Sorry not sorry, fellas. This meme list is not for you. It's strictly for all the ladies. Any woman who loves to laugh will crack up at these hilarious memes.

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It turns out, we're all just gullible animals in clothes that can be easily swayed by our constant and overwhelmingly need for acceptance.

While there's usually nothing wrong with a harmless white lie, some people use pretty advanced psychological techniques to get others to do what they want. Whether it's a simple "thank you" instead of an "I'm sorry," or a savvy academic tip, everyone wants to know if they're being tricked.

When a recent Reddit user asked the wonderful world of the internet the question, "What is the most effective psychological “trick” you use?" people came out of the woodwork with their best tips. Whether or not these are actual scientifically-backed methods is largely unclear. However, the internet says they work so that must be true, right?

1. Well this will haunt me forever, "RiDDDiK1337."

When you are standing in a group and somebody tells a joke or something funny happens, people tend to look towards the Person they like the most while laughing.

2. Nice tip, "Amo4Sho4Sho."

I’m a professional poker player. When I am in a pot with one other player, I often try to make them laugh when they are thinking about what to do. If you can get them to laugh, it sets them in a mood where they are unlikely to bluff. (I talk a lot in general it’s very common to make jokes at the table even in hands)

3. Interesting, 'SectoidEngineer."

When somebody shy is speaking, if you look at them and nod your head it encourages them to keep talking.

4. This is A+ info, "jakobdee."

To avoid workplace drama and be well liked is to just compliment people behind their back.

5. Ah, yes, "bobvella."

in a argument find something to agree on then push your main point

6. Listening is a true skill, "Drewby5."

Listening to someone without giving advice or pushing for more information typically nets me more information than being pushy for it.

7. How to catch a liar from, "ManofManySales."

Whenever I know somebody is holding some truth from me, I'll look at them and stay silent - no nodding, no acknowledging - just looking. The silence usually brings out the truth or extra detail. If they squirm around a bit you know there's something they have exaggerated etc.

8. This is smart, "Orpheus91."

If you need to deescalate someone and get them to communicate-

Asking questions about numbers/personal information (I work in emergency services)

If someone is totally distraught and shut down, asking their phone number/address/ssn/birthdate can pull them out of the emotional place and bring them back to a headspace where they can talk about what happened more easily. I often ask these questions even after I have the information just to deescalate.

9. Spot on, "FantomUnicorn."

I recently read, that saying "You're right!" instead of "I know." makes you look less like an asshole and doesn't diminish something someone else may have just found out.

I think it's pretty effective at not letting you look like a total ass.

10. This is what I call "effective passive aggression," "Hasp3."

Thanking someone for a trait you want from them. Instead of telling a customer you’re sorry for their wait, tell them thank you for your patience or understanding. Works wonders.

11. How to master the "stop and chat," from "yungpuba."

My wife calls this the simplest most manipulative thing i do.

Whenever I bump in to an acquaintance (meaning not friend, just a person i know) I of course say hi and the conversation goes like this.

Me: Hey! How are you name? You look good!

Them: laugh Thank you, I’m good how are you?

Me: I’m great, i’m on the way to wherever i am going to at the time and I tell them why too. So what are you doing here?

Them: Go in to same detail to tell me where they’re going and why

Me: Alright, well I won’t keep you up any longer then I have, have a good day name!

It leaves people feeling good, takes away the awkwardness of cutting a convo short and it makes them want to leave.

12. This totally works, "Nikjg3."

Working in hospitality being super nice to angry customers can be a fun game.

13. 100%, "aaronmicook."

I currently manage around 240 people between 6 restaurants. It is often hard to get them to do what is needed. I have found saying “I need your help” is sufficient to get them on board. People want to feel needed and like they are making a difference. Expressing to them as much makes all the difference in the world.

14. This is smart, "MediocrePaladin."

Instead of asking "Do you have any questions?" I ask "What questions do you have?"

The first almost always results in silence, and the second lets people feel comfortable to ask questions

15. Hot tip from, "LastUsernameAvail."

When I had something important to say to my kids, I would say it very quietly so that they would listen. They were immune to my yelling but whispering got their attention.

16. Wise words, "michellesmeetsworld."

I stopped apologizing for things that I didn’t have control over and stopped saying thank you for things that don’t need gratitude. It makes for much stronger and more empowered conversation without coming across as a jerk.

17. This is sneaky as hell, "ElectricPants."

I work in an office. When people stop by my desk and refuse to leave me alone I will get up and refill my water bottle while they are talking to me. Instead of walking back to my desk, I walk them to theirs. They instinctively will sit down. Then I just sever the convo and get back to work.

18. This works for a lot of things, "LeadDeathKnight."

This is dumb and shouldn't work. But I'm a bartender. And if I ask someone if they want another drink and nod my head at the same time most people are inclined to do it.

19. This is making me cry, "UnverifiedStatistic."

My SO suffers from OCD so I've learned to accommodate that, especially when we plan trips away from home. Did we lock the door? Yes, remember I did jazz hands in a circle after? Did we turn the stove off? Yup, you watched me sing twinkle twinkle little star while I did it.

Doing something really unusual to help trigger a memory for something you do regularly helps them calm down and not obsess over that thing. Helps you be more confident assuring them you did the thing. Protip: don't use this often or the memory tricks wont be as helpful. Save it for when you know you'll need it.

