In an interview with The Times of London, Miranda Kerr offered up that she doesn't use contraception. She doesn't need to, because she doesn't actually have sex with her fiancé, entrepreneur Evan Spiegel.

“Not until after we get married,” she clarified. “[Spiegel] is very traditional. We can’t…I mean we’re just…waiting.”

Miranda Kerr is not a virgin—we know this for sure because she has a 6-year-old son with her ex-husband, Orlando Bloom.

I have no idea if Evan Spiegel is a virgin, and while Jezebel has reached out to him, unsurprisingly, he hasn't responded. But whatever the case, Miranda Kerr wanted us to know that no boots have been knocking in the bedroom. Much like Madonna in the '80s, Miranda Kerr is now "Like a Virgin."

Khloe Kardashian is officially just a Kardashian.

The Revenge Body star's assistants got a hilarious, elaborate cake in honor of her officially dropping ex-husband Lamar Odom's name on her government documents, and Kim Kardashian West was there to Snapchat the festivities.

“You guys, look what Khloé’s assistants got for her because she got a new passport without her old last name. It’s her new last name,” Kim said, revealing an elaborate, edible license plate with "Happy Name Change!" on the bottom.

The cake is stuffed with jokes, including an address of "13 Freedom Lane" and a weight of simply "Skinny bitch."

"It's a good daaaaaaaay!" Khloe sings in the video.

After a few false starts, and years after their reality show was cancelled, Khloe and Lamar are officially donezo, and she's ready to blow out her candles and make a wish.

"I'm not as good as blowing as you thought," she jokes.

Always on brand, these kids.

A new Dior lipstick may not scream "feminism" to you, but Dior Beauty creative and image director Peter Phillips sees it differently. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Phillips revealed that he considers makeup one of the most powerful feminist tools out there.

Phillips talked with The Hollywood Reporter about launching the new line of Dior Addict Lacquer Stick lipsticks this year, in a political climate that includes an invigorated focus on feminism.

“Now there are literally slogans on the T-shirts, but I think it’s always been there. Makeup has always been a weapon for women, you just have to know how to use it,” Phillips said.

Phillips said he sees makeup as a way for women to express themselves and enhance their feminine power, rather than a way to cover up or hide their imperfections.

“A lipstick, an eyeliner is something a woman can use, and should use, to really put forward her strengths,” Phillips told The Hollywood Reporter. “She can totally control how she wants the world to see her — and she can also cover up her weaknesses if she wants to. For me if you use it well, it’s the strongest feminist weapon there is.”

So what I'm hearing is it's totally cool for me to go spend half my paycheck at Sephora because I'm fighting the patriarchy by doing so. Right? RIGHT?

Getting rejected from a job can be tough. No one knows this better than 18-year-old Megan Dixon of Leicester, UK, who received an unnecessarily cruel rejection text from an interviewer the moment after she left a meeting with her.

According to Mashable, Dixon interviewed for a position at Miller and Carter Steakhouse on Tuesday. One minute after leaving the interview, she received a particularly brutal rejection text from the branch’s assistant manager, Shantel Wesson.

Ouch. Not to mention that Wesson made fun of Dixon's language and didn't even use the right kind of "were." Those with bad grammar should not throw stones, lady.

Dixon also added that the interviewer was unprepared and her phone was going off throughout the interview— behavior that she called "so unprofessional."

The tweet quickly went viral, and it would seem that the entire internet is just as pissed as Dixon is.

However, management insists that the text was sent to Dixon on accident, and that Wesson was not just providing some unsolicited, brutally honest, emoji-laden feedback.

"We can't apologize enough to Megan," a spokesperson for Miller and Carter told The Sun. "It was never our intention to be disrespectful or upset her in any way. The texts were sent in error and were intended for our manager, not the candidate."

Yeah, that doesn't make it much better. Will Dixon accept this apology from the restaurant? Well, we can't be certain, but we are pretty sure "it's a no x."

