We know now that neither Rachel Roy nor Rachael Ray is the "Becky with the good hair" Beyoncé sang about on Lemonade, but they were both accused by the Beyhive of being this mysterious, very possibly non-existent person. Rachel Roy because she Instagrams her "good hair" a lot, and chef Rachael Ray because everybody confused her with Rachel Roy. According to Us Weekly, the two non-Beckys sent each other gifts to help each other through the troubled times: Roy sent Ray flowers, and Ray sent Roy a bottle of wine and a straw. Seems appropriate.

Ray, for her part, didn't seem too fazed by the drama. She toldUs:

[It was] hilarious. I thought it was the coolest thing ever! I was like, "Are you kidding me? I'm even mentioned in the same sentence as these people? That's insane. That's awesome." I think honestly that it was really much more uncomfortable for the rest of the people in that group than for me. I was like, "I'm mixed in with all of those peeps?! What the hell?!" I mean, it's so far removed from my life. I'm a cook. I have a little talk show. We chit-chat.

A six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade would also have been apt. 

Yesterday, Bieber dropped an epic bomb on his fans when he posted to Instagram to explain that will no longer be taking pictures with randos. This raises a lot of questions, specifically, "who even wants to take a picture with this guy now that he has that terrible face tattoo?"

This announcement, of course, enraged the non-beliebers. "He would be nothing without his fans," they raged, which is technically true. But also, despite his insistence on mop-bucket pissing, he's still (belieb it or not) a human being.

As a human being, the Biebs apparently desperately craves to live some semblance of a normal life. More than that, he wants to be understood. Which is probably why he posted a picture of an angry comment where some fan called him a douche, and left his response to it in the description. Brace yourself, you might actually agree with his logic:​

Bieber wrote:

Braekess you are so right btw your Instagram name is fire. Years ago it was impossible to even take a picture at anytime not everyone was accessible to a camera now everyone has a camera phone and Now it's just a different thing.If you think setting boundaries is being a douche I'm the biggest douche around but I think it's smart and will be the only way I last. I wanna enjoy life and not be a slave to the world and their demands of what they think I need to do!! I love the fact that I am able to make people happy but cmon if you truly were in my position you would understand how tiring it is ( boo hoo Justin get over it) I'm going to keep making decisions I feel are fit for my growth and no human being will make me feel bad for it.

He makes a good point (shudder). Technology has enabled any person, from legit fans who have bought an album to jerkwad randos who simply want to brag that they were in licking-distance of a celebrity, to take a picture. Does technology make getting your own photo op a right?

More importantly, does the fact that Bieber actually had some decent logic make him not a douche? Someone please check to see if the earth is still round, because nothing makes sense anymore. 

On Wednesday, Redditor jimmyg4life posted a picture of two tubes of toothpaste, side by side: one having been squeezed the correct way, and one mangled, messy, and disgusting. He wrote, "I have my reasons for making my wife use her own tube."

This is, of course, a completely unacceptable toothpaste tube atrocity. Were they sharing a tube, this would easily be grounds for a divorce ("irreconcilable toothpaste differences"). Many other Redditors felt the same, dubbing his wife "a monster," and "a degenerate," and sharing their own toothpaste tube horror stories (and other assorted horrible messy spousal habits).

Redditor joan_wilder added,

I did that, but she always ends up using mine, so I have to buy toothpaste that stands up/doesn't come in a squeeze tube. She's a f*cking animal.

User Fikis wrote,

My SO and a couple of our kids are like this, but with everything. Any kind of food packaging that they open looks like it was attacked by a wild animal. Cereal bags, chip bags, old-style milk cartons…did you f*cking try to gnaw this open?" Send them away to live in the woods.

DomPhotography speculated about the rest of jimmyg4life's bathroom (Neat freaks will undoubtedly find this image very upsetting):

Not pictured: Hair on the counter. Hair on the comb. Hair ties and bobby pins. Soiled underwear on the floor.

