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'You were at my wedding, Denise' McAllister tried to teach women to be good wives. Then, she got fired.

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Get ready for a truly insane ride, because Denise C. McAllister of "You were at my wedding, Denise" just got fired from "The Federalist," for showing her true colors as a truly unhinged nightmare.

If you don't follow anything on "The Federalist," (good for you!) it's a conservative website that's known for tagging articles about crime against black people "black crime," defending Roy Moore's blatant pedophilia and a slew of other fun low key alt-right opinions. McAllister is known for her pro-life rants on Twitter like this:

Or this fun and flirty nonsense tweet about what a woman's "role" is:

More recently, she's known for being the target of a clapback from Meghan McCain:

I'm not even going to get started on the term "mental midgets." But why, Denise? Why?

When she tweeted this about watching her husband watching a game, people were perplexed. I initially thought it was some sort of 1950's housewife satire about what is expected of a quiet, obedient, beer-fetching sex robot. Unfortunately, I was wrong:

While many others were concerned:

It was Yashar Ali (who is a New York Magazine and HuffPost contributor) who McAllister didn't want to accept sympathy from. Hey, Denise, maybe if you're so secure in your happy and equal marriage of mutual trust and respect you wouldn't spend an entire night yelling at strangers on Twitter who are worried about the fact that you "slipped" by wanting to talk to your own husband? Jus' sayin.'

Then, this happened:

Then she tried to apologize:

Nobody was there for her:

If there's any wedding you won't ever be at, Denise, it's a gay wedding. I hope you take this time to stay off social media, think about how you can change your thinking and get your husband to stop calling you "woman?"


25 ridiculous April Fool's Day 'pranks' from brands.

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Today is April Fool's day! This means it is physically impossible to write an intro that won't be construed as a self-contradictory meta form of psychological trolling. So, we might as well jump straight to the point: people are doing the pranks, once more.

In past years, the most notable pranks were hatched up by individual human beings thoroughly ruining the day of their loved ones. And while there are technically still a lot of people pranking, the April Fool's fatigue has hit people pretty hard, so the biggest culprits online are largely brands, and the occasional celebrities.

While the pranks are still accruing as I write this, there is already a huge mountain full of pranks floating around the abyss, and I have collected some of the most notable ones for your enjoyment.

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18 inspiring tweets about therapy to help you through the quicksand of life.

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Therapy saves lives every day.

While most people seek therapy privately and use what they learned to help their own lives, sharing impactful lessons can help everyone sometimes. Most of us know exactly what to do when we skin a knee, break a bone, or have a headache, but we're usually not too great at handling our own mental health. If you've tried juicing kale every day, doing yoga, making vision boards or screaming daily affirmations at yourself and are still having panic attacks at 3 AM because you just realized everyone you know will get old eventually--welcome to the wonderful world of mental illness! Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're weak, especially since they have all these fantastic, Pinterest-worthy lessons for you:

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24 Workplace Memes Everyone Should Laugh At By 5pm.

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25 Utterly Random Memes Everyone Should Laugh At This Morning.

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Wakey wakey! It's time to get up and pretend to be human for the next 8 hours. Before life beats you down today, take a little time to laugh at these hilarious memes. Mornings aren't all bad.

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Ted Cruz's attempt to drag AOC's tweet was a massive self-own. Now everyone's hungry for croissants.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the millennial Democratic representative starlet that liberals love and conservatives fear, just made a great point about the minimum wage using croissants.

Everyone loves the buttery, flaky French breakfast treat known as the croissant. Croissants should be as affordable for everyone as bagels, sliced bread, or any other bread-based breakfast adventure. When Ocasio-Cortez noticed the price of a single croissant at the LaGuardia airport, she used the opportunity to make a point about minimum wage.

Granted, airports are notorious for jacking up prices of everything. I wouldn't be surprised that if in 2040, airports charged you to flush the toilet. Especially in New York City, airports can get away with charging seven dollars for a croissant because they know they can. You're trapped in a sad, sweaty tunnel with a bunch of tired grumpy travelers and you had to throw out all your food and water at security. At that point, I'd pay twenty dollars for a croissant.

Since 2009, the federal minimum wage in the United States has been set at $7.25. However, 29 states have agreed this is too low and have raised the rate in their states. In New York City, the minimum wage is $13.50 for small businesses and $15.00 for larger ones. That means that if you work a minimum wage job in NYC, your airport thinks it's perfectly acceptable for you to spend over half of your hourly rate before tax on a snack. Senator Ted Cruz couldn't help himself when he saw Ocasio-Cortez's tweet and fully missed the entire point, as Cruz tends to do:

Of course, he went for a fully extreme "liberal Democrats want free everything! They don't want to work and they expect everything, even croissants to be free!" Nope. Not what she was saying, Ted. Even though this is about croissants, it says a lot about the communication issues happening right now within our government.

