I'm feeling pretty chill right now. I'm wearing new pants that fit. I made a point during a work meeting that was met with knowing nods. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't think "hello, human eclair."

I'm looking for the words to explain this sudden calm and confidence. I feel safe. But I know that won’t last. I’m due for a sweat-inducing, eyeball-rattling, bed-hugging panic attack any minute. A real humdinger of a downward spiral that will send me into the sheltering arms of Netflix. Seriously, what is it called when you’re not having a panic attack?

Because I’d like to be able to say I’m having whatever that happens to be.

Have you read the news? Have you even looked at Twitter? My Facebook newsfeed is nothing but bad news. People are literally begging other people to help them and some of those people are responding with “enough about you let’s talk about me.” Everyday there’s a story about bullets doing what bullets are designed to do. Nobody believes in science. All of my friends are walking around, staring at their phones, trying to catch cartoon characters from their childhood, which was a simpler time. Don’t you know you can’t go home again!

I know I shouldn’t watch cable news but how can you not stare directly at a volcano of vomit?

I’m into self-care, like pizza and Xanax. I do yoga, every couple of months. But most days I try to get in some light stretches. I am aware of my breath and my core and most of my chakras. Then I read about a kid who attached a flamethrower to a drone and I’m done. Hey, people who don’t believe in science, we’re living Darwin's theory right now.

And can we talk about this election? It’s like living the prequel to The Purge. So many smiles with so many sharp teeth hiding behind greasy lips. One candidate is telling me what I want to hear and it sounds like the “shhhh, shhhh” of someone slowly pressing a pillow around my face. But the other candidate is an extradimensional demon butcher wearing the flesh of a reality TV star.

The bees are dying. England use to be an island of whimsical wizards and now it’s just angry racists. One day, soon, Robocop will be real and he’ll probably kill you. The only people who are happy are terrorists and that’s because they can watch cable news and then high-five each other.

Don’t even get me started on my credit card debt, deflated dreams, and body image problems. No, no. Don’t get me started. Don’t.

Right now, however, I’m fine. Feeling pretty good. I know that things work out. Individuals can make a difference. If we’re just positive, and live with an open-heart, individuals can make a real difference. Wait, no, that’s ridiculous. History isn’t individuals; it’s a long series of complex factors including the human organism’s penchant for eating itself. The arc of the moral universe isn’t an arc, it’s just a long, big stick with nails protruding from it. We’re all doomed!

At least I know that, between bouts of existential anxiety, I’ll be visited by serene moments where I’ll be able to smile and have some perspective. I just want to be able to say I’m having an attack of… happy? You tell me.

Anyway, like I said, I'm feeling pretty chill rn.

Remember that snowboarder being chased by a bear down a mountain? Well, that was fake, as was that video of a GoPro falling off of a drone into Burning Man, as was this selfie stick fight. They all were the creation of The Woolshed Company, a video production studio that generally makes short films for advertisers. But don't worry: these videos weren't an advertisement for anything but themselves and the fact that they got 205 million people to watch their fake videos.

Anyway, good to know that Australians aren't actually this obnoxious.

New dad Brock Smith has had it with people telling his breastfeeding wife to cover up. Smith hilariously took to Facebook to show just how hard it is to eat with a towel over your head. (Because when you're dealing with idiots, you've got to speak at their level, right?)

Brock is totally getting some mommy lovin' once the baby goes nap nap.

Brock posted the video to Facebook, writing in the caption:

"I wish I didn't have to eat with a blanket over my head. Maybe I should go eat in the bathroom."

This dude is clearly the best new daddy of the day!

Strongman Eddie Hall just lifted 1102 pounds off the ground, which is even more badass in kilograms: an even 500. Half a metric ton. This, you'll be relieved to hear, was a world record, which Hall achieved while competing in the World's Strongest Man competition. The Mountain from Game of Throneswent viral for lifting 200 pounds less (although he did once carry a 1400 lb log, but it wasn't on the ground). It's so hard, in fact, that Hall was rupturing blood vessels in his head while everyone else was cheering, and basically faints at the end of his lift—although he looks literally pumped during it:

Whoah. His trainers surrounded him so no one freaked out, and the MC is visibly relieved when someone motions to him that Hall did not just have an aneurysm in a crowded auditorium. As Hall revealed to the Yorkshire Evening Post afterwards, however, it wasn't that far off: "That nearly killed me. The pressure on my body was surreal. I passed out after. I had nose bleeds. It's not healthy doing something like that... But I've done it."

Hall hoped he would never have to do it again, having crushed the previous record by a healthy 70 pounds. But, "I don't want to do it again but if it comes to the point where somebody breaks it, hell...I may just do." Here he is wowing Arnold with a mere 465kg:

Someone get this man an ice pack and a high-five. A gentle high-five.

Celebrities are good at things, obviously, because fame is based entirely on talent and merit. Magazines and websites love to tell you that one of the things celebs are good at is having sex—and that they have lots of it! But the truth is that you can't always believe what publications say about celebrities. Some people even say that the True And Forever Love of Hiddleswift is faked!