Finding the privacy for sexy time can be difficult when you live with roommates. Even the comfort of your room can feel like a fish bowl when you live in a small space or deal with paper thin walls.

Because of this, it's not entirely unusual for people to take extra liberties when roommates are away. Finally, you can enjoy your new sex toy loudly, or you can run to the bathroom butt naked, but even then, there is always a risk they'll come home early.

The Reddit user Struggling_to_Keto posted about a very close call she had with a roommate. Basically, she was excited to practice cowgirl on a new dildo in order to impress her boyfriend. But her room was overrun with stuff from unpacking, so she decided to take her operation to the living room while the roomie was gone. However, the roomie returned sooner than expected and the rest is golden pain.

"Oof

My roommate told me that she was going to be out of town for a week and would be back on Sunday night. She usually always follows her schedule and never deviates from it.

A week ago, I ordered a dildo that had a suction cup base, and was roughly the size of my boyfriends. I don't particularly like using my toys when my roomie is home, on the off chance that she somehow hears me or whatever. So this was fucking fantastic and I was ecstatic."

"My plan was to use the living room space and use one of my smaller tables, so I could sit on it and act like it was my bf. I'm not really experienced in the sex department and I wanted to make a good show for his upcoming birthday so I was going to practice until she got back.

Before I get into the main event. I need to explain the layout of this house. When opening the front door, you walk right into the mud room which has a swinging door that USED to squeak, we don't wear shoes in the house only slippers or socks. After leaving the mudroom you're in the kitchen and around the corner and across the hall is the living room."

"Since the swinging door used to squeak we'd know when someone was here if we heard the noise. However since we got it fixed it's silent.

Now on to the main event. I had set up the living room, with my small table in the middle, a chair in front of me to so I could balance and my 'sexy time' music on low, with the lights dimmed. Then I pulled out my new toy and I literally smashed that fella on the table and made sure it stuck."

"Then I got dressed down to what I would be wearing. It was just a long ass tshirt that hit my knees, but underneath I had my lingerie, I did this so I would be in the head space and so I could I imagine the upcoming day.

At this point I'm on the toy and I had a pretty good groove going and I was thinking okay it's not that hard, but my hips were sore so I grabbed some pillows to support, and then I heard a noise. I fucking froze and turned around and it was my cute pupper! I shoo'd him out and continued."

"Another couple minutes go by and I can hear my dog get the zoomies and playing with her toy running back and forth with it. Until I realized, that how the fuck was she fetching something she can't even throw. I then heard the suitcase rolling from the kitchen to the hallway and I felt my entire body flush and get immediately sweaty and my heart rate skyrocket. I heard the suitcase stop and when it did I hopped my body off and grabbed the dildo to pull it off, but that fucker didn't budge. I was doing some mad calculations in my mind to try and explain this..."

"Lightbulb!

My shirt is long enough, my undies are crotchless and she'll never be able to tell! I sat myself right back down, turned the TV on Rick and Morty, put a pillow up on the fucking chair and acted like I had been watching this the entire night."

"She came in and saw me and asked why I was sitting like that and I made some bullshit up saying my back hurt and I was just letting it stretch out. She nodded and then plopped her ass on the couch. Now this would've been okay, if it wasn't for the fact that I was sitting on a dildo and leaning forward in a position that was starting to get uncomfortable.

We sat there for 2 hours and she never even got up. She told me she came back early since she finished up her work early and we chatted for a bit until the show ended and then she picked the handmaids tale.

At this point I'm so sore and by sheer will I'm keeping it together, because this would be incredibly awkward at this point to get up and act normal."

"The moment comes when she says she's hungry and ask if we want to order in. I reply with gusto and tell her to run up stairs and grab our menue folder in her room. She does and as soon as she's on the first step up, I pop off this joint and sprint my ass down the hallway to my room and place the table in my closet and get the stubborn dildo off and toss it in my shower.

TL;DR: Tried to practice my cowgirl riding on a dildo, and forced to sit on it for two hours, until my roomate left to get our menu folder."

"Update 1: Thanks so much for the lovely gold! It's my first one and it makes me happy! For the record, I am sore, and it's a bit uncomfortable. I haven't told my bf yet since I'm still a bit embarrassed! But I'm planning on telling him on the day. Also, my roommate had no idea, because there's no way she'd pass up to joke about it.

Update 2: Since it's being asked alot, the reason I was not in my room was because at the time it was messy. I was rearranging and packing up some of old stuff. So there were boxes and all that jazz."

This was truly a ride (pun intended), and feels like the type of shenanigans that would be written into a sitcom. When the roommate inevitably finds out what was actually happening, they're going to have endless teasing fodder.

There's no denying that animals can be pretty entertaining.

While there is a lot of debate surrounding whether or not zoos treat animals fairly and humanely, memories of the zoo are still a staple in many American childhoods. Whether it was seeing dolphins, penguins, giraffes, or lions, we all can remember the first time we saw an exotic animal in real life. Or, at least, we all remember waiting for an animal to come out of its cave in the exhibit only to never see anything at all. But, the excitement was there...

So, when a recent Reddit user asked the question, "Zookeepers of reddit, what's the weirdest thing you've seen an animal do?"

1. Yikes, "Dysiss."

Male teenage red howler monkeys that grab their asshole while pooping, and taking all the shit out with their hands.

Seriously, howler monkeys are weird AF.

2. "idgaf_about_yr_imgur" lives in fear.