Democrats: Hey, maybe we could increase the minimum wage so that working people can actually live in the cities they work in? Or at the very least, be able to afford breakfast?

Republicans: OH YOU WANT THE RICH TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING FOR YOU? YOU JUST WANT TO BE LAZY, NEEDY, FREELOADING GARBAGE?

Of course, AOC didn't let that slide and responded:

People were there for her:

Demi Lovato slams body-shaming headline, gets real with the author in her DMs.

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Demi Lovato, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Camp Rock and the Disney Channel, Breaker of Taboos, and Mother of Clapbacks (sorry, I've been rewatching Game of Thrones!) responded to a headline that focused on her body.

Last Friday, Lovato shared on her Instagram story a screenshot of the headline, "Demi Lovato Appears To Have A Fuller Figure After Working Up A Sweat In LA."

Um, what is that supposed to mean? Is the writer of the piece implying that there is something surprising or wrong with living in LA having a "fuller figure"?

The pop star is in recovery for an eating disorder, an all-too-common phenomenon that is partly spread by headlines like these. In the next panel, she noted that she is "not triggered" by the headline, but is rather "angry that people think it's okay to write headlines about people's body shapes." It's especially harmful when it's a woman in recovery.

"I'm not upset for myself but for anyone easily influenced by the diet culture," she said.

"Articles like these only contribute to that toxic way of thinking," she elaborated.

Lovato then shared the conversation she had with the writer of the headline. To his credit, he was very guilty and apologetic.

Rather than shame the body-shamer, Lovato accepted his apology. She encouraged him to keep writing and stay positive, and told her fans to do the same.

Jameela Jamil, body positivity and anti-induced diarrhea advocate, chimed in with a celebration of Lovato on her Instagram. She pointed out that "nothing on earth makes your weight relevant unless you are an MMA fighter/wrestler/suitcase" and if you disrect Dame Demi "you aren't worthy of eating the sh*t of her shoes!"

The "sh*t on her shoes" presumably comes from the street, which hopefully wasn't product of a Kardashian pooping her pants because of all their Flat Tummy Tea™ products.

One thing is certain: these women are the sh*t.

Trump voter says she activated this nightmare as a ‘joke’. Nobody is laughing.

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The only thing worse than a diehard Bernie bro who is still discussing his loss three years after the fact is a diehard Bernie bro who chose Trump over Hillary. The "well if Bernie can't win then let's burn it all to the ground" theory comes from a place of privilege.

While I don't think it helps anyone to agonize over what happened during the 2016 election instead of how we can change what's happening now, there is another election coming up soon and breaking down why people voted last time could change the results of 2020. In a recent Vice panel called "Conservatives and Progressives Debate Feminism," one woman claimed she voted for Trump as a joke. The full clip is here:

However, it's this moment that is getting a lot of attention:

Immediately after declaring she voted for Trump as a joke, she tries to take it back? Nice try.

Also, another Trump supporter on the panel compared Obama smoking weed to Trump joking about sexual assault which is of course, ridiculous. Smoking weed isn't even a crime anymore in a lot of states whereas sexual assault is and will be forever, a crime everywhere.

If we can learn anything from this it's that a lot of people are still uninformed. In 2020, let's all work hard to take our right to vote seriously.


25 Memes Men Probably Won't Find Funny.

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If men don't find these memes funny, they can go cry about it somewhere else. We really don't care. Sorry not sorry boys.

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Ariana Grande's new single has commenced a Twitter war. Is she coming out or queerbaiting?

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Ariana Grande and her ponytail have a new single called "Monopoly," which features her and her best friend Victoria Monét twerking in Connecticut.

The video was basically made to be memed, featuring emojis...

victoria monet loyalty GIF by Ariana Grande

...Julie Andrews...

victoria monet monopoly GIF by Ariana Grande

...and a shout-out to Eric Vetro, "Vocal Coach to the Stars."

It's not just the video that has people talking.

It goes by quickly, but in the song, Grande and Monét sing—well, rap—"I like women and men."

Asked if "Monopoly" is a coming out anthem, both Grande and Monét are being coy.

Monét, who is openly bisexual, responded to a the question with a terse "she said what she said."

Grande said that she is not going to "label herself," which is getting both yays and boos from Woke Twitter.

