If you tried to block Jimmy Fallon's performance inTaxiout of your mind, this video may be triggering to you. Robert Downey Jr. stopped by The Tonight Showyesterday, and decided to do a little impromptu acting class with Fallon. He directed him in a few dramatic scenes, and Fallon's performance will make you say, please, "don't quit your late night job."
In Fallon's defense, how could you not laugh when Iron Man prompts you to do a very serious scene about a post zombie apocalypse car chase that comes to a grinding halt due to gassiness?
Luckily, he has that hugely successful talk show hosting gig to fall back on.
Kristen Bell, also known as Princess Anna or Veronica Mars, is like a beaming ray of sunshine in every role she plays, but she has been affected by mental illness. Bell opened up about her struggles with depression and anxiety to encourage others to seek help and not feel ashamed.
“I’m extremely co-dependent,” Bell told Off Camera's Sam Jones,“I shatter a little bit when I think people don’t like me. That’s part of why I lead with kindness and I compensate by being very bubbly all the time because it really hurts my feelings when I know I’m not liked. And I know that’s not very healthy and I fight it all the time.”
Bell touched on the genetic components of mental illness, explaining that her mother sat her down at the age of 18 to discuss the history of depression in her family. "There's a serotonin imbalance in our family line, and it can often be passed from female to female," Bell's mother told her.
Her mother also taught her how to look out for the warning signs of depression at a young age: “[She] said, 'If you start to feel like you are twisting things around you, and you feel like there is no sunlight around you, and you are paralyzed with fear, this is what it is and here's how you can help yourself."
Bell revealed that she takes medication for depression and anxiety, and won't let society let her feel ashamed. "In the medical community, you would never deny a diabetic his insulin. Ever. But for some reason, when someone needs a serotonin inhibitor, they're immediately crazy or something," said Bell. "It’s a very interesting double standard that I don’t often have the ability to talk about but I certainly feel no shame about.”
Siemens healthcare, a German company in the midst of changing their name to "Siemens Healthineers" (isn't that a Dr. Seuss story?) hosted a concert for their employees. A concert in which they hired a sort of Blue And Orange Man Group to dance around and make up for the shattering, stony silence of their employees.
Someone posted the video to Reddit, referring to it as a "mandatory dance concert," which, according to a representative from Siemens Healthcare, is "definitely not" true. It wasn't really a dance concert, nor was it mandatory. Apparently, the above video is only about the last five minutes of an hour long event. The CEO spoke, explained the new company direction, and only then did he unveil the Blue and Orange Man group. Of some 7,000 employees that branch employs, some 5,000 chose to attend.
Although the event wasn't mandatory, it seems likely that—although the employees could have chosen not to attend—they chose to in order to keep up the appearance of being a "team player." You've all seen The Office.
Can confirm - this killed all productivity at our newly-christened Healthineers office today. It was hard to get any work done in between the fits of laughter and moments of dumbfounded shock that anyone, anywhere, thought this was going to be a step in the right direction. A coworker of mine astutely commented "This is New Coke all over again!" Any Quickster lovers out there? Oh wait...
This is going to be immortalized forever in the annals of horrible marketing mistakes.
Thousands of people. Standing together at a show. With all the energy of a company-wide conference call. They couldn't even bring themselves to politely bob their heads to the beat. Oh, and the tragic lyrics, "One culture, one dream, one team, one name."
We are, we are, we are... Healthineers
Office morale level 10.
When asked if he had seen the various disparaging comments on Reddit, the representative said "of course," but pointed out that most people only commented on the culture of corporate events, not about the new strategy or the rebranding it meant to unveil.
A solid point. Maybe next time, just see if Beyonce's available.
Update 05/06/2016 2:00 p.m.: This article has been updated to include comment from a representative of Siemens Healthcare.
Between letting everyone know she's fallen in love and winning some Grammys, Taylor Swift has been having a good 2016, though salary-wise it'll be hard to beat 2015. Billboard rounded up a list of the biggest earners in the music industry from last year, at the top of which sits Taylor Swift and her blonde bob.