Actor Shia LaBeouf had planned on keeping his #HeWillNotDivideUs protest/art installation going for the full four years of Donald Trump's presidency. Unfortunately, the Museum of the Moving Image in New York where the protest was taking place decided to shut off the 24/7 web camera that was broadcasting Shia LaBeouf's protest. Too bad, Shia—almost made it!

Shia LaBeouf started the protest on Inauguration Day. The decision to turn off the camera came after the museum called the spot a "flashpoint for violence," according to TMZ. LaBeouf himself was arrested on January 25 after he got into a physical fight with a Trump supporter who showed up to protest his protest.

So, as far as we know, Shia Labeouf may still be protesting/arting, it's just not being broadcast. If you go to LaBeouf's website, this is what you'll see.

Jason Chaffetz—Republican Congressman, House Oversight Committee Chairman, and off-brand Donny Osmond—returned home to Utah's 3rd district and could not handle his constituents' heckles.

His role on the House Oversight Committee makes him the dude who could (and should) investigate President Donald Trump's vast conflicts of interest, and over 1,000 people showed up at his town hall, many of them insisting that he does his job.

Chaffetz—the dude who subjected Hillary Clinton to 11-hour Benghazi hearing—rushed out early when his constituents asked him to apply to Trump the same scrutiny and grilled him on a number of important issues.

He got booed when he said he wanted to abolish the Department of Education.

An ex-teacher asked if/how he'd be willing to discipline Trump, and suggested impeachment instead of detention.

A 10-year-old girl burned him with, "Do you believe in science, because I do."

Chaffetz did admit to some wrongdoing in Trumpland, saying that it was "wrong, wrong, wrong" for Kellyanne Conway to pitch Ivanka Trump's sh*t on TV.

At the end of the night, he simply ran away.

And got booed.

Poor Chaffetz. It's tough when your job is to represent people and you're scared of the people you represent.

The spectrum of online challenges ranges from inane to entertaining to baffling to dumb to dangerous. The mannequin challenge was kind of fun. The "no hands" challenge shattered a lot of phone screens. The "duct tape challenge" put a kid in the hospital. The #KylieJennerLipChallenge made everyone lose faith in today's youth.

The "ice and salt challenge"? Not much to say about it except DEAR GOD WHY.

The ice and salt challenge is a social media trend in which teens pour salt on their skin and then hold ice cubes on the salt, which creates a burning sensation. Teens try to see how long they can withstand the burning feeling, which is caused by a chemical reaction between the salt and the ice that produces extreme cold temperatures and can result in frostbite, open wounds, and extremely dangerous infections. Teens post photos of their wounds as part of the challenge. Scarring and skin discoloration can be permanent.

The challenge originated in America (USA! USA!) in 2013, but appears to have migrated abroad as British police departments have issued warnings to parents about the danger of the trend. One boy in Swansea sustained such a horrific burn that doctors considered giving him skin grafts. Here's a photo if you haven't met your quota of extremely disgusting self-inflicted injury visual aids for the day.

It's unclear how many teens are actually taking part in the challenge, but let's hope this trend doesn't go viral anytime soon. Ideally teens will pioneer a new social media trend called the "keep your body safe from physical harm until you reach maturity challenge," but unfortunately, we wouldn't bet on it.

With only one day into her term as Secretary of Education, controversial choice Betsy DeVos has already learned her first lesson: never ask the internet a rhetorical question.

"Now where do I find the pencils?"

It's a joke, but it's pretty tone deaf considering one of the public's major concerns with DeVos is that she has never worked in a school.

Twitter came through with plenty of answers for the novice. Lucky her.

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14.

Damn. She got schooled.

Fifty Shades Darker opens on February 10th, and women and reluctant men are bound to flock to the cinema for the self-proclaimed "kinky f**kery." Critics are throwing shade at Fifty Shades, which once again stars Dakota Johnson as the surrogate for your imagination and Jamie Dornan as the scary stalker who's not criminal because he's hot. Critics are offering stern warnings to moviegoers, preparing them for what they're getting themselves into.