A lion pissed on me once. I can't go back to that zoo anymore because I'm pretty sure I'm his bitch now.

3. Well, this escalated quicky, "mattsh123."

Ex zookeeper here, I remember once there was a period of a few days where one of the chimps had this stick and was spending hours at a time just rubbing it on the ground. Some of the keepers tried to give it other toys to play with etc but it wasn't interested. Anyway, long story short, it was sharpening the stick and then tried to stab a keeper through the bars of their indoor part of their enclosure.

4. Family shaming, "iliketodrawcats."

Volunteer (former), not keeper. I liked to show up early before my shift to watch the big cats get let out into their space. One morning, one of the lionesses was already out and she was sitting there, like the famous NY library lions, only with a Calvin face. Her tongue was hanging out and her eyes were squinched up. I asked the lead cat keeper what the deal was. "Oh, she ate a skunk yesterday, so we decided it'd be a good idea to let her stay outside overnight instead of stinking up the night house."

They opened the doors to the lions' night house and her brother and sister came bounding up to her in what appeared to be great concern ("Where WERE you last night?!?!?). Her sister took one whiff and bounded to another place in the exhibit. Her brother started to sit close to her, thought better of it, walked about six feet away and then settled down and watched her.

5. Raccoons are scary, "Larmes_du_soleil."

I was a zookeeper and worked in animal care in various capacities for a long time. One of the weirdest things I've seen is when a reptile "drops" their tail. It's only happened to me once with a Lemon gecko I was transferring from one terrarium to another. I had a poor grip on him and as he was wiggling loose I desperately grabbed on to his tail which he promptly dropped and I was left holding a dismembered, writhing tail while the gecko escaped.

Also, two of the lions at one of my jobs were afraid of a raccoon. I could hear them (the lions) making the most pitiful, pathetic bellowing sounds. I went to check on them and lo and behold a raccoon was up one of the trees in their enclosure. These two large alpha predators were absolutely distraught over a little raccoon. For it's part, the raccoon was completely unbothered and just observed them for a bit before going on it's way.

6. These are pretty adorable, "ivebeen_there."

I’m a zookeeper!

We had a lone, male Marabou stork that found a water bottle, picked it up and put it in his nest, then proceeded to incubate it for a while. He got mad when we eventually had to take it away from him.

I’ve seen adult giraffe attempt to nurse from lactating females and seem peeved when she wouldn’t let them.

I’ve seen a Nyala get a whole square of sod skewered upside down on his horns that eventually slid down and completely covered one of his eyes. He acted like nothing was happening.

7. Maybe they were just being friendly, "alknuty."

I work in a small department with lots of random animals that we take on programs to show guests. In our department, the cages are made of mesh, so the animals can sometimes be housed next to each other where they can reach each other and interact. One time, the beaver was housed next to the tamanduas (lesser ant eaters), and we went over and saw the tamanduas licking the beaver ALL OVER! By the time the beaver went back to his own enclosure he was soaking wet with tamandua spit.

8. He's an exhibitionist, "__hey__its__me__."

I work at an aquarium, not a zookeeper though. We have one male sea otter who likes to play with his dick right in front of the glass in the most prominent spot. His dick is bright red and he just strokes it and nibbles at it in front of everybody. Every damn day. I'm the one who stands by the exhibit, so I'm the one who has to field all the awkward questions.

9. This is upsetting, "ctn0726."

Not a zookeeper but I saw a gorilla one time take a bunch of hay or grass in one hand, shit in the other and combine them together. He then ate it like a hotdog.

10. Just experimenting, I guess? "Pixie1121."

I once saw on gorilla poke another in the butt then sniff his finger.

One gorilla was laying in a hammock and the other was sitting on the ground beneath him. He would reach up, poke the gorillas butt, look at his finger, sniff it then repeat.

11. Wow, "kookookachoo."

I was a volunteer. If a zoo guest counts as an animal, we caught a guy trying to push the stall door open for our bull giraffe (all of the lady giraffes were in the adjoining stall) because "he looked lonely." (The guy was unable to and was gently told not to do that, please.) I have a personal theory that if it is possible for a zoo guest to get into, onto or behind an enclosure, they will. If you want to keep them out, you must make the enclosures people-proof. (Most guests are fine, it's the few like the Giraffe Liberator that are the pain.)

12. Apparently lemurs like porn too? "Closer-To-The-Sun."

Not a zookeeper, but I was chaperoning a Cub Scout pack to the zoo. We went by the lemurs exhibit (a huge area with rocks, waterfalls, and treehouses for them). Right in the treehouse in front of a big crowd of people, and the scouts, two of the lemurs were having sex and another lemur was getting off watching them. I quickly tried to get the scouts on to the next exhibit.

13. We all have our things, "notkovitz."

There was a chimp at a sanctuary I worked at with an armpit fetish. Every time someone came by he'd way his arm over his head until you did the same.

14. I was cheering for the giraffe, "ArishaSmile."

I'm no zookeeper but in a safari park I saw a giraffe and a rhino get in a fight. The giraffe won.

15. This guy is an idiot, "justferwonce."

Neither my son or his friend are zookeepers, but at the Denver zoo gorilla exhibit his impulsive friend pulled down his pants and started beating his chest like a gorilla. The large silverback flew into a rage and charged the big viewing window and smacked into it so hard it bulged way in and scared them all to hell. They didn't understand how the window didn't break and realized they would have been instantly pulverised if it had. Score 1 for the gorilla.