BrokenRatingScheme contributed:

My wife takes off her dirty socks in bed and just leaves them under the covers. Then forgets about them and makes the bed, so when we get under the covers the next night there's dirty socks in there. I too married a monster. 

Yes. Yes, you did.

Darkneo86 wrote,

I've married a gnarly handed overzealous monster as well. Unfortunately it might drive me even more crazy to have two toothpastes on the counter, so I just straighten it out, bunch the remaining toothpaste nearly near the evacuating end and wipe off the outside, once or a week or every ten days.

Brewski32 worried,

Mine too and for a while I did the same. BUT, every day of spending 10-15 seconds cleaning the cap and re-straitening the tube without her ever even noticing eventually wore me down after 6 or 7 years. I started to dread the sight of the tube. I KNEW I would have to be the one to bring order back to the bathroom, EVERY TIME. Did she think it magically fixed itself after she mutilated it every day? Is she waiting for me to lose my mind over this? Does she not care? What else has she monkey wrenched beyond recognition that I haven't noticed yet? I gave up...

Pyromaster55 has another gripe:

Why is this so goddamn hard?!? Every f*cking time she finishes a roll she just sticks the new one on top of the old one. there is a trashcan literally right below the holder, you don't even have to throw the old one away, you could just drop it and it would be where it belongs, it takes like 5 goddamn seconds, you're already sitting there, CHANGE THE GODDAMN ROLL.

As far as solutions go, there are these handy little guys, but they still don't prevent the cap from getting all crusty and gross. Hard to figure out what to do in situations like this, other than pack up, move out, and start a new life.

Benjamin Ashton Cooper has won boyfriend of the month because he a) helped his girlfriend Nicki Louloudis clean out her closet and b) went on a Facebook rant about society's body image issues. It's always good to see a man finally realize the bullshit women endure.

So I'm helping my girlfriend clean out her closet (literally, shut up), and I noticed that a lot of what she was getting rid of was of the XL size. That didn't look right to me, and here's why:
They fit me. I don't say that to be silly or ironic.

It pisses me off.

I am not an extra large man, and, more importantly, a woman my size is NOT an extra large woman. This bullshit right here is why we have 8 year olds with eating disorders. This shit right here is why men shout "fucking fat hog!" at even nominally curvy girls on the street. This is why men who think sexism is a "myth" perpetuated by liberal pussies are Full. Of. Shit.

Fuck body shaming. ‪#‎EndBodyShaming‬.

One Million Vaginas

Yeah, fuck body shaming! And fuck this vest:

From the sounds of it, Louloudis has gotten rid of this vest, which is important. Though maybe not as important as Cooper's message, which people are reacting positively to.

Glad to see your message get out. Society wants all women to be skinny, large chested, and have a large toned ass. Not all women can be that way and its a shame that we have allowed it to get this bad. It is about the person inside not what people see on the outside.

Thank you for this Ben. I am one of those who has negative feelings about wearing XL size. I look in the mirror or at myself in general and don't think I'm that big of a woman. But then I go to stores and the only things I fit in are XL sometimes bigger, and that does make me feel a little bad about myself and think "am I really that big?".... This post really put things into perspective for me. Thank you!

Some wrote on Facebook that Cooper wasn't taking into account things like wear-and-tear, or that sizes are inherently warped. Cooper responded aptly:

My point wasn't about the sizes, it's about the disparity in sizing between men and women. The fact that I got into both a men's small and a women's extra large is straight up sexism. Body shaming sexism.

Some of these were never worn, either, not "over washed and dried."

The issue of clothes shrinking once they go into the dryer is a whole other problem also worthy of a Facebook post. 

Winnebago County Animal Services recently released footage of a man named Jose and his dog Chaos reuniting after being separated for two years ago under tragic circumstances. Like all videos of reunions between animals and their human buddies, it's a full-fledged tearjerker. The moment Chaos' sense of smell identifies Jose, the waterworks begin.

The emotional impact of the scene is only magnified once you know their backstory.