Here are the most brutal quotes from the reviews roast of Fifty Shades Darker. Take pleasure in the pain.

The Guardian, Catherine Shoard

Spliced between such drama come the sex scenes, steamy as a greasy spoon and almost as erotic. 'Fifty Shades’s chief way of proving how dirty it is seems to be making its stars take endless showers – which inevitably leads to more sex, and so a terrible cycle of shagging and washing.

The New York Times, Manohla Dargis

Rated R for sex and bared female breasts that are so prominently displayed they should have received co-star credit.

Almost bad enough to recommend.

Rolling Stone, Peter Travers

"Fifty Shades Dumber" is more like it.

Will Arnett and Rosario Dawson generate more erotic heat in 'The Lego Batman Movie.' And they're made of plastic.

Slate, Laura Bennett

Here we are again: watching two anatomical marvels writhe meaninglessly in the moonlight, like a burlesque performed by bots.

Jamie Dornan’s Christian continues to have all the charisma of a butt plug.

Vox, Alex Abad-Santos

Anastasia was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.

A key to unlocking enjoyment from Fifty Shades Darker is to realize that it’s actually an unintentional comedic masterpiece. After all, this is a story about a woman whose superhuman lack of intensity has somehow sparked an unquenchable interest from the world’s most beautiful and richest sadist under 30.

Forbes, Scott Mendelson (Just had to put in the whole paragraph—this is blistering.)

Fifty Shades Darker is the Species II of upscale bondage eroticism. The first film was not only aimed at women but crafted in a way that would be explicitly appealing to women. It focused on the female gaze and telling a romantic fantasy about consent, safety and control, whereby a woman could experiment with a rich and handsome stranger without fear of untoward reactions should she say “No.” This time out, with Sam Taylor-Johnson swapped out for James Foley, the focus is on the male gaze and male fantasy, as our mousy (but impossibly gorgeous) heroine is controlled within an inch of her life by a terrifyingly possessive rich dude whose only real attribute is his wealth. It’s almost like following up a hit sci-fi thriller about a bad a** female alien with a sequel about a male alien who rapes women to death.

Toronto Sun, Liz Braun

Not to put too fine a point on this or anything, but Fifty Shades Darker, sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey, is very boring. Very, very boring.

Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, boring, actually.

Consequence of Sound, Allison Shoemaker

[Dakota] Johnson and Dornan have about as much chemistry as a box of Wheat Thins being blindfolded by a box of Triscuits, and their romantic scenes pack even less punch than their sexual encounters.

The Hollywood Reporter, John Defoe

Both leads are attractive and look good without clothes, but the roteness of their bulge-flexing intimacies is such that when, near the film's end, the movie showed off Mr. Dornan's physique in a gym scene, women at Wednesday's preview screening were openly laughing at the contrivance.

Newark Star-Ledger, Rafer Guzmán

So awful, you'll whip yourself for seeing it.

From its dominant top to its submissive bottom, it’s utterly ridiculous.

Screen Crush, Matt Singer

A milquetoast continuation of a bland romance between two boring people. What little plot there is resolves quickly and easily, but then the film keeps going, until you begin to understand what it feels like to be punished by a self-described sadist like Christian Grey.

Lena Dunham threw the Today show into disarray this morning when she said the word, "penis" on-air during an interview with Maria Shriver.

The madness began when Shriver told Dunham that she'd seen three episodes of the new season of Girls.

"You saw a penis, right?" Dunham responded.

And that's when everything went bananas. (No pun intended.)

Granted, Lena Dunham asking if Maria Shriver saw a penis while watching her show was extremely weird, but what really fascinates me is that morning talk show anchors apparently have no idea how to handle the word "penis." She completely shut down! The show was thrown into chaos! Time stood still! Even Matt Lauer didn't know what to do!