On the one hand, sexuality is fluid and "coming out" was an invention of a society that enforces heterosexuality as The Norm. On the other hand, the lack of definitive answers has people wondering if she's "queerbaiting"—merely hinting at possible same-sex relationships to reel fans in. Grande also received backlash for headlining Manchester Pride, when she is publicly known as a straight person.

Team Coming Out Anthem is passionate, and celebrating the song.

They're also noting that she doesn't owe any explanations to anybody.

Queerbaiting Truthers are suspicious.

Some people noted that this Pivot to Bisexuality happened so quickly after multiple cultural appropriation scandals, which culminated in her getting a Japanese tattoo tribute to barbecue grills.

I quickly fell down a rabbit hole of people accusing Grande of darkening her skin.

Thank u, next?

9 tweets about Equal Pay Day in case you forgot about the wage gap.

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In case you haven't heard, today is Equal Pay Day. And in case you aren't aware of what this means, it's a day dedicated to raise awareness of the pay gap in America. Today marks how far into the year a woman must work in order to earn the same amount that men earned in the previous year. The math here shows that *checks notes* this shit ain't fair.

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Like any respectable holiday, Equal Pay Day is trending on Twitter. People have gathered online to celebrate the holiday, as well as point out the issues it illuminates. Here are some of our favorite tweets for the day!

Lots of politicians gave their two cents (lol sorry!)

Others made some great points about the holiday...

And many pointed out the racial disparities that are often left out when discussing this day.

Happy Equal Pay Day, y'all!

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Orange Man repeatedly says 'oranges' instead of 'origins,' ignites dementia debate.

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At a sit down in the Oval Office with the NATO Secretary General struggled to say the word "origins."

Although the report allegedly exonerates him, President Donald Trump railed against the "oranges" of the Mueller investigation—not one, not twice, but at least four times.

In calling for a counter-investigation of the Mueller investigation, a banana republic-y thing to do, Trump kept dropping the word oranges.

After saying "no collusion, no obstruction" (drink!), the man with the nuclear codes said, "I hope they no go and take a look at the oranges—the oranges of the investigation. The beginnings. The oranges of, uh, the investigation. The beginnings of that investigation. You look at the orange of the investigation...you will win Pulitzer prizes."

As many a person has noted, the president's skin is orange! Just like the fruit!

The jokes just write themselves. Maybe the guy who famously wants to do his daughter made a Freudian strip. I mean, uh, Freudian slip.

At the same meeting, Trump also misstated his oranges, falsely stating that his father was born in Germany. He wasn't.

The president's juiced brain and stumbled speech had the internet diagnosing him with dementia.

As tweeters and pundits were quick to note, Trump is clearly aware that he has the wrong word, as he tries to clarify the "orange" with "the beginning."

This video raises the important question: does the President of the United States have dementia? And more importantly, can we joke about it?

Please vote in my Twitter poll.

15 people reveal life experiences that are worse than people assume. Migraines are the devil.

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Life is tough. This we know. But not all of us have a firsthand knowledge of how hard certain experiences can be. We might think we know what it's like to lose a parent to cancer or get fired from a dream job, but the reality is you don't know how these things feel until you experience them yourself. Walking a mile in someone else's shoes will take you a long way.

Someone on Reddit (zarfytezz1)decided to shed light on this exact subject by asking, "What life is experience is a whole lot worse than most people think it is?" People had answers, and some of them are truly heartbreaking.

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BeardsuptheWazoo brought up the emotional effects of physical pain.

Chronic pain.

It's very heavy mentally.

darkangel_401 got realt about migraine pain.

I’ve had a migraine since October of 2016. The pain isn’t always horrible. But it’s always there. I have more bad days than good days. I’ve had to stop doing art as much, that’s something I love and genuinely brings me so much joy.

In February I had a particularly bad couple of weeks. I missed a whole week of work and tried to come in and work several days but it was unsuccessful. My migraines cause me to get an upset stomach and vomiting and diarrhea frequently. So I cannot work like that. My managers were not understanding and i was bullied into quitting. That wasn’t the beginning of the issues. Despite proper documentation from countless doctors. Every time I left early or called off I had doctors notes from where I spent hours in the er hooked up to iv (often times they’d blow I vein cause I was so dehydrated and unable to get enough water into my system and always left with a big bruise) or going to the urgent care where they’d inject medications in me that makes my mind Hazey and basically just makes me sleep. Every time I went to my neurologist I would take a quiz to see how disabled I was. I’d always score over 100 points. 20 points is considered severely disabled.

