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You don't need to know NASCAR to be delighted by this video of a driver surprising a fan.

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After winning two STP 500 races at Martinsville this past Sunday, NASCAR driver Kyle Busch continued to win at life by surprising one fan on the road. In a video post, Busch pulled up next to Darienne Breazeale's car, rolled down his window, and simply said, "Sup."

It only took that one syllable for Breazeale to squeal with utter joy. Take a look at the delightful moment, below:

https://www.facebook.com/KyleBusch/videos/10153513126362129/

Later, Breazeale found the post and you can practically hear her squealing in this comment:  

Darienne Breazeale: Im the one in the video Kyle!! You absolutely made my life! I couldn't have asked for anything better to happen to me!! I am your absolute biggest fan and always will be! It was amazing to see you win twice this weekend!!! Absolutely amazing!!

Kyle Busch: Darienne Breazeale safe travels, email when u can.

Surprises are only as great as the reactions they get, and Kyle Busch totally nailed it.


Khloé Kardashian has a 'sex calculator' to figure out how many calories she burns knocking boots.

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According to her website, Khloé Kardashian is so into fitness that she's even figured out how many calories a person burns during sex. Us Weekly posted this important fitness information taken from the reality star's website (which can only be viewed if you have a subscription).

Kardashian, the author of Strong Looks Better Naked, wrote on her site: “I even found this ‘sex calculator’ that tells you exactly how many calories are burned between the sheets based on your gender, weight, position, style (‘slow,’ ‘frisky’ or ‘fast and furious,’ haha) and time frame.”

How many calories does eating burn, though?

First of all, know that Khloé is not into your basic boring missionary position. “I’m not a missionary girl, and I don't belong in a missionary!!! LOL, maybe I'd be more into this position if it was more of a workout, but missionary burns way more calories for men – somewhere between 100-300 in an hour!”

So what positions does she like? According to Us Weekly, Kardashian “won’t say no to doggy style” (but she doesn't say if that's just with anybody who asks, or...) but she actually prefers “reverse cowgirl” which will “not only get the job done, it'll give your core a hardcore workout!”

Okay, but there are still so many unanswered questions. This sex calculator, is it solar-powered or battery operated? Is it sticky? Can it double as an actual sex toy? How does Fitbit handle sex data? Should you mix up your sex routine to make sure you're working out all your muscles? Assuming you eat 1200-1500 calories a day, how many hours of non-stop sex would you have to have each day before you saw significant weight loss? Oh, and how about crying after sex, how many calories does that burn?

Anyway, seems like a reasonable idea. And at least you don't have to go to the gym. Unless you're sleeping with someone there, too.

Article 45

11 real and hilarious Amazon reviews for sex toys that are the opposite of arousing.

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You can buy nearly anything online these days, and there are always lots of customer reviews to help inform your purchases. This includes sex toys, and there are all sorts of weird sex toys out there. Lots of people experiment with kinky sex toys. Some of them happen to be serious online shoppers who leave a whole bunch of hilarious reviews on Amazon.

1. Doc Johnson Belladonna's Magic Hand 

This is terrifying. If a sex toy bends it makes sense, but saying it "runs away" sounds like it came to life and tried to escape the horror it was about to experience. If a sex toy tries to run away from you, just let it go.

2. Pamvia Waterproof Handheld Wireless Vibrating Personal Massager

Fortune favors the bold, but it also sends them to the hospital. The best part about this review and product is that this personal massager isn't even necessarily a sex toy.

3.  SLAVE Steel DELUXE 15.5" Spreader Bar With Strict PVC Leather HANDCUFFS CUFFS ~ RESTRAINTS WITH PADLOCKS

How on earth would you use novelty sex slave handcuffs for something else?

4. Meili bondage Restraints Fetish Fantasy Series Position Master with Cuffs

It sounds like RocketMan might be using this thing incorrectly with his wife, as the image shows nothing going in the model's mouth. But congrats to him on not having a "skinny pole."

5. OptiSex Satin Love Double Strap Blindfold Eye Mask

That's an excellent point. A satin blindfold could make for excellent naps. There's nothing in the rule book that says you have to use this product for kinky sex.

