Quantcast
Channel: someecards.com
Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live

Superhuman Kacy Catanzaro explodes expectations on American Ninja Warrior.

0
0


There go all your excuses for not working out at the gym.

I haven't seen any of NBC's American Ninja Warrior. but I'd watch hours of it if the reward was getting to watch Kacy Catanzaro complete the finals course again like she did last night.

Catanzaro, a former Division 1 gymnast and a current badass, is the first woman to even attempt the finals course and she blows through it better than many of her male competitors. So much for the weaker sex. Her feat is especially impressive when you consider a fact that the announcers won't let you forget; that she is a 5-foot, 100 lb woman on a course that was designed for much larger athletes. 

My mouth hung open the entire time watching this. Watching her go through the course was exhilarating and almost tear-inducing, like hearing someone sing an impossible high note. Her triumph over this course is the physical manifestation of an opera.

Notice that right as she is finishing the hoop course at 2:25 the announcer says, "Somebody call security because she is going to need a body guard, she is a superstar."

Hell, no! She is a superstar, but that bodyguard should be scared of her.

(by Myka Fox)


Long lasting.

12 iPhone Emergency Alerts That Would Actually Be Useful

An enormous gaping hole just opened up in a region of Russia called the 'End of the World.'

0
0

Natural phenomena or portal to netherworld? Still undetermined.

I don't wanna alarm anyone or anything, but a 250-foot-diameter gaping hole with scorched edges had recently appeared on the Yamal peninsula in northern Russia. Also, you should probably know that in the Nenets language of the region's indigenous people, "Yamal" means "End of the World." But that's probably just a coincidence.

Just like the many scientists who are currently studying this mysterious phenomena, I can't say with any certainty how or why this enormous, carbon-blackened maw opened up in the face of this desolate landscape. Nor can I guess what kinds of otherworldly, eldritch behemoths will or will not come dragging themselves forth from its unforgiving, unrelenting blackness. Maybe—like some people who think they're so smart with their college educations and their notebooks are speculating—it was just "a result of an explosion when a mixture of water, salt and natural gas exploded underground." Or maybe it was the first sign that the Cosmic Others are waking from their aeon-long slumber and are preparing to cast this world into an epoch of darkness and misery. Could be either. Who's to say?

Anyway, my point is this: Don't worry. This is probably nothing. And even if it's not nothing, it's too late. They're awake. They can smell your soul.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Aging well.

Rapper Action Bronson raps from a port-a-potty during a concert, doesn't miss a beat.

0
0


Straight out of Flushing.

Action Bronson is a rapper on the make. 

The Queens lyricist was in the middle of performing "Shiraz" at Ottawa Bluefest when nature called. Instead of holding it, Bronson rapped his way through what looks like a VIP section to a row of blue port-a-potties and took advantage of the first one available. All the while he held the mic strong and continued rapping, never missing a beat.

He emerged from the temp toilet victorious, slinging verses and flinging toilet paper, to uproarious cheers. 


Check out Bronson's tour dates to see where he's going to pee next.

(by Myka Fox)

Killing it.

Today in Bald Dude Powers... Man uses his bald head to pour a beer with no hands.

0
0


Is it the shape of the skull? The consistency of the sweat? Or...WITCH!!!

Never underestimate the power of the bald man. He is like ScarJo in Lucy. Just like most of us use only 10% of our brains, the haired of the world are only using a small percentage of their skull's natural talents for bar tricks. This man has freed the dome.

When the shit hits the fan and no one's allowed to pour beer with their hands anymore due to a really weird dictate from a fascist leader, the man with the smooth, sticky, rounded just-so-perfectly dome will be king.

(by Bob Powers)


Dog lifts spirits by singing the blues.

0
0


I got those non-dextrous paw blues.

This Russian dog plays the piano pretty poorly (damn things were made for fingers), and maybe that's why he needs to unburden his soul by singing the blues. 

It's hard to tell, exactly, because this dog speaks Russian. Here's the english version as translated for us by an english speaking dog:

"Arooooooooooooo. Oooooooooh. Arroooo-ooooo. Rooooooooo. Gourooooooh."

So soulful.

(by Myka Fox)

Campus officers in trouble for keeping a very entertaining list of people who should "Eat a bowl of d*cks."