16. I believe this too, "notkovitz."

Generally, the weirdest stuff you'll see at a zoo is what the people are doing

17. Equal opportunity giraffes, "lullapie8."

Not a zookeeper, but I once saw two male giraffes having sex. They took turns being on the bottom.

18. So the theme here is that giraffes can get it, "nowaygreg."

I'm not a zookeeper but I once saw a giraffe take a piss when another giraffe started drinking it mid stream. That was weird.

19. This is one dirty parrot, "meccadeadly."

I used to work at a zoo that kept a parrots cage near the guest bathroom.

My coworker with IBS would run by the parrot en route to the bathroom every morning, screaming, “I gotta shit!”

Guess what phrase the parrot learned?

He’s now no longer a featured animal at children’s birthday parties.

20. And, the winner for sure: "flecksable_flyer."

Not a zookeeper, but I was at the Indianapolis Zoo with my kids, and one of the staff was cleaning the outside of the window on the polar bear exhibit. When she would wipe the glass, the polar bear would follow with his/her nose and squeegee the inside of the glass, squashing his/her face. It was really cute, and I wish I had a video camera back then.

Stop swiping and start laughing. Anyone who's single right now will definitely relate to these hilarious memes. The struggle is real, and it's hilarious.

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Vanity Fairhas unveiled their annual Hollywood issue, and unlike last year, everyone has only to hands and two legs.

For the first time in the magazine's history, the cover features majority people of color, which is especially exciting when you scroll through the issue's blindingly white 25-year history.

Shot by Oscar-winning cinematographer Emmanuel "Chivo" Lubezki, it features a snack for everyone and a LOT of sensual touching!

Chadwick Boseman! Saoirse Ronan! and Timothee Chalamet! Nicholas Hoult! Yalitza Aparicio! Rami Malek! Regina King! John David Washington! Elizabeth Debicki! Tessa Thompson! Henry Golding!

The cover—and the whole photo spread—have people excited.

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You don't have to be an early riser to chuckle at these absurdly funny memes. This meme list is guaranteed to make you laugh even if you're not a morning person.

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Trolls are lurking everywhere. They hide out in the darkest corners of the internet with bundles insults in tow, and they run rampant on the sunniest parts of Instagram defecating on people's happiness. Most people who spend a sizable are likely to encounter a few trolls here and there, and these encounters grow exponentially if you're famous.

The comedian Patton Oswalt is a veteran at dealing with internet trolls. Through time and experience he has learned the art of ignoring them when healthy, and also engaging bitter trolls when the time is right.

This week, after Trump posted a rhyming tweet fit for a fascist version of Dr. Seuss, Oswalt did what any profession comedian does: he chimed in with his own poem.

I truly believe Oswalt could sell whole chapbooks full of anti-Trump prose at his comedy shows.

While many of Oswalt's followers were loving the exchange with the president, one man chimed in particularly hard with his hate for the comedian.

While normally these types of comments get lost by the wayside, this time Oswalt went to Michael Beatty's page before deciding to respond.

He quickly discovered that Beatty was a Vietnam veteran who had recently been hospitalized for two weeks. During that time Beatty was in a coma due to diabetes and sepsis, so, rather than engaging with the negativity, Oswalt flipped the dynamic on its head by responding with compassion.

Oswalt shared a link to Beatty's health-related GoFundMe, and kicked it off with a $2,000 donation. After that, other donations quickly started pouring in, and Beatty's tone immediately changed. He was completely flabbergasted and touched by the comedian's act of kindness.

When Beatty thanked the internet for their compassion, Oswalt made sure to keep it light by teasing him.

Beatty's GoFundMe quickly reached over $30,000, and the donations are still rolling in. People were quick to share how this speaks to Oswalt's character, since most people would (rightfully) insult Beatty or move along.

Beatty shared that this exchange, and the outpouring of love profoundly affected him, and he's going to reflect on the ways he engages with people in the future.

Longtime Trump advisor, Nixon fanboy, and Mr. Peanut cosplayer Roger Stone has been indicted in the Mueller investigation. He was charged with seven counts: one count of obstruction of an official proceeding, five counts of false statements and one count of witness tampering, all in an effort to allegedly hide his foreknowledge of WikiLeaks releasing Hillary Clinton's hacked emails. The indictment cites interaction with

That may sound kind of dry, but it's not. This is a big f*ckin' deal.

Just look at this FBI raid! As you may recall, FBI agents currently aren't getting paid because of the government shutdown, but a whole bunch of them volunteered because they knew how fun this would be.

Football player Chad Johnson got to see it all go down with his own eyes because he lives in Stone's neighborhood.

The always calm, cool, and collected President Trump responded to the news with his classic mix of catchphrases, implying that all immigrants are criminals, and a conspiracy theory about The Mainstream Media.

And now for the reason why you're really here! These are the best jokes about the extremely weird, notorious dirty trickster, and now officially indicted criminal Roger Stone.

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If you date queer liberation's kickoff from the Stonewall Riots - which happened in 1969 when Stonewall Inn patrons protested a police raid of the establishment - then the LGBTQ+ community has come a long way in a rather short time. Thanks to the tireless work of queer activists and their allies, society has become more accepting and federal legislation's been implemented to protect gay and trans folks on the basis of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. That said, it's still dangerous for queer folks to be themselves, whether in public spaces or just...existing as they are. We're also in the midst of a backlash to progressive social change - have you heard of this Trump fella and his revolving door of administrators? - that puts marginalized people at additional risk.