6. Edible Thong - Strawberry And Chocolate

The war against gluten has made it all the way to edible underwear. As for the full nutritional value of an edible thong, yes, there are more likely healthier snacks out there.

7. VSVO Men's Mankini Swimsuit Thong

Was the gym teacher pleasantly surprised or angrily surprised? That's an important distinction. That thong probably dissolves the second water touches it, so hopefully he didn't get in the pool.

8. Luxury Heavy Duty Indoor Swing w/ Steel Triangle Frame and Spring

Wow, let's hope she's OK. Sustaining injuries from a sex swing will put a quick end to an evening of trying to spice things up in the ole' marriage.

9. Fetish Bondage System Couple Connected Anal's Plug Kit with Tail

Notice how is says "anal plug?" Also the rating system is out of five, so it looks like Chris was trying to give half a star. Chris doesn't know how anal plugs or Amazon reviews work.

10. PicoBong TANO 2 Premium-Grade Silicone Vibrating Butt Plug

They bought the product, they can use it however they want (and give us this hilarious review for our enjoyment). Hopefully they exclusively use it just for coffee, and not additionally for its intended purpose.

11. Moonight 32-foot 10m Long Soft Cotton Rope

This reviewer probably means that the delivery of the product was quick, but you never can tell. Either way it's a satisfied customer.

Some of these reviewers sound like pros, some sound like amateurs, and some were just having some fun with the Internet (and themselves). Whatever the case, be careful, do your research, then leave a hilarious review for everyone to enjoy.

A hairless guinea pig has 40k Instagram followers and a girlfriend. How’s your life going?

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Ludwik, a one-year-old hairless guinea pig who lives in Poland with his owner Agata Nowacka, is now an internet sensation thanks to his Instagram account and fantastic modeling chops. At first, you may be confused as to why you find a hairless rodent so adorable, but the more you look at his pictures the cuter he becomes.

 

According to The DodoLudwik was suffering from a fungal infection, pneumonia, and conjunctivitis when Nowacka adopted him from a local pet store. It took poor Ludwik about six months to recover. Now he's back on his little pink feet and taking the world by storm.

 

The hairless rodent now lives the life you wish you had. He has over 40k followers on Instagram, spends his days lounging around and eating, and even has a girlfriend—another hairless guinea pig named Rachel. 

Although Ludwik has it all going for him—fans, fame, girls—he still has one big vice. Food.

You can keep up with your new best friend Ludwik by following him on Instagram

'Crazy Jewish Mother' Instagram collects the guilt-tripping, engagement-obsessed texts of a neurotic Jewish mom.

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There are three important things to know about Kate Siegel: she is not married, she has a mother, her mother is Jewish. For Siegel, these three facts result in her mother, Kim Friedman, constantly hounding her about her love life, usually via text message. While Friedman's texts to her 20-something daughter are rather ridiculous and give fuel to all the stereotypes about Jewish moms, they are also painfully relatable to all sorts of young people.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCtzidJk-Al/

Over the last year or so, Siegel (who is dating someone her mother calls Superjew) has gained fame on Instagram for collecting her text exchanges with her mom under the Crazy Jewish Mother moniker.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BC3W6GOk-JV/

And now, Siegel has released Mother, Can You Not? It's a book celebrating/commiserating over her strong relationship with her mother.

In celebration of the new book and helicopter moms everywhere, here are 16 texts that best exemplify Friedman's parenting style.

Like many moms, Kim Freidman is full of fashion advice. Most of this advice, though, has a very specific goal in mind.

https://www.instagram.com/p/vWiRefLveN/https://www.instagram.com/p/BCy1qutLvYc/https://www.instagram.com/p/BCd-uxBrvfa/https://www.instagram.com/p/vLnJvULvaz/https://www.instagram.com/p/vJfyYGLvWE/

Siegel may have a boyfriend, but that doesn't stop her mom from seeing if there's someone else—who is more likely to propose—for her daughter.

https://www.instagram.com/p/yXT-gILvb7/https://www.instagram.com/p/BBDvduDLvWN/?taken-by=crazyjewishmom&hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/p/-SC1E6Lvay/

Most of the time, Friedman is reminding her daughter that she will be much happier once a ring is on Siegel's finger.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBv92xmLvd0/https://www.instagram.com/p/BByCNhzLvaY/https://www.instagram.com/p/BByh1D8LvSc/https://www.instagram.com/p/BCf21_Hrvdd/

But Friedman's end goal is for her daughter to give birth to a new generation of Jewish babies Friedman can smother with love.

https://www.instagram.com/p/yEyJeXLvQd/https://www.instagram.com/p/_IiCY_LvXP/https://www.instagram.com/p/-HOINHLvX6/https://www.instagram.com/p/BDBY09SLvTs/?taken-by=crazyjewishmom&hl=en

It's nice that the mother and daughter have such an open relationship.