Because we care about Celebrity Truth, we did some digging. Here are 10 celeb couples we are pretty sure have had sex.

1. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

In the video above, released about a year after Kim and Kanye's marriage, Kim said that she'd "been having sex 500 times a day." If you calculate how long that would take, she was probably having sex literally constantly, and was actually being sexed by Kanye just out of frame while this video was being shot.

So it seems like Kim and Kanye have definitely had sex, right? Hold up, Mr. Assumption! Kim only said that she was having a lot of sex; she didn't say with whom. And Kanye writes a lot of songs about himself, which implies that Kanye might actually be having sex with Kanye.

Still, we think there's a pretty good chance that these two have had sex. Kanye, maybe you should write a new song about that? ;)

2. Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum

You might think that Channing Tatum has to save all his sex for the Magic Mike films, storing it over years so it can erupt all over movie screens like… gosh, there just isn't a good metaphor for that. Anyway, if you thought that's what was happening, you were wrong! Channing Tatum said in a Facebook Live interview that he and his wife "get down!" He then added, "We truly have all different kinds of sex," which admittedly does sound like what a middle schooler would say describing his "100% real" girlfriend. But still, we are pretty sure that Channing and Jenna have sexed at least once!

3. Sascha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher

Does anybody really have sex with Sascha Baron Cohen? Or do they have sex with Ali G, Borat, and Brüno? Still, Fisher and Cohen have been together since 2002, so it seems like Cohen would've accidentally had sex as himself at some point.

4. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

In this bit, Ellen and Portia use candy names to suggest what their love life is like, which might be the blandest, vaguest, most timid suggestion of sex that you can have. But! They also talked about where there first kiss was, and sometimes sex involves kissing. So: we think these two have had sex!

5. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds

Despite what many 8-year-olds think, touching a boob, like in the photo above, is not sex. But in his thank-you speech at the MTV Movie Awards, Ryan Reynolds said, "I want to thank my wife, Blake. Everything I do is to make her laugh, especially the sex!" Of course, there's always the chance that Blake had said to him earlier that night, "Honey, please try to convince everyone at the MTV Movie Awards that we have had sex." But we think it's more likely that they actually have!

6. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes

Gosling and Mendes are very secretive about their private lives—which has to mean they're having sex all the time, right? Like, what's the point of keeping your private life a secret if all you're doing together is watching TV or chopping the pounds and pounds of vegetables needed for the massive salads that all celebrities are required to eat?

7. Gigi Hadid ​and Zayn Mailk

An anonymous source has described the sex chemistry for these two cyborgs as "explosive." There is a possibility that, because they know the bomb-like dangers of mashing their genitals together, they have vowed to never have sex. But it's more likely that they're having lots of sex and "explosive" is just a metaphor.

8. Kirk and Anne Douglas

Did you know that people can still be celebrities when they get older? Actor Kirk Douglas and his wife, producer Anne Douglas, have been married since 1954. If you spend over 60 years with anybody, you're going have sex at some point, right?

9. Chrissy Teigen and John Legend

Chrissy Teigen told a magazine that she and John Legend had sex under a blanket while flying first class. And everyone knows that one airplane sex counts for ten land sexes and two sea sexes!

10. Jada Pinkett ​Smith and Will Smith

That's a picture of their kids. You know how kids are formed, right? ;) ;) ;) ;P

Just when you thought you knew everything there was to know about Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris' breakup, out come reports that Taylor Swift actually wrote Harris' hit "This Is What You Came For" and that his failure to acknowledge or give her credit in any way is what really caused their split.

The story, according to TMZ, allegedly goes like this: Swift wrote the song on piano and sent it from her iPhone to Harris, who was super into it. They went into the studio and recorded a demo of it, with Harris doing the beat (he's a DJ, after all) and Swift on vocals.

They knew they had a hit on their hands, but Swift had written it for Harris, so they decided to keep her involvement a secret, for fear that the backstory might detract focus from the actual song. So Swift kept the publishing rights, but used the pseudonym Nils Sjoberg on the credits.

Harris released the track on April 29, with Rihanna (with whom he'd done "Now That We Found Love" five-years-ago) on vocals, and it immediately became a huge hit.

But here's the trouble—on the day it was released, Ryan Seacrest asked Harris (real name Adam Wiles) on his radio show if he and Swift ever planned to collaborate. Of course, at this point, nobody knew that they already had, (allegedly) on that very song.

Harris' answer was a little… dismissive, though. He told Seacrest: "You know we haven't even spoken about it. I can't see it happening though."

Um. Wow, dude, okay.

Sources told TMZ that Taylor felt hurt by his comments (and who can blame her, because COME ON, CALVIN) (or Adam or whatever). Some people have even theorized that Swift is even on the track, too—that she can be heard on the "OooOoo" part of the song, spliced in with Rihanna's vocals.