So when one Twitter user derided the LGBT community as 'entirely too sensitive', people were quick to correct his misconception. @thejustinallenn got a crash course in Queer Reality that was educational for everyone involved, including amused onlookers like myself.

The facts in response came fast and furious.

But the replies weren't just informative. They were also incredibly entertaining.

Oh, Justin. We hope you learned something, like not to come for the queers again. We will obliterate you with facts and devastate your ego with image replies that even your mother would laugh at. Toodles!

If you're awkward AF this memes will hit you on a deep and personal level. Get ready to laugh at yourself and then spend 3 hours wondering if you have a weird laugh.

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Drunk texts from friends are beautiful shiny gifts from Satan, that we can store forever for roasting purposes. Every time a friend blacks out and sends you some nonsense, a demon gets its tail and you get a screenshot to print, frame, and hang in your room for endless taunting.

While most of us have either sent or received an embarrassing drunk text once in our lives, not all drunk texts are created equal. There's a pretty big difference between misspelling some words to a best friend, or sending an embarrassing shout out to an ex, and getting in a car and completely forgetting your location.

So, naturally, when Twitter user Femi Factor found himself inside a peak drunk texting exchange, he shared it with the world.

People were screaming at the mental picture of a drunk person climbing into an Uber from their house to some mystery location.

A few people shared similar text exchanges that involved severely confused intoxicated people.

The next time you wake up feeling embarrassed because of a text you sent in a drunken, stoned, or just pure exhausted haze, you can take comfort that you didn't take an Uber home from your own house.

A viral tweet has people sharing their worst date stories, and they just about justify your decision to never, ever leave the house.

There are a lot of horrifying stories of stalkers and abusers out there, because society. These are just the funny ones, and the funniest ones at that.

1. He needs a second opinion.

2. She'll quote this tweet back to you, too.

3. Incredible rom-com but sh*tty reality.

4. *Borat voice* MY WIFE!

5. Don't tell Grandma.

6. Big mistake. Huge.

7. It must have been a good movie.

8. LSD: LOL, Sad Date

9. Sorry for your loss?

10. Oh god.

11. I'm standin' in the rain, just standin' in the rain...

12. At least you learned something.

13. This sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.

14. Where have a heard this one before?

15. This one has a happy ending.

The federal government has been partially shut down for over a month now. 800,000 laborers have been furloughed or forced to work without pay for its duration, while millions have gone without valuable government services. There's no end in sight, but people must somehow attain necessities and keep themselves afloat financially. It's an unfortunate situation all around.

But wait! President Trump provided a 'solution' to federal workers struggling to feed themselves. It came while clarifying comments commerce secretary Wilbur Ross made about the workers' plight. During a CNBC interview, Ross (ew, we share a last name) said they should take out low or no-interest loans rather than visit food banks to make it through. Um, okay.

Trump piggybacked off that nonsense with his own 'advice.'

Apparently government workers should tell grocery stores they're not being paid and the store will just...give them food for free. Wait. Is gratis grocery shopping a thing? Is it one of those mega-wealthy perks us plebs will never experience?

...wait, no. It's total BS. People roasted Mr. Stable Genius for being insanely out of touch.

We have to hope that Nancy's taking care of business and everything will go back to normal - well, as normal as things can get under Trump - very soon. In the meantime: godspeed, good luck, and please don't rob a grocery store.

@watchmeprocrastibute started an epic Reddit thread with one simple question: 'What’s the most fucked up thing you’ve seen someone do at work and still not get fired?' The wildest responses were alternately jaw-dropping and rage-inducing. Some of these 'mistakes' lost people their livelihoods or caused emotional or physical harm. Still others cut into profit margins and jeopardized client relationships. I'm glad I wasn't there to witness or finesse these f*ck ups - and honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to. Guess I'm not management material after all! Below are the twelve most tantalizing answers, but the whole thread's worth reading. Enjoy!

1. trs4ece knew he had to get out.

I worked at a webhosting tech support company and a coworker accidentally deleted another customer's website. This was on a Unix system, so it wasn't possible to undo the delete. He deleted the command history to cover his mistake and then told the customer that the website was lost due to a hard drive failure. The customer hadn't been keeping backups and said that he lost his entire livelihood.

The employee told management about the situation and they ran with it to avoid getting sued. They told the customer that hardware issues sometimes happen and because he hadn't opted into our managed backup services, the data loss was on him. They offered the customer several months of free webhosting as compensation and the problem went away. A week after seeing this play out, I put in my two-weeks notice.

2. blublblub saw some sh*t.

I had a project manager once that single-handedly torpedoed a $10 million contract through his sheer incompetence and hubris. The customer got sick of our company not hitting the impossible goals this idiot set and his condescending treatment of them (yes, he treated the customer like crap along with his own people) and cancelled it resulting in 20 people losing their jobs. This guy didn't lose his job however because he was friends with someone on the board. He got another project to work on with no repercussions.

3. Byizo witnessed embezzlement.

Used his corporate credit card for over $10k in personal purchases. He was reprimanded, but not fired OR made to pay the company back. Within the next year he did the exact same thing and only then was he fired.