0
0


Interesting that John McCain only made the list after Sarah Palin showed up....

James Cleavenger, 35, is suing the University of Oregon police department, saying he was fired in October 2012 after trying to report inappropriate behavior by his coworkers. This is important, because his lawsuit revealed the existence of the department's official "Eat A Bowl Of Dicks" list, a list of 225 people and things that, in the expert opinion of the UOPD, should consume a big bowl of penises. 


I don't disagree with these, but boy does this make the UOPD sound like jocks.

According to Cleavenger, the list was maintained by the graveyard shift officers and maintained by Lt. Brandon Lebrecht, who would spend the pre-shift briefing going over the list, adding names and debating the ones that were already on there. Cleavenger stated that oftentimes, the bulk of their 8-hour shifts would be devoted to the list.


Getting a little more meta here. I love that they hate Oregon State's officers.

The University of Oregon confirmed that the list is real and even provided a copy that they had retrieved from an officer's phone, which is what you're enjoying now. 


The UO mascot is a duck (Mallard). ORS 352.385 established campus police.
Adobe Acrobat is a computer program that can seriously eat a bowl of dicks.

Whether or not you find this amusing, I think we can agree that most of us would be fired for spending our work hours doing this. I think we'd have a lot more difficulty agreeing with the actual names on the list, though.


You say "Fraternities" as if that's not already how you get into one.

I mean, Drew Carey (whose name they misspelled)? After all the work he's done to lose weight? You're gonna make him eat a bunch of dicks? Those dicks will go straight to his hips. That's mean.


Fergie is where you draw the line? Al Roker should eat dicks but Fergie is cool?

Not even Cleavenger has claimed the list itself it was malicious, although he did complain about his own personal treatment in the department. He did say that he thought it had gone too far and was offensive, but not with the intent to hurt.


I couldn't have paid for a better list of slightly-too-dated references.

Basically, this is a case of Cleavenger tattling and then being unfairly punished for it. This isn't too unlikely, given that Lt. Lebrecht, who was in charge of the list, is now (according to his LinkedIn profile) in charge of "Professional Standards and Training" as well as "Internal Affairs." Perfect.


I'm surprised the concept of "working" in general wasn't on there.

I can't say that if I had to do it all over again, this would make me go to OU, but maybe if I did it all over again and really screwed it all up, I'd work for the UOPD graveyard shift.


"Snooki, The Situation, Gerard Depardeux" is a sequence of words never before uttered.


Wait... "European Vacation" the activity or the National Lampoon movie?


Kind of a boring way to go out, guys. Always let Beyonce be your closer.

What do you think? Is this the kind of team-building exercise more co-workers should engage in? What percentage of real police departments have similar lists? Most importantly, who did they miss?

(by Johnny McNulty)

Uncomfortable silence.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - July 17, 2014

0
0

1. Why Won't Marvel Release Longform Birth Certificate For New Black Captain America?

Things just keep getting worse for racist, sexist, obsessive nerds who pound their fists upon the presswood surface of their desks in their parents' basements at the very mention of a change in the comic book status quo. One day after View host Whoopi Goldberg shocked the world by announcing that a woman will now be wielding the hammer of Thor, Marvel editor Joe Quesada stepped onto The Colbert Report to announce that a black man will be carrying on the title of Captain America, now that Steve Rogers is an old, wrinkly white dude with a WWII-era understanding of the world. Are there any white, male superheroes left, aside from almost all of them?!


2. New Orleans Saints' Newest Cheerleader Mom Is Inspiration For Super Hot 40-Year-Old Moms Everywhere

A 40-year-old Mississippi woman with two children and a debilitating kidney disease recently realized her dream of becoming a professional cheerleader for the New Orleans Saints, and all she had to do to achieve it was be preternaturally attractive and athletic for her age and health.


3. Federal Judge Finds California's Death Penalty To Be More Of A Wait-Around-For-A-Long-Time Penalty 

A federal judge has declared California's death penalty system to be unconstitutional, as the vast majority of inmates sentenced to capital punishment spend years and years and years waiting for the sweet embrace of death that never arrives. Apparently, US District Judge Cormac J. Carney has been listening to a lot of Smiths and Cure lately. 