Jodie Sweetin discusses her past drug use on 'DWTS.' Everyone loves a comeback story.

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On the April 4 episode of Dancing With The Stars, Full House actress Jodie Sweetin opened up about her past struggles with drug and alcohol abuse for DWTS's “Most Memorable Year” segment. Sweetin, now five years sober, has been public about her rough years following a career as a child actor on Full House. A resurgent 90s star with a dramatic back story makes for excellent reality TV.

She detailed how hard it was when the show she grew up on abruptly ended:

It was a huge shift in my life. Everything I had known from the time I was five years old suddenly ended and it was like saying goodbye to a family I had loved very, very much. At such a young age it really was a huge loss for me, I didn't know how to grieve.

Her life is now kept quite busy by two kids and her fiancé, Justin Hodak. Plus, of course, the Fuller House reboot.

From cutting lines to cutting a rug.

Sweetin really made everyone cry when she brought her mom into it:

I remember my mom saying that when I was little, I had this light that shined really big, and that she had watched my light become very dark. And I just remember my mom saying to me, 'Your light shines again.' So, through doing this dance, I get to shine again.

If she needs help, she need look no further than the lyrics from the original Full House theme: When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home. Everywhere you look. Chip-a-dee-ba-ba-dow.

Backstreet Boy Nick Carter finally broke his silence on his bar fight arrest. Silence may have been better.

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Backstreet Boy Nick Carter has broken his silence (was he being silent about it? Did anyone really notice?) about being arrested in Florida after an alleged bar fight in January. Sort of. In an interview with Access Hollywood released on April 4, Carter talked not so much about his arrest as around it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UkR1-6DXkI

The alleged bar brawl and resulting arrest are referred to by Access Hollywood as "a little bump in the road." Carter agreed, saying, "Things definitely don't always turn out the way you plan it." When asked how he broke the news to his wife, Carter said, "My wife is extremely supportive with me. Even when I was down there, she was like, 'Go have a good time, enjoy yourself.'"

Which sounds a lot like he's saying his wife gave him permission to get drunk and rough up a bouncer, because what else could "enjoy yourself" mean?

He still looks pretty cute, even in a mug shot. 

When Access Hollywood asked Carter if his arrest was a "wake-up call" for him, he replied with a lot of words put together into sentences that somehow don't really say anything at all:

Absolutely, we are all human, we act that way sometimes. For me it's always about learning from my mistakes, and learning from things that might not necessarily be mistakes. Little hiccups, and things that can happen in our life. I'm very aware of everything that's going on around me and know what I have to do to be the best I can be.

Wow, nicely done! Maybe Nick Carter should consider a career in middle management, where talking a lot but basically saying nothing is truly an art.

Related: Guy gets arrested, posts Trip Advisor-style review of his cell. For some reason the cops don't love it.


Article 39

People shared the worst bridesmaid horror stories they've ever witnessed.

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Weddings are a volatile mixture of feelings, spending a lot of money, and immense pressure to make sure everything goes right on the best and most stressful day of your life. You’d think inviting your friends to help usher you into married life would be a good idea. But it’s not. Here are the worst bridesmaid horror stories from the people of Reddit.

Look at the one in the yellow. You know she's about to start some sh*t.

1. alTHORber recounts a tale of bridesmaids that is straight out of Bridesmaids.

Since the wedding wasn't until Saturday, my friend and her bridesmaids, along with some other ladies that she knew, decided that they were going to go out and have a girls day on the Friday. They went out, had sushi and drank, all day and into the night. Come Saturday the bridesmaids and the bride are all hungover and miserable, and some of them weren't feeling too well. One of the bridesmaids tried to trust a fart at some point during the short ceremony, and shit her dress. Apparently the sushi that they had eaten was a little out of it's prime. A bunch of other bridesmaids and ladies that were in attendance were sick as well.