The happy face of someone who made more money than 2015's top-selling artist, Adele, by about $40 million.
Out-earning long-time musicians like Billy Joel and The Rolling Stones by tens of millions, Taylor Swift came out first on the list with a whopping $73.5 million in earnings. That amount of cash can buy a lot of cat food. The person closest to raking in as much as Swift was Kenny Chesney, who made a measly $39.8 million.
Incredibly, teen girls desperate to see Swift live are largely to thank for her insane salary. The 26-year-old's 1989 World Tour—for which she dragged out all the famous people—earned her $61.7 million.
Meanwhile, according to Racked, people listening to Swift on loop on Apple Music added $564,000 to her savings. That's less than one percent of her 2015 earnings, aka nothing. If you're feeling generous, help Swift out and listen to some of her music on YouTube today.
What better way to celebrate Mother's Day this weekend than reminding your mom of all the ways you've pissed her off over the years? Australian YouTuber Brad Guy decided to mark the occasion by publicly apologizing to his mom for some of the questionable things he has put her through over the years, including letting her find a glow-in-the-dark dildo in his bedroom and stealing her credit card information. Despite all that, the video somehow turned out really cute.
Yeah, he may have been saying "sorry," but somehow Brad seems more amused than remorseful recounting the ways he tortured his mom growing up. Still, if this video is any indication of how patient a woman his mother is, she probably won't be too mad about his half-assed apology.
Yesterday, the Internet reeled with indifference to learn that 18-year-old celebutante Kylie Jenner had sort of maybe made her music debut in a new song by producer Burberry Perry. The song, titled Beautiful Day, is a reimagining of the Mr. Rogers theme song, but with NSFW lyrics in place of the originals.
Going after Mr. Rogers? Now people might start disliking her.
It's exactly as tasteful as you would expect from Kylie Jenner's first single. Of course, Jenner isn't actually singing or playing an instrument—she's just sort of talk-singing and giggling over lines delivered by Perry and collaborators Lil Yachty, Justine Skye, and Jordyn Woods (real people).
A photo posted by The Purple Unicorn (@justineskye) on
But controversy erupted after Perry uploaded the song to SoundCloud. Apparently, it contains the line “I wish a fuck n***a would, yeah.” In the cacophony of the song, which is bad, listeners were uncertain who exactly had sung the line. Naturally, their suspicions fell on Jenner, because everyone is looking for reasons to hate her all the time.
genuinely cannot believe kylie jenner said the n word in that song shes in.......
But of course, the Twittersphere had gotten ahead of itself. Of course Jenner hadn't said that line—the cloud of publicists constantly buzzing around her head would never have allowed it. Jordyn Sparks, one of the other apparently real people on the song, set the record straight:
Women always get a bad rap for being the more complicated gender, but men are mysterious too. Despite all their claims of simplicity, there are still many men who feel misunderstood. As it turns out, in every man lurks a tiny little Drake.
In the bastion of answers that is AskReddit, men unburdened their quiet souls and listed all the things they think grown women should already understand about them. But some of these seem pretty obvious.
1. "If I tell you something in confidence, it's really not ok for you to tell your best friends. And it goes both ways." - ShouldBeWorkingLuke
Really? Dammit. (This doesn't count if you can really trust your best friend, amirite?)
2. "Just because we can't get an erection at a given moment, that doesn't mean we're not into you or that we don't want to have sex. It's not that simple." - washington_breadstix
Yeah, chill out ladies, there are lots of things that can cause boner fails. Maybe it's not that he didn't find you attractive, it's just that he didn't find you AS attractive as he just found those last four shots of whiskey or lines of cocaine.
3. "The older we get, the less time we're willing to spend "chasing" you. Either commit or tell me you're not interested. I'm 30. Dating at this age consists of 'Are we doing this or not? I got shit to do.'" - TooBadFucker
Fair. No more time wasting, you gotta date 'em to hate 'em.