4. InfiniteSandwich gave us something to rage about.

I worked at a school for kids who need emotional support. We had a classroom aide who would scream at kids until they cried and then actively mock them for crying. These kids were 7 and came from horrifically abusive houses. It sucked to work in a place that allowed abusive behavior to continue. She was close family friends with the principal. It's very hard to help a child when they learn from a young age that adults aren't able to make things better and adults are capable of incredibly mean things.

Edit: For clarification, this was reported. She still got a letter of rec out of her BFF the principal, but she no longer works with children.

5. Was anyone hurt, thesneakersnake?!

Destroy an overpass with an excavator improperly loaded on a trailer.

Edit: 450 john deere excavator on a Arnes triple axle lowbed with a jeep and booster. Boom was about 1 ft too high at 60mph. This is the biggest excavator you can haul around these parts without disassembling it.

6. BroodingBryanAdams has a great username AND anecdote.

Forge a document (it was so obvious!), then lie about not forging it, then admit to forging it once lie was just slightly questioned. One partner at the firm wanted her fired, but another one didn't, the forger stayed.

7. MormonBikeRiding reports a grave injustice.

Had a girl steal money from other crews bags in the locker/change room. Instead of firing her they just took the door off the room and put in a camera so now we have to show up to work in uniform with a shirt over it, it's very hot here and I end up sweaty by the time I get to work.

She also called in one time saying her sister died and needs time off. She never had a sister.

After all this she got rehired after she quit for another job that didn't end up working out.

8. madethisforoneremark made that one remark count.

Energize a circuit someone was still working on.

9. We're sorry, Plainas_Tay. That sucks!

At a previous job, we had an "employee" that was called in to clean on an as-needed basis. The employee, who we will call Fred, owed a lot of child support. After a unusually long break of not working, we called Fred in to clean the work place. I think he expected to be paid under the table, because when he was given a paycheck, it was damn near zero because of all the back-due child support he owed that we were forced to take from his paycheck. He literally started screaming, swearing, calling the boss every name you can think of, punching walls and threatened to shoot up the place. The boss still calls him back to work as needed to clean because he "is really good at cleaning".....

10. heidismiles assisted a useless salesman.

There was a sales guy who was generally not expected to be in the office most days. He was supposed to be out making sales. But he just, never did. At one point he had been working there for a year, and he asked me (the tech savvy receptionist) how to enroll a new customer in our system. We were pretty sure he had another full time job.

11. This dude sounds like a real penis, WarmProfit.

Saw a guy whip out his dick and start running around trying to piss on this one guy. He got a splash on him too.

Active duty military here, for anyone curious.

12. mallow-cups-fo-life's colleague was a thrifty grifter.

A cashier would drop cash on the floor, bend down to get it, stick half of it in his sock, then proceed with transaction as normal. All management did was move him to the floor. He only got fired a few months later when he snuck onto a register, did it again, then went back out to the floor and hid the money in a display. His pot dealer then came into the store, grabbed the cash and replaced it with some pot. Only then did they realize that’s what he’d been doing the whole time.

UPDATE: At the time of publishing Trump claimed in a White House rose garden speech that he reached a deal to end the shut down. However, this doesn't officially take hold until he signs a bill. Also, he claimed if Congress doesn't approve funding for the border wall, he will shut down the government again on February 15th.

We have officially reached day 35 of the government shutdown. This means its been five weeks where over 400,000 government employees have gone without payment, all while Trump demands money for his border wall.

The economic implications of this many people going without paychecks for over a month is both terrifying and inhumane, and sadly, the dangers spread far beyond federal employees. During the shutdown TSA agents have gone without payment, which means airport security is at the mercy of employees showing up merely out of a sense of duty (and a fear of being fired).

Sadly, going on strike is illegal for federal employees, and has very real consequences. So, while as many as ten percent of TSA agents have called out of work, a majority of them are still showing up, albeit with very little motivation to complete the full security checks.

This has made security lines longer, slower, and less thorough, and thus presented a security crisis for travelers. As of today alone, three airports have delayed and canceled flights due to the shutdown, and if it keeps going, there will undoubtedly be more.

In order to shine a light on the situation, I gathered 30 tweets from airports across the country that sum up how chaotic traveling has become.

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Believe it or not, Y2K was almost 20 years ago. If you remember the early 2000s, This hilarious meme list will give you major nostalgia for the days of low rise jeans, crop tops, and trucker hats. Who's ready to go back?

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At the moment of writing this, it's safe to way that Ann Coulter is none too happy with president Trump. Basically, Trump shut down the government for 35 days in order to secure funding for a border wall, a wall that Coulter is very emotionally attached to (at least in concept).

But then, on Friday afternoon Trump made a speech in the White House garden claiming he reached a short-term deal to end the shut down, a bill that doesn't include the original wall funding he desired. While it should be noted, this is a stop-gap solution, and Trump threatened to shut down the government again on February 15th if he doesn't somehow secure funding.

Nonetheless, Coulter is very, very disappointed the wall hasn't been funded yet, and considers this move a major cave on Trump's part. This disappointment has translated to a series of disparaging tweets towards the current administration, and honestly, it's a wild ride.

To kick things off, Coulter came for the recently deceased former president George HW Bush.

She then followed up with some classic shade towards the FBI.

Of course, this wouldn't be a proper Coulter meltdown without a reference to MS-13.

But then she promptly refocused her ire towards the real villain, Trump.

Her most recent tweet is a personal favorite, a shining piece of internet art bashing none other than Jared Kushner.