So that was basically the beginning of the end of their relationship. A few days later TayTay famously danced with Tom Hiddleston at the Met Gala, and well, you know the rest. It really does make sense, given that Harris' comments about the possibility of working with Swift in that interview are decidedly very not positive, even though she'd just written him a goddamn hit. Also, there's really nothing to be found online about this "Nils Sjoberg" so it very well could be Taylor Swift. (That's a pretty interesting pseudonym, by the way, wonder how she came up with it. It's fun to think of Taylor at home with her cats, making up pseudonyms for future use.)

Okay, this is a lot to process, so sit down, pour yourself a beverage, and take it all in. We'll be here for you when you're done.

Do you love a celebrity? Be honest, is it Ellen DeGeneres? You can admit it. Everyone's being honest here. Ellen, right?

Well, it sucks to burst your fantasy bubble, but Ellen probably doesn't love you as much as you love her. Even if she knew you, she probably wouldn't love you. In fact, when a celebrity is capable of breaking through the many layers of ego they use as personality and actually love something besides their own magnificent stardom, it's usually a massive news story.

But sometimes it's really sweet.

1. Steven Colbert fell in love with Evelyn McGee-Colbert after his (now ex-)girlfriend gave him an ultimatum.

Stephen Colbert returned home to South Carolina in an effort to clear his head. His girlfriend of a couple years had told him it was time to "fish or cut bait," and on the advice of his mom, he realized: bye, fish.

So he went to the theater, and there was his future-wife. At the show's afterparty, their eyes met and they realized they remembered they knew each other from childhood. "We talked for two hours and I was completely taken."

Listen to a fast-talking Colbert try to squeeze the 30 minute story into a seven minute chat with his audience in the clip above. Obviously, he loves to tell the story.

2. Similar to Colbert, Portia de Rossi told Advocatein 2005 about falling for Ellen DeGeneres after falling out of love with her now-ex Francesca Gregorini.

Well. [Sighs, then answers slowly and carefully] There are many different layers to this. I had met Ellen about five years ago, and there was definitely a lot of chemistry between us, but I didn’t allow myself to think of being with her just because of the place I was at. I was still on Ally McBeal and still closeted, and this seemed inconceivable. But I really never stopped thinking about her, because I just haven’t felt that kind of energy with anyone in my life. So there’s that.

I had a great relationship with Francesca. But I just kind of knew deep down in my heart that there was the possibility of something more. And that’s it, really. I think that we really weren’t suited for each other for a long period of time; I think we were [suited] for the time we were together. We have very different backgrounds and interests, and there’s a lot we had to kind of make work. But we still had great respect and love for each other.

Then I ran into Ellen at a photo shoot about a year ago and she took my breath away. That had never happened to me in my life, where I saw somebody and [experienced] all of those things you hear about in songs and read about in poetry. My knees were weak. It was amazing. And it was very hard for me to get her out of my mind after that. And then when I saw her again that night [at the VH1 awards show] we started talking and that’s that. We just were kind of supposed to be together. That’s my side of the story. I really, really hated all the pain I put Francesca through, and I really didn’t want to hurt her. But I just couldn’t ignore the feelings I had for Ellen.

If Ellen and Portia ever break up (just grit your teeth and allow this hypothetical, no matter how much it hurts you), then it would be bad to hear that your girlfriend is going to see an Ellentaping. Ellen is irresistible. Also, it's funny how candid celebrities will be about even the most personal details of their lives, as long as they're given a forum to talk talk talk.

And especially if they get a chance to make an ex feel bad about missing the chance to hitch a ride on the fame-boat.

3. Ryan Reynolds went on a double date as friends with Blake Lively. It was a bad date for the other, non-famous people on the date.

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively went on the most nightmarish double date imaginable for anyone not named Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively. Imagine being the lucky person on a date with Blake Lively, only to show up and find yourself—and your date—sitting across from Ryan Reynolds. That sonofabitch Ryan Reynolds explained:

We were buddies then. I remember it was funny because for about a year after Green Lantern had come and gone and all that stuff we were both single. We went on a double date. She was on a date with another guy and I was on a date with another girl. That was the most awkward date for the respective parties, because there was just fireworks coming across.

It was weird at first but we were buddies for a long time. I think it's the best way to have a relationship is to start as friends.

Listen to Reynolds tell the story at 2:48 in the video above.

4. Megan Fox explains the accidental grazing of her leg that led to her husband becoming Brian Austin Green.

When she was 18, Megan Fox starred on some forgotten (Right?) show called Hope & Faith. One day, Brian Austin Green guest starred. The rest reads like encouragement for weird men everywhere, and should not act as your "how-to" guide to meet women. Fox told the New York Times:

Kelly Ripa’s character was kidnapping him for some crazy reason. I didn’t know who he was from ‘90210,’ but I liked him right away. Everyone was around the monitor watching a scene, and Brian accidentally touched my leg. I remember literal electricity shooting through me and out me from every direction. It was like magic.