4. "If you bring us problems we will offer solutions. That is our way of showing that we have listened and that we care." - vipros42
Yeah, we know that one. And in the immortal words of Rosie Perez from White Men Can't Jump, "When I said I was thirsty, it doesn't mean I want you to bring me a glass of water."
5. "Most of us don't get subtle hints, if you want is [sic] to do something just come out and say it!" - patthetree
This one is such a cliche, even some guys who don't want to believe it's true are starting to believe it's true. As MrMiketheEngineer responded, "I never used to believe that I was a part of this stereotype until I mentioned it to my girlfriend a few months ago... she started listing off the things I've missed over the years and it blew my mind. All the subtle hints that went straight over my head was mind boggling and some of them weren't even that subtle."
6. "Nothing is the matter, holy shit." - anonoman925
That is, of course, until we ask what the matter is fifty times. Then THAT'S the matter.
7. "Guys like getting compliments about their appearance too, even just minor ones feel nice." - -eDgAR-
Great, how about this one: "You are so good at giving me compliments, babe."
8. "We pretend not to notice how fake your compliments sound. 'Omg, i love your shirt!' 'You are soooo. Funny!'" - Rufiodies
You want compliments or NOT????
Relatedly…
9. "We are as insecure about ourselves as you are about yourselves." - Zetirix
Yeah, really starting to get that. We think you're great that's why we are with you, ok?
10. "Your butt looks big in those jeans, and we fuckin love it" - JawniRock
Fine. But don't say that. Just say we look good.
11. "Most of us enjoying peeing outside against something" - svartbaard
OK, but is that something we SHOULD know, or just some weird dude trivia?
12. "Sometimes we want to be the little spoon." - vagarp
Awww. You got it.
13. "When we're spreading our legs, it's most likely because our balls are uncomfortable." - inthelittleforest
Noted.
BONUS FACT: "No man is the same. Just like no woman is the same. Any generalization you see on this thread has plenty of exceptions." - Ingenium21
Of course! We totally get that because we are so different from all the other women.
Reminder: Mother's Day is coming, and while America is being torn apart by the gruesome election, it turns out that these United States differ on all matters mom, too. Estately collected the data of the most popular mom-related searches in every state, and found the strange mom-thing the people in each place search for more than any other.
The Northeast
They're frisky up in Maine.
For example, the people of Maine are particularly stuck on "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne more than any other state, and probably not just because of the Maine/Wayne rhyme.
Meanwhile, check out below and you'll find that Coal Country is the primary district for "I Heart Mom" tattoos, and Texas is still stuck on "Yo Mama" jokes. And Alaska must be full of Garry Marshall-heads, because they're most excited about the upcoming cinematic masterpiece, Mother's Day. Get ready to find out what makes your state weird.
The Midwest
South Dakota is just more righteous than the rest of us.
The West, Hawaii, and Alaska
Colorado appreciates good comedy.
The South
Please, don't tell Louisiana what MILF means. It's cute how innocent they are.
When people reach out to sex workers, they normally want to buy sex in one form or another. But when it comes to client requests, not all fetishes are particularly sexual. As you will see in these 23 stories pulled from Reddit, the nonsexual requests are incredibly weird, sweet, and sometimes even heartbreaking.
Back in my ifriends days, for $3.99/min, I once vigorously finger-banged my bellybutton for a gentleman.
3. Estatikk_Shyv's story is like a PG-13 romance movie.
Active fs sex worker here, probably the tamest session was I was taken on a road trip to see the ocean for the first time by a really sweet, established guy.
Was pretty funny, I first met him while I was moving and we chatted up on first class. Cut to a month later or so he responds to an ad of mine, saying that he was the spry one I shared wine with on that 747. The road trip was the 4th time I saw him about, he wanted to show me how pretty Oregon was and his favorite sights along the coast.
I was barely 21 at the time and it was the first time I saw the ocean, which was pretty awesome. He even offered driving lessons, which I just had to giggle and decline out of the awkwardness. We shared some weed tincture and eventually retired to less g rated festivities but it certainly was something else.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
4. Bright__eyes went from sex worker to housekeeper.
Vacuum my room while I was on cam. In lingerie, but not naked or doing anything sexual.