Someone send the Today show puppy out here to break the awkward tension, please!

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?

A smart, nuanced, and refreshing piece of political commentary, of course.

On Tuesday, Under Armour CEO Kevin Plank called President Trump "a real asset for the country," and received an immediate public backlash. Steph Curry, who is sponsored by the brand, delivered a concise burn: "I agree with the description, if you remove the 'et' from asset."

Misty Copeland, also sponsored by UA, weighed in with a direct challenge to Plank on her Instagram, stating, "I've never backed away from speaking openly about is the importance of diversity and inclusion. It is imperative to me that my partners and sponsors share this belief."

And now Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, wrestler, actor, unifier, future President of the United States, and Under Armour's most high profile brand ambassador, has weighed in with his thoughts on Plank's controversial statement.

In an Instagram post, The Rock writes:

"His words were divisive and lacking in perspective. Inadvertently creating a situation where the personal political opinions of UA’s partners and its employees were overshadowed by the comments of its CEO. I partner with brands I trust and with people who share my same values. That means a commitment to diversity, inclusion, community, open-mindedness and some serious hard work. But it doesn't mean that I or my team will always agree with the opinion of everyone who works there, including its executives."

While The Rock states that he personally takes issue with Plank's statement, he wants to be mindful of how any action he might take would affect the thousands of Under Armour employees who aren't represented by Plank's comments.

"I feel an obligation to stand with this diverse team, the American and global workers, who are the beating heart and soul of Under Armour and the reason I chose to partner with them."

Check out his full statement below:

LGBT YouTuber Davey Wavey is definitely not a prude. The self-professed gay guru and storyteller has a popular YouTube channel that tackles everything from gay sex to pornography and much, much more. However, the YouTube star is calling his latest video, "Straight guys react to dick pics," the "gayest thing" he's ever filmed.

Davey gathered a small group of straight men and asked them to react to eight different dick pics. Their responses range from impressed to horrified, and they really get into some dirty details describing each picture. Check it out.

"What is that? It looks like he has a ball sack on his tip!" says one horrified straight guy of a dick pic.

"It looks like his dick has a runny nose," says another, trying to decipher what exactly is coming out of the member in the explicit photograph.

Not surprisingly, the straight dudes seemed particularly impressed with one particular penis that had a dragon tattooed on it, thought they did wonder about the logistics of getting the ink done.

“I’ve made 800+ LGBT-themed videos over that last ten years and this video, featuring four straight men, is probably the gayest thing I’ve ever filmed. I was surprised by how much the straight guys had to say about each dick," Davey Wavey told The Huffington Post. "I was struck by how impressed they were with the well-endowed images. It further proves my theory that just about everyone (even straight guys) loves a big dick."

This week's storm brought tons of snow to the Northeast, and along with it, tons of newscasters broadcasting live about how much snow there was.

With a live newscast, there's always the chance of something going wrong. Usually the worst thing that happens is someone will awkwardly step into the shot. Like this guy. But sometimes the world gets really lucky and something truly special happens in the background of a live newscast.

In the case of WWLP-22 News in Springfield, Massachusetts, that special thing was named POT SASQUATCH, an elusive creature made entirely of marijuana, who staggered into the background of a reporter's live shot.

Check it out:

Pot Sasquatch was later revealed to be the mascot of a local marijuana growing supplies store.

It's unknown where and when he will be spotted next.

Recently a thief in Australia broke into a guy's utility vehicle, stole a backpack, and strangely also took with him one singular shoe. Who? Why? The owner, Marcus, decided the only chance at answers was to leave a gigantic note for the thief at the scene of the crime.

"My issue is that you only stole one shoe."

To the dude who pinched the backpack & one (singular boot from my ute:

I'm sure you had your reasons,. My issue is that you only stole one show (the left one).

I would like to present 2 options to you:

#1: Please give everything back especially the boot.