2. BitChick witnessed both a bad bridesmaid and a badass minister.

In the late 80s (the days of big hair with lots of hairspray) I was at a wedding where a bridesmaid stepped back a little too close to a candle and then "poof" her hair lit up in flames. The minister quickly dove into action and put the flames out with his hands and the Bible he was holding. Most memorable wedding ever though!


3. This story comes from someone who deleted their Reddit identity, probably so this maid of honor doesn’t find them.

While the best man was driving a rented Lincoln down the interstate, an argument starts and soon the maid of honor close-fist punches the best-man in the face, then the best-man close-fist punches the maid of honor in the face. Blood was everywhere, both were bleeding profusely from the punches, then the maid of honor tries to throw herself out of the car.


4. danmw said “six months.”

At my older sister’s wedding one of her bridesmaids was going round trying to get people to bet on how long the marriage would last.


5. Ride the rails with sweetcheeksberry!

I was at a wedding where the bride's best friend and maid of honor stood up to give a toast and tell a story about the bride. She then proceeded to tell a story about the two of them going on a road trip, picking up some dude with a foot fetish, and taking turns fucking him in a seedy motel. I was laughing my ass off because I didn't really know these people (husband's friends), but the faces of everyone else were just blank or angry. The grooms dad had even made this entire video presentation of his son growing up and was all weepy. Then he hears about his new daughter-in-law double teaming a hobo.


6. Kdub07 was a groomsman in a wedding where the maid of honor revealed far too many secrets.

She spent ten minutes telling everyone in the wedding about how her daughter met the groom. Apparently it was thru match.com. Everyone knew this. What she then said was apparently while they were dating she (the bride) was also seeing 4 other guys that were also on match. For months. We did not know this. I think she was trying to make the point that he was the best of them and what not but it just did not come off that way. There was just silence. No clapping. Silence.


7. This Reddit user deleted their info, for reasons about to be made clear.

Maid of honor's toast to the bride involved the line "we've shared a lot of things throughout the years, including that time with the scabies."


8. As girly_416 attests, the wedding isn’t over until there’s a hotel lobby brawl.

Turns out the groom had slept with the maid of honor the night before, and when the bride called her out on it, the maid of honor punched her in the face and ran off.


9. KellynHeller went to her cousin’s wedding and probably should’ve stepped in for that bridesmaid.

One of her bridesmaids got sick and puked at the altar and knocked their arch thing over.


10. sprucegoose666 shows why you should never associate with coworkers outside of work.

The maid of honor gave a really lousy speech where it was obvious that she clearly didn’t know the bride very well (which was awkward because that made it seem like/evident that she had no close friends). She said stuff like "and even though I don’t know bride very well, she's a really great colleague," etc. She finished the speech by saying "I'm sure she and...gulp Mr. hernandez... will make a very happy couple..." In other words, she made it clear that she didn’t even know the grooms first name. He yelled out his name and she was incredibly embarrassed.


11. lucyfrog28 will never drink out of a glass again.

The bridesmaid sitting on the top table vomited during the speeches into a glass, and was so drunk she could barely do her speech and kept interjecting inappropriately.


12. breakone9r met a maid of honor who thinks everyone is at a wedding to hook up.

The bride's sister was maid of honor. At the time, my wife was 4 months pregnant with our little girl. Not only did the maid of honor try to kiss me during the reception, but she asked another member of my wife's family if they thought I would be divorced soon.


13.BillyKonstantine manages a banquet hall, and has plenty of icepacks on hand.

The one guest that I'll probably never forget is the drunk Maid of (dis)Honor who kicked the DJ in the balls so hard we had to call an ambulance. He ended up having permanent damage, but not sure how it affected his sperm count or power of stiffness to perform. The reason she kicked him is because he wouldn't play the Macarena. This was last year.


14. seanbennick dealt with a maid of honor who had some seriously disjointed priorities.