I had a college roommate who paid $250 for a hooker to come to our dorm room and teach him how to dance. I showed up at the end of it and damn if he couldn't actually dance.
6. Blonde_Heidi got paid to do something that you do with your mom all the time.
I've been paid to hug a lot of people. I'm an escort and stripper. A lot of my customers just want intimacy and someone to open up to.
Alright, that would be $1,000 please.
7. BZerpy's story is like a PG-13 romantic comedy movie.
Story about a friend of mine on his birthday: Got real drunk at a club, we were all staying at this hotel at the end of the night.
We got back at around 2am and my birthday friend announces hes not going tonight without sex so hes going to the brothel, ask anyone to join him. He had one other person go along.
After about 2 hours they burst back through the door and he is furious and the other guy is crying with laughter.
He paid for the hooker, they went into the room at the brothel and chatted for 5 minutes before he says to her: "You're too pretty for this, lets leave here and I'll buy you Mcdonalds." Shes says that shes only been working for a week and then starts crying. He being the stand up gentleman says dont worry about sex, we'll just spoon for the remaining 45 minutes that I paid through my nose for.
They got in the taxi to go home, and his drunken ass had a moment where he thought she was 'the one' so he tried to jump out and rescue her but my friend grabbed him and kept him in the taxi. He was angry the whole way home after he realised he didnt have sex after all...
8. Queenofshearts got paid for doing something you probably want to do to your worst enemy.
Not a sex worker, but a guy paid me $400 to kick him in the balls and then walk on him in my shoes (fully dressed- like I said, I'm not a sex worker) Ok, easiest money ever made. Did that again several times after I found I that there is actually market for that stuff. Took a trip to Europe for 20 days.
9. Littlejjs' client must have some feet made of steel.
Run over his foot. We had a regular who would always come in and want a girl to sit on his stomach fully dressed and listen to his stories about being run over by hot girls in cars. That was his fetish. One night I was leaving work and he was waiting for me, came up to the car window and begged me to run him over. I told him to leave and started driving off but he stuck his foot under the wheel. The following night I turned up to work and he was waiting for me, gave me $50 for running over his foot (he wasn't injured). I have lots of other stories...
He's definitely not this guy.
10. Becool1267's story is weird like the body part mentioned.
I used to waitress at a strip club. I remember one dude came in and asked girls to let him rub their elbows. ...One girl did. She kinda thought it was funny. He didn't like my elbows though. He was picky haha.
11. Isn't that what all the cool kids are wearing, HiCats?
Former prostitute here. My deaf client (who usually just asked for sex) once wanted me to model a pair of floral stretch-pants for him. Ok, grandma.
I know someone who had a guy ask for her to spit on him while he jerked off. It was thirty minutes, she spat on him a few times, he came and then they just chatted the rest of the time.
She said he'd come in to see her once a month and she loved him. He was just a cool older guy who didn't feel right asking someone who wasn't a sex worked to do that for him because he felt it's "disrespectful". He always thanked her profusely and paid her way more than she charged.
13. This sex worker's story is perhaps the sweetest of them all.
Not sex worker but a stripper. This man would just pay me to sit and talk to him, and wouldn't want me to dance at all. He owned some cookie hut company, and would always bring me a bunch of cookies when he'd get there. He was just lonely, but sweet.
14. Msrachel's client must really hate men's pants.
Former phone sex operator here.
I had a repeat client who NEVER wanted to talk about anything sexual. He would call each time he came up with a new business model or pitch for his business: skirts for men. He was a cross-dresser.
I would spend at least 45 minutes listening to him practice the presentation he was going give to the bank or whatnot. I was expected to take notes and give critiques. Once he realized that I would actually do this, he would also call me back when he changed something.
He was one of my favorite customers because he was a gentleman and he always upped my average call time.
Once I had one guy who just wanted to ask questions about what the sex industry is like. We were out call strippers, massage girls and fetishes models. One other guy just cried the whole time I was with him because his girlfriend dumped him and he just didn't want to be alone.