#2 If you really want to keep my stuff and simply just don't want to give it back —Then I'm going to leave the other booth (the one I still have, the one you didn't steal) but the front gate at 143 Molle St West Hobart, so that way I know at least one of us is getting full benefit of the new shoes.

I promise I won't try to trick you or catch you. Fair's fair.

Marcus.

Who gives their address to a thief? This guy. Who offers up his other shoe so they don't go to waste? Also this guy.

Despite the fact that giving your exact coordinates to a known thief is the #worstideaever, it actually worked. The thief saw the note, paid a visit to Marcus's house, and returned the shoe. Blessed be.

But that wasn't enough for Marcus, so he left ANOTHER note.

"Dear dude who pinched and returned my boot:"

In waht can only be described as a 'really strange' turn of events, I arrived home today to find that the thied (with a heart of solid gold) had returned the shoe to my front door.

Dear Dude Who Pinched And Returned My Boot:

Either you have a great (albeit confusing) code of ethics, or we simply just have a different foot size.

Either way i feel very, very grateful to you and I dont want to push the ticket any further, but would while we are at it, may I please have my backpack back as well?

I know you probablu love it, an maybe at this stage you feel like it's yours. Thats Fine, and in a way, I feel like you kind of deserve it. But I do still really want it, and kind of need it for a big Trip I'm doing soon.

PS. This time I'll leave you a 6-pack at the front gate.

Also, if you rent the robber and are just reading this, please don't come and steal the free brews. This is between me and the thief.

Love, Marcus XO

Marcus, you seem like a really nice guy, but you just gave a thief as well as your entire neighborhood your address and the info that you are planning to be out of town.

Do you want to get robbed again? Because this is how you get robbed again.

Yes, yes, revenge is a dish best served cold, and you only hurt yourself when you go down to their level, but whatever. Revenge is sweet and satisfying. Particularly when it is utterly toothless and doesn't really hurt the person who wronged you. But what counts is that as minor as it may be, you know that vengeance was had. Some people on Reddit shared some of the best revenge they ever enacted.

1. I_am_Jacks_colon is getting a divorce.

My missus leaves tea bags in the sink so I put them in her wallet.

2. The revenge of redman2532 works on two levels because that show is terrible.

My Ex cheated with a married man. He now lives with her. He is a POS.. but anyway, I still have login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show "Cheaters." Petty, but it makes me laugh.

3. WhereTheFatRolls let a mouse loose. Not that kind of mouse, but it's still pretty bad.

I once had a colleague I hated (he was very condescending and really arrogant), so I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse and kept the mouse in my drawer. I would just open my drawer and it would fuck his shit right up. Kept it going for like 2 months. He was about to murder the world when I thought I better stop.

4. HAIR is a good one from cheapalternatives. (It involves shampoo, you see.)

One of my roommates always used to use our shampoo, and this went on for months. We could always tell because the shower would smell of different shampoo from time to time whenever he used the shower.

So one day instead of usual shampoo we mixed in rotten milk and the usual shampoo in a bottle and left it in the shower. Needless to say he wasn't very happy about it and we all (minus him) had a good laugh.

5. This one from caca_milis_ really pops. (It involves popcorn, you see.)

When I was a kid I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch "Handbook" - it was full of kiddie experiemtns and stuff and was pretty fun.

My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the 'tricks' from the book, you fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil.

I put it under her bed, it takes a few days to "work", so I completely forgot about it, until one night I woke up to my two sisters whispering - it had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.

6. Gettin' wet with spartan-44.

Kid stole my water bottle. I opened it up and left it inside his backpack.

7. This is a cool stor fromporcelain_queen.

On every email I send, I attach my name, company, position, etc. ALL the time people will respond "Thank you Sara"....but my name is spelled with the "H". I have started to reply to them leaving off a letter of their name. "No problem Rene" "Have a good day Jon". They probably think I am an idiot, but it is worth it to me.