Maid of honor that "lost" her dress because she didn't like it, showed up with a dress of her own choosing. Showed up late and stoned for ALL the major events (Rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception.) Interrupted the photos by sneaking off into the woods to smoke up while we were trying to take the first group shot, then stealing the photographer and forcing him to take pictures of her and her idiot boyfriend instead of doing the family pictures. After all of this, she tried to ride from the photos to the reception with the bride and groom I suspect so she could enter with us. At the reception she was no better, she refused to give a toast and was the only person not to stand up after the best man's toast.


15. This Reddit user’s identity was deleted, much like the bridesmaid’s inhibitions.

At cousins summer beach side wedding. One of her friends/bridesmaids did a few lines of coke and started dancing on the table and then fell off and her face landed on the groom's crotch.


16. The takeaway from Link-to-the-Pastiche’s story is that grownups need naps, too.

During the reception it was time for speeches to be made. The Maid of Honor was noticeably trashed but was still tried to deliver hers. She kept it together for the first 30 seconds but then sat down on the bride's lap, started ramble on more and more quietly until she passed out on top of the bride.


17. cradossk saw a maid of honor do the onething that’s most frowned upon at weddings.

Maid of honor got drunk and declared her love for the groom during her speech.

This slow-mo bridge explosion will make you weep if you’re emotionally attached to bridges.

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This beautiful orchestra of controlled implosion is the best slow-motion demolition of American infrastructure you will see today. The destruction of the US-377/SH-99 Washita River Bridge in Oklahoma with 600 pounds of explosives is so enjoyable to watch that it earned the videographer, Eric Leslie, a GoPro Award, which is hopefully just more C-4 to destroy old bridges with. We are sorry for those of you with strong feelings for bridges: this video may be disturbing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkDwH_xZV4Q

It was apparently the bridge's time to die due to unrepairable flood damage. Complete with blues harmonica, ominous drones, and a dragonfly whizzing by the camera lens, this bridge's execution is worthy of awe. Every bridge deserves a death like this.

To all the emotionally-attached-to-bridges people out there, expect no apologies from GoPro, and expect no trips over the SH-99 Washita River Bridge, 'cause that sucker's dead.

Were you upset watching this bridge get blown to bits?

People who definitively should have closed their tabs before sharing a screenshot.

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Sharing a screenshot is a fun way to show people the very thing that you're looking at—but sometimes it's not something you'd want people to see. By forgetting to close their tabs, people have shared intimate things about their sexuality, and in the case of Kanye West, hypocrisy. Here are people that should have taken an extra second to maybe check the screen that they were screenshotting.

Spoiler alert: People look at a lot of porn.

1. This person with a curious fascination.

PSA - Always check your screenshots before posting online.
Brotherly love.

2. This rim shot of a screenshot. 

My roommate had to upload a screenshot of a Google search of "beauty" for her psych class, until I pointed out her other tab.

Zooming in on the top-left:

Itself an object of beauty.

3. This equestrian fan.

Right on the top-right, over the tutoring center location finder:

Hopefully this search isn't related to tutoring.

4. This German mayor who looked at the constitution between BDSM porno videos.

https://twitter.com/KuismaSami/status/701081511018242048

Highlights include the subtly-titled "German Slut Punished."

How does Köppl like his sausage cooked?

5. This guy who likes movies other than The Interview.

In the middle tab between Honest Trailers and Facebook:

Kim Jong Un doesn't count. 

6. This 10 year old who just wanted to brag about his game stats.

My 10 year old nephew sent me a picture of his game stats. When you see it.

Only two tabs open, so "sensual lesbians" was half of his web experience at that moment:

Impressive that he already knows what he likes.

8. This guy who left "crip porn" open while online shopping.

https://twitter.com/SaddBoiiDL/status/716385230232231936?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Arguably cleaner than Blood porn. 


9.  This Kanye West caught trying to torrent.

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/704873833564659712?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Kanye claims to be $53 million in debt—perhaps because people have gotten into the habit of torrenting music instead of paying for it. He was caught being a wee bit of a hypocrite, having a torrent site open himself.

Deadmau5 called him out for attempting to illegally download Serum, a beat-making software that retails for $189.

https://twitter.com/deadmau5/status/704876167157907456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

RELATED: People who really should have check the background of their photos before putting them online. 

Article 35

Inside this red dot is the latest viral puzzle that's driving the Internet insane.