Needless to say, the internet has been delightedly slurping up Coulter's angst about the wall. And many anti-Trump people find ourselves agreeing with her for the first time on something. That is, her insults against Trump, not a desire for a wall.

Reading these tweets is honestly a perfect way to kick off the weekend. Happy Friday everyone!

After 34 days of needless suffering, President Donald Trump announced that he plans to sign a bill to temporarily open the government even though it doesn't provide funding for his precious contiguous fence.

After sickouts and threats of strikes from the aviation industry (and perhaps a desire to shift cable news coverage away from the indictment of Roger Stone), the White House has finally calmed down its tantrum.

People are celebrating not only because it means 800,000 people will finally get paid, but also because Trump looks like a big dumb loser.

Even conservatives think so.

The Devil herself has spoken.

One of the Pizzagate guys has officially jumped off the Trump train.

Some are convinced that Trump will declare a national emergency in three weeks to use the military to build the wall, but waiting three weeks (and a month and two years before that!) kind of undercuts the whole "emergency" part.

People are celebrating Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats for not being the ones who caved, for once.

Remember when Roger Stone was indicted? Apparently that was TODAY.

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -Blanche DuBois/me trying to find the nearest subway stop

Was that opening partly an excuse to quote Tennessee Williams and embed a huge GIF of Vivien Leigh? Of course. Is it also relevant to the subject? Absolutely.

Though as children we're warned of 'stranger danger' incessantly, as an adult I've relied on strangers' kindness more times than I can count. When it comes to navigating public transportation, locating the neighborhood's best deli, and accessing adorable dogs to pet, strangers come through in the clutch. Last week a sweet lady I'd never met helped me find a particular Bushwick bar while her rescue dog licked my knees. HEAVEN.

Needless to say, my interest was piqued when @naturalenergybyproxy asked Reddit, 'What is the nicest thing a stranger has done for you?' People leaped to contribute, reminiscing about the times a random helped them out. The anecdotes range from the mundane to the near-miraculous and counter the depressing news stories I'm used to reading. So if you need an afternoon pick-me-up, dive in below!

1) ess0ess *wasn't* terrorized by teens at the mall for a change.

A really small thing, but I hope I remember it forever...

My son was probably 2 or 3 and we went to the mall for some reason. My son liked looking at displays and stuff. Well there was a model train set in a case that you could put a $1 in and watch them go around for a while. I was pretty broke If I recall and never had cash on me regardless. He was content just looking at the display. A group of loud mall teens come through and go past. One of them comes back and puts a dollar in the machine and says "I always liked watching trains too" then hurries off back to his friends. My son lit up. I never would have expected that action from a stranger, let alone a teen with his friends in a mall.

2) PrintError met a diaper angel.

My first wife abandoned us when my son was an infant. It was rough but I survived. One evening I was at dinner with some friends. I had to change the baby, there was no table in the men’s room. I asked a lady leaving the ladies room if it was empty and she checked for me, gave me the okay. While I was trying to get my diaper bag sorted she came up and offered to change him. I told her I had it but she insisted, and put her arm around me. Apparently I’d been holding in a breakdown the whole time and she saw right through it. I cried for a minute while a total stranger changed my infant son, thanked her profusely, and went back to dinner with my friends carrying a little less weight on my shoulders.

No clue who she was, but she was an angel to me that night.

3) DukeOfCheddar lucked out BIG TIME.

I was at a bar with my then-girlfriend. Seated next to us was an older gentleman who was alone and looking forlorn. After a time, he tapped my girlfriend on the shoulder and said, "I like the way you two talk to one another. Here's what I'm going to do - I spent a fortune on these tickets for my wife. Unfortunately, she can't go anymore, and I just don't feel like going without her. So I'd like you two to have them. The only catch is that the concert starts in twenty minutes."

He didn't elaborate, nor would he accept payment. He asked only that we go, enjoy ourselves, and keep being good to each other. He paid his tab and left.

And that's how I got front row seats to Prince.

4) You should've married this woman, dicyclopentadiene22, regardless of your orientation.

My flight out of Syracuse was cancelled and when I finally made it to the front desk they told me it would be two days before I could get home. I decided I’d rent a car and drive to NYC to catch a flight out of one of the airports.

As I was getting to the counter a woman, who’s flight had also been cancelled, announced she was driving to NYC and welcomed anyone to join her. On an impulse I said yes and we started the journey to NYC.

She turned out to be one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. While calling AA to figure out my next situation, the customer service person was incredibly rude and refused to do anything - eventually hanging up on me. Seeing I was frustrated/upset this wonderful woman proceeded to call customer service agents over the next two hours. I would explain my situation and she would pretend to be my mother and ask for a solution. Ended up getting fully refunded and booked on another flight the next morning.

I was planning on just sleeping in JFK until my flight but she offered her couch in her apartment and a hot shower. I refused at first, but the prospect of a hot shower after such a stressful day was too much for me to pass up. On the way to her apartment she even asked the cab driver to go a little out the way to swing by some famous sites in NYC because I’d never been.

I still think about her often and wonder if she realizes how big of an impact her kindness had on me.

5) the_nils had their faith in humanity restored.

Was out clubbing and dropped my house keys. Next day, get a letter in my mailbox with a guys phone number. I text him, turns out he found my keys in the club, recognized the building they belong to (student housing), came to the building and tried the keys on every single mailbox until he found the right one. Then gave them back to me. Nicest guy ever, glad he didn't rob me instead

edit: Everyone's wondering how I opened the mail box without the key. I had roommates and they saved my ass countless times.