Men, do not follow the example of Brian Austin Green. (Besides, they're divorced now.) Do not try to "accidentally" touch a woman's leg. Do not touch a woman's leg uninvited. You will not end up marrying Megan Fox.

5. Giselle Bundchen fell in love at the first sight of someone as beautiful as herself.

In 2009, the incredible Bundchen described her first impression of the serial-deflator (sorry, Boston) Tom Brady to the never-more-appropriately-titled Vanity Fair.

I knew right way—the first time I saw him. We met through a friend. The moment I saw him, he smiled and I was like, That is the most beautiful, charismatic smile I’ve ever seen! We sat and talked for three hours. I had to go home for Christmas, but I didn’t want to leave. You know that feeling of, like, you can’t get enough? From the first day we met, we’ve never spent one day without speaking to each other.

To paraphrase: That man, he's as beautiful as I am. I must have him.

In the same year, Tom Brady told Detailsabout getting set up with model (duh) Giselle Bundchen. "This friend told me he knew a girl version of me," he said.

Now if that doesn't ring forth as the most self-centered version of love you've ever heard, you must be a celebrity.

Congrats to the happy couple—no one's bitter.

6. Andrew Garfield's snarky smile met Emma Stone on set.

If you refused to see The Amazing Spider-Man out of some sort of deluded loyalty to Tobey Maguire, you missed out on what must have been some chem-is-try between Andrew Garfield's depiction of Peter Parker and Emma Stone's depiction of Gwen "The other Mary Jane" Stacy.

Said Garfield to MTV:

We got on really well as people, in between [takes]. That was the fun stuff. In between, we’d just mess around, and I felt, 'Ah, this is different.' I wasn’t really aware what was happening in the screen test. She keeps you on your toes, and that wakes you up. That was the beginning.

Those are the days I’d look forward to, you know? For Peter as well, because Peter goes through some horrible stuff in the movie. There’s some joy to be had when experiencing his first love.

The two met on set, and fell for one another faster than a speeding bullet. (That's this franchise, right?)

If that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, THEY'RE BROKEN UP NOW HA HA LOVE IS NOT REAL.

Nah, nah. It's real. Just not for those two.

7. Jada Pinkett Smith was too short to play Will's real life girlfriend. Ah, how much stranger life is than fiction. In the real world, a tall man and a short lady can actually fall in love.

After Will Smith's first marriage left him waiting "for the tow truck to come" as his car-of-love burned to death on the side of the road (this is his own metaphor in a 1996 interview with People), Jada Pinkett Smith became his five-foot-tall tow truck. She was too short for the role of Will's Girlfriend on The Fresh Prince, but they became friends. She told People:

"I helped him understand what happened in his marriage," says Pinkett, who had recently broken up with a boyfriend, "and he helped me see what happened in my relationship. He's become my best friend. There's nothing I can't say to him, nothing I can't share." Smith agrees. "Jada is the first person I've been with willing to accept that it's not always going to be great," he says, "but that's okay."

Later, their friendship turned SUPER HOT. Pinkett Smith sat down with YourTango, telling them:

I met him when I was 19 at an audition for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. After we had known each other for many years, we went out for dinner one night [with mutual friends] and I saw that he had grown from this lanky kid to this really responsible man. We started courting each other and our friendship turned into romance.

There was also this weird exchange.

And what part of your body does he adore?
That would be my breasts. [Laughs.] And he likes the curve from my torso to my hip.

But what part of her body does Jazzy Jeff adore?

8. Gerard Pique met the love of his life, Shakira, the same way a lot of you guys met your sig-o's.

The Spanish football star met Shakira at the music video filming of the infamous"This Time for Africa" video. According to Latin Times:

"The first day was normal, how two people tend to meet, it was a lot of people," he recalled of the time he was part of Shakira's music video for the official world cup song "Waka Waka" filmed in Madrid. "Ever since we began to have more contact and everything happened, like every love story," he explained.

It's a timeless love story: a famous athlete meets a famous singer while filming the bizarre theme song for the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Absolutely classic, just "like every love story."

These people are so beautiful they don't have to make sense.

9. John Legend didn't love Chrissy Teigen right away. How is that possible? Because he is not Human. He is Celebrity.

Filming a music video ("Stereo") in 2006, Teigen walked in on John Legend apparently ironing his underwear in his green room. Importantly, Legend refutes the underwear-ironing, because no one does that. Still, that was the moment they met—not the moment they fell in love. Legend told LA Confidential:

“Not right away,” he says of their love. “I’m more cautious than that. I wasn’t like, ‘This is the woman I’m going to marry’ from day one. For me I’m the kind of person who needs to grow into that feeling. It was probably a couple of years in when I could already see us being together forever.”

Teigen also dished about the evolution of their relationship to ET Online.

I'm not going to lie. We hooked up. [When he went on tour] I left him be himself for a while. The worst thing you can do is try to lock someone like that down early on, then have them think, 'There's so much more out there. I played it cool for a long time. Never once did I ask, 'What are we?' Marriage was never my goal, because I've never been very traditional. I was just happy to be with him.