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Another day, another viral puzzle that has you wondering if it's your brain or eyeballs that are broken. The Dress famously shattered the illusions of objective reality, and subsequent puzzles have made people on the Internet actually focus (even if it's just for a few seconds). The latest challenge involves a big red dot, but isn't just simply a close up of the Japanese flag. Can you see what's inside the circle?

 

According to the crazy little thing called science, this test measures contrast sensitivity—whether you can see the difference between the different shades of red. Dr. Michelle Akler told Self magazine that this red dot is also a test that shows how persistence pays off. According to Self:

The illusion works because we have three different types of photoreceptors in our retina, [Dr. Akler] explains. Once we stare at something red for some time, like the dot, the red photoreceptors become saturated. The eyes will then perceive less red and more green, which is how the horse appears. The degree to which people see the horse is just dependent on their eye’s concentration of the various photoreceptor colors.

You see that, kids? Ophthalmology is fun (if there are hidden horses involved)! 

Johnathon Schaech opens up about his career-making role as Ellen DeGeneres' beard.

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Back in the day, Ellen DeGeneres feared that the world would not joyfully embrace her if she came out as a lesbian, and as such she made public appearances with masculine actor Johnathon Schaech. In the mid-'90s, when Ellen's sitcom was on TV, she and Schaech posed as couples do on the red carpet three different times, including at the 1995 SAG Awards. Then in 1997, DeGeneres opened up about her sexuality, and she has since married Portia de Rossi.

Ellen, beard-free and happy with her wifey.

While taking part in a Reddit AMA, Schaech was reminded of the brief but fascinating period for which he played the role of Ellen's beard.

https://twitter.com/usweekly/status/717076785867931649

My manager asked me to accompany her to events. She was scared people would not watch the show, Her sitcom Ellen, because she was gay.  It was an honor. I grew up with two gay aunts and a gay uncle. My Aunt died of cancer. She was a proud woman and she didn’t get proper care because she didn’t want to be away from her partner. Hospitals didn’t allow partners the same rights as a spouse. When you have someone you love in your life that is gay or a lesbian it’s very clear that they deserve the same rights as anyone else. It's not about religion.  If you don’t love ELLEN now -- you don’t watch her show. She’s a great example for the human race.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr4MGkrjGRo

Schaech added that he was meant to be in the 1997 Ellen episode in which Ellen's TV version of herself comes out of the closet (which occurred after Ellen declared her own sexuality). "...but I ran the marathon," he wrote, "and couldnt walk the next day, the netowrk fired me cause they thought I was lame. I was lame, DONT RUN A MARATHON when your given a great gift." 

Schaech has aged well, wouldn't you say?

Since moving past his career as a beard, Schaech married and divorced Cristina Applegate and Jana Kramer. In 2013, he married Julie Solomon, with whom he has one child. While his pretty face isn't making many appearances next to Ellen's anymore, Schaech is on TV with roles on shows like Legends of Tomorrow.

Ellen, meanwhile, has been busy being Ellen.


Scottish libraries got into a lighthearted Twitter feud. Then J.K. Rowling started egging them on.

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J.K. Rowling, the Harry Potter writer who knows a thing or two about Twitter fights, picked sides in a feud two Scottish libraries were having via the social networking site. The row apparently began several weeks ago when Shetland Library was featured in an episode of the BBC series Shetland:

https://twitter.com/ShetlandLibrary/status/705760810648387585?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/ShetlandLibrary/status/705764051943608320?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Orkney Library got mock-offended—until J.K. Rowling unexpectedly picked sides and turned up at their book club meeting for her novel The Cuckoo's Calling.

https://twitter.com/OrkneyLibrary/status/706151764328910850?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/OrkneyLibrary/status/706260620698632192

A few weeks later, Orkney Library got Twitter verified, which any millennial will tell you is a very very big prestigious honor. Drunk with power, Orkney's insults got creative in the way only bookish Scots are capable of:

https://twitter.com/OrkneyLibrary/status/717249797653196801https://twitter.com/ShetlandLibrary/status/717266460339470336?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Rowling, however, remained loyal to Orkney.

https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/717248915779764224?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/OrkneyLibrary/status/717249341614866432?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/717277872919064576

J.K. Rowling didn't start the Twitter fight... 

https://twitter.com/OrkneyLibrary/status/717261311936237568?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

 ...but she could very well be ending it.