My managers constantly told me I was faking my pain and that I needed mental help because it’s all in my head and the pain isn’t real. They convinced my co workers I was faking my pain. Despite when my pain was more manageable I’d almost always offer to work longer shifts and would frequently work over 12 hours when I felt ‘okay’. A few times I worked 17 hour shifts. I’m a good worker when I’m not doubled over in extreme pain.

This one from TexanReddit broke my heart.

Having a parent with dementia. She didn't recognize her son this week. Her brother last month. I dread the day where she no longer recognizes me

Its-my-dick-in-a-box brings up something I hadn't thought of.

Having your house robbed, it doesn't seem like a huge deal but it feels like your space has been violated.

When home alone I was always worried someone else was sneaking around my house.

Damn, this one from AdorableFuture took my breath away.

Living in a war. People are very alienated from the sense of total chaos around them, and I hope they never experience it.

It's a lot less dramatic and more dramatic at the same time than the news portrays it. Life around you becomes dull. People walk around without a purpose. Their energy and life drained by the constant perpetuating fear of not living to see the next day. Military around you 24/7. My friends back home can now identify what type and model of a bomb depending on the sound and level of shockwave. War changes people, and never in a good way.

SorryButYouDeserveIt brought up something I was definitely not expecting.

Getting spit on by a llama/camel.

It's not cute, and it's not a joke. It's their defense mechanism for a reason - you can't just wipe it off and go about your day. You will probably puke, and for the next week you'll swear you're getting whiffs of that vile gunk no matter how much you scrub.

onemorenightofjazz talks sports.

Being very athletic and getting injured to the point where you are unable to participate in sports and former activities.

This has made me lose my identity. I became depressed, turned to drugs and alcohol to cope and even felt suicidal. People just kept telling me to get a new hobby, but they were more than just hobbies, they were part of who I was as a person and were how I coped with stress.

indecisive_maybe finds another thing movies give us unrealstic expectations about.

Being lonely. In movies it seems like a sexy depressed emotional response, but in reality it's fucking miserable and never f*cking ends.

BoredCato has the real info about panic attacks.

Panic/anexiety attacks. Some people are just like "Oh take deep breaths in this paper bag and you'll be fine for the rest of your day". HELL NO. If you don't know how to control panic attacks it can be a nightmare. You feel like the amount of air you can breath has suddenly been limited, you heart beats at top speed, you get dizzy like you might collapse/die, you get an sudden urge to move around, and much more.

nutjoke reminds us about the severity of emotional abuse.

Being emotionally abused and/or bullied. Sure, I’d laugh it off right now if someone told me I was ugly or had a stupid name. But as a child, things like that repeated day after day become your truth. Being told you’re not good enough for your partner is easy to recognize as abuse, but so hard to get out of your head. These things have very long-lasting effects, to the point where I still tend to believe people only PRETEND to like me, or like people are lying when they say I’m pretty, and I have trouble with relationships because I feel like I’m never good enough.

Just because I recognized that it was wrong doesn’t mean it still isn’t ingrained into my system. They’re more than just harsh criticisms, dumb insults, and general assholishness. That shit can stay with you.

LittleFlowers13 gives another reason as to why working retail is a nightmare.

Working retail and having a crazy customer that crosses the line. Not a rude person, not someone making an ass of themselves, a customer who is genuinely psychotic and threatens you.

Cops were called and the man was banned from the store, but he came back three different times before I had enough and quit. I was having nightmares about him coming after me, and after the third time I had to lock myself in the back office while the manager got rid of him, my parents urged me to quit.

I bitch about entitled and rude customers, but I’ll take them any day over someone threatening and stalking me.

chiefs_35 confirms that casts aren't as cool as we thought they were in elementary school.

Broken legs.

I had never broken a bone but I’ve had some pretty major injuries before and I thought I understood this kind of stuff. I was dead wrong.

I had to spend a week in the hospital and was supposed to be off work for 7 weeks (ended only taking 4 weeks off for several reasons both good and bad). I couldn’t take a real shower for 3 months. I still can’t wear real shoes.

I remember seeing kids who had a cast and thinking it was super cool as a child. I take it all back and I wish I could go back to that moment and not slip and fall.

MeetMeInAzabu highlights the pain of FOMO.

Traveling for work.
It's not at all fun spending many days in the air and nights in hotels. You don't get time or even want to go explore. In reality, you spend a lot of time wishing you were at home spending time with your family/friends. Getting pic updates of what people are doing back home makes you even more homesick when you are many many miles away.

lostlittlesheep tells us about the experience of being disabled.