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend did get married though. Then they gave birth to a million internet comments.

10. Former Kevin "Mr. Britney Spears" Federline gave a brief sound bite about his love for Britney that's as romantic as you'd expect.

Apparently, K-Fed always wanted to be "a father in his 20s," according to USA Today.

I'm not going to say that I planned on falling in love with my wife when my ex-girlfriend was pregnant, but I knew for sure that I'd have one or two children by now. I didn't think I'd have four children, but I love being a young dad with a big family.

Years after their quite public divorce, the Fed told Us Magazineabout what attracted him to the most famous singer on the planet.

“That’s what really got my attention,” he recalled of Spears’ Southern charm and “normal life values.” “It got my attention — the loving, caring person behind it all.”

Reasonable, surely. If the real Britney is the one on Instagram, who could possibly blame him for falling in love with the "person behind it [money] all."

What was she thinking, though?

Selena Gomez just beat out ex-beau Justin Bieber for the most-liked picture on Instagram, providing even more proof that she won that breakup. The actress/singer/wizard is the reigning queen of Insta, with the most followers at 89 million. Now she's seizing the crown for the most liked single photo. It's a beautiful, overt Coke ad.

Interestingly enough, the previous record holder for Most Liked Pic also featured Gomez, but her lips locked on Bieber rather than a straw. It now just has a measly 3.7 million likes.

The bronze medal for this important prize goes to Kendall Jenner and her heart hair, a snapshot too planned to even pretend to be casual.

It's like Instagram just loves to see beautiful people looking beautiful doing beautiful things.

George W. Bush—painter, lovable oaf who started dangerous wars—gave a powerful speech at the memorial service for the murdered police officers in Dallas, but was later upstaged by his own dancing. Getting very into the rhythm of the Battle Hymn of the Republic, the notorious GWB may or may not have forgotten that he was at a funeral.

Both President Obama and Michelle struggled to keep it together, like their funny uncle had gone rogue.

Twitter mocked George W. Bush for having gone all George W. Bush at a funeral. Maybe he lost track of where he was without having Dick Cheney to guide him.

Dubya has shown off his groovy moves at non-somber events before.

While he might have simply been moved by the music, the smiling was a bit much.

While it was an inappropriate time to bust a move, Bush is a better dancer than he was a president.

Seth Rogen has been tweeted the same nude picture of himself every day for six weeks. The bizarre and creative troll behind the prank is the Twitter handle @SamePhotoOfSeth. He tweets the same photo of Seth Rogen at Seth's Twitter account every day, which is an image from his and James Franco’s parody of Kanye West’s "Bound 2" video. Here's the photo:

Finally, after weeks of bothering him, Rogen finally responded:

Some other fans of the account responded too:

Wow. The identity of who runs the account, and their motivations, remain a mystery. They continue to tweet the same picture even after Rogen finally took notice and responded. So now it's moved beyond quirky to creepy. Someone make sure Seth Rogen's doing okay.

Sometimes it is hard to remember that rapper Kanye West is a person with feelings and not just a giant ball of ego walking around in really expensive sneakers. West recently tweeted something that his daughter, North, asked him that will probably humanize Kanye West for you, if only for a second.

West's mother, Donda, lost her life in 2007 due to complications following an elective plastic surgery procedure.

West has always blamed himself for his mother's premature passing at age 58. When Q Magazineasked him what the greatest sacrifice he made for his success was, he simply answered, "My Mom. If I had never moved to L.A. she'd be alive. I don't want to go far into it because it will bring me to tears."

Donda would probably be proud of her son if she could see him today. West is a father of two, husband, fashion designer, rapper, and mama's boy forever.

Jennifer Aniston, actress and 90s hair icon, wrote a personal essay for The Huffington Post to tell everyone, once again, that she is not pregnant, and ask people to kindly shut up about it. Aniston pregnancy rumors are practically an American tradition at this point, and have popped up two to five times per year for the past two decades. She penned the op-ed to address the myth that a woman can only be complete after she marries and reproduces. Take it from her, she is a rich and famous person with an awesome career who doesn't have to worry about changing diapers.

This past month in particular has illuminated for me how much we define a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status. The sheer amount of resources being spent right now by press trying to simply uncover whether or not I am pregnant (for the bajillionth time... but who’s counting) points to the perpetuation of this notion that women are somehow incomplete, unsuccessful, or unhappy if they’re not married with children.

While she was busy not making babies, she really lived it up. Besides making a ton of episodes of Friends, a bunch of movies, and becoming America's sweetheart by winning the hearts of millions, the woman dated John freaking Mayer.

Here’s where I come out on this topic: we are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples. Let’s make that decision consciously, outside of the tabloid noise. We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.

Tabloids have used the "poor Jen can't get pregnant" narrative since practically forever, and Jen is fed up with it. She just wants to eat a hamburger in peace without tabloids photographing her food baby and trying to pass it off as an actual baby.

