in, too.


2. Donald Trump's award-winning role.

It was so long ago, he looked almost human.

Ghosts Can't Do It is a 1989 film starring Bo Derek, directed by her elderly husband John Derek. Appropriately, it's about an elderly man who kills himself when he can no longer bone his young wife, then becomes a ghost to help her run his business empire. Trump plays himself, or at least a vaguely misogynistic tycoon who seems a lot like him. The movie won four Razzies, including Worst Supporting Actor for Trump.


3. Ben Carson was in that Matt Damon conjoined twins movie.

"Brains. Delicious brains."

The former neurosurgeon played "Head Doctor" in Stuck On You, the 2003 Farrelly Brothers movie that was tasteless and weird even for the Farrelly Brothers. Watch for him in an upcoming debate to remark on how he once split conjoined twins, forgetting that it was in a movie.


4. Ted Cruz's Simpsons reel.

"Ah jeez, can't you help out ol' Gil?"

Last summer, the Texas senator's campaign attempted to appeal to the Young People with a video proving that Cruz is just a regular human who enjoys regular human things, likeThe Simpsons. His impressions of Simpsons characters are almost as good as your high school best friend's, which is to say: terrible.


5. Hillary Clinton's book of letters to animals.

Only Socks knows the truth about Vince Foster.

Way more embarrassing than leaked emails or Benghazi is Clinton's 1998 book Dear Socks, Dead Buddy: Kids' Letters to the First Pets. Clinton edited this compilation of 50 letters sent by real (and real lonely) kids to Socks and Buddy, the cat and dog (respectively) who lived in the White House while she was First Lady.

The book was produced at the behest of publisher Simon & Schuster, looking for a sequel of sorts to Millie's Book, a book written by previous First Lady Barbara Bush from the point of view of her cocker spaniel. In other words, doing this book was just another chunk of First Lady BS Clinton had to endure before becoming a senator.


6. Jeb Bush's book of shame.

"This backdrop is scarlet, like my favorite letter in my favorite book."

Mimicking the idea, if not the title, of John F. Kennedy's Profiles in Courage from 40 years earlier, Jeb Bush co-wrote a book called Profiles in Courage when he first ran for Florida governor in 1994. In addition to stories about anti-big government conservatives and a probably apocryphal tale about a person who donated their grand prize-winning McDonald's Monopoly ticket to St. Jude's Children's Hospital, the book contains "The Restoration of Shame." In it, Bush waxes on about how great the old days were, particularly how people back in this unspecified era embraced shame.

Society needs to relearn the art of public and private disapproval and how to make those who engage in undesirable behavior feel some sense of shame…

There was a time when neighbors and communities would frown on out-of-wedlock births and when public condemnation was enough of a stimulus for one to be careful. Infamous shotgun weddings and Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter are reminders that public condemnation of irresponsible sexual behavior has strong historical roots.



7. John Kasich hates Fargo.

Average voter.

​Kasich hasn't given much to the culture, because he doesn't like a lot of it. In his 2006 book Stand for Something, he said that he rented Fargo and was offended by the part where (SPOILER ALERT) Steve Buscemi winds up in a wood chipper. So, being a champion of liberty and free enterprise, Kasich tried unsuccessfully to get the movie banned from his local Blockbuster.

This week's 11 funniest observations about wine.

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In case you feel you need an excuse, today is National Drink Wine Day—so you're absolved of all responsibilities to anyone and anything except your wine glass. Enjoy these 11 tweets about wine, then start thinking your own wine-thoughts with a bottle from SomeWine

1. 

https://twitter.com/mitskileaks/status/699752802080464900

2. 

https://twitter.com/Gingerhazing/status/699732755740020736

3. 

https://twitter.com/BuffaloGrlProbs/status/699599206185623553

4. 

https://twitter.com/theshantilly/status/699439471666688000

5.

https://twitter.com/DanWilbur/status/699396720388608000

6.

https://twitter.com/13spencer/status/699356887775481856

7.

https://twitter.com/SwiftOnSecurity/status/699315194569162752

8.

https://twitter.com/myqkaplan/status/699279812997836800

9.

https://twitter.com/AlisonLeiby/status/699060756499849219

10.

https://twitter.com/girlontapas/status/698940103650119680

11.

https://twitter.com/CarrieMcCrossen/status/698910487283679234

Farewell

Birthday

7 wine hacks to make your friends think you know anything about wine.