Guy tries to woo Tinder match with panda facts, digs himself a 100-day hole he can not escape.

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On Monday, Imgur user msang12321 posted a series of texts that took place back on Christmas between himself and a woman named Chrissy with whom he had matched on Tinder. She initiated the text conversation by saying “Hii” and he replied, “Merry christmad.” Yes, he spelled “Christmas” wrong, but that’s not a big deal, right? Well, it was a huge deal for him, the dude freaked the hell out.

He apparently decided he needed to find a way to recover from that grammatical mistake. So, what did he do? He promised to send her text messages for 100 days featuring new and real panda facts. You heard that right.

Because who doesn't love pandas?

In his aptly titled post, "I'm not good at talking to girls," msang12321 said:

I matched with this girl on Christmas and then I messed up by spelling "Christmas" wrong. I didn't know what to do, so I panicked. I did what any sensible person would do...I sent her a panda fact.

Scroll down the texts and you may find yourself being an expert in pandas.

"I matched with this girl on Christmas and then I messed up by spelling 'Christmas' wrong. I didn't know what to do, so I panicked. I did what any sensible person would do...I sent her a panda fact."
"And another one."
"And another..."
"At this point I couldn't stop."

"I was invested."
"I kept going."
"Everyday."
"EVERY."
"GOD."
"DAMNED."
"DAY."
"I thought of stopping."
"I thought of quitting."
"At this point it was straining to keep going."
"I had to set an alarm so I wouldn't forget."
"But it was her constant replies that motivated me to keep going."
"I couldn't let her down."
"Thinking to myself, 'What would she think if I just stopped?'"
"Would she worry?"
"I couldn't do that to her."
"Haha...pandapool."
"Then I thought to myself, 'Maybe this is the highlight of her day...'"
"'...that at some point she will look at her phone and get a new panda fact...'"
"She even started to send me pandas of her own."
"Not going to lie. I felt like she was trying to take over..."
"B****...I send the pandas. Not you."
"This is my deal."
"But I couldn't stay mad at her."
"I was still having fun with this."
"And so were all of my friends."
"We would go and get a good laugh at the bar."
"I would meet up with some of my buddies and ask how 'The Panda Girl' was doing."
"I showed them the recent messages."
"And they thought it was hilarious."
"Not only for the fact that I was still sending the daily panda fact."
"But how she still responded to each message."
"Some of her responses were catered to that specific message."
"My buddies say that I have to meet her now."
"But I like to live in the shadows."
"Knowing that I had a job to do every day."
"Someone who looked forward to my message."
"Because I'm not a hero."
"I'm a silent guardian."
"This has been your 100 days of panda facts. Some may say it was panda-monium. It's been a good run. I wish you a fun, panda-filled life. Peace out panda scout ????????????"

Imgur user nebworb commented: "If this girl didn't block you after 100 panda facts she's probably interested in you." Hopefully, msang12321 will take nebworb's advice to heart, because after sending an insane amount of panda facts, how he could let her the world down?

At least, he dropped knowledge on pandas and did not sext her, right?

Bless whoever first realized that the Ikea doll bed also makes an adorable cat bed.

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Ikea may have just accidentally stumbled upon their next big business venture: cat furniture. The Swedish furniture company sells these doll beds for $20 each, but cats (being creatures that think the world belongs to them), decided to turn them into their own personal cat cots, and the results are very cute.

 

Standesgemäßes Katzenbett.

A photo posted by Frollein v.d. Waterkant (@frollein_von_der_waterkant) on

The beds are pretty versatile, too. You can transform the former doll bed into a stylish day bed.

You can combine two beds and create a king sized bed, if your feline likes to spread out.  

Or you can take two and turn them into kitty bunk beds, so your cats can pretend to be at sleep-away camp together.  

 

喂呀!看過來。。 #cats #ねこ#猫#ikea #duktig

A photo posted by @s819812 on  

Even if you don't turn them into bunk beds yourself, your cats will find a way. 

What's next? Can Ikea make entire cat furniture sets with little cat-sized allen wrenches? Most humans don't have the patience to assemble Ikea furniture, so these lazy kitties definitely wouldn't.

