I'm concerned Chris Martin's divorce will force him to focus more energy on his music.

March 26, 2014, 9:22 am

≫ Next: I admire the way you show off how fun your life is by showing up to work every day looking like garbage.

≪ Previous: Let's make the transition back to hating Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin separately.

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I admire the way you show off how fun your life is by showing up to work every day looking like garbage.

March 26, 2014, 9:50 am

≫ Next: Your weight loss is noticeable without you bringing it up first.

≪ Previous: I'm concerned Chris Martin's divorce will force him to focus more energy on his music.

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Your weight loss is noticeable without you bringing it up first.

March 26, 2014, 10:09 am

≫ Next: You look really good for someone who eats horribly, doesn't exercise, and drinks entirely too much.

≪ Previous: I admire the way you show off how fun your life is by showing up to work every day looking like garbage.

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You look really good for someone who eats horribly, doesn't exercise, and drinks entirely too much.

March 26, 2014, 10:38 am

≫ Next: I'd immediately divorce anyone who suggested we have a conscious uncoupling.

≪ Previous: Your weight loss is noticeable without you bringing it up first.

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I'd immediately divorce anyone who suggested we have a conscious uncoupling.

March 26, 2014, 12:08 pm

≫ Next: I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

≪ Previous: You look really good for someone who eats horribly, doesn't exercise, and drinks entirely too much.

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I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

March 26, 2014, 1:20 pm

≫ Next: 11 Brutally Honest Job Titles

≪ Previous: I'd immediately divorce anyone who suggested we have a conscious uncoupling.

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11 Brutally Honest Job Titles

March 26, 2014, 1:25 pm

≫ Next: My happy hour begins as soon as you leave the office.

≪ Previous: I'm consciously unfriending you for posting about Gwyneth Paltrow's love life.

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My happy hour begins as soon as you leave the office.

March 26, 2014, 2:30 pm

≫ Next: I'm saving myself for the first person who wants to have sex with me.

≪ Previous: 11 Brutally Honest Job Titles

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I'm saving myself for the first person who wants to have sex with me.

March 26, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: You make me want to pretend to be a better man.

≪ Previous: My happy hour begins as soon as you leave the office.

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You make me want to pretend to be a better man.

March 27, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I get emotionally invested in the lives of TV characters so I don't have to deal with my own issues.

≪ Previous: I'm saving myself for the first person who wants to have sex with me.

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I get emotionally invested in the lives of TV characters so I don't have to deal with my own issues.

March 27, 2014, 7:59 am

≫ Next: I can't believe it's already time to put off my spring cleaning until next year.

≪ Previous: You make me want to pretend to be a better man.

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I can't believe it's already time to put off my spring cleaning until next year.

March 27, 2014, 8:58 am

≫ Next: It's more exciting to know when my Seamless order is coming than knowing when you are.

≪ Previous: I get emotionally invested in the lives of TV characters so I don't have to deal with my own issues.

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It's more exciting to know when my Seamless order is coming than knowing when you are.

March 27, 2014, 9:29 am

≫ Next: All your Instagrams of food may explain why you're skinnier in every Throwback Thursday picture.

≪ Previous: I can't believe it's already time to put off my spring cleaning until next year.

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All your Instagrams of food may explain why you're skinnier in every Throwback Thursday picture.

March 27, 2014, 10:27 am

≫ Next: If Pop-Up Notifications Were Honest

≪ Previous: It's more exciting to know when my Seamless order is coming than knowing when you are.

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If Pop-Up Notifications Were Honest

March 27, 2014, 10:50 am

≫ Next: Your Throwback Thursday photos clearly show how much happier you were before becoming a slave to social media fads.

≪ Previous: All your Instagrams of food may explain why you're skinnier in every Throwback Thursday picture.

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Your Throwback Thursday photos clearly show how much happier you were before becoming a slave to social media fads.

March 27, 2014, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Just curious if your refusal to participate in Throwback Thursday has anything to do with the authenticity of your breasts.

≪ Previous: If Pop-Up Notifications Were Honest

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Just curious if your refusal to participate in Throwback Thursday has anything to do with the authenticity of your breasts.

March 27, 2014, 1:01 pm

≫ Next: Let's spend the weekend pulling out the winter clothes we put into storage last weekend.

≪ Previous: Your Throwback Thursday photos clearly show how much happier you were before becoming a slave to social media fads.

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Let's spend the weekend pulling out the winter clothes we put into storage last weekend.

March 27, 2014, 1:52 pm

≫ Next: Call me when you quit dieting.

≪ Previous: Just curious if your refusal to participate in Throwback Thursday has anything to do with the authenticity of your breasts.

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Call me when you quit dieting.

March 27, 2014, 4:50 pm

≫ Next: Congratulations on proving that any idiot can have a kid.

≪ Previous: Let's spend the weekend pulling out the winter clothes we put into storage last weekend.

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Congratulations on proving that any idiot can have a kid.

March 28, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: You're cordially invited to watch Downton Abbey with me at my one-bedroom estate.

≪ Previous: Call me when you quit dieting.

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