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It's National Drink Wine Day, and while most people enjoy a glass of delicious wine, fully embracing the World of the Grape can be daunting. There's so much to learn: which variety is which, which year is the best, how to get wine stains out of your yoga pants, what "vintner" means… It's enough to make anyone give up.

Drinking wine outdoors is a great way to save on rent.

But never fear! Your wine-loving friends at Someecards have compiled a list of handy and easy wine hacks you can use to impress your friends. Read this list and you'll be pouring, sipping, and spitting like a oenophile* in no time.

*wine guy

1. Need to chill your wine quickly? You must have had a rough day. Anyway, there's a solution.

There's nothing like a cool glass of wine after a long day of not drinking wine.

Wrap the bottle in a damp paper towel or linen towel and stick it in the freezer for 15 minutes. If you have 20 minutes to spare, fill a bucket with ice, cover the ice with water, add salt, and stick your bottle in there. It'll work even better, although you will lose five precious minutes of wine time. Like everything in life, it's a compromise.

2. Enhance your wine's flavor by blending it.

You could also just blend grapes and wait a few years, but that's probably a bad idea.

Dedicated wine lovers will tell you to open your wine and let it breathe before drinking. Those old farts need to learn about power tools. You can quickly aerate a whole bottle by chucking it in a blender at high speed for 30 seconds. It will bring out the flavor of the wine, and also scare off any nearby dogs that might distract you from drinking it.

3. Don't have a corkscrew? Too old-fashioned to buy screw-top wine? Time to go​ McGyver on that bottle.

"F*********ck!"

If you have a screw, a screwdriver, and a hammer, you can open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew. Just follow this handy video guide:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0E6Ok0-MP0

Congratulations! You just used three tools to do the job of one! Like a true craftsman. Maybe next time, you should invest in a corkscrew. Or stop lying to yourself and buy screw-top wine. It's 2016.

4. Did you screw up that hammer trick and break the cork? Of course you did. But you don't have to drink cork.

Necessity is the mother of invention. Wine is the father.

Breaking the cork can be a tragic experience. Nothing ruins a date like having to pick bits of wood out of your teeth before you can make out. But pouring the wine into the glass through a coffee filter will make it as good as new! You probably still won't get to first base, but not for lack of trying.

5. Clean up wine stains with wine. It's like fighting fire with fire, but WINE!

You also need salt. Even wine's magic has limits.

How many times have you panicked after kicking a glass of red wine off your nightstand and splattering it all over the clothes spread across your bedroom floor? Zero? Well then you don't have much in common with the author of this article, who did that this week. But if he had known this hack then, he might not be wearing wine-stained clothes as he types this.

Next time you spill red wine on fabric, immediately blot it up with a rag. Then sprinkle table salt on the stain, and rinse it with club soda. But here's the magic part. Rinse with white wine before the stain sets to lift it out lickety-split. If you don't have white wine handy, then shame on you.

6. Don't throw out your leftover wine. OK, that was never going to happen. But you don't have to drink it if it's stale. You can use it for cooking.

Try not to weep as you watch the alcohol boil away.

Drinking wine is great, but sooner or later you'll have to eat food. And leftover wine, whether white or red, is perfect for adding flavor to your favorite recipes (no, not cereal). Toss some into your pasta or stir-fry and enjoy. Plus you can drink some when no one is looking.

7. Freeze grapes to use as wine ice cubes.

https://www.instagram.com/p/8J9xvblBhg/

White wine is traditionally enjoyed cold, and some prefer red this way too. No judgment. But ice cubes melt, causing your wine to become watered-down and taste like something you'd be served on an airplane. The logical solution is to freeze some grapes (nature's water balloons) and dunk those in your glass to keep it cool. Even when they thaw, they won't dilute the flavor because, fun fact: wine is made from grapes. You can even eat the wine-infused grapes once your glass is done for a sweet, boozy treat. Finally, science is useful.

So there you have it! Seven handy tips to drink wine like a genuine wine guy. Commit these to memory, and you'll be the envy of all your friends. And in the end, that's what drinking wine is all about: making people jealous.

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