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12 people share unbelievable ‘million-to-one odds’ stories that will f*ck with your head.

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What are the odds I'd see you here? If you've ever experienced an almost supernatural-seeming coincidence, then you know what it feels like. You get chills and goosebumps dot your arms. It feels like encountering a tear in the space-time continuum, or stumbling upon a hotspot for transcending reality's limitations.

Ok, that's somewhat hyperbolic. But it does feel weird! Redditor Balls_On_A_Grinder asked, 'What million-to-one-odds have you witnessed?' and the answers were wild. The most mind-blowing anecdotes are listed below. Try to avoid reading while stoned unless you have several hours to kill. Whoa, man.

1. IncognitoDefacto has a way with words, tbh.

Was having a slingshot war with rocks in the woods because that's what 13yo kids do. Steve and I see each other on parallel trails and we both let one fly. The rocks hit mid air and ricocheted at perfectly at 90 degree angles.

Was at a company picnic when Eli comes to say hi and we give a quick handshake, but we could tell something was weird. We released the handshake a bee flew out.

2. PubScrubRedemption's family has something odd-s going on. Get it?

I was born on June 3, as was my grandfather... and so was his father.

3. Must've been a beautiful sight, ontrack.

Was on a commercial flight that flew right past the space shuttle when it was taking off. Had a perfect view out the window.

4. Back2Bach witnessed some medieval sh*t.

I saw a gargoyle fall from the perimeter of a lofty steeple.

Instead of smashing on the sidewalk or hurting someone walking below, it "miraculously" landed in dense shrubbery in the churchyard - completely unscathed.

5. Mrthedude87 is a miracle baby.

My mother had a large section of her uterus removed after giving birth to my older sister, and her water broke 9 days before I was actually born. I was born with minimal complications and no birth defects.

When she first told the doctor she was pregnant for the second time, apparently he just looked up at her and said "no, you're not". Then after doing a pregnancy test, he told her "your husband is a hell of a shot" apparently the pregnancy alone was a million to one.

When her water broke, the nurses told her it hadn't and that she must have just pissed herself and sent her home. It wasn't until 9 days later when the contractions ramped up that they went back and the doctor that prepped her was furious she was sent home in the first place. Apparently when I was born I looked like a shriveled up prune but had no major medical complications. This always amazes a friend of mine since her niece was born about a day after her mother's water broke under similar circumstances and has required intense therapy since birth for cerebral palsy.

6. Ragnel spins quite a tale.

I went to South Africa in 1988 with my father who was a research cardiologist at the time. The trip was for a symposium on the side effects of a blood thinning drug on which he had just completed a large study. During one of the breaks, we drove about 2-3 hours out of Johannesburg to a wine region to tour a winery. Joining our party were the two other cardiologists currently conducting research on the drug. One of the doctors was from Italy, and one was from Venezuela. At lunch, an older woman at the table next to ours passed out and fell on the floor hitting her head fairly soundly. It was lucky that she happened to be sitting next to three doctors who could attend her while we waited for the ambulance. What was crazy was that when they were talking to her about her medical history, she was taking the medicine they were studying. It turns out the dosage she had been prescribed was dangerously high which could cause black outs and unconsciousness. I’m not sure what the odds are off passing out in rural Africa while sitting next to the three foremost medical experts in the world (and those experts having come from three other continents) on your blood thinner’s side effects, but I’d imagine the odds are pretty low.

7. slartibartjars discussed gambling. Apropos!

Not one million to one. But working for a casino I did spin the 1-50 top prize (big wheel) three times in a row.

8. cke324 proves that kismet exists, no?

Years ago, long before GPS was available to the general public, I was travelling for work. I was 4 states away from home in a city I had never been to before. I had to be at a location my company was in the process of building. I needed to hit an ATM so I'd have some cash in my pocket and found a bank in the parking lot of a small mall. While standing on line at the ATM, I turned around and asked the guy behind me if he knew how to get to <my destination>. He looked at me and yelled <my name>!!! It was someone I had worked with for a few years at a previous job, about 5 years earlier and 1,000 miles away.

We went to lunch, agreed to keep in touch, then never did.