According to the video's description, Jose was going through some pretty rough times after a divorce led to him being homeless. He adopted Chaos as a young pup while living out of his car, and soon asked a friend to take care of the dog until he got his life together. Three months later, when Jose returned for Chaos, the friend refused to give the dog back. Jose was shattered.

Chaos helped me through so much in my life, I took him everywhere with me!

I didn’t think I would ever see my dog again.

Last month, a Winnebago Animal Services employee found Chaos in her driveway, and called the number associated with the ID number on his tag. Jose was luckily using the same contact information, and, quite serendipitously, had been sifting through old photos of Chaos after receiving an email about renewing the dog's microchip when he got the call.

I was speechless and I couldn’t stop smiling. I just couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t get to the shelter fast enough. I couldn’t wait for it to open so I could see Chaos! I left at 8 am today and had an hour and a half drive, so I was very anxious!

I haven’t been happier! This has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders and has made my entire week! Thank you so much to all of [the Winnebago Animal Services] staff for all you do. I will always appreciate you!

It looks like Chaos' story ended...in perfect harmony. That one was too ripe to pass up, and corny sign-offs are definitely allowed for feel-good stories.

Because it's important that everyone keep up with everyone else's opinions on everything, Gene Simmons of KISS was asked for his thoughts on various musicians' deaths in a Newsweek interview on Tuesday. He said he considered David Bowie's death"tragic," because it was a "real sickness," but Prince's death he thought of as "pathetic" and a "choice."

The 66-year-old rocker told Newsweek, "I think Prince was heads, hands and feet above all the rest of them. I thought he left [Michael] Jackson in the dust. Prince was way beyond that. But how pathetic that he killed himself. Don’t kid yourself, that’s what he did. Slowly, I’ll grant you... but that’s what drugs and alcohol is: a slow death."

And Twitter did what it does best: react.

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Simmons has since apologized for his statements, tweeting a screengrab of a lengthy note.

The full text of the apology reads:

I just got such sh*t from my family for my big mouth again. I apologize - I have a long history of getting very angry at what drugs do to the families/friends of the addicts. I get angry at drug users because of my experience being around them coming up in the rock scene. In my experience they’ve made my life, and the lives of their loved ones, difficult. I was raised in a culture/crowd where drug addicts were written off as losers, and since that’s the narrative I grew up with, it’s been hard to change with the times. Needless to say, I didn’t express myself properly here - I don’t shy away from controversy, and angry critics really don’t bother me at all. If I think I’m right, I’ll throw up a finger and dig my heels in and laugh. But this time, I was not. So, my apologies.

PS What I will say is that there is part of this that is journalists quote-mining things I've said in the past and applying it to new situations. This, too, happens often, and not just to me. So, quote-mining, too, is wrong. It doesn't make my past quotes any more tactful, but still - be wary of clickbait. The uglier they can make it seem, the more views they will get.

Bottom line: addiction is a real illness, and Prince's death was a tragedy. And David Bowie's was, too. Maybe if Gene Simmons stops pissing everyone off, he can avoid someone saying something really awful when he passes.

Six-time Tony award winner and theatrical goddess Audra McDonald recently announced that her and husband Will Swenson are expecting their first child together. McDonald, 45, who is currently starring in Shuffle Along on Broadway, said that the pregnancy came as a complete surprise since the actress is technically perimenopausal.

Even though the actor is past the typical child-bearing age, if her tap dancing in eight shows a week is any indication as to what kind of shape she is in, her body probably thinks it is still 18-years-old. And the pregnancy cravings have already begun!

The surprise pregnancy is forcing McDonald to postpone her West End debut withLady Day at Emerson's Bar and Grill, where she will be reprising her tony-winning role as Billie Holiday. She also will be reprising her role as "mom," since this baby joins McDonald's daughter Zoe, 15, and Swenson's sonsBridger, 13, and Sawyer, 10, from previous marriages.

This is the luckiest baby in the world if it gets to fall asleep to lullabies sung by these two.