6) LupinThe8th's outdoorsy encounter is heartwarming.

I'm a bit of a town mouse, but I spent a summer in the country with relatives as a teenager. Very rural, with miles between some houses.

I love long walks and one sunny day I decided to take a very nice one. There was this big road that led around the area in a circle. Looked like a good couple of hours of strolling. This was before smartphones, so I couldn't gauge the distance perfectly, but I was convinced I could handle it. Grabbed a soda and a freshly charged mp3 player and set out in the afternoon, convinced I would be back by dinner.

I had made a bad misjudgment of scale. After several hours of walking I was nowhere near home. My phone had no signal (dumbass city slicker me hadn't even considered that), there were no streetlights, and no cars. It was getting dark and I could barely see the road beneath my feet. Chances of a Leatherface attack had gone up about 1000%.

Houses were extremely far apart too. I passed one and knocked on the door, but no one was home. I seriously debated going to sleep on their porch and hoping someone would eventually turn up, but in the end I kept walking.

Finally I found a house with a light on. I banged on the door, and a middle aged woman answered. The first words out of her mouth were to straight up ask if I was there to rob her. Refreshingly direct, really. I assured her I was harmless and explained my situation.

Her demeanor flipped 100% from suspicious to charitable. I had just hoped to use her phone, but she insisted on driving me home herself, and also on feeding me. The route she took continued around the loop and I realized A) I had barely made it halfway and B) hers was the last house for a very long while, and things got a lot more woodsy after that. If she hadn't helped me I would have been walking all night through the woods.

7) angry__donkeys showed that simple acts can mean the most.

I was once feeling really down cause of school and just life in general. I stopped at a convenience store on the way home to pick up a bit of chocolate to make myself feel better. The guy at the register must have noticed how miserable I was looking, because he let me have the chocolate bar for free. It was a really simple act of kindness, but it almost made me tear up in that convenience store and instantly improved a shitty day.

8) DigitalRoman486 still sees this kind stranger around!

When I was 11, I was stupid enough to cross in front of a bus with only a cursory glance backwards and I missed the minivan that had just started to overtake the bus. I got hit by the left hand corner and flung across the road, injuring my legs (my knee still hurts sometimes all this time later) and splitting my lower lip.

As I lay there, a lady who I had seen on the bus a few times, came over and helped me over to the curb, checked me over, made sure my parents were called, made sure an ambulance was called and generally looked after a scared tearful hurt little boy.

She was wonderful and I still see her around to this day and she always gives me a big smile when I wave hello

9) tinylottie has a guardian angel out there.

I once got on a train late at night. I was going from start to end of the line to change which was nearly an hour journey. When I got on the train there were two other people. One young man and a much older, grumpy looking man. After the second stop the young man became aggressive toward me for rejecting him and was trying to pull me off the train to do god knows what to me and the old man helped me get him off the train and away from me. After id thanked him and he calmed me down (I was very upset), he sat down in the row behind me and looked out of the window.

When I got off he did too, he waited on the same platform as me just further down from me so I assumed he was waiting for the same connection. He wasnt. Train comes and I get on. I see him stand up, wave, and walk to the stairs to get back to the platforms going the other way. That man had missed his stop, waited on the wrong platform, and then went right on back all while saying nothing just to make sure I was okay.

I think about that man often. I wish I could thank him for that.

10) That's a lovely neighbor you've got, cactusbanger.

Here in upstate NY we just got a foot of snow Saturday. Came out to snowblow my driveway to my driveway already having been plowed. It's a long ass driveway.

Anyways whoever did it didn't leave a note or anything, no idea who did it.

Thanks stranger.

11) RecoveryForMyself had help handling books.

I was struggling to carry all my books after I got off the bus and they didn't fit in my bag since I already had four other textbooks in my bag and I couldn't get on my bike so a lady ran out of her house and gave me a bag and I almost cried because that was the nicest thing a stranger has done for me.

12) TWIST: berthejew was the kind stranger.

I helped a guy go through TSA at La Guard-ya in NYC. Around 2008ish. He'd never flown before, had no idea what he could take on the plane, how much, etc. Security told him he couldn't use his plastic bags he has his stuff in. Anyway, what rattled me was the fact that he was shoving pairs of very new Nikes into a trash bin- I couldn't fathom why, so I went to ask. He explained his situation, so I told him that if he held tight, I'd go through security, buy him a carryon so he could get his stuff through. He handed me a hundred and I gave him my crochet project bag to hold as insurance. Got him a suitcase, went back and gave him it and the change, and showed him how to go through, remove your belt and shoes, etc. He thanked me and we hugged, going our own ways.

My flight was delayed by 3 hours at the last minute and I was already exhausted. I used my purse as a pillow and covered up with my coat, and fell asleep against a wall. When I woke up, there was a fuzzy travel blanket, convertible neck pillow, eye mask, a bag of cookies, and a little plush dog with a note tucked in his collar. He stuck this gift between me and the wall and never woke me up. I ended up traveling for 11 more hours and that thoughtful little package saved my sanity.

Random airport dude, I'm glad you got to keep your kicks, and I still have the puppy. I named him LG.

Edit: Holy shit this blew up while i was at work. Thank you for the silvers and gold!!! The note was just the Nike checkmark with a smile face. Be kind ya'll. Just do it.