Being disabled/not working. I have bad bad anxiety and depression and have been on disability for over four years. All of my friends and my fiancé are living their lives, working or going to school. Living an average daily life with structure, whatever that entails for each individual. I feel so alone. I feel like I’m in limbo, waiting for something to happen but even with all the work I put into my mental health, it’s entirely futile. Sitting in the prison cell that is my condo, unable to escape because of the anxiety, is a living hell. People tell me I’m lucky that I don’t work and still get money but don’t realize that isolation and feeling like you have no purpose is fucking awful. I just want to be apart of life again.

hwbones reminds us that most people don't understand what it's like to have an eating disorder.

having an eating disorder. not trying to sound deep but it’s not just skipping meals or losing weight(if that what your ed entails). it’s so addictive and a cycle that can last years and years and may feel longer than that if you don’t talk to someone or if you have nothing else to help you cope. it’s scary how easy it is to relapse

And now, since reading this may have been emotionally draining, here is a gif of some kittens snuggling:

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17 Of The Dumbest Things On The Internet Today.

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Stupid texts, insane Facebook comments, and actual published news stories are all captured in this hilarious list of dumb people on the internet. These people will seriously leave you fearing for the future of our civilization. Prepare to face palm.

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27 Utterly Random Memes Everyone Should Laugh At This Morning.

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Rise and shine comedy fans. Laugh at these awesome memes and watch your morning stress just melt away.

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Trump claims that windmills cause cancer, gets diagnosed with being an idiot.

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From the man who brought you, "The Great Lakes have record deepness," we now have, "The noise from windmills will give you cancer." I'll give you a second to spit out your coffee.

Okay great, now let's talk. The president is going after wind and windmills now. During his speech at the National Republican Congressional Committee dinner, Trump said, "If you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75% in value. And they say the noise causes cancer." This all came after he attacked Hillary Clinton for being an advocate for wind energy, in case you were wondering why he would decide to go off on windmills.

It's unclear who "they" are in terms of the people who say the noise from windmills causes cancer, but it's certainly not scientists. Trump didn't provide any factual evidence to this claim, but he did add that birds don't like the noise and said, "If you loved birds, you'd never want to walk under a windmill again." Weird flex, but okay.

Of course, the internet had some thoughts about this tangent.

Damn, Trump just got roasted harder than he roasted those windmills.

Denim underwear dubbed 'janties' are completely sold out and the internet is not ok.

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There's a new panties trend in town and you're going to want to just stay right home and not run out to the store to get a pair. "Janties" are denim (short shorts? underwear? ballet costumes?) nightmares and the internet is not happy at all that they exist. A part of me thinks this is one of those fake "trends" that nobody is actually wearing, but it's still fun to criticize like bow brows:

The level of rage that came from bow brows versus the amount of people (1 woman) wearing them was pretty dramatic. However, someone made this underwear and plans to sell them so let's attempt to break down their fashion plan here. Janties are high-waisted denim underwear/shorts with pockets. The model in this photo is wearing a white button-down shirt which leads us to the next question: why? What event would be appropriate to wear a dress shirt with underwear unless you're a twenty-something woman in a rom-com waking up from a hookup. Definitely can't wear this outfit to work. Maybe the beach? Help.

The company who makes them (Y/Project) is selling them for $315 per pair and categorizes them as "brief-style shorts." Does that seem crazy yet? Here's more: they're completely sold out.

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Guy tries to mansplain a woman's own height to her. Women be dragging him.

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Just when we thought mansplainers could never possibly outdo themselves, one goes and finds an old photo of a woman from her wedding in an attempt to mansplain her height to her. Honestly, I need to know where mansplainers are finding these extra hours in the day. I'd use them for important things like binge watching more Law and Order, not digging through women's wedding photos, but that's just me.

Amy Brown (@arb) shared an encounter she had with a man on Twitter, in which he tried to disprove her height with an old picture and some very questionable math skills.

It's important to note that this all started when the man in question tweeted about why he doesn't like shaking hands with women. Hard to believe the same man would go to great lengths in order to do some good ol' fashioned mansplaining...

As expected, many people online were not impressed with this dude.

Approximately zero people were convinced by his math.

And the overall consensus was that this guy sucks so much that it's actually hilarious.

16 Workplace Memes Everyone Should Laugh At By 5pm.

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Is today the day you're finally going to lose it at your job and tell everyone you work with to go to straight to hell? No one knows for sure, but one thing that's certain is you will crack up at these hilarious workplace memes. Anyone who hates their job will relate hard to these dad boys.

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16 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You Have Kids.

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If you're a cool mom, you'll laugh your messy bun off at this hilarious parenting meme list.

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