Striking a pose next a statue is fine as long as you don't go full out Pornhub on the historical effigy, right? If someone can solve the nail-biting mystery as to why ancient statues have tiny penises, then someone can definitely figure out why modern humans always pose inappropriately with statues, no matter the size of their schlong.

As these borderline NSFW photos show, immaturity is a basic urge that is common across all types of people. 

1. Kids don't know any better, right?

2. Still, think of the children. Think of them!

3. Hey, girl statue, get your own man.

4. All this statue wanted to do is clap. Not tap your booty.

5. Ronald McDonald sure is lovin' it.

6. Sometimes, you have to wonder why statue hands were sculpted like that in the first place.

7. It would be even worse if this kid was on the phone with his mom or something.

8. OMG. The second photo.

9. Does anyone know of a magic trick to turn statues into actual human beings? They would be so offended by these humans.

10. You don't need a scientific reason as to why this lady gravitated onto his stone lap. It's Einstein, baby.

11. She looks pissed. "She" meaning the statue.

12. This little girl is too innocent to be conjuring up a NSFW pose. This skeevy statue, on the other hand.

13. "Jesus Christ..." "Wait, that is Jesus Christ!"

14. The statue lady fondled her boob, so she stole her kid's teddy bear.

15. No, the bronze boobs don't lactate beer.

16. Arms crossed and definitely not loving this kiss.

17. Don't you dare touch my golden girl.

In the 39 years Star Warshas spent dominating American pop culture, none of it has meant a damn thing until now. Vimeo user Weston Wong created a mash-up of the galactic space opera and the Kenny Loggins classic "Danger Zone," and it works. The song was originally written for and made famous by Top Gun, the 1986 film about Naval aviators and sexually-charged volleyball that used "Danger Zone" thrice throughout its runtime. Replacing Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer with Rebel Alliance pilots turns out astoundingly well, though the homo-erotic undertones are sadly lost in translation.

Here's the original video for "Danger Zone." The parallels are nuts.

One's a sci-fi epic, and the other is a cocaine-fueled trash fire, yet both sets of footage overlaid with Kenny Loggins' crooning appear as though they could take place in the same universe.

If you plan on rewatching Top Gun for its 30th anniversary this week, it may be worth playing the Star Wars soundtrack over it to see if this works as well the other way around. Judging by Wong's mash-up, it probably would.

Luckily for fans of both, the likelihood that Star Wars Episode VIII will feature a scene where Kylo Ren and Chewbacca settle their differences over a shirtless volleyball match just skyrocketed.

A woman on Reddit went seeking advice about what to do when her "friend" asked her to be an "honor personal attendant" for her wedding—a position in the bridal party that basically just means "legal slave."

It might be hard to read this story in between repeatedly rolling your eyes, but if you can focus your gaze for just a few moments, try and read pasucks1's dilemma: 

Ok Reddit, this turned into a Rant but I would appreciate your feedback

My friend is getting married 6 months from now, she asked me to be her "honor" personal attendant, I have never heard of this before, as she explained it would be to help her out the day of the wedding ....I said yes, thinking I would be helping her with small stuff, to set up before the wedding (I didn't really look into it for a while, and that's my fault) I am happy for her so I happy to help (to an extend).....well she sent me a list of things she expect me to do two weeks ago, including coordinating stuff on the wedding day, decorating and ushering, which means I'll be "working" for her all day, instead of enjoying the wedding.....According to what I read I am supposed to be at her beck and call before and DURING the wedding and reception.

She has maid of honors, why can't they do these things?! isn't that their job? the more I read about "Personal attendant" the more sounds like I'll be her b*tch during the wedding. She included me on the wedding invitations with that "official" title ....I mean this doesn't sound like an "honor" at all.....why would you ask someone to do all that work without being in the wedding party? It's like I'm not good enough to be a bridesmaid but to work at your wedding for free?...now, I am perfectly fine not being on the wedding party but this personal attendant business sounds demeaning, I rather be just a guest.