9. life_bytes shared a recent, unbelievable story.

This happened last night: at a dive bar in Brooklyn , the bartender and I were bored so we invented a game that involved throwing a nerf football from one end of the bar in attempt to hit the back wall (it was dead so nobody was in harms way). After an awful throw , the bartender runs to retrieve the football, and out of the blue yells “go deep”, then proceeds to fire a 100mph spiral directly at me. I dodge out of pure fear and the football crashes into my pint of beer and shot glass. Both items go flying at full speed off the bar into the ground making a very loud shattering sound. We both go “omg” and he walks up to clean the mess when he holds his hands over his mouth in pure terror, looks me in the eyes and says “I killed a mouse!”

Sure as shit under the broken pint glass, dead middle of the floor laid the fresh corpse of a mouse who just so happen to be running from one side of the bar to another and the pint glass landed exactly, directly on him when it flew off the bar.

We are convinced this was a mouse “final destination moment”. We’re still in disbelief.

10. birdsRdinosaurs defied odds in the kitchen.

I cracked an egg with a tripple yolk im 2018. Apparently the odds are around one in 25 million.

11. Times_Hunger

My dad took me to a baseball game when I was about 13. Several seats down was a guy who had just bought a hot dog. Right as he was getting ready to take a bite, a bird pooped on it.

He didn't take a bite of the hotdog, but his mouth had been open and, judging by his yelling, spitting and cursing shortly after, he must have gotten some "splash contact" in his mouth from the impact of the poop hitting the hot dog and some bouncing off.

12. felisrufus's daughter is incredible. What a note to end on.

My daughter.

Looking at her, you wouldn't really know anything was wrong. We didn't know anything was wrong until she had a seizure (that we saw). Just to rule out anything, they did an MRI totally thinking she just had benign epilipsy. Nope. She's missing about 30% of her brain

She had a stroke a couple weeks before she was born. We have to deal with seizures and some other cerebral palsy related physical issues, but the doctors say one more millisecond of stroke and she would have been a 40 week stillbirth.

We've had doctors see the MRI and not her and think they walked into the wrong room. They expected to see a non functional child in a wheelchair.


Conservative drags Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s credit score and ‘empty’ resume. It brutally backfired.

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If anything has already been established in 2019, it's that Conservative men love to hate on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. At this point, it doesn't seem to matter what she's done or hasn't done, or whether there is any truth behind the claims leveraged against her, the troll train has left the station and shows no signs of slowing.

The latest to hurl complaints towards Ocasio-Cortez is the author John LeFevre, who first came to viral fame for his Goldman Sachs Elevator account, and now is experiencing a fresh wave of infamy for his factually incorrect insults lobbed at the young Congresswoman.

In his tweet, LeFevre claimed Ocasio-Cortez has a notably low credit score, and empty resume and two evictions, and painted her as unqualified for the political power she now holds.

People were quick to point out that the claims were patently false.

Others pointed out the hypocrisy of obsessing over false claims about Ocasio-Cortez' credentials when Trump himself has a far worse history proven on his record.

Still, others pointed out the fact that even if Ocasio-Cortez had a low credit scores and a history of evictions, those are very common American experiences (particularly in this economy). If anything, her ability to relate to every day Americans makes for a stronger politician who will actually advocate for people over special interests.

Also, more than a couple people pointed out LeFevre's personal hypocrisy, and the innate creepiness of his obsession with Ocasio-Cortez.

The best call out, by far, flayed LeFevre for his instances of plagiarism.

Honestly, this whole messy thread was the perfect way to kick off the weekend.

25 hilarious tweets from women this week that have nothing to do with Trump (or Pelosi clapping)

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It's been a crazy week. Virginia has not one, but TWO, blackface scandals (in addition to a sexual assault one). Trump spoke. Pelosi clapped.

These tweets have nothing to do with the news. Enjoy!!!

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MAGA mascot Candace Owens is getting dragged to hell for defending Hitler.

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Even the most staunch Trump supporters usually know to steer clear of overtly praising Hitler, which is a bar so low it's actually located underground in hell.