I resent being made to feel “less than” because my body is changing and/or I had a burger for lunch and was photographed from a weird angle and therefore deemed one of two things: “pregnant” or “fat.”

Celebs came out to support Aniston's powerful essay through the power of the retweet button.

Ghostbuster Melissa McCarthy also has Jen's back, telling Entertainment Tonight that she is "one hundred thousand billion percent" behind the essay. Hey, that is about how many times people speculated Jennifer Aniston was pregnant over the years!

Aniston, who is not on social media, also notes that she never addresses rumors about her, so maybe this is the "bajillionth" straw that broke the camels back. Turns out there are some not-awesome aspects to being Aniston.

You can read her entire powerful essay here.

For many of us, a fresh crop of armpit and leg stubble represents a defiant couple of days away from the shower. For 16-year-old Adèle Labo of France, it's a movement.

Her hashtag, #LesPrincessesOntDesPoils (meaning #PrincessesHaveHair), became the number one trending item on French Twitter. It asks women to share pictures of their body hair.

Despite the playground rumors that taught us French women love having hairy armpits, they've actually been guilted into removing hair almost as much as we do in the States, with 77% of women considering it important to be free of body hair (in the US that number goes up to 84%).

And that sucks, because shaving is a huge pain in the ass. According to a British study, women spend 72 days shaving their legs over the course of a lifetime, or approximately 1,728 hours. That's over two months spent craning our necks to catch those pits, or doing a shower ballet skimming the backs of our legs. And we still miss that spot on the side of our knees. Every. Damn. Time.

Not to mention it's just incredibly oppressive to be made to feel gross for letting our bodies behave naturally, a luxury men have been enjoying since time immortal.

Labo wants to liberate women of that burden, one picture at a time.

(Rough translation: The issue here is not even hair. It's just being able to make choices about your body.)

And women are showing every part of the body that naturally grows hair. You know, because women are mammals, too.

All these women want to do is leave their hair alone, but of course there are detractors (read: men) who want the movement and the hair short.

Translation: "What is this? Fuck, I'm going to be sick (and then some childish 'sick' emojis)."

Sorry not sorry, guys. If you don't like what you see, you don't have to look.

It's a lot to take on, especially at such a young age, but Adèle is handling it with incredible grace and humor. Great job, keep it up!

Celebrities are good at many things, like being gorgeous, spending money, and posting selfies. Human relations, on the other hand, is not their strong suit. Thanks to ironclad non-disclosure agreements, the public rarely finds out about the outrageous diva demands stars make of their hired help, but luckily some have been leaked. Here are 13 celebrity bosses who will make you feel so much better about your sucky job.

1. Martha Stewart

Considering how perfection is kind of her thing, Martha Stewart does not seem like a super chill person to work for. According to Radar Online, the domestic diva makes her assistants color in the bottoms of her Christian Louboutin shoes with a marker. What? Apparently she's not a fan of the signature red soles (a.k.a. the best part) and would rather have someone painstakingly cover them with a black Sharpie. Classic Martha, ruining her shoes' soles and her assistants' souls in one easy step.

2. Christian Bale

You've heard of Christian Bale's on-set breakdowns and furious rants—now imagine that he's your boss. Harrison Cheung actually lived this real life stress dream. He worked as Bale's publicist and personal assistant for over ten years, doing such glamorous tasks as "sniffing Christian’s armpits for B.O. right before he hit the red carpet." Pee-ew.

In his tell-all book, Christian Bale: The Inside Story of the Darkest Batman, ​Cheung reveals that Bale was so mean, he would literally make little girls who approached him cry. Cheung said being Bale's assistant cost him his marriage and sent him to therapy for years. "My therapist would describe my condition as post-traumatic stress disorder," he said.

3. Madonna

In 2009, Angela Jacobsen, the nanny for Madonna’s adopted son David, made news when she abruptly left her job and posted, "I'm not putting up with this sh*t any more" on her personal Facebook page. According to Jacobsen, she was required to be "on call 24 hours a day,” and everyone in the home was forced to adhere to a strict kosher and macrobiotic diet. There was no television allowed in the house either.

Another of Madonna's employees claimed that the singer requires her personal assistant to bring her water at least six times throughout the night, every night. On top of that, She's cheap—paying only half the going rate for celebrity assistants.

Yet another insider disclosed that the Material Girl is so obsessed with cleanliness that “before she will go to the toilet, she’ll send one of her team in with gloves and a face mask, with a bottle of disinfectant and a cloth.” You'd think Madonna got exposed to enough germs in the '80s to be immune to anything found on a toilet seat.

4. Beyoncé

When you're a mega-rich superstar, no demand is too over the top. Queen Bey allegedly made her previous nanny learn all the choreography from Single Ladies so she could perform it for Blue Ivy, on command. Apparently nothing calms a child down faster than watching their caretaker gyrate to a singles empowerment anthem from 2008. No word on whether the nanny had to wear a spandex bodysuit.