I take responsibility for not saying NO and I don't feel like I can back out, so I guess I mainly want to rant, ask if you guys think I'm out of line in my thinking and being offended...If you have a point of view that can help me reframe this in my head, if only to get through it gracefully, I appreciate that too! I will put me best foot forward for her wedding and I will do my best but I will be distancing myself from her after this.

tl;dr: friend asked me to be her bridal attendant, now that I realize the scope of the "honor" (coordinating with vendors, being at her beck and call, USHERING) I am offended....Is this offensive of what?

One person who works as a "Day-of Coordinator" professionally—yes, this is a job you usually get a professional to do—responded and told the original poster that this type of work usually costs the bride $500-$1500 a day. Wrote teenlinethisisnitro:

SUPER offensive. The position is called Day of Coordinator and you usually hire someone to do it, not a friend or family member. And yes, they usually get paid well ($500 to $1500 for one day, depending on where you live) because it's a tough job. You absolutely can (and should) back out. Tell her thanks but no thanks, find another slave.

Many urged pasucks1 to try at least once to decline politely and save the friendship—after all, a lot of brides make at least one way-too-needy request during the insanity of wedding planning. Maybe she'll come to her senses once it's pointed out how much she's asking. On the other hand, when it comes to planning your own ceremony, maybe this is yet another reason to elope instead?

Two of the scariest things you can do in this life are get married and fly in a plane, and this guy on his way to his own bachelor party in New Orleans was trying to do both for the first time. Obviously, his friends had to mess with him.

In case you couldn't see, attached to the contraband water they snuck in his bag was a giant dildo. Because bachelor party.

Will Burge, who posted this surprise to YouTube, explains in the description:

"My buddy was headed to his bachelor party in New Orleans. It was his first time flying. The thing he was worried about most was airport security...with friends like his he was right to be worried!"

Pretty bad, but at least they didn't make think he was going to have to jump from the plane. 

Anyone who cares about the reproduction of good looking people is well aware that John Legend and wife Chrissie Tiegen just had a baby a month ago.

So, naturally, concern trolls came out of the woodwork to criticize the famous new mom.

You have to love Teigen's calm, pithy reaction to it all. When one person asked how baby Luna was doing, Teigen responded, "i dunno i can't find her."

And then she expertly to trolled the trolls. 

With a chill like that, she's gonna be a great mom, for sure, but husband John Legend is sick of the double standard. Luna has another parent after all, so he sent out this perfect tweet begging their fans to send some of the judgment his way:

You really have to love them both. Of course, their fans came through with tons of support.

And side-note to all the haters, not only is she crushing it as a mom, but she looks amazing, too.

Discovery Girls magazine is catching some heat for an article giving girls advice on how to pick the best swimsuit for their body type. The problem is that Discovery Girls is a preteen magazine for girls ages 8–12. Now, everyone ranging from moms to future moms and non-moms who just care about stuff are angry about the article. The magazine says their intention was to help girls feel confident about their bodies, and that building confidence has always been a focus of the magazine. That wasn't how this was received.

Here's the layout of the story in the actual issue:

It lists three body types: "curvy on top," "straight up & down," and "rounder in the middle."

Adult women are concerned and angry that a message that might create pressure about body type was being directed at young girls:

The outrage resulted in an apology and open letter from the magazine's founder and publisher, Catherine Lee:

Interestingly, the magazine has always used rotating groups of girls in their target demographic to inspire, help create, and approve the editorial content. So it's unclear whether the story was influenced more by girls or the adult editorial staff.

Nonetheless, the tone was obviously a miss for the magazine, as it resulted in lots of negative responses from its readers and the public. Now the magazine and its staff have learned a lesson about fat-shaming from the Internet's experts on public shaming. Two shames make a right, right?

Imgur user reddestofherrings gave the Internet a great gift on Wednesday: a collection of crotch-defining, loudly-colored men's fashion ads from the 70s that will leave you wondering "How did anyone look at another human in the 70s without hurting their eyes?" From disco jumpsuits that belong in a sci-fi fever dream to knit ponchos that scream "yeah, my mom still makes my clothes" to so many bodysuits, revel in the wonder and horror that is 70s male fashion.