16. Misscurves is more of an escort than a sex worker.
I have had pretty much the same as the other requests here. Mostly just to talk and cuddle and watch movies. Some men are just lonely and want company, it can be quite enjoyable actually.
I have also had to pretend I was a girlfriend of a client at a party. There was no sex involved but he did make me remember some details of things I would know if I was dating him. Pretty tame, was not caught out and a pretty good time.
Again, many men seem to struggle to find female company even for non sexual things and paying for a service seems easier.
17. Gonker_Walrus' client is taking probing to a ridiculous level.
I was an exotic dancer, and I once had a client "test" me for appendicitis for at least 1 1/2 hours. He was super old, and I think he went to medical school back in the day. Basically all I had to do was lay there while he prodded my abdomen, easiest $300 I've ever made. P.S. test results were negative.
18. Suigenic's client is odd, but probably the biggest Marvel fan out there.
I have some panties that are marvel-themed and we got into a conversation about comic books. Ended up modelling my massive collection of Avengers T-shirts.
Avengers, assemble and dance!
19. Bramlet's story is like the most awkward days of high school.
I'm not a sex worker, but when I lived in San Francisco I had a few friends who worked as pro-doms at a BDSM dungeon in Oakland. They had all sorts of amazing stories.
There was one guy who booked a two-girl session, and brought two high school marching band outfits. He and one of the girls dressed up in the outfits, and the other girl yelled humiliating insults at them for being high school marching band dorks.
The second dude in her story is just flat out annoying.
Another guy wasn't even an actual client. He came over to book a session in person. While he was booking it, he asked if any of the girls needed to buy a car. "'98 Toyota Tercel 80,000 miles." "Nah, we all have cars already." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. When do you want your session?" "It's been in a garage all the time. Looks brand new." "I'm sure it's very nice. About your session?" "I just got the tires replaced, so they're brand new too." "Listen, do you want a session or not?" "Sure, I just need to get my wallet from my car. I'll be right back." He didn't come back. The other pro-doms said that he does this all the time. He doesn't want a session. His kink is trying to sell you his car.
So, I'm Israeli and worked for a bit in webcams. We also did phone calls. Chats were monitered, phones weren't, sometimes the manager would write me things to say.
An Orthodox Jewish guy calls. Asks me questions about eating pork and seafood. The manager tries to feed me sexy lines linking shrimp and clitoris or whatnot, but the guy isn't interested. He just wants to hear me say I've eatten pork and it was so naughty and it tasted so good. Yeah, I drive on Saturday. I'm so bad.
edit: to clarify, my phone wasn't monitered but the webcam constantly was, so the manager could hear my side of the conversation but not the caller's. So he could hear me say "yeah, I've had shrimp last week" and tried to get me to take the conversation into a dirty direction.
21. Princessruby's client and #1's client may just be the same guy.
I have a guy who pays for me to look and smile into the camera whilst doing 'the pose' (the pose is laying on my tummy, feet up in the air, resting on my arms) whilst doing this we just talk about life :)
22. The_armored_chicken got paid for this? Where is this guy and how do we contact him?
I'm a licensed escort in Canada (ie. Glorified hooker). Anywho, I had this repeat client for a while, never did anything sexual with. He was an extremely shy Young Asian guy, over here by himself studying reflexology or something like that. I guess he was too shy to find someone to practice on, so he would pay my hourly rate and spend the whole time giving me really good massages.
Saw him on a regular basis for a while.
Take my money. Take everything. Ahhh.
23. If katekatehk's client was wearing clothes as this happened then it's totally SFW. If not, oh boy.
One that sticks out for me was a man who just wanted to be tickled.
Lesson: sex work doesn't have to be sexual, but it can be very strange.
Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis were on Friday's episode of Ellen, where they talked about being moms, as well as the movie they just did together, Bad Moms. The ladies were surprised first by a video message from their husbands Dax Shepherd and Ashton Kutcher, respectively, wishing them a happy Mother's Day ("Happy Mother's Day! We put babies in you!"), and then by their actual husbands, on the show.