Not too long ago, the Internet went wild over this clip of Beyoncé shutting down her assistant on the red carpet. Lesson learned: don't ever get between Beyoncé and her true love, the cameras.

5. Cheryl Hines

“There is a really gritty, unglamorous underbelly to show business called the assistant world,” Cheryl Hines told The Wrap, and she should know. When the actress scored her breakout role playing Larry David's wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm, she was working as a celebrity personal assistant to Rob Reiner​. While Hines signed a non-disclosure agreement not to dish on Reiner, she did reveal that she asks her own assistant "to do awful things." Worst of all: cleaning out every cage for her daughter's menagerie of pets, which includes two dogs, two guinea pigs, a gecko, a hamster, two turtles and a hedgehog. That's a sh*tty job, literally.

By the way, it’s not easy to handle a hedgehog. They are prickly and there’s a lot of poop involved. Maybe if I wasn’t working I’d do it but I don’t think so. I’d rather work at 7/11 and hire someone to clean hedgehog poop. This is the town where you can do that.

6. Lady Gaga

If you think your boss is overbearing, imagine having to sleep in the same bed with them every night. In 2013, Lady Gaga's former personal assistant Jennifer O'Neill sued her for $390,000 in unpaid overtime plus damages. ​(O'Neill reportedly made $75,000/year as an assistant.) In the lawsuit, O'Neill claimed she had to work 24/7 and was literally required to sleep in Gaga’s bed.“I was by her side virtually 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” O’Neill testified. “That includes sleeping in the same bed with her. Because she did not sleep alone.”​

Gaga's former assistant claimed she was not allowed to have any privacy, talk to her family, friends, or even sleep uninterrupted. “Another thing she would do in the middle of the night, would be wake me up to have me change the DVD in the DVD player because she didn’t want to watch that DVD any more and she couldn’t get up to walk across the room to change the DVD herself.” O'Neill said.

Lady Gaga settled out of court with her former employee, calling her a “f *cking hood rat." Besides the settlement and getting to spoon Lady Gaga, O'Neill reportedly got a $1 million book deal out of the experience. Not too shabby.

7. Frank Sinatra

It's not just the stars of today who are divas. Frank Sinatra's faithful butler George Jacobs had plenty of stress tending to Ol' Blue Eyes. Jacobs revealed he had to serve the singer Jack Daniel’s, hand-wash his underwear, straighten his toupée, and coordinate the many women who came in and out of Sinatra's bed. In his memoir Mr. S: My Life With Frank Sinatra, Jacobs also revealed that he had to spray cover-up on his boss’s bald patch every single day.

8. Mariah Carey

Mariah's diva behavior is legendary. The star employs a small army of bodyguards, nannies, assistants, chauffeurs and pet chauffeurs. She needs each and every one, because apparently the star can't do basic things for herself. She allegedly“can’t work a microwave,” and forces her personal assistant to wash her hair in the shower. She's been known to have an assistant walk backwards in front of her so she doesn't fall down in heels, and she can't even be bothered to hold her own drink. One of her backup dancers revealed he witnessed Mariah ordering an assistant to hold her Diet Coke for her as she sipped it through a straw. The Sun reported that when Mariah Carey was in Scotland, she sent her assistants out at 3 A.M. to pick up 20 DVDs, Oreos, and bottles of Coke, as well as some pizzas.

One of her employees had a problem with all of these 24/7 demands and sued Carey for overtime. Ylser Oliver filed a lawsuit which alleges Carey forced her to work “approximately sixteen hours per day … for six to seven days per week" and was never paid overtime or even given one meal break in the over seven years she worked for the singer. Damn, Mariah could've at least given her some pizza.

9. Julia Roberts

According to a former staffer, Julia Roberts used to force her kids' nannies to wear long red wigs when tucking the little ones into bed at night. “It was a bit weird, but I get it,” the nanny said. “She hoped they would think it was her putting them to sleep instead of the sitter.”

"What, I thought she was you," said every celebrity Dad who's been busted shagging the nanny.

10. Naomi Campbell

Personal assistant to the stars (and extremely brave soul) Rebecca White told the New York Post what it was like to work for Naomi Campbell. According to White, Campbell had very specific requirements for any hotel she stayed in. Exactly 25 lily-scented candles had to be placed in specific spots around the suite. She said, “There always had to be five candles in the bathroom, 10 in the bedroom and 10 in the living room.”

Those diva demands seem pretty cute when you compare them to all of the alleged abuse the supermodel's been accused of by women on her payroll. Naomi has allegedly assaulted employees on 11 different occasions between 1998 and 2009. In 2006, Campbell was arrested for reckless assault for throwing a cell phone at her housekeeper's head in a fit of rage, causing lacerations that required four stitches. Before that, Campbell was sued by a former assistant who accused Campbell of throwing a phone at her and physically attacking her during an explosive tantrum in Beverly Hills in 2001. A year earlier, in 2000, Campbell pleaded guilty in Toronto to a 1998 assault charge for beating her assistant Georgina Galanis in "a fit of anger."

11. Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron is a self-proclaimed"bitch," and it doesn't sound like her employees would disagree with that. “I wasn’t allowed to speak or even look at her,” one of Theron's former nannies revealed to Star magazine. The nanny said if she had anything to communicate with her boss about the children she had to write it down in a diary. "Dear Diary, my boss won't let me make eye contact with her. Going to go cry now."

Yep, looks like Charlize has this whole parenting thing under control.

12. Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston is quite the opposite. She demands her employees to look at her, at all of her. “Jen is very free when it comes to showing off her body,” said a former bodyguard.

When she answers the door in the morning she’s in a mini camisole and underwear. She never covers up. But everyone is used to that. That’s just Jen! She’s always half-naked. When she’s not in her underwear, she’s in a bikini. I can name all the moles on her body, that’s how many times I’ve seen her undressed.

Maybe she's not a showoff, maybe she's just hot? The former Friend is apparently known to “make an assistant hold a fan in front of her between scenes” so she never looks sweaty. Good thing, because if anyone found out Rachel Green has sweat glands, they'd totally stop loving her.

13. Anna Wintour

If you cringed watching Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, then you have a pretty good idea what it's like to work for Vogue editor, Anna Wintour. Lauren Weisberger wrote The Devil Wears Prada based on her real life experiences as an assistant to Wintour. Weisberger recalls making six Starbucks runs a day and facing some serious judgment for her unfashionable shoes. Wintour would "stare at them in disgust and it was a stare that conveyed her displeasure pretty clearly." Classic Miranda Anna.

Older people love to call millennials lazy and entitled. Well guys, we can officially add Martha Stewart to our list of haters. Earlier this week, Martha revealed that she is of the belief that millennials lack "initiative." In an interview with Luxury Listingsostensibly about "trying to connect with millennials," Martha dropped this quote:

I think every business is trying to target millennials. But who are millennials? Now we are finding out that they are living with their parents. They don’t have the initiative to go out and find a little apartment and grow a tomato plant on the terrace.

And this one:

I got married at 19 and I immediately got an apartment and I fixed it up. I was very proud of everything I did. I got the furniture at auctions for pennies. Beautiful furniture. My apartments were lovely and homey and comfortable.

Well, I'm coming to my generation's defense. Here are four reasons we're not as lazy as Martha Stewart would have you believe.

1. We want more out of life than tomato plants.

According to this interview, Martha's definition of success is getting married at 19 and rushing out to "find a little apartment and grow a tomato plant on the terrace."

Okay, first of all, Martha, I live in New York City. Do you have any idea how expensive an apartment with a terrace would be? Second of all, you got married at 19! You were so little! We have things we want to do first. We want to build our careers. We want to make things. We want to change the world. There will be plenty of time to settle down and grow tomatoes later.

2. We're passionate about the things we love.

When millennials love something, they love it with everything they've got. Let Martha watch a group of twenty-somethings try to track down a Pikachu on Pokémon Go and still say we lack "initiative." We're all running through the streets like a bunch of yahoos!

Millennials are passionate, even about dumb things like video games. You can call us crazy or childish, but in my book, it's okay and it's important to get excited about the things you love. This applies to all aspects of life (careers, relationships, etc.), but especially to Pokémon.

3. We make sacrifices to get what we want.

Martha seems to have a big problem with millennials who stay at home past the tender age of 19, but my guess is that most of those people are choosing to stay at their parents' house a little longer so they can afford to survive while they either take a low level job in the field they really want to work in or work a low-paying day job while they pursue something creative. No one still wants to be at their parents' house in their twenties, Martha!

And while she does acknowledge the "economic circumstances out there are very grim," she doesn't seem to understand that no one enjoys explaining to their dad that the strange man he ran into in the kitchen this morning was last night's Tinder date!

But sometimes you need to make sacrifices now to get to where you want to be later.

4. We follow our dreams.

Everyone wants to have a fulfilling career that makes us happy, but millennials are notoriously stubborn about it (in a good way). We don't like to settle, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Sorry for wanting to make a living doing something we love, Martha. Blame it on our lousy, supportive parents who told us we could be anything we wanted to be. We believed them.

13-year-old standup comedian Lori Mae Hernandez proved she got talent with her slick Trump burn, and now she's shifting focus to another famous Republican: Caitlyn Jenner. The young comedy prodigy took the stage on America's Got Talent with some stellar jokes about the hardships of being a tween (that for some reason seemed to resonate with grown man Simon Cowell).

Then Hernandez starting joking about how hard growing up is for girls, adding, “That’s why I started training. Apparently it’s so difficult to become a woman that you have to train to wear a bra. And if you don’t believe me, ask Caitlyn Jenner.”

It's edgy territory for a middle-schooler, but she handles it with class, going for the Olympic pun that's too good to resist. And then to her closer: "A dad that would go to that length to teach her daughters how to dress right."

This kid is going places, though one of the places might be a jail cell in the basement of PC Police headquarters.