 

#IKEA #duktig #人形用ベッド #ラムネくん #アメリカンカール #americancurl

A photo posted by yukina (@yukiki_na) on

Although these cat beds are cute, they aren't exactly necessary. Cats will fall asleep pretty much anywhere.

The Internet's cleverest answers to “Can you say how old you are without using numbers?"

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On Monday, the good people at AskReddit spent the day identifying their ages. But there was a catch, of course: they had to do so without using numbers. "Without using a number, how old are you?" asked one user named Abro123. What proceeded was part guessing game, part case study in the most memorable events from each year and era. Here are some of the best responses.

You don't have to say your age. Just let them figure it out.

1. Wtfxstfu is an old-school nerd who would've loved Reddit.

When I was in high school people made fun of me for using the internet.

2. No, MoogleBoy's birth year isn't Animal Farm.

Orwell wrote a novel about my birthyear.

Although one commenter said it was.

3. People on Reddit couldn't believe a human as old as Seeteethree walked among them. 

Principal walked into my Junior Year English class to announce Kennedy's assassination.

4. Blakesdemon gives a very precise time span.

I remember pre internet but not the wall coming down.

5. Wisdom comes with age, and there is a 34-year-old who named himself Bucket_O_Beef.

Rhymes with dirty whore.

6. Don't make everyone do math, lohaloha.

If i had a kid when i was in highschool, that kid would be in highschool now.

7. You probably have to be a certain age to even get theletterandrew's reference. 

Nobody likes you at my age.

8. Ask_me_if_Im_lying needs you to google Jimi Hendrix.

I'm currently the 'rock star death age'.

9. Sandra_nz wants you to ask Douglas Adams what to get her for her birthday.

I am the answer to life the universe and everything.

10. Acefish3 solved the mystery for you, but you would've gotten close.

Old enough to remember having to take the ball out of the bottom of a computer mouse to clean it, but not old enough to remember the world without Internet. EDIT: Thanks for all of the guesses friends, I'm 19 turning 20! 

11. A+ for effort goes to SqutternutBoshes, even though commenters helpfully point out that "3" is a number.

Toy Story 3 was especially emotional for me as it came out the summer before I started university, and I'd been doing the same kind of clear out as Andy ready to go

12. Who knows their Russian history as well as MichaelStrauss?

I was born a day before Chernobyl started to melt down.

13. Who knows their "Africa" history as well as reticulate?

Africa by Toto was at the top of the Billboard charts when I was born.

14. Meanwhile, Garrett141 remembers a simpler time.

Old enough to appreciate Samurai Jack, Johnny Bravo, Dexter's Lab, and Justice League Unlimited. Young enough to be surprised a lot of my slightly younger peers have no idea what I am going on about.

15. And finally, htebazilenylorac—but who doesn't measure their age in J. Law years?

I am a day older than Jennifer Lawrence.

She's that important.

How old are you

Marine masquerades as a believably obnoxious doctor to surprise his mom at chemotherapy.

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Mary Glasure was sitting down at an Ohio hospital preparing herself for her first round of chemotherapy for breast cancer when a particularly rude doctor announced that he wanted to hurry things up. "It was kind of funny," Glasure told TODAY, "because I thought it was another doctor and I was about to wig out." Glasure surely could've gotten away with more than wigging out, as you'll be able to see in the video below.

The Marine, starring in his debut role as douchey doctor.

But then the doctor pulled down his surgical mask to reveal that he was in fact her 24-year-old son, Corey Hoffmaster. Glasure had not seen her son in nearly two years, as Hoffmaster is in the Marines and currently stationed in Arizona. She lost it at the sight of him.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CRX7Pd5wcGI

Unfortunately, Glasure's cancer has spread to her spine and left lung, but she was afforded some quality time with her son before he headed back to the Marines. "I needed him home because he's my strength," she said. "Being in the Marines, he's the matter-of-fact, you've-got-to-do-this type."

Cody Glasure, one of Mary Glasure's other six kids, said, "The past few times he came home on leave, he didn't surprise her, so he was really excited to do a surprise this time." So far the Internet has been equally excited to enjoy his surprise. 

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