8. AR3Leatherworks SMASH!

Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic ass lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don't know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces.

So, after three bouts of this, and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box, emptied the contents (a gigantic sandwich, a Twinkie, chips, some vegetable pieces, and a few other bits), and ran over them with my car. I carefully packed it back in, and put it back.

He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.

9. Don't piss off hardybe.

When I was a kid I had a bed wetting problem. I am not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems... at the time however, this was humiliating. My younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified.

Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued. So I decided to level the playing field. The whole "hand in cup of warm water" deal didn't work. I stood over him as he slept one night and pissed on him. The next morning, my mom was horrified and wound up taking a call from my grandmother.

"I don't know what to do, now BOTH of them are pissing the bed," she explained, clearly frustrated.

After a few more times of "framing" my brother as a bed wetter he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.

10. 0124NN pulled off a classic prank known in some circles as "The Vermont Snowjob."

I was in a big meeting (50 managers/supervisors) and two high level guys made fun of my car (Subaru Outback) in their presentation. I had access to their personal info (phone #, address, emails) and sent it to the Subaru sales group, asking for a test drive/quotes/etc. They got spammed pretty well for a while.

11. Bully bullied whoshereforthemoney and smart kids, smart kids destroy bully forever.

So I was an AP kid, and had a bunch of AP friends, and also was in sports and theater. I had a large bunch of friends in nearly every cliche.

Anyway. One day, one of my friends gets sucker punched in the halls by some dickwad. Becuase of the school's zero tolerance policy, getting sucker punched carries the same punishment as sucker punching. So my friend and the dickwad both got in school suspension, but only one of them was punched on the face.

I thought that was a litte bit unfair.

So I got my friends together, and they got their friends together, and every week, one of us would sucker punch dickwad. Every week, one of us would have ISS, and so would dickwad, but since we are many, none of us went to ISS twice.

Dickwad on the other hand missed so much class, that he had to retake the grade.

12. A primer in alternative facts from failing_forwards.

I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the prof told me tough luck. Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and began giving him edited versions.

I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things or just straight up write stuff that makes no sense.

An example of the crap I would put in: To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Echer's factorial (4.22).

If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.

He retook that class.

13. Well, whereyouatdesmondo, really shoed her.

We were sitting by a pool once, and a woman stood over my wife and started spraying sunscreen all over herself - and my wife. We asked her nicely to please move and she ignored us and kept spraying. When we left, I took one of her flip flops with me.

14. Deny firedrafter and all the cinnamon bread in the land shall perish.

In 3rd grade I was falsely accused by the hall monitor of talking during quiet time. Even after my dad came in and talked to the teacher she still punished me by keeping me from watching a movie and eating the cinnamon bread with everyone else. So the day before the class watched the movie and ate snacks, I unplugged the breadmakers right before we left school so no one would get any. I figured if I can't have it, no one can.

15. This is how weshirc buttered up their boss.

I had a boss whom I couldn't stand. One day, she banned microwave popcorn in the office because she hated the smell. About a month later, I bought one of those USB drives that has scented oil inside...scented like buttered popcorn. I plugged it in on the side of her desktop. Took her 6 months to figure it out.

16. Tsquare43 is definitely not a commitment phobe.

In college (early 1990's), I lived with several guys in a suite. One liked to call me "chunky A", yes, I was chubby (I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continue to lose more). I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more.

I proceeded to call up every info-merrical I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), Tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, had information sent to him about adult bed wetting, etc.

He accused me of it, and I told him, why would I do such a thing to him? I kept it up for 2 years while he lived in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off campus place. I found out where he lived and I waited a couple of months and started it all over again.

Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail.

17. Link-to-the-Pastiche didn't even leave a paper trail.

We had a guy in our office take a crap in the bathroom every day after lunch and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn't listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork so 5 minutes before he went in I took all the toilet paper.... that's right. I forced the man to live with a dirty ass.