4. CBS Says Sports Announcers May Choose Whether Or Not To Use Racial Slur On The Air

It looks like CBS sports announcers will be given the choice of whether or not they feel comfortable using the name "Redskins," when referring to Washington D.C.'s football team on-air this season. "Generally speaking, we do not tell our announcers what to say or not say," network chairman Sean McManus very unconvincingly explained during an interview with the Hollywood Reporter.


5. Cheeseheads Forced To Deal With 'Crazy Worm' Scourge

This is going to sound like some kind of weird Midwesternism, but you have to believe me when I tell you it's not: the University of Wisconsin-Madison is being inundated with some kind of voraciously hungry, jumping "crazy worms." The unusually hearty, invasive earthworm species currently covers about an acre of land on the campus, and officials are taking great precautions to keep them from spreading into other parts of the state and country.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Tail wagging.

Like a surgeon.

Week of Weird Al, Day 4: "Handy"

0
0


"That's what I love about these pop songs, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

We've reached the halfway point in the 8-day unveiling of all of Weird Al's videos from his new album, Mandatory Fun. Today's entry is "Handy," to the tune of Iggy Azalea's "Fancy." In this video, Weird Al is a handyman who really, really wants to convince you to hire him. 

I'm going to listen to this a few dozen more times to be sure, but my favorite video from this album is still the first that was released, "Tacky" (from Pharrell's "Happy"), followed by "Foil" (from Lorde's "Royals") and "Word Crimes" (I thought there could have been a lot more there making fun of "Blurred Lines").

What's been most impressive, however, is the execution of the entire 8-day rollout. Everyone is talking about it. Blogs are delighted to have high-quality song parodies to write about and watch every day. Weird Al is nailing the Internet, which someone should explain to Fox Business News, because they did a cringe-worthy interview with Al that featured enough cyber-ignorance to embarrass a nursing home.

Check back in tomorrow for whatever Weird Al puts out next.

(bJohnny McNulty)


A whole lot of adventurous women are climbing to the tops of mountains and flashing them.

0
0

Giving back. (Via)

No, this isn't a preview of the new season of Naked & Afraid (or Dating Naked, or any of the dozen new shows that couldn't afford a wardrobe budget). Say hello to Mtnbabes, the new trend that combines outdoorsy-ness and nakedness where women climb to mountain peaks and remote vistas, and then get all naked and triumphant with their mountain-conquering selves.

The MTNBabes website states their aim as "to represent those gnarly, hardcore chicks who know how to get after it and who understand the benefits of climbing the tallest peak." Their Instagram feed features pics sent in by gnarly, hardcore chicks who found themselves in the most beautiful nature spots, and decided that the only respectful thing to do would be to present themselves in their own natural state, unburdened by all that REI waterproof fabric. 

When asked where are the most remote places they've gotten pics from, Maddie, the MTNBabes president says, "Mmm we've had a pic from Kilamanjaro in Africa as well as a few from the Patagonia area in South America. From the backcountry of British Columbia to Iceland and even Alaska!"

About the part nudity plays in the group's mission, Maddie gets rhapsodic. "Have you ever stood on a mountain top naked? Most. Liberating. Feeling. Ever. Seriously ultimate freedom!! We believe everyone needs to experience this at least once!"

Pics are taken from behind, appeasing Instagram's nipple-phobic standards. This looks to be less about #freethenipple and more about being free in the remote parts of nature the photo subjects have briefly claimed for themselves. Per the site, "After discussing the current Y Generation, we decided that there was a lack of female participation in outdoor recreation. We decided that chicks these days needed something to inspire them to get off the couch and get outside; thus mtnbabes was born."

Those free-wheeling Gen Y kids. No journey's worth getting off the couch for them unless they know they'll be able to get naked at the end of it.

Or, at least, they'll get to tear something apart with a chainsaw. Oh shit!

While their Facebook page has been live since September of last year, their Instagram feed looks to be pretty new, with pics dating back only to June. That might be due to Instagram constantly trying to shut them down. 

"We've actually had our gram deleted seven times!" says Maddie. "And we started it after the website...so really our popularity on insta hasn't really affected us-our main motivation has always been to inspire chicks to get outside and push their limit. Social media is just a way to spread the message."