Oh, there are more: see the full collection on Imgur. 

Otters: the animals so universally cute and well-liked, they could probably be used to safely disarm criminals if cops kept them in their squad cars. (Side note: You know you would watch a show called Cop & Otter.) And baby otters? Well, everybody knows that baby animals are even cuter than the adult versions. So that means that a video of oh, say, baby otters eating while making squeaky "om nom nom" noises would basically be the peak of Internet video, right?

Well, luckily for you, YouTube user Nature Frank uploaded a video on Wednesday of just that. Watch from the beginning to see the otters get psyched, or skip ahead to 1:15 just to see them chowing down:

Frank posted another video of the squeaky little dudes eating a few weeks ago. In this one, they also give a spectacular display of their milk beards:

Blac Chyna, as you inexplicably know, is pregnant. This is all anyone knows about Blac Chyna: that she's pregnant with Rob Kardashian's baby and that her name is "Blac Chyna." Drake rapped about her once, and she's been in some music videos, though, so at least she's worked more than any of the Kardashians have. Anyway, Chyna wore a flowy dress to her emoji launch party—all the better to slyly show off that baby bump. It's a useful primer for how to behave on the red carpet if you're a pregnant pseudo-celebrity and want people to remember that you are pregnant.

Step one: Smile like you have a secret.

So she had (probably) unprotected sex with Rob Kardashian, everyone knows that. But there are some things only her and Rob know, like: what was the position? Was it an accident or on purpose? Does she feel like she is bestowed with some beautiful wisdom from the maternal divine? Anyway, that is what is behind her Mona Lisa smile. Also, smugness, because she's a mommy.

Step two: Profile Shots.

Early on in your pregnancy, no one is sure if you actually are starting to show or if you just ate a lot of broccoli that day. Make the most of what little bump you have by rarely actually looking at a camera head-on.

Step three: The hand thing.

This is just a universal "I'm pregnant, give me your subway seat" signal. Respect the classic.

Gift-giving at a wedding is always a little tricky. Is giving money tacky, even though you know that's all anyone ever really wants? You should at least give as much as it cost to have you attend the reception, right? (Unless of course you went to Kim and Kanye's; no one needs to help chip in for that flower wall no matter how cool it was.)

For one woman who attended the wedding of an ex-colleague, it became a straight-up negotiation. The woman gave what seems like a generous enough gift, but then came home to find an email from the newlyweds asking for more money. 

Not sure how to respond (burning the new couple's genitals off wasn't an option), the woman went to mumsnet under the alias "Puzzledandpissedoff" to ask other women how they would handle the situation. 

She wrote:

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't). Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said 'we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received'

"In view of your own position"? As Puzzledandpissedoff explains,

[it] probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative).

They aren't even close friends! It's almost like they only invited her because of the inheritance. But it does make you wonder, was this woman walking around her office bragging about an inheritance? Not that it makes anyone entitled to her money, but politeness about finances is a two-way street.

ANYWAY.

Who receives a wedding gift and then asks for even more money?!?! That can happen??? A gift is technically optional. Sure, there are basic guidelines when it comes to gift giving, but that's at the giver's discretion. 

It seems obvious that Puzzledandpissedoff was in the right, but in her confused and shaken state, she asked the people of mumsnet what she should do. They did not disappoint. 

The first reactions were purely emotional:

Tell them to get to fuck and drop them from your phone book. Ungrateful twats.

I would not justify it with a reply. Fucking hell how rude.

But then some good ideas came rolling in. 

did they even say thank you? Wtaf? Tell them to scrap the cheque and you'll send a replacement more befitting. Then send them 10p.

is it too late to cancel the cheque you gave them?

Cancel the Cheque, then post their email on facebook

Of course, another way to handle things would just be to send that couple this article and give them the gift of finding out the entire Internet hates them.