However, apparently not all Trump supporters have gotten this memo, because the Conservative commentator Candace Owens is currently facing backlash for a clip where she claims "nationalism isn't bad" and that Hitler's main problem was globalism (apparently the genocide was chill with her).

She said:

"If Hitler just wanted to make Germany great and have things run well, OK, fine. The problem is that he wanted, he had dreams outside of Germany. He wanted to globalise. He wanted everybody to be German, everybody to be speaking German, everybody to look a different way. To me, that's not nationalism."

There is truly too much cognitive dissonance here to fully unpack, but it appears that Owens is either erasing the genocide of six million Jewish people, or considers it a side effect of Hitler's "problem with globalism." Either way, her issue seems to not be with politics of hate and ethnic cleansing, but rather, the idea of communing with other countries (whether through hate, economic trade, or open immigration laws).

Needless to say, it would be a grave understatement to say the internet has noticed Owens' terrifying stance and is responding in kind.

American history is full of terror, but this current moment of discourse still manages to stick out as despairingly regressive and bleak.

On top of the fact that her comments both normalize the violence of Hitler and nationalism, they are also politically inaccurate.

At this point, I think the entire internet could use a long nap, far away from Hitler apologists.

21 Workplace Memes Everyone Should Laugh At By 5pm.

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Spending all damn week at your job isn't easy. You deserve a laugh. Take a break and enjoy these totally hilarious workplace memes.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez responds to Chrissy Teigen's historic invitation. The internet can end now.

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Sorry, Avengers: Endgame.

There's a new highly anticipated crossover event, and it doesn't join The Avengers with the Guardians of the Galaxy, but unites Twitter's favorite civilian clapback queen with the holder of the title in the House of Representatives.

That's right, Chrissy Teigen tweeted about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and it instantly went viral, because the supermodel had never been more relatable.

Teigen retweeted the viral video of Rep. Ocasio-Cortez using her rhetorical skills to illuminate the rampant corruption in the American political system, demonstrating that she is as good at Congressional hearings as she is on Twitter.

Calling her her hero (that's a lot of "her" for one sentence), Teigen invited AOC over to her house to watch the Grammys with the Legend family.

John and Chrissy are presumably skipping the Grammys this year because he already has so many.

Rep. AOC, truly a public service, gave the people what they wanted at replied.

AOC and Chrissy T. may have similar social media skillz, but the congresswoman admits to being less of a chef than the cookbook writer.

This may seem like nothing, but to Twitter, it is everything.

This is the superhero team-up we need.

Mom goes viral for open letter to man who shamed her for traveling with a fussy child.

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I don't have children due to my highly #blessed lifestyle, but I DO have the utmost respect for anyone who parents responsibly. Kids aren't just small adults, they're people in a completely different stage of development - and consequently can be difficult to manage at times. Travel is famously one of those times.

If you've ever seen a child throw a tantrum at the airport or become too fussy to sleep on a plane, then you know what I'm talking about. Hell, plane travel makes even the most 'together' adults I know stressed. Once flights are booked and bags are packed, navigating the airport alone is an exercise in Not Breaking Into Panicked Tears (at least for me). I can't image doing all that with a child or three in tow.

And yet! Whether through courage or sheer necessity, parents bring children on trips, sometimes invoking an additional stressor: other adults being rude as f*ck about it. Who cares if someone's kid is crying? Just be thankful you don't have to deal with it and continue watching 'Casino Royale' or whatever it is you do on planes. One mother recently published an open letter to the rude man who visibly judged her while flying with a child and it's earning lots of attention.

When published on the Facebook page of Momstrosity, it resonated with parents from all over the world.

To the Gentleman on Flight 1451, I first noticed you when you sighed loudly as you laid eyes on me and my toddler...

Posted by Momstrosity on Sunday, February 3, 2019

Arnold Schwarzenegger praised this weightlifter with cerebral palsy for his incredible skills.

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I can't remember the last time I consciously exercised. Sure, walking around the city and dancing alone in my room burn calories, but I haven't strapped on a sports bra and started sweating in...years? It might honestly be years at this point. Extra pathetic when you consider I was an avid athlete and dancer growing up. For shame.