Ellen had the whole group play a game of "Never Have I Ever," where one of them reveals that a tiny bit of falling asleep during sex may have happened. Don't judge.
Turns out Ashton and Mila have used handcuffs in sex, which is maybe a little more than you really needed to know about them. Dax has, while Kristen hasn't, but it's okay, because he was just talking about the cops. And not sex.
In addition to breakfast in bed and trying to be less annoying for the day, kids traditionally give their moms a sweet card to honor them for Mother's Day. While the trade of card for undying love doesn't seem fair, it absolutely is when it comes to these 22 cards because the laughs they provide will last well beyond the difficult teenage years.
1. Collin doesn't understand the point of Mother's Day.
You're not the only one curious about the quality and frequency of Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher's sex with each other. Kunis and Kristen Bell went on Ellen to talk about their upcoming movie Bad Moms, and ended up talking about the deeds that made them moms in the first place. As you, Bell, and Ellen imagine, Kutcher really is a gentle, giving lover.
Kunis giggled and blushed at the inquiries, which made her really relatable until you remember that the aforementioned sex was with Ashton Kutcher.
It's been a climactic week. We said goodbye to Ted Cruz and John Kasich. Presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump celebrated Cinco De Mayo with a taco selfie. Many nerds enjoyed Star Wars references. All this, plus jokes about toddlers, dogs with sticks, Google Doodles, and more, in the top 42 tweets of the week!
1.
Me: God, I just feel so Brain: HUNGRY M: No, I'm very alone. I desperately want B: FOOD M: Part of me is missing. All I need is B: PRINGLES
Motherhood is one of the most fulfilling, exhausting, and wonderful things a woman can do. It can also be pretty funny. And so can kids, even if they sometimes make you want to ditch them at the supermarket when they ask you the same question five times in ten minutes. In honor of Mother's Day, here are 20 hilarious tweets by moms about being moms.
1.
Phew. Baby's in bed for the night. Can finally get out my phone and look at photos of him.
At midnight on Thursday, pop star and national treasure Justin Timberlake released his first song in 3 years, "Can't Stop The Feeling," for the upcoming Dreamworks animated movie Trolls, in which he voices a troll named Branch. No, not an Internet troll, one of those little weird hairy things. The video features the cast of the movie, which includes James Corden, Kunal Nayyar, Anna Kendrick, Ron Funches, and Gwen Stefani, dancing around and having a good time and just generally being great at life and fun.
"Can't Stop the Feeling" is all over the radio, it's number one on iTunes in the U.S., and the Internet is pretty excited, too.
Redditor kharper4289 stayed at a Hampton in Portland, Oregon, a hotel that he'd booked after consuming what one can only assume was a massive amount of alcohol. It's clear that kharper4289 was pretty wasted when he made his reservation, because he left a rather particular request for the hotel.
"Can I have a print-out of Chad Kroeger of Nickelback left on my n,ightstand?Thank you." Grammar errors are courtesy the redditor.
This Hampton is very accommodating, as they delivered on kharper4289's request, much to his surprise.
A close-up of Chad Kroeger, in case you can't get enough of his face.
"I completely forgot," he wrote on Reddit. "I showed up, put my luggage on the floor, laid in bed, looked over and saw it. I was genuinely confused and then it hit me and I almost fell onto the ground laughing."
Presumably he slept soundly that night, with Chad Kroeger looking over him.
Other people enjoyed Kroeger's presence, too. "Girls at the front were like "Are you the Nickelback guy?!"" kharper4289 said. This is probably the only instance of a charming opening line about Chad Kroeger.
His hashtag refers to the Little Princess Trust organization that makes wigs for kids with cancer, meaning that Harry Styles is a nice guy and donated his ponytail. Now teenage girls have yet another reason to love him.
While this is certainly a move they appreciate for its charitable angle, his fanbaseis struggling to balance the conflicted emotions of pride and sadness, for they are in deep mourning over the singer's hair.
@Harry_Styles okay, man, it's not funny. Was it your hair? How you look now? Can you send a pic in Instagram? We're all are scared