But they're growing in popularity, with even some holiday-themed pics coming in.

For the 4th...

And this special one for Canada Day...

Whether this inspires more women to explore the outdoors, or just inspires people who get turned on small-of-the-lower-back pics to explore their feed, their guiding mantra is an appealing one: "Climb Mountains. Get Naked." 

If you're shy in front of God's green Earth, you could always fake it with a Nipple Bikini.

 (by Bob Powers)

(Post updated: 7/17/14, 6:35 PM)

These two house thieves were filmed by Google Street View before breaking into a home.

0
0

Have you seen these amorphous blobs?

Back in 2011, an Oklahoma City woman arrived home only to find her belongings in disarray as two men rifled through her things looking for valuables. To make matters even more terrifying, they then proceeded to hold her at gunpoint for a full hour as they finished up their business. Because I suppose they were completists. After they left, she called the police, but nothing ever came of her testimony. As far as anyone knew, the two home invaders got away with it scot-free. 

Or did they?

Now, three years later, a friend of the anonymous victim was randomly looking at her friend's home on Google Street View (for reasons that are never fully explained), when she came across the above picture of the alleged thieves, taken on the day of the break-in by a Google camera vehicle. Apparently, these geniuses saw the house they were gonna rob, saw the Google vehicle, put two and two together, came up with zero, and then went on with the job. Whatever happened to criminals avoiding instruments of photography? Isn't that, like, the first thing they teach you in home invasion school?

Anyway, the police are now on the lookout for two humanoid-ish figures in the American Midwest who were potentially in possession of a blue and a yellow shirt three years ago. If you have any information, please contact Oklahoma City police.

You can watch the original KFOR news segment here.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

This motorcycle swing puts every stupid idea you've ever had to shame.

0
0


Look, I'm not going to be a wuss and argue for helmets, but how about shoes?

A person named "tiago Hofferber" uploaded this video of a man wearing sandals and no helmet driving a rusty motorcycle that has been tied to a tree branch far above it. The motorcycle spins, flies, almost takes out the cameraperson, and nearly slams into a tree trunk and many tree branches. Despite all this, no lessons were learned and it just ended up looking fun. Humans, I will remind you, are the species that eliminated all other top predators and conquered the Earth with their intelligence. Yes, the same humans who made this video.

Sigh.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Howard Stern fan pranks MSNBC live on the air during Malaysian Airlines coverage.

0
0


"You've got the exclusive part right."

While reporting live on today's Malaysian Airlines plane crash, MSNBC's Krystal Ball spoke on the air with a Howard Stern fan pretending to be a member of the US military stationed in Ukraine.

“Well, I was looking out the window and I saw a projectile flying in the sky and it would appear the plane was shot down by a blast of wind from Howard Stern’s ass,” the caller said.

Ball apparently didn't catch the end of that, as she proceeded with the interview as if she hadn't just been caught in a prank that's been plaguing TV call-screeners for decades now.

“So, it would appear the plane was shot down," Ball continued. "Can you tell us anything more from your military training of the sort of missile system that may have been coming from?”

To which the caller replied, “Well, you’re a dumbass, aren’t ya'?”

They quickly went to break, and when they came back, Ball explained that they thought they had an eyewitness on the scene, but "that individual was obviously not actually an eyewitness."

He's probably witnessed a few things in his lifetime. Nothing we'd ever want to hear about, sure. But he's seen some stuff.

(by Bob Powers)

Other "Naked" shows we hope to see after 'Dating Naked' takes the world by storm.

0
0

Tonight is the premiere of "Dating Naked," the show that I'm not going to explain because it's called "Dating Naked." 

This thing will probably be a hit, which means the doors to TV development will be bursting open with pitches where the entirety of the premise amounts to, "But get this....they're naked!" I can't wait for the future of television to arrive, and here are just some of the naked shows that I hope make it to air in the next three to six months. 

We've already got Dating Naked and Naked and Afraid. The crossover potential is obvious...

.

NBC isn't going to let a chance at some quick ratings pass them by...

.

Time to spice up this old genre...

.

Of course, if VH-1 wants to try and top themselves...

.

And Sunday morning doesn't need to be so tame anymore...

(by Bob Powers)

Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live




Latest Images