So imagine how impressive I found the athletic feats of Miles Taylor, weightlifter. As someone with cerebral palsy who weighs ninety-nine ponds, his achievements are even more incredible. Miles recently deadlifted 200 pounds and documented it on Instagram, where the clip's been viewed over 350,000 times.

His post even attracted the attention of weightlifting icon Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes, before he became an international film star and eventually Governor of California (plus Chris Pratt's future father-in-law!), 'Ah'nold was a professional weightlifter who won the Mr. Olympia contest seven times.

Miles is now inspiring people the world over with his athletic prowess.

Me:


23 Memes Jesus Is Not Going To Be Happy You Laughed At.

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All you horny freaks out there will love laughing at this list of filthy sex memes. Good thing it's a Sunday, because there memes are definitely not safe for work.

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'SNL' hilariously honors Nancy 'Madame Clap Back' Pelosi in iconic sketch.

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As we all know, Nancy Pelosi made history and set the internet on fire when she presented the world with the "fuck you" clap at the State of the Union this past week. Naturally, Saturday Night Live incorporated this iconic moment into a sketch in this week's episode. And because sometimes we are allowed nice things, Pelosi was perfectly played by none other than comedy queen Kate McKinnon. The digital short is a Charlie's Angels style trailer that presents the women of Congress as badass gals kicking butt and taking names. We are, as the kids say, here for it.

The sketch was stacked with female members of the SNL cast, with Melissa Villaseñor as Alexandria “I Say What I Meme” Ocasio-Cortez," Leslie Jones as Maxine “Don’t Go Chasing” Waters, and guest star Halsey as Rashida “Impeach the Motherf*cker” Tlaib. Just to reiterate what the kids say: go off, queens.

You can watch the full sketch here:

Last nights episode of SNL was underwhelming as a whole, but this sketch stood out. SNL continues to shine with its pre-taped sketches, and this was no exception. Plus, it was great to see the female cast members on screen at the same time. As it turns out, women are very funny. And people on Twitter very much agreed with this sentiment.

Here's to many more meme-able moments from Nancy "Madame Clap Back" Pelosi.

Trump made a Trail of Tears reference when mocking Elizabeth Warren and the internet is not here for it.

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Another day, another tweet from Donald Trump that makes the internet go into a full on meltdown. What a time to be alive. What was the president of the United States poppin' off about this time? Elizabeth Warren officially announced that she will be running for president in 2020, so naturally Trump had to respond by mocking her via Twitter. The catch? He seems to have made an apparent Trail of Tear reference in his tweet, and people are not happy about it. Turns out mocking mass genocide will be met with some backlash.

The tweet in question reads:

Today Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to by me as Pocahontas, joined the race for President. Will she run as our first Native American presidential candidate, or has she decided that after 32 years, this is not playing so well anymore? See you on the campaign TRAIL, Liz!

Many people speculated that the use of "trail" here is an intentional reference to the Trail of Tears.

However, others were on Trump's side, claiming that Warren deserved to be mocked after claiming Native American heritage.

Warren has faced backlash for claiming Native American heritage and has publicly apologized for doing so. Not everyone has forgiven her, and Trump clearly has no plans of letting it go.

Anyway, I'm sure this will all play out in a very mature and open dialogue online where both sides are respectful of the others thoughts and opinions. LOL, just kidding.

17 people share struggles of adulthood they weren't prepared for. What is healthcare?

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Growing up is the worst.

Between taxes, healthcare, bills, rent and wine to deal with all the taxes, healthcare, bills, and rent--it's amazing any of us make it through. Not to mention, the pressure to find a career that both pays and fuels our passion as well as finding one person we're prepared to die with before age 30. According to nearly every financial planning source, adults are supposed to have one year of their salary saved before they turn 30 and nearly every millennial is currently failing at this. Strapped with student debt, most of us are lucky if our health insurance is more than a vape.

When a recent Reddit user asked the jaded internet, "What part of adulthood were you absolutely not prepared for?" stressed out adults delivered. What's that they say again about preparing for life? The way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans? Sounds about right.

1. Too real, "GrandatZero."

*gestures vaguely at everything*

2. 100%, "Jhendrix37."

There's always something you have to do. Like even when relaxing there's things you really should be doing.

3. This is scary, "reddit_while_i_sleep."

Your parents getting noticeably older each time you see them

4. Definitely, "CaseOfTheMondaysss."

Interviewing for jobs that I don’t really want

5. Oh no, "trickybish. "

Loneliness. The depressing monotony of working the same job day after day.

6. This is deep, "hjg1."

15 yo: "I know everything"

25 yo: "I don't know anything"

35 yo: "Nobody knows anything"

7. The grocery store struggle, "onehitwondur."

Planning out a week's worth of meals before going to the grocery store and then not wanting to eat the meal I planned but doing it anyway

8. Amen, "Emstar05."

How tired I would be. All. The. Time.

9. It's ok, nobody does, "Guitar3544."

Everything. I mean it. All of it. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing.

10. Laundry is the worst, "sassyelle."

Laundry. The chore that is literally never finished.

11. So real, "BetterBrandon."

Realizing that time does in fact fly by.

12. Choose wisely, "Infinite_Corndog."

Marrying and having kids with the wrong person can ruin your life

13. Moms know everything, "to_the_tenth_power."

Cooking the stuff my mom makes with ease. It's not as easy as it looks and nowhere near as tasty. I'm learning though.

14. Only the good go bald, "Eddie-ed666."

Fucking baldness.

15. Cheese is expensive, "robjzh5."

The price of cheese

16. True, "blackday44."

That common quip about how money can't buy happiness?

Bullshit.

17. The absolute worst, "shitscroll."

Healthcare.

Bebe Rexha clapped back at the Grammy’s for size-shaming her. They f*cked up.

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Singer Bebe Rexha has been killing it lately.

When she was nominated for two Grammy Awards, she didn't think twice about reaching out to designers to dress her. Considering most designers are eager to dress celebrities for famous awards, it seemed ridiculous when some people opted against designing for her, not because of her music, style or beliefs, but because of her "size." Now, if we're all looking at the same person, does she look too "big" to wear a designer brand? I'm confused. Were they worried about being able to fit all her badass personality into a couture gown? Was there not enough fabric in the universe to cover all of her glam? We'll never know.

Rexha took to her Instagram about the snub in January.

Luckily, when she rolled into the Grammy Awards looking like a beautiful Valentine's Day Barbie dream girl, she proved everyone wrong.

View this post on Instagram

❤️❤️❤️❤️

A post shared by Bebe Rexha (@beberexha) on

Honestly, absolute goals right here.

View this post on Instagram

GRAMMYs 💃

A post shared by Bebe Rexha (@beberexha) on

The best part, though, was when she had another message for every designer that refused to dress her.

Turning to the camera, she said, "You wish you would've dressed my fat a*s." And she's right.

Well done, Bebe. You looked stunning and don't need any of those old-school waifish beauty standards and curve-hating fashion snobs dressing you anyway.

Chrissy Teigen shares the hilarious reason John Legend ditched the Grammys this year.

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After much build up, the 61st Annual Grammy Awards took place on Sunday to much fanfare. The ceremony included riveting live performance from Alicia Keys, a brilliant appearance from Michelle Obama, a cringe-inducing dress choice from Trump supporter Joy Villa, and countless Pinterest-worthy red carpet looks.

However, this year's Grammys was missing one key couple that regularly lights up awards shows, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.

In typical Teigen fashion, the cookbook author tweeted out a pun-filled reason they stayed home this year.

While Legend's EGOT win last year isn't relatable to most of us (nor is having the option to attend the Grammys), posting up a photo of your significant other napping alongside some wordplay is practically a rite of passage on Twitter.

Naturally, Teigen's tweet ushered in a flurry of EGOT related puns.

Of course, several people were less interested in Legend staying home, than they were Teigen's invitation to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. People had to know, was there a chance the young Congresswoman made it to their house to watch the ceremony?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I love you so much I named a roach after you.


26 Memes Men Probably Won't Find Funny.

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Dudes may not find these memes too funny, but who cares? This hilarious meme list is for all boss bitches who love to laugh.

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A man tried to explain the difference between ‘vagina’ and ‘vulva.’ Women destroyed him.

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Give it up for the marvelous Mr. Mansplainer, Paul Bullen.

Paul, a man with far too much Twitter confidence, describes himself as an "Editor, writer, teacher, researcher; Ph.D., M.A., Certificate in Editing, University of Chicago; B.A., University of California, Berkeley." Honestly, this is a very impressive collection of degrees, Paul, but I don't see one in "not knowing when I'm wrong and shutting the f*ck up?" Paul entered the running for Mansplainer of the year when he decided to tell women what was and wasn't a vagina.

The Guardian tweeted an article called, "Me and my Vulva" documenting what you'd probably think: women and their vulvas.

This was when our main man Paul jumped in with this:

To clarify, the vagina only refers to the vaginal canal. It's probably the fault of the patriarchy that this is the word used to describe the entirety of a woman's reproductive organs when in fact, that word is the vulva. So, in a photo series documenting just the part of women that babies exit, that could be called "Me and My Vagina," but that wasn't what this article was about. It was about the whole crew (labia, clitoris, vaginal opening, opening to the urethra), otherwise known as the vulva. Of course, a lot of people except Paul know this and were quick to correct him.

And he fought back:

But nobody was having it:

And then he backtracked, referencing the college campus classic, "Vagina Monologues."

And he kept going:

What?

Paul, you're a lot. And, you're also just wrong. Just say you were wrong.

Trump took a stand for ‘angry African-Americans.’ It went very, very badly.

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It has happened once more. Donald Trump has hastily written a collection of words on Twitter that have resulted in a serious case of foot-in-mouth, and the internet has dutifully taken notice.

For this installment of Trump's endless Twitter abyss, the 72-year-old attempted to relate to black people in America, but in the most Trumpian way possible.

Rather than admitting the ways he has ushered in a fresh wave of white supremacy, decrying the many times he's defended nazis, or suggesting anti-racist policies, Trump simply wrote a tweet stating how he believes black people feel about the black face photos of Virginia Gov. Ralph Norpham.

This tweet is essentially the trifecta of faux pas. Firstly, Trump made a declarative statement about how a whole demographic (he's not a part of) feels. Secondly, his declarative statement still doesn't manage to say anything, or suggest where Trump's allegiances lie. Thirdly, Trump has an extensive history of racism, both as president and long before, so even if he had something substantial to say about the double standards of blackface, he wouldn't be the ideal mouthpiece.

Needless to say, Trump got a thorough and well deserved dragging for his incomprehensible hypocrisy.

Really, the responses write themselves, there are endless receipts of Trump being anti-black, and all around racist.

It would be very prudent if Trump would stop speaking for others, since it hardly goes over well when he speaks for himself.

Chrissy Teigen asked fans for their most embarrassing moments. 48 people delivered.

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Chrissy Teigen may be the reigning royalty of the Twitter clap back, but that doesn't mean she's above feeling buried under a blanket of embarrassment. Contrary to public perception, pangs of humiliation and regret have indeed found their way into Teigen's life every, and she may finally be ready to tackle them.

While she has yet to share her singular most embarrassing moment, Teigen opened up a thread on Twitter for people to share their personal gaffes, revealing that hers is still so bad John Legend doesn't know about it.

Luckily, even though Teigen is still holding out, the rest of the internet made up for it by sharing their moments of blushing humiliation.

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5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Meghan Markle, because her dad leaked her letter asking him not to leak to the tabloids to the tabloids.

You know your side is crazy when the Royal Family looks functional in comparison.

A common refrain in this column is how much Meghan Markle's dad frickin' sucks, and sure, it's better to cope with a sh*tty dad while sitting in a literal palace, but not even keys to a kingdom can spare you from daddy issues.

Yesterday, The Mail on Sunday published a handwritten letter that former calligrapher and current Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle sent her father, and the fact that we're reading it at all is so sad.

Last August, a few months after her wedding to Prince Harry, the duchess wrote:

Your actions have broken my heart into a million pieces — not simply because you have manufactured such unnecessary and unwarranted pain, but by making the choice to not tell the truth as you are puppeteered in this. Something I will never understand.

If you love me, as you tell the press you do, please stop. Please allow us to live our lives in peace. Please stop lying, please stop creating so much pain, please stop exploiting my relationship with my husband. I realize you are so far down this rabbit hole that you feel (or may feel) there’s no way out, but if you take a moment to pause I think you’ll see that being able to live with a clear conscience is more valuable than any payment in the world.

Mr. Markle leaking the letter didn't just betray what little trust in him she had left, but opened her up to scrutiny from the thirsty British press's handwriting experts.

There's nothing the British tabloids love more than hating Meghan Markle, so congrats to Thomas Markle on making bank.

And congratulations to Prince Charles for being the Royal Baby's favorite (favoUrite) grandpa by default.


4. G-Eazy, because it looks like Halsey called him out for cheating on SNL.

Live from New York.

Whether or not you know who G-Eazy is (and can anyone really know who anyone is, really?), you have to admit that being put on blast on Saturday Night Live would make for a sh*tty weekend.

Pop star Halsey did double duty as both host and musical guest, and sang her hit "Without Me" with a backdrop calling out a mysterious cheater.

The song "Without Me" was released shortly after Halsey and G-Eazy's breakup, and features such lyrics as, "Does it ever get lonely? Thinking you could live without me."

If the song itself is too subtle, Halsey performed with a breakup letter behind her, which read, "I'm sorry Ashley, I cheated." (Ashley is Halsey's real name.)

People used context clues to assume that the mystery cheater is G-Eazy, and have officially declared him to be cancelled.

Maybe next time he thinks before he cheats...


3. Presidential candidate Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, because she ate chicken wrong.

It's déjà vu all over again.

In 2009, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) was appointed to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat, and in 2019, she's one of Clinton's many successors in BS conversations about "authenticity."

2020 is in full swing and the media is engaging in sophisticated policy debates about the direction of the country and this critical juncture conversations about whether Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) is a "natural" at drinking beer and if Gillibrand eats chicken correctly.

Very Serious Pundit Frank Rich suggested on Twitter that when Gillibrand ate fried chicken with a knife and fork, it was a metaphor for her sinister political opportunism.

When President Trump uses cutlery, however, he is a man of the people—even if he's eating the chicken on his private jet.

Rich's incredibly frustrating comment brought back beautiful memories of the campaign coverage that helped doom Hillary Clinton in 2016, and this time, there are MULTIPLE women to pick apart while ignoring the substance of their proposals!

Let's! Do! The Time Warp! Again!


2. Jennifer Lopez, because everyone hated her Grammys performance.

Do you love me? (Do you love me)

For some reason, The Grammy Awards recruited J.Lo to headline a medley of some of Motown's greatest hits, despite R&B not being her genre.

People were pissed to see a sexy, sequined J.Lo when it would have been more meaningful to see a black artist pay tribute to the black artists who made Motown what it is.

When Entertainment Tonight brought up the fact that there were J.Lo-Motown skeptics, the artist made a point to say that "you can't tell people what to love."

Smokey Robinson added that those complaining about J.Lo are "stupid."

The good news for J.Lo is that nothing she does could do can hurt a Motown artist as much as the upcoming Michael Jackson documentary will.


1. The woman accused of poisoning her husband so she could marry an inmate.

Romance isn't dead, but her husband is.

Just in time for Valentine's Day: it's the greatest love story of our time.

ABC 17 News reports that a woman in Iberia, Missouri has been accused of poisoning her husband with antifreeze and then setting their house on fire, all in the name of love.

Joshua Murray was found dead, and while his house burned, his wife Amy Murray was chillin' at a local McDonald's with their son and dogs.

According to court documents, Amy Murray is a nurse at Jefferson City Correctional Center who had a romantic relationship with an inmate, and in recorded phone conversations, she told her prison bae that she could marry him because Joshua was dead and "out of the picture."

The prison lover, Eugene Claypool, was serving time after pleading guilty to second-degree murder.

You know what they say: the couple that murders